"You're fine?" Jinyoung looked at me and I nodded, anticipating he'd follow with my words. "You broke down in the middle of an event and you want me to believe you when you say you're fine."
"If you're thinking of what I'm thinking then just don't think it! We only have a week left." I said and he sighed. He took a deep breath before he looked at me with stern.
"I know the last thing you want is another member out but you have to know that this is for your own good. We've done it with Mina and we'll do the same with you. But because you are you I'll set out exceptions. From now on, you'll be sitting out from radio interviews, variety shows. Music shows are allowed but after it's done you'll immediately go home." He said and my eyes widened slightly.
"But-"
"But it's unfair! Just this one incident and all this happens- Y/N, you are one of the most important people to this company, I need you to understand that and I need you at 100% but right now you are not at 100%. Trust me when I say this is for your own good. Which is why I'm adding the fact that you'll be moving back into your own apartment." He said and my eyes widened, standing up as I was ready to yell at him for bringing me away from the members.
"No buts! That's final! And if you want to argue, then be my guest but you will not walk out of that door feeling like a winner." He warned me and I sighed, closing my eyes for a second before opening them again.
"I'm sorry..." I muttered and he looked at me, standing up from his chair.
"I just wanted to be like you. Able to work even in massive pressure." I said to him.
"But I wanted you to be better." He said and I gulped, watching him sit back down as he pulled out his phone, ready to tell the managers of my new situation.
"You still have a lot to learn if you want to be the head of your own company, Y/N." He glanced up at me.
"Of course.." I nodded.
So, here I was put for suspension in both vlive, promotions and the dorm. With some exceptions of course. To think Mina would be the only one I'd have to worry about, I just had to add myself on that list now. During the ride home, Yongjin was telling me what I should pack when I got there. But I couldn't even remember half of the things he said since I was too busy thinking about how long these suspensions would last.
"Y/N?" Yongjin called my name and I sat myself up from the passenger seat.
"Sorry I was falling asleep." I made a short excuse as to why I wasn't paying attention and he glanced at me.
"It's okay, we're getting close to the dorm anyway." He assured me and I nodded before looking out the window.
One of the worser parts about this was, when I got there, the entire place was empty and there was no way I could say goodbye to the girls unless I texted them. Which I had no time to do since I was busy packing up my clothes in suitcases the managers had brought.
"Y/N." Jun-Kil called me over and he tossed me an envelope and I furrowed my brows upon catching it. But from the pink envelope I suddenly remembered who it was from and smiled.
"Y/N unnie!" I looked up from my phone to see Yuna. I had sat alone in the cafeteria, having a small snack and the maknae of our company's new girl group, Itzy had come up to me while I was in the middle my thoughts, thinking about the debut song that I was working on for them.
"Ah, Yuna." I smiled in content when I saw her. It was evident she had this nervous look in her eyes and I slightly tilted my head to the side, noticing it.
"Thank you for helping me all these years!" She bowed and pulled her hands from her back, giving me a pack of my favourite candy along with a pink envelope. My brows raised in surprise and I looked at her.
"Thank you so much Yuna." My smile turned bright as I took the gift from her.
"You were so helpful throughout my weigh ins, I thought the teachers were going to kill me if I hadn't reach the desired weight." She said and I smiled sadly at her sentence.
"I went through the same things during my trainee days." I told her and she nodded. "I remember that when I hit puberty, the teachers started telling me what to eat. During every meal I had a trainer with me to monitor what I was eating." I chuckled and she gasped. "I didn't mind it much until this one time where I snuck out a few times to eat ramen because I was starving from eating practically nothing for days and when I had my weight test, there was this one trainer that slapped me for the first time because I was gaining so much weight."
"Did you get beat a lot during your trainee days?" She asked and I gulped, fiddling with the edges of the candy's packaging.
"I wouldn't say I got beat, it was more of a pinching, slapping or tugging on my hair and it was just that one trainer who did it a lot of times to me whenever I made a mistake. But uh, times have changed and they were fired, so." I forced out a chuckle as she frowned and placed her hand on top of mine. "Um... when Jinyoung found out about what the trainer's been doing during our private lessons, he finally fired the trainer and blacklisted them. It took a while 'cause the trainer was respected a lot and the people who knew were kept quiet by them. I can talk about this now without crying 'cause it's been years since I've seen them so I'm glad the trainers are much nicer nowadays."
"I'm so sorry about that unnie." She squeezed my hand and I shook my head.
"You don't need to apologize. I'm glad now since it's nearly impossible that anyone else is being trained by someone like them." I smiled at her and she nodded.
"Did the other girls know about this?" She asked and I nodded.
"They didn't know until that person was fired 'cause most of my lessons with them were just the two of us." I chuckled. "If something like that happened again and it'd get out into the public I think I'd quit." I shook my head.
"Really, why?" She asked.
"The stress would be too much for me honestly." I confessed and she nodded.
"You ready to go?" I heard Nayeon (sadness manager not our member, Nayeon) call me and I placed the letter back inside the envelopes
"Yup!" I rushed out of the room and followed the others to the front of the apartment.
——
When I had turned eighteen, Jinyoung had bought me an apartment just on the edge of Seoul near Incheon. It was guarded, not too much though, there were cameras around every corner of the floor, and out the elevator too. He bought me the place in case I ever wanted some time away from the dorm or just a place I can go to whenever I felt like it. When he gave me the keys to the loft, I legitimately had thought that he was kicking me out of the group and firing me but no. It was just a birthday present.
"Be careful okay!" Nayeon told me and I nodded, watching the rest of my suitcases be brought in front of the door.
"I will don't worry!" I each hugged my managers goodbye and when they all left, I pressed the code into the buttons and tilted the handle.
"I'm finally back here." I sighed as I pushed the door open and dragged each and one of my suitcases inside with me. The last time I was here, it was during chuseok and well, you know how that went.
"Since when was the last time that you went here?" Nayeon chuckled as we sat in the living room of my apartment.
"The summer maybe?" I furrowed my brows, trying to recollect the last time I was here. She let out a small laugh and I smiled, watching her. She turned her head back to the tv to continue watching the superhero movie we had been watching but my eyes were kept on her.
"By the way, uh," I spoke up and she turned her head back at me. "Thanks for coming here. I don't know if you had somewhere else to be but I appreciate you coming here."
"Well, I did have something planned but when I realized you'd be the only one in the dorm during the holidays, I decided I'd rather be with you." She said and my brows raised slightly.
"Why?" I asked her and she looked away from a second, thinking to herself before looking back at me.
"Because I wanna spend more time with you." Nayeon placed her hand on top of my wrist and held it and I smiled softly. "I'll grab us something to drink." Nayeon stood up from the couch and I watched her walk over to my alcohol cabinet.
Minutes later, she came back with two glasses of wine and I thanked her when she handed me my glass.
"To spending time together." I said, holding up the glass and Nayeon let out a laugh at how sudden I spoke.
"To spending time together." She repeated my words and then we clinked our glasses together before taking a sip at the same time. Ever since she stepped inside, there was tension between us that was getting thinner with each second that passed. Even a dull knife could cut it but in our case, it was just a glass of wine.
I stared into her eyes as I took a sip from it and she did the same. I felt myself leaning forward the tiniest bit when I pulled the rim of the glass away from my lips. Nayeon did the same and my breathing slowed down.
"Can I kiss you..." Nayeon muttered, glancing down at my lips and I grabbed her glass from her and placed them down on the coffee table in front of us.
I turned back to her and pulled her arms towards me in one quick motion that made her fall forward. I tilted my head to the side when she got closer to me and our lips connected the second after.
After I had placed all my suitcases in the walk in closet. I made my way back to the living room and I scratched my head looking around. It's been a decade since I've lived alone, what the hell do I do now? Cue the next few hours of me doing whatever the hell I wanted. From binging episodes of my favourite tv show, watching an entire movie without moving a single inch of my body to singing my heart out to my favourite songs, I had tired myself out completely by the time the sun had set.
I decided to finally go on my laptop to check on my schedule and after I had entered my password, a notification from Jihyo requesting to FaceTime me had popped up a few seconds later.
When I chose to accept the call, I saw Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Jihyo on my screen.
"Y/N!" They yelled in sync and I let out a laugh, waving at them.
"Hi." I set the laptop in front of me while I grabbed the controller for video games and turned my console on.
"Couldn't even get through a day without talking to me, can't you?" I asked, a chuckle escaping my lips as I focused on the tv.
"You already know the answer. Sana keeps begging to come by your apartment but the managers won't let her." Jihyo said with a small frown and I smiled sadly. It was sad to hear that my managers couldn't even let the girls visit me but knowing they wanted to put on a smile on my face.
"Tell Sana I'll be back before she even knows it." I gave them another chuckle but this time it had a hint of nervousness to it. Jinyoung suspended me indefinitely so who knows when I was gonna come back to the dorm. Probably when I pass the mental health check up that I'll have to do when the company thinks I'm ready.
"How is it back in the apartment?" Nayeon asked and I glance down at them.
"It's okay. I mean it's way quieter now but I already miss you guys." I said and they all awed in a teasing tone. I rolled my eyes playfully and continued on with the game I played. All of a sudden, the doorbell rang and I quickly paused my game.
"I'll be right back." I smiled at the others and rushed to the door. When I opened it, I saw the delivery person holding the food ordered a few minutes earlier in a bag. After I took the bag from them, I thanked them before closing the door.
I rushed back to the living room and showed what I had ordered to the camera so the girls could see it. They all whined, wishing they could be eating with me right now and I let out a laugh. Our conversation went fine, we talked about what was in our schedules and what we had planned for after we're done with promotions until Jihyo and Jeongyeon had to go for a few minutes.
I was done with my food at that point and Nayeon had suddenly put the phone up close to her and I glanced over at her.
"Do you want me to come over some time?" She asked, laying back on the couch and I chuckled softly.
"Sure, we can 'practice' sometime later this week." I smiled and Nayeon shook her head.
"No, I'm serious." She replied and my brows raised. I paused my game and turned my torso towards her. "You don't live that far away so I can visit you after my schedules. That's only if you want to." She told me and I smiled softly.
"I appreciate it eonnie but I think the entire point of the dorm was so that I didn't see you nine as much from now on." I shrugged and she looked at me.
"They can't stop me from seeing you." She shook her head with raised brows and I chuckled in disbelief.
"Maybe." I grinned and she stared at me through the screen, there was a lingering look in her eyes, as if she wanted to say something.
Shit.
Oh no. She's about to say something about the relationship, CHANGE THE SUBJECT
"So," I cleared my throat, looking back at the tv. "How's the other girls doing?" I asked and from the corner of my eye, I saw her look away for a split second.
"They've been good." Nayeon nodded and I tightened my lips as I listened to her talk about the other members.
I know what you're thinking, it's rude to keep her from talking about it but I need one night to process everything. And when the sun rises tomorrow, it's more likely that my brain wouldn't malfunction out of sleep deprivation.
——
After a full day in my apartment, I had and I had a music show to get through with the girls the day after that. What I realized during that first day of living alone was that I had the freedom to basically do what I want in my own place. Now, considering this was the first time I had a place to myself, everyone was worried I'd burn the place down. When I told my mom about it, she went out of her way to tell me everything I needed to do to maintain the apartment. Did I spend three hours on call with her, taking notes of all the things I had to do? Yes. Did I plan on doing anything on that list in an organized manner on a Sunday? Probably not.
"The girls were way too hyper this morning." Yongjin told me and I raised my brows at his comment.
"Really?" I asked and he chuckled, nodding. He opened the door for me and instantly the room get filled with screams.
"Y/N!" I heard a scream and Sana runs up to me and I smiled.
"Glad to see you too." I said wrapping my arms around her as she hugs me tightly.
"It's too lonely without you at the dorm." She said looking up at me.
"Is it because you don't have a cuddle buddy?" Tzuyu said.
"Shut up." Sana said and I chuckled and she pulls away.
But the day went by fast, and I was already on the way back home.
"I'll see you then." I said to my manager before I stepped out and watched it drive away.
Arriving inside my apartment, I then get myself dressed for bed and went to the bedroom.
Tucking myself into sleep I then grab a pillow and wrap my arm around it. How the nights change so fast.
One day, Mina and I will be back, better than ever and let's hope Jihyo feels better too.