I walk into the coffee shop and I'm already happy, already anticipating seeing him.
But he's not there.
He always works morning, there have been very few times he hasn't been working when I come in. My smile fades, and I'm grumpier now. It's shocking the effect he has on me.
I order and pay for my coffee, slumping into my seat and opening my computer. I've finally gotten to a point in the editing process of my paper where opening the tab isn't stressful or burdensome anymore, but it's weird to open it before opening my Felix document.
My Felix document. I should really rename it, or actually name it, so I don't continue to call it my Felix document.
I find the tab on my computer, it always seems to be open no matter how many times I close it, and click the title bar at the top. I've tried to name it so many times but the name isn't ever perfect, they've never captured him correctly.
I click the rename button as sit in front of my computer, and for lack of a better thought, I title it coffee.
And then I remember what he said to me only a few days ago and I click the rename button again, this time replacing it with coffee with cream.
I hear my order called, and I stand up to get my coffee from a barista who is remarkably un-Felix like. I grab my coffee and thank him, but he stops me just as I turn around.
"You're ... Changbin right?"
I nod, hesitant, and he searches his apron for a moment before handing me a napkin.
"This is from Felix."
I look up at him, and I must look so confused because he continues quickly.
"He's sick today but he wanted you to have it. I'm not sure what it means but I guess it could just be the fever," he laughs, and then gives me an awkward thumbs up and gets back to work.
I stand at the counter for a moment, contemplating whether I should see what the napkin says, and then rush back to my seat in the corner. For whatever reason our interactions always seem so private and to have someone else participate feels like an intrusion. It's a weird feeling to shake.
I sit down and take a deep breath before turning over the napkin.
And on the backside, in Felix's messy, ballpoint-pen handwriting, is the letter E.
____________________
;)
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