After that drama Cheat with Adam I keep a distance from people who knows my relationship with Adam.
Sophia w keep checking me if I'm alright and I always say I'm doing fine, Neil never mention it but never leave my side whenever I'm at our school, Eden was unexpected, he once caught Adam's car around the school and punch him but Adam did not fight back. James never talk to me, I don't know he told Neil that he needed fresh air, maybe he's angry at me for letting Adam cheat on his girlfriend he even told me that "You never check, you just let people fool you" and I didn't answer or contradict his word, maybe he was right.
I just let people throw things at me and I don't give a shit, I always play it right.
This time, I will trash them, why? I was betrayed.
It's been a month I ignored Adam, his plea, even Archie was trying to talk it out for him, I have learned that he got drunk at a college party and Jane was there because the one who throws a party was her cousin, for some reason she initiates the kiss then it leads to another. After a week she'd been calling Adam and threatening him, about exposing our relationship around town, so that I can be sent by my parents to somewhere far away, or will tell me about their one-night stand if he wouldn't agree to her condition. He was dating her secretly gave in to all her demand behind my back and while thinking about how to tell me his issue about Jane I caught them first.
The relationship is about trust, and he never gave me credit, I could have tried to understand him. I could have helped him maybe or not. he continues having sex with her he even reasons out he let her used him, and he was guilty because he's having an affair with a girl who has a boyfriend and to think that it was my best friend's girlfriend.
Shame on them.
I guess sometimes even if we love so much that person, they are the only person who can hurt us deeply.
I even smashed my phone once, and don't have any means of communication with Adam, I pretended ok to everyone and decided to break free, I was devastated about who I really am, I blame myself for not standing up for us, I didn't even try to ask my parent's so that I can at least mark what's mine, instead, I overdo hiding our relationship, I can't blame him in whole, he's doing his best on us, call me stupid but he is just a man and I still love him soo much, I missed his things. every damn thing that reminds me of his personality, I always compare it. I'm always tempted to visit him at their school, hug him and tell him we can still work things out, I forgave him that I can change a thing, but no, it's time for changes. Maybe it's time to outgrow this feeling before I can drown.
I decided to cut my long hair into a very short and fearless look I even color them ash blond, in our high school, coloring your hair was not allowed but since it was white and not blue or green or whatever, they never bother. I decided to be lost in my world. Dave was about to finish all his school projects and thesis, so whenever he was free, he will pay a visit to my school and ask for a coffee with me. I try to enjoy myself and pretended I was happy. I even heard from him that Jane always visits Adam at their school.
I was hurt, instead of trying to break things from her, he even continues his shit with her. And I am very jealous of her, she got to see him, she got to do all that I can't and didn't.
"When you're smiling I know if they are fake or real Babe, I think you have to move on from them, and besides they don't worth it," Dave told me while we were eating in a pizza shop around town.
"I'm fine Dave, just don't mind me, or let's not talk about them," I ask him
"fine, but I want you to know that you'll be seeing me more since I'm planning to take a break after graduating before stepping to another level, and about that, I'll be around with you more or let's say every day." He was informing me about his plan which I don't mind. I needed a company other than people of my age. He was my escape, my family was insinuating him about if he's courting me and he even said it's up to me. and I just shrug about it.
"If you're planning on courting me Dave, I can't be what you want, I just have my broken heart and now this drama, the answer is No, or not now. I guess?" making things clearer for him so that I can avoid hurting him in the process. Do I have to move on? I still loved him I know and it will never be forgotten. Even though I'm still hurting.
"Then let's take it, slow Babe." He continues and holds my hands giving me a reassuring smile.
"I warn you, Dave, don't blame me and you can even pick from your lined up girl, here you are, pursuing things on us. Don't you think I'm too young for you Dave? I'm 17 and your 23! Idiot!" I nudge his hands and laugh, I feel like I'm talking to my brother's but at the same time I feel like I can trust him and I'm safe. That's why I choose to hang out with him for a while.
(Dave is Arhie's Couzin
After that talk with Dave, whatever he says doesn't change what I feel right now. I was sitting in Uncle Alex's car since he was not around and I am allowed to drive it, I decided to drive it in the nearer seashore around the place. I was watching the sun rays as it fading from my peripheral I didn't even realize it's getting dark, tears keep falling and this time it dawns on me those feelings of betrayal. He hurt me big time, the realization hit hard. I've been trying to avoid this moment, I feel empty and alone. I just needed his hug. I needed him at times like this. I was sobbing hard I was screaming and keep hitting the wheel, I want to smash someone or maybe I just want to disappear these feelings I am feeling right now, I just want to scream to him, I needed him I want to tell him how much hurt I am.
how he has this power over me, how he can hurt me so bad that I fell unconscious yet awake.
Tears continue to fall, I can't even breathe this time, then I decided to hear him this time. I took my phone from my pocket and call him.
In just a ring he picks it up and I was just waiting for him to say something
"Hey, it's getting dark. Where were you?" his first question and I didn't answer I just hold tight my phone and put it on a loudspeaker. Tears continue to fall and I was sobbing I feel like this time I'm having a hard time breathing.
"Hon, please listen to me, I didn't mean it, I was just trying to protect you, I know how much you loved me, but I know how important to you your family. Those the only thing I can think at that very moment is to protect you!." he was pleading on the other line but it made me more sob it hurts and I just missed him more
Because deep within we only understand each other that no matter what we are each other's best part.
"I'm sorry if I didn't tell you, please don't cry Olivia, where were you?" he was asking on the other line but I just stare into my phone on my hands, hearing him asking, I wish I can hug him right now, maybe all these feelings will fade. I want to hurt him and make him feel what I feel right now then I scream my lungs out. "I hate you, Adam, It hurts!!" I scream again hitting the wheel
"Please, where are you? don't hurt yourself please, I beg you, Olivia. Let's meet. I'll drive back home. Just tell me if you want." He narrated begging from his voice. He was panicking this time.
"I'll go to your house ok? Let's tell them and if they won't agree I'll take you with me," he said out of nothing, I know he wants to do anything just to make things for us right this moment but the damage is done.
"I drive somewhere," I answered not sure what to say,
"Damn it, Olivia! Your not fine and your driving? It's almost dark, go home if you don't want me to go wherever you are!" he must be worried, he knows I act recklessly when I'm like this state.
"You lied," I answered instead enough for him to hear. "You lied Adam, it's not someone but it's you who lied to me." It pains me because it's other people I wouldn't even care.
"I know, and I don't deserve to be forgiven, but You know I'm going to take everything to protect you and just to be with you, they can't understand me but I know you will, because that's what I always do remember?" he pleads again.
"But still it was hurt Adam" this time, I stop sobbing but tears continue to flow from my eyes.
Deep inside, I understand him but I know those betrayals he did to me are already marked.
"I know and just tell me what to do, where are you? I'll drive back. Just tell me." he bargains, losing hope on the other side.
"No, let me heal first, I just needed to hear your voice." I was sober enough to not gave in right away.
Then a second of silence from him.
"I love you hon, I know I can't mend what you feel right now, but please don't give up on us." He begged almost a sob, this time I can hear he was in tears.
"I tried everything for this to work, and I'm willing to take the risk if you will ask me anything. Just Olivia, hang on us, just don't leave me." he was crying, and I was hurting hearing him cry another second again, just listening to his sob. then I heard something broke! he was screaming on the line begging me
"I love you Olivia, and no one will understand my feelings for you," he added.
"Gave us a break, I'll come to you when I can or whenever I can overcome all these feelings, because Adam, I'm drowning," I told him on the other side, this time in a serious tone.
It's true I'm losing myself. That's how much I love him.
"I will wait hon, just promise me you will be ok. Then whenever you are ready, just give me a call and I'll be there right away." He promised.
"ok, bye for now, you take care" I added and maybe we both need time to realize things.