Two years had passed since my family died and I still couldn't believe it. In the first few months of staying with Clara, I had the same nightmare. The smoke would encompass us and we'd start to gasp for air. I could see myself trying to save them, only to be left with a burning flesh and lifeless eyes. Every night, I would wake up drenched in sweat. Gloria would let me crawl into bed with her and held me as I cried. After a while, the dreams stopped, and I would spend my nights in the window seal. When Clara did her nightly checks, she would come and sit with me. Even though I had barely said more than a few words since I arrived, she would talk to me anyway.
"I had always dreamed of having children." She said one night as we both enjoyed the beauty of a full moon.
I turned to her, letting her know that I was listening. I actually loved when she would tell me stories about her past life.
"I was married once, ya know. His name was Robert. I met him when I was in high school. We were mesmerized by each other. I married him right after we graduated."
I pictured her, holding onto Robert and smiling the same smile I could see on her face. She would have been wearing a lace, white dress with a halo of flowers on her head.
"We struggled a bit. He was getting his business off the ground and I was working through college. Three years into our marriage, we bought a house and he wanted to try for a baby. I was beyond excited. We tried for so many years..." Her voice trailed off.
I watched her. She seemed to be reliving the memories. There were so many emotions washing over her face. Happiness. Sadness. Grief. Despair. She missed him.
"Eventually, we found out that he couldn't have children. I think that messed him up in the head. He wanted a family. I tried to help him. I told him we could adopt. I told him that it would be alright. He fell into depression, trying to work hard to not feel. He ended up dying of a heart attack. Too much stress."
"I felt responsible. I gave up on my dreams. I moved away from the memories but having children was still in my heart. So, I became a foster mother and here I am. I've had so many children go through this house. They still come and visit me. It brings me joy." She touched the side of my face.
"I hope that you'll come and visit me when you venture out into the world."
I wasn't sure what I would do once I was old enough to leave but I made a mental note to come and see Clara.
~ ~ ~
As the years passed, Gloria and I became closer. She knew me well enough that I didn't have to speak for her to know what I was saying or how I was feeling. Since I wasn't much of a talker, Clara decided to help me learn American Sign Language to communicate. It was a challenge at first but she was patient with me. Gloria would sit in on the lessons too and we learned together.
The other girls had kept their distance and Clara still would have midnight talks with me. When we weren't having lessons with Clara, Gloria would try to teach me how to read. I didn't think of my family anymore. I didn't think of the fire. I didn't think of Johnathon, the firefighter. I was Magnolia the Orphan. I sat on a window seal at night, looking at the night sky. I watched the younger kids when they played outside. I would sit with Gloria as we read together. I listened to Clara tell me of the life she used to have with Robert. I didn't speak. I had become an empty vessel.
"Magnolia." Gloria spoke while we sat on the window seal and watched the fireworks.
I looked over to her. She had worry in her eyes.
"Do you still think of them? Your family? I still have dreams, but I can no longer see their faces."
I wasn't sure how to respond. Gloria wasn't one to discuss serious topics.
"I don't remember them." I answered, turning back towards the sky.
"How could you not? You did have a life before you came here. I see you with your bear. You have to remember..."
"I don't remember their faces, their voices, nothing. I remember an explosion. My sister gave me that bear. It's all I have left."
I don't know how long we sat there in silence. I could see the reflection of the fireworks in her eyes. I could still see the worry. Even though she had more time to adjust, she wanted her family. She wanted more than this.
"Magnolia." She started. "Do you know how old you are?"
I shook my head. I stopped counting after my eleventh birthday. Clara couldn't afford to celebrate every child's birthday and it didn't feel the same celebrating without my family. Once I turned eleven, I told her to spend on her money on the youngest children. It had mattered to them the most.
"Will we be friends forever? We are always going to be together, right?" I could hear the strain in her voice.
Out of all the years I had been in this house, this was the first night that I hugged Gloria. She had started crying before I had my arms wrapped around her. I continued to watch the fireworks as she cried. I wasn't sure how long she held all of this emotion inside of her, but it certainly was soaking my nightgown.
Six months later, Clara died. When I got up that morning, I found the other girls crying as they surrounded her bed. She had passed in her sleep. I didn't see any indication of and decided to call the police. Twenty minutes later, I heard sirens outside of the house. We watched as they put Clara on a stretcher and loaded her into the ambulance. A man I recognized was walking through the house, counting all of us. He stopped at me.
"Magnolia?" He questioned, reaching out for my hair.
I stood there, staring at the scruffy beard I touched so many years ago. Johnathon smiled before hugging me.
"When they told me what happened with Clara, I had to come see that you were alright. I remembered those big brown eyes in the hospital."
"Where are we going?" I managed to say after he let me go.
He looked confused for a moment as he watched my fingers move, but Gloria stepped in and explained. He turned to me and smiled.
"We are going to have to find a home for all of you. But like I promised before, I am going to make sure that you are taken care of."
Gloria and I watched as the men went to work. The ambulance that held Clara had gone and we were forced to pack up our belongings.
"We don't get separated." Gloria said to me. I nodded, taking her hand as we went down the stairs.
We watched as the girls were pulled apart from each other. There were cries and screams as bonds were broken. Gloria held tightly on my arm. I could see Johnathon talking into a phone before smiling to me. It took another hour and a half before he came back to me. Most of the girls were gone and Gloria still clutched to my side.
"I found a place for you. It's in another state but I'm sure you will be alright there." He said, grabbing my bag.
"She comes with me." I looked to Gloria. Johnathon stopped, looking between the both of us.
I stood firm, intertwining my arms with hers. She had tears in her eyes as Johnathon stood there, thinking. He looked towards the other men who were occupied with the other girls.
"Come quickly." He ushered us along to his car. Before anyone could make any objections, we were on our way to New Jersey.
An hour into the drive, Gloria had fallen asleep, but I stayed awake to survey my surroundings. I wanted to know exactly where I was. Johnathon told me a few stories after my situation had happened. He had been checking in on me for years, keeping himself updated on my progress.
"You were so young back then. I had to make sure you were doing okay." He explained when I raised an eyebrow.
I wondered if he checked on other families too. We went through several towns and my mind wandered to the other children. Where were they going? Would they be safe? I read in one of Gloria's books about angels who looked over young children. I hoped that the angels were with them. By nightfall, we had reached our destination. The neighborhood was more run down than the one Clara stayed in. There were drawings on buildings and some places had caved in. Our building seemed stable enough. A lady was standing in the door way with a cigarette. I tapped Gloria on the shoulder and she wiped the sleep from her eyes.
"Don't be afraid. She's a nice lady." Johnathon stepped out of the car to grab our bags.
I followed behind him with Gloria on my heels. He chatted with the lady for a few minutes before we went inside.
"They'll be on the top floor." She guided him. We followed up the noisy staircase and down a hallway. She opened the last door on the left and Johnathon sat our bags down by two empty beds. When Johnathon said his goodbyes, I wanted to follow behind him. This place smelled of urine and the lady looked at us with disgust in her eyes. She closed the door behind us and I could hear her go downstairs. Gloria started crying and I wanted to scream.
Life with Sharon was much different than Clara. Sharon lacked patience and understanding. She yelled most of the day and filled our lungs with cigarette smoke. She didn't have any children under four.
"Too much noise." She explained one day when Gloria asked.
We spent most of our days cleaning up the torn down house and hiding in our rooms. She had a man, George, who stayed with her on the weekends. He had an outrageous stomach and always smelled of beer. I watched at how he looked at us and constantly felt sick to my stomach when I was around him. He spent too much time around the older girls, touching them in places that he shouldn't. The girls didn't object. If one complained, he made sure to punish them for it.
"Don't let him get you alone," One of the girls told us when we were settled in bed. "He'll try make you a woman."
Gloria and I wasn't sure what that meant. But from that night on, we took turns sleeping at night. We heard many more horror stories of Sharon burning them with her cigarette, beating them when she was drunk and being locked in the closet. I wasn't sure which one was worst. How could Johnathon have thought we would be safe here?
"She scares me, Magnolia. And George is always looking at me." Gloria whispered as we scrubbed the floors.
"We'll be alright." I comforted her. I wasn't going to let anything happen to her.
Somehow, I felt responsible for all the other girls in the house. Everyone was scared except for me. I wasn't sure if it was because I lost emotion years ago or because I promised Gloria that we would be safe. But, if he tried anything, I was going to my best to stop him. George had his eyes on me as well and I wasn't sure how long he was going to just look.
A few weeks into our stay, Sharon was raving and yelling to one of the eldest girls for not cleaning the bathroom correctly. I could hear the girl screaming as Sharon beat her in the back. Everyone coward in fear and watched the show. Before Gloria could stop me, I ran down the stairs and pushed Sharon over a chair. The girl ran upstairs with the others.
Once Sharon had pulled herself up, I could see the glare in her eyes. I matched her expression with my own before she hit me in the head with a vase. Gloria's scream ran though my ears while the blood trickled down from my forehead.
"You will learn your place in this house girl!" She screamed before stomping my sides.
I laid on the floor, taking her hits as she threw them. Gloria screamed for me to get up. Once she had gotten tired, she sat down in her chair.
"Get out of my sight child."
Gloria ran to my side, helping me off the floor. She pulled me up the stairs where the other girls waited to attend to my wounds.
"What were you thinking?" The girl I saved asked me. "She could have killed you."
It continued this way. I would jump in when Sharon would raise her hand to one of the younger children. I took the beatings, the burns and the pain. For months, Gloria watched over me and cared for my wounds. She kept telling me I was being stupid, but I could see in her eyes that she didn't mean it. The only thing I couldn't stop was the girls being touched and abused by George. I would soak in their cries when they were released from his room. I couldn't help them. I didn't know how.
One Saturday morning, Gloria ran into the bathroom as I was cleaning the toilets.
"Come! Now!" She whispered, disappearing down the hall. She was laying down by the staircase, listening to George and Sharon.
"This is a lot of money Sharon. I know how much is in this, so I don't wanna see none of it missing." George handed her a silver container, filled to the brim with cash.
Gloria pushed me back when they moved towards the kitchen. She turned to me with hope I hadn't seen in her eyes for months.
"We can take the money and get out of here. I can't watch you take another beating. I don't think your back has another place for a bruise."
I pursed my lips and she smiled to me. "We'll take it when Sharon goes to church tomorrow."
~ ~ ~
This was our moment. We hadn't told any of the girls about our plans as we waited for Sharon to leave for church. We pretended to finish up our chores as she headed out of the house. After waiting for what seemed like a considerable amount of time, we slowly headed to her room. Gloria and I stared at each other as we stood outside of her bedroom door. When we opened the door, our noses were hit with cigarette smoke and sweat. Gloria gagged and I covered my mouth.
"Hurry." She said, frantically looking through the dresser. I looked under the mattress.
"I got it!" She exclaimed as she opened the container.
"Found what you were looking for?" We both froze. The hairs on my neck rose when I turned to face him.
George was standing behind us and had closed the door. Gloria held the container behind her back. He had sweat on his brow and a greasy smile on his lips.
"We were cleaning." Gloria explained, putting the container back inside the dresser.
I watched as he ran his eyes over our bodies before taking a step closer. We backed up.
"Don't be afraid. I know how to take care of little girls." He reached for Gloria and I kicked him in the leg.
He backhanded me before I was able to attack again. He reached for Gloria again, but she bit his hand. With a booming yell, he grabbed her by the shoulders, trying to rid her of her clothes. I jumped up and used all my strength to knock him into the door. He fell through and I could hear Sharon yelling from downstairs. We tried to run around him, but he grabbed my leg.
"No!" Gloria yelled, holding onto my arm.
Sharon grabbed her from behind and threw her onto the other side of the hall. She had me by the hair, pulling me back into the room. Gloria ran towards me before George knocked her down the stairs.
"Magnolia!" I heard her cry as she tumbled.
"You are more trouble than you are worth!" Sharon screamed, opening the closet that smelled of fish and alcohol.
I tried to fight her, but George pushed me inside and I was in the dark. I banged on the door for hours, yelling, kicking, and screaming. I wasn't able to hear anything or see anyone. My voice grew hoarse and I had to fight the urge to empty the contents of my stomach. The smell was burning my nose and eyes. The day turned to night and I could hear footsteps. I tried to look through the crack in the door, only to see George and one of the girls.
"Don't be afraid. Tonight, you become a woman." His grumble of a voice pierced the door.
I tried to block out her cries and pleads as he touched her. I could hear the bed squeaking. I could hear her crying, her pleading, her screaming. I could hear his heavy breathing and the slapping of skin. I wanted to puke. When he was finished, he pushed her out of the room and I could hear his snores throughout the night. I positioned myself in a corner and wondered where the angels were.