May the angels protect you, trouble neglect you, and heaven accept you when it's time to go home. May you always have plenty, your glass never empty, and know in your belly, you're never alone.
May your tears come from laughing, find friends worth having, with every year passing, they mean more than gold. May you win but stay humble, smile more than grumble, and know when you stumble, you're never alone.
—————
~ J A N N A H ~
—————
I remember the first time I had seen Maryam faint was when we were in Primary 3, it was during a French class and I had thought she was just sleeping out the boredom only for my nine year old self to be petrified to death when I kept nudging her but she didn't wake up.
That incident had repeated itself multiple times but with every time, I was none the less scared. Maryam always behaved like she was fine, she never ever wanted anyone to know she was a sickler since from our secondary school days, when everyone knew, she practically became an outcast. People weren't comfortable hanging out with her since her state was unpredictable. In a mean girl's words, Laila's in particular, she straight out told Maryam that she didn't want her "dying" on them so that's why they weren't interested in her friendship.
Maryam could have been a social butterfly, she had the looks, she had the attractive personality, she had the attitude but those words, those words made her cave in on herself and throughout Secondary School, it became only me and her though she was still a step a higher than me on the popularity ladder.
She enjoyed socializing and was an extrovert as well as a very talkative person but thanks to people's shallow thinking, she didn't get as many friends as she'd wanted and thanks to her health, she didn't get to go to as many places and do the things she wanted.
I remember how the only time she'd let herself cry over her fate and curse at it was when we had just graduated secondary school and were getting ready for university. She had applied for Medicine and her excellent grades had earned her the admission but it was that very year that the university decided to enlarge their Department of Medicine and move it from inside its temprorary site in the university to a place in the outskirts of the city where they built it it's permanent site close to its teaching hospital.
For Maryam, that simple change was what had cost her dreams and forced her to change her aspirations. She couldn't make the journey of three hours everyday just to get to campus and three hours to come back from it and living in the hostel wasn't an option. Her health always had to be kept on check, she had to go for her kidney dialysis, so a machine had to be near, she had to undergo multiple tests at the same time and kept under constant observation and unless she was going to move with her whole family to where the Department of Medicine was, none of that was going to be possible. So that dream of hers of becoming a doctor, along with many others, had been ruined just because she had Sickle Cell Anaemia.
As I think back to all of that now, I can't help the tears that had welled up in my eyes and let them just roll down my cheeks hoping that then, my heavy heart will lighten, that this strange foreboding I've been having over these two days will empty out with the tears.
"Madam!" Maryam shook me a little, making me open my eyes and turn towards her. "Why are you always looking for excuses to cry? You practicing for a crying competition or what?"
I shook my head and wiped the tears away with my sleeves. I looked at her and gave her a wide smile before resting my head on her shoulder. We were both snuggled in her bed with our backs pressed on the headboard and our legs outstretched before us, under the covers. We had been watching TV since I arrived at her house at around 7 am and it was now almost 4 in the evening.
We were watching Avatar: The Last Airbender, it was mine as well as Maryam's favorite show, maybe because of all the nostalgia it made us feel of our childhood days. I also think it to be the best thing that has ever been put on screen since TV was invented and yes, the crush my thirteen year old self had developed on Prince Zuko contributed to that.
"I love this episode, it's my favorite." Maryam states, grinning from ear to ear and I just had to join along, I loved seeing her like this, it reassured me that just like always, these days will pass and she'll get back to her feet in no time.
Today was Thursday, our second day off work since Tuesday and Maryam has been like this on bed rest, since then. She's only been getting up to pray or use the toilet and sometimes, she couldn't even do either, she had to be helped to her feet and taken to the toilet and she also had been praying while sitting down or even lying on her bed.
She had been overdoing it these past weeks, she had been stressing her body more than it can bare and all she needs is rest, the doctors had reassured but why was there still this feeling of fear and anticipation of dread in my heart?
"Yeah, me too, especially that part about the story of Iroh. Makes me cry everytime."
"See?" Maryam looks at me accusingly, "You're always just looking for excuses to cry Jannah. We should really get you a hobby, this ain't a good one."
I rolled my eyes and gave her a shove with my shoulder. "I already have a hobby, remember?"
She cringed and shook her head, "Yeah I change my mind, crying's a better hobby than stalking Ahmad Sambo."
I laughed and put my hands over her shoulder, preparing to tell her what I've been wanting to tell her since yesterday when Faisal and Fatima had come over to visit her.
"Speaking of him-"
"Ughhhh, no please, Jannah let's not talk about him. Let's just continue watching Avatar, look it's getting to the part of Zuko's story when he kissed that girl."
"Okay okay fine. Then you don't want to read the letter then."
"Letter, what letter?" Maryam was suddenly interested.
"The letter he sent me." I replied coolly, enjoying having peaked her interest like this.
"Ahmad Sambo sent you a letter? How?" Maryam scoffed, using the remote to pause the TV. "What century are we in? He has your number, couldn't he have just sent a text? And how'd he even write it? And then, how did it get to you?"
I eased off her and faced her fully. I don't have the answer to any of her questions since I haven't even read the letter yet. Since Fatima had given it to me yesterday, I hadn't opened it. It wasn't only cause I was scared to, but it was cause I wasn't at peace enough to even consider reading it but now, since Maryam was here by my side looking so much better than she had yesterday, I was ready to do it.
"Fatima Ibrahim gave it to me yesterday when they came to visit you. He must've given it to her and asked her to give me, though I don't know how they got so close that he even knows her address or something. I mean he even calls her Blindy, out of everyone, she's the only one he actually nicknamed."
I figured that I had derailed too late and Maryam was looking at me mischievously.
"You're jealous."
"I-I am not!" I defended myself way too loudly.
"You are but anyways, back to the letter, where's it?"
I picked it out from my bag and handed it to Maryam as if it was the declaration of independence. I had been staring at that envelope through out last night and trying to figure out who the handwriting sprawled out on its front belongs to since it obviously isn't his. He had no doubt gotten someone to write it for him and I wondered who it was, praying that it wasn't that Harrison. It would be better if it was his mom but just not that Harrison.
To Jannah, from Ahmad.
It read simply and my heart did a double take when I wondered what was inside.
"Okay so let's see what Romeo has for us this time." Maryam says dryly as she tears the envelope open and brings out the letter.
I instantly caught a soft and beautiful fragrance and I knew it was most definitely from that paper.
"Oooh scented and coloured paper." Maryam sniffs the pink paper. "He's got one point already."
"Would you just read it!" I try to snatch it away but she averts my hand.
She coughs dramatically and holds the paper to her face, finally preparing to read it.
"Its hard to write this letter, I do—"
"What are you doing?" I interrupt. She had put on an accent and made her voice deeper, all in all sounding ridiculous in her try to mimic Ahmad.
"What? It's his letter so it needs to be read in his voice. C'mon my Australian accent is on point, you can't deny it." she answers smugly.
"Okay Maryam, if you aren't going to read it properly, give me my letter and just let me read it myself."
"Chill babe, you know how much I love gist so no way am I going to want to miss out on this so... normal voice yeah?" I nod and she continues. "Okay then, here goes Ahmad Sambo's letter to his beloved Asiya Haroona." then her eyes widen and she looks at the envelope once again. "Wait, this says 'To Jannah' so how'd he know your name's not only Asiya?"
"Well... I told him and-"
"You told him? Then why were you so mad just cause Faisal started calling you Jannah too?"
I sigh, wishing she hadn't just brought that guy into this. Over these days, he has managed to irritate me more than I thought possible but of course, cause of my dad's request, all I do is smile and pretend that he isn't the jerk he is. I mean yesterday, when they came to see Maryam, he actually asked if I was now ready to marry him. How insensitive could he get? My best friend was here, sick and all he was thinking of was his stupid stupid proposal?
"Its different Maryam." I groaned. "Back to the letter, please."
She takes a deep breath and holds the letter back to her face and I was thankful that this time, her voice was normal.
"It's hard to write this letter. I do not know from where to start, I do not know how to find words that can translate everything I feel into a language that can be understood. I do not know where to pick words that can bedeck my speech to even half of the beauty that I wish to convey. I do not know from which tree to pluck words that can produce even a drop of the sweetness it is you've brewed in my soul. But here is my humble effort, to give meaning to ineffable emotions and definition to nebulous feelings.
"It started softly, like the first trinklets of rain in April, it started slowly and kept creeping gently like the swaying of leaves in a dance to the beat of the most pleasant harmattan breeze in November. It carried with it the fragrance of joy until it completely overpowered my soul and held my being captive. It made my days slaves to your voice and yet, in your sweet scent, it gave me my redemption.
It laid me to rest at night and woke me up in the morning, it gave me dreams, hope and healing, yet left me feeble, afraid and wounded. It opened up my world to an expanse far beyond the borders of time and space yet narrowed it to one single existence and one single name, yours.
Jannah.
How do I tell you everything? How do I tell you that my days begin and end with you? How can I tell you that I feel you are my beginning and you have every power over me to make yourself my end? How do I tell you that you are that sacred silver lining that connects the earth and the sky? How do I tell you that you are my horizon? How do I tell you everything, converge you in the middle and admit that every fiber of my being, every cell of my creation screams out in proclamation of your love?
I love you.
I love you, oh you zenith of my hope. I love you oh you who are the oasis while I'm the thirsty traveler. I love you, oh you who are the shelter while I'm lost in the desert. I love you, oh you who is the queen while I am destitute. I love you, oh you who are the garden of delight while I am the striving servant.
You are Allah's mercy on me on this earth just as Jannah is a mercy on humanity in heaven. If losing my sight is what it took for us to meet, I'll go blind a thousand times over just to keep this blessing with me, just to have a fleeting moment with you for in that moment, I live ten lifetimes of happiness. My eyes maybe eternally closed and banished to darkness but with you by my side, the light illuminates every corner of my being and your presence alone, saves me from the dark.
You are my light with which I see, you are my air with which I breathe and you are my life with which I live. You are that Jannah I'll forever strive to be good enough for in this life and the next and with every beat of my heart, you are that prayer that my soul chants.
وَاجْعَلْنِي مِن وَرَثَةِ جَنَّةِ النَّعِيمِ
And make me one of the inheritors of the Garden of Delight."
I didn't even realize it when Maryam had folded up the paper and placed it back on my lap. I was finding it hard to even breathe and thank God I was sitting already cause if not, my legs would have long gave way. I was in shock and in awe, I had no words to explain what all those words just made me feel and Maryam let me have a long moment to myself.
"I can't believe someone wrote all of that for me." I was finally able to articulate.
"Yeah, ain't that sweet." she still sounds unconvinced and I'm surprised that not even all of this could win her over.
She catches how I'm staring at her and and sighs, taking my hands in hers.
"Listen, he's sweeping you off of your feet and everything but remember, that's just what he does and he's extremely good at it. He may be blind now but he's still the fuckboy he's always been. You've noticed it yourself how he's even been calling Fatima Blindy, so he's playing his tricks on her as well. You've always been naive Jannah, I don't want you letting this guy in only for him to damage your heart beyond repair. I'm not condemning him totally, I just want you to open your eyes and realise the person he is before you get yourself into anything with him, okay? I'm just going to leave the decision to you Jannah, if you really feel in your heart that you're willing to run the risk of believing him, then okay, I hope and pray that he's sincere and he loves you even more than he has written in this letter but if... I'll be here for you no matter what."
I had stayed silent all through, listening to Maryam attentively and trying my best not to react even when she called him a fuckboy. I really didn't want to do anything close to arguing with Maryam right now, I just want to be here with her and if I let this conversation drag on, I know sooner or later I would say something that would make us argue so I just decided to give her a smile and nod my head.
"Fine, I'll do as you say, I won't make it so easy for him, I'll only go ahead when I'm absolutely 101% sure, okay mom?" I had said that jokingly but deep down, I know it was true. Maryam had always been akin to a mother to me.
We were the same age but what her health had made her go through had made her reach a maturity I don't think I would even if I were a hundred years old. She had solved countless of my problems that I thought were impossible and she had saved me from just as many stupid situations I had put myself in.
"You know Jannah, I really want it to be true right?" she places a hand on my cheek. "I really doubt he deserves you but I really really want all he's saying to be true and if it is, then my daughter, you have my blessings! Marry the fool and cancel all your plans to elope!"
I hugged her tight then and released the tears in my eyes all the while laughing a crazy and wild laughter. I don't know what'd I do without Maryam in my life, I love her and I know she means more than a sister to me.
"Okay okay now enough of that, it's time to talk about your brother." she says after I let go of her and my expression immediately turns sour.
"Ewwwwwww."
"Don't you dare eww me after I just sat down and read that letter of yours." Maryam warned and I conceded. She was right, if she could talk about me and Ahmad, I could talk about her and Yasin.
"Fine, I'm listening."
"I'm thinking... I'm thinking..." by the way Maryam was hesitating, I was fearing the worst."I'm thinking of... saying yes!"
I instantly breathed a sigh of relief, I thought she was going to say that she was thinking of ending things but she just said the opposite. Kind of like the Hamdan situation backwards.
"You're going to say yes to marrying him?"
Maryam nodded and I pulled her in for another tight hug. It has finally come, finally, finally. Yasin's dream was about to come true.
Though I'll never admit this to him, he is perhaps the most loving person I will ever know. He had stuck with Maryam through thick and thin, he had seen beyond her predicament and seen her and loved her for the person she truly is. He had been persistent when she tried her best to make him let go of her, he had stood by her when she'd tried her best to make him budge and leave. Through out their four year relationship, Yasin has been nothing but kind and loving and caring and patient and I was over the moon with joy for all that to finally pay off for him. Maryam had said yes.
I could hear the ringing of wedding bells, Umma's dream was also going to come true eventhough maybe it was half of it since it wasn't mine, but nonetheless, there was going to be a wedding in the family! And boy were we lucky to be getting ourselves someone like Maryam onto our house.
"When are you going to tell him?"
"Later, when he comes to pick you up." Maryam answers, and she actually blushed at that and I had to pause to take that in. Oh what love can do.
"Okay okay, let's make a deal with you." I start with a mischievous glint in my eyes. "Let me get some money out of him first, what if I tell him that I have incredibly good news for him but he'll have to pay me before he hears it? And that price will be no less than 50k, I'll only let him see you when I see the alert on my phone." I finish with my hands over my chest and an evil smile on my lips. Imagining how I'm going to get Yasin always cheers me up.
"So in short, you're going to sell me to your brother?"
"Of course not, I'm just gonna get a little som'in som'in outta him." I chuckle.
"I'm sorry Jannah, but I'm no thug, so I'm out." she rolled her eyes.
"You meant you're no fun, so you're out." I stuck my tongue out at her.
She gasped and held her hand on her chest, in mock shock. "Your dare do that to me?"
I stick my tongue out at her again and do a little dance with my head to make it even more provoking. She uses a pillow to knock me back into my senses and I pick another one up to retaliate, thus starting a pillow fight that left us giggling like fourteen year old maniacs.
-----
"Mommy, is she feeling better?" Yasin asks immediately Maryam's mom had sat him on a couch in the living room.
Lukman comes running into his arms and Yasin fondly lifts the little boy up in the air before sitting him down on his laps. After that, Little Luku suddenly found something amusing in Yasin's car keys and went on to pull them out of his kaftan pocket and play with them.
Mommy chuckles heartily at her four year old's behavior and pats Yasin on the back lovingly, "Don't worry suruki na (my son in law) Maryam's fine now, I even heard her and Jannah having a pillow fight earlier so don't worry, your amarya (bride) is completely fine now."
He smiles and bends his head down just a little, perhaps shy of Maryam's mom but perhaps, it was more out of sadness.
"That'll only be when she agrees Mommy."
"Yi hakuri ɗa na, kaji? (be patient my son, okay?) You know that girl doesn't know what she's doing, she's just crazy."
Yasin laughs, brushing a hand through Lukman's hair. "That, she is."
"Hey, that's my best friend you're talking about there." I finally intervene and appeared into the living room, narrowing my eyes at Yasin.
Having seen me, Lukman literally leaps off of Yasin's laps and runs towards me. I pull his cheeks and carry him in my arms before walking closer and sitting myself down.
"Well, Maryam's crazy but you're crazier than her, if that makes you feel any better."
I studied Yasin passively before tsking and turning my attention to the amazing cuteness seated on my laps.
"Jannah, go get Maryam for your brother, let him see her." Mommy says and sadly, I had to part with Little Luku.
Yasin couldn't come up to her room and see her, they weren't married after all but oh well, that was soon going to change. I squealed as I thought about that and hurried to go call Maryam. She had already known Yasin was here but she stayed behind until she was called for.
"You look like the bomb you are." I say while gawking at Maryam.
To say she looked beautiful was an understatement. She had dressed herself in a long sleeved peach chiffon dress that reached just below her knees and she paired it with black skinny jeans and a blue-black pashmina veil in a hijab style over her head. Her makeup was subtle but it had done a heaps load of work in enhancing the tone of her skin and making her look like she's literally glowing. She doesn't look anything like the same person that has been lying in bed sick for the last two days. Again, oh what love can do.
"Damn girl, kar fa kisa yaya na hauka (don't make my brother run mad)"
She covers her mouth smiling and again, I catch her blushing. This night was going to be epic for the both of them and I bring my phone out to snap a picture and immortalise the moment.
"Say cheese and pout." I position my phone in front of her.
"What? I can't do those at once."
"Okay, just say cheese and give me that wide goofy smile of yours."
But instead, Maryam pouts just to go against me and I just snapped the picture like that. It was already past 8 pm and the lighting was low but the pic still looked amazing and I know the reason for that was cause Maryam had made everywhere glow.
"Let's go," I grab her hand and start dragging her out. "So about that 50k, what if we split it, you still not in?" I whispered into her ear and earned myself an elbow on the gut. "Ouch, Maryam!"
"You leave my Yasin alone!"
"Ewwww," I pulled away from her, feeling apalled. "Your Yasin? Please, I think I'm gonna puke."
"Well you know you're about to be seeing a lot more of that right?" she wriggles her eyebrows at me.
"Ewwwwww."
We laugh through the rest of the way till we got to the living room and Yasin stood to his feet, with his mouth hanging open and his eyes fixed on Maryam.
"Yaya," I nudged him on the shoulder until he snapped out of it. "Close your mouth, you might swallow a fly." I winked at Maryam, getting revenge with the same thing she had said to me weeks ago.
Yasin glared at me and then as if deciding he had no time to waste on me, he turned to Maryam. "Are you feeling better now?" his voice was soft and caring.
"Yes much better Alhamdulillah, can we step out to the balcony? I want to talk to you." Maryam said with that same shyness on her face. Maryam was just something else today.
"Mommy, can we?" Yasin asked for permission from Maryam's mom since again, they weren't married but that was soon going to change.
"Sure my son, go and I'll have something to drink sent to you guys right now."
Yasin nodded and as he started to follow Maryam, Little Luku ran to him and clung to his leg.
"I wanna come with you." he whined.
"No baby, come here." I carried Lukman in my arms and distracted him with my phone.
The two of them quickly disappeared before he noticed and for the next ten minutes, I busied myself with playing with him and taking occasional peeps towards the balcony.
I couldn't wait to see Yasin's reaction when they came back and Mommy's reaction too when she told her she had said yes. Maryam was her first child and Yasin was a first child too so I could only imagine the pomp and splendor with which the wedding will be carried out.
Umma and Mommy will have all that to their selves, we could just lay back and let them handle everything. They'd prefer that anyways and then just a little while later, the babies will come rolling in and even for the naming ceremonies, they'll be in charge of everything too.
But then, my heart saddened when I thought about the babies. It was almost impossible for Yasin and Maryam to have healthy kids. Their kids all have to have as many health issues as Maryam had and them even surviving infancy would be hard. But since Yasin has said that he didn't want to have kids, that all he wants is Maryam, I hope that they'll be able to always find contentment in living with no kids or maybe, adoption.
Whatever they decide, I know I'll always be there for them and be happy no matter what, eventhough it'll be hard to say the same for our parents or the society.
I turn my head towards the balcony once again and though I can't see them, it is the moon that enchants me. It was a full moon night tonight and I know that Maryam was thoroughly enjoying the view since she loves gazing at the moon.
A crsip wind blew from the opening of the balcony and I closed my eyes revering in the calmness until a sound came that shattered the peace and I shot up to my feet, snapping my head towards Yasin's screams.
"Maryam! Maryam! Mar... Maryam!"
I run into the balcony to see Yasin knelt to the floor with Maryam in his arms. She was shaking profusely and her eyeballs were rolling wildly making it clear that she was having a convulsion.
I stood there, transfixed, not being able to do anything but just watch as everything unfolds before me in a blur. I watched as Mommy ran into the balcony and joined her hysterical screams to Yasin's, I watched as he carried Maryam in his arms and I followed behind them to the car. I watched as she was taken to the Emergency Room and I watched as Maryam's dad arrive at the scene and try to calm his wailing wife.
When I finally decide to let all that had happened sink into my mind, the dawning of despair hits me. I lose control and run out of the waiting room, away from Yasin and Maryam's parents to a place I can empty that despair out.
I find a secluded area of the hospital and sit heavily on one of the cold, silver plated metal seats. I close my eyes tightly in defiance of letting that feeling of lost hope and defeat claim me but I was unsuccessful and I had to ball my hand into a fist to dull the wail that broke out of me. I kept at it till my head ached and my throat throbbed but nonetheless, the feeling was still there.
I need Maryam, this isn't it. I refuse to believe that and no matter how it crushes down on me and forces me to, I won't believe that Maryam is going to leave us. She can't leave her siblings that see her as their symbol of hope and strength, she can't leave her parents that see her as their little fighter and warrior, she can't leave me that sees her as the sister I never had and she just can't leave Yasin that sees her as the love of his life.
The tears were more stubborn than me and they continued to burn my eyes till I was forced to open them. I took in a deep breath even though the air was potent with the smell of medicines bleaching the air.
I wipe away my tears and get to my feet, deciding that I won't be sitting here and crying like a baby when my best friend was fighting for her life. I was going to pray to send Maryam the strength she needs.
So for the next half an hour, my hands were raised up in supplication to the One who does not burden a soul more than it can bare, to the One who created both life and death as tests, to the One who uplifts the defeated and guides and gives hope to the lost and despondent.
My heart as well as my whole spirit felt refreshened when I walked back to the waiting room I had fled from but Yasin and Maryam's parents looked no better.
I went over to where Yasin was sat and clutched his trembling hands. He looked to me and I manage to give him a reassuring smile. We remain like that for the next three hours that were spent in suspensive silence, but loud and strong hopes.
The tension was finally cut short when a doctor in a green scrub suit appeared into the room, and we all hurdled around her. We all bomabard her with questions but since her mask was still on I couldn't tell her reactions to any of them till she answered with a muffled voice.
"The patient is stable but we'll be keeping her in the ICU for the night. You can go in to meet her but please, no crowding her or over indulging herself with conversation. Let's hope for the best." was all she said in that curt doctor fashion before leaving.
Maryam's parents rushed in to see her and me and Yasin stayed behind, waiting for half an hour more before they were out. The tension had still been there but it had greatly reduced and now when I looked at Yasin as we walked hand in hand to Maryam's room, he actually smiled back at me.
The room was cold and the only sound that pierced through the chilling air was coming from the beeping EKG monitor besides Maryam's bed. She was neatly dressed in blue and was tucked into the white hospital bedsheets. There were countless tubes and wires connected to various parts of her body and I couldn't help but gasp at the scene but I was strong and didn't let any tears form in my eyes.
"You look horrible." was the first thing Maryam said to me when I approached her and she looked at me through half opened eyes.
I couldn't help but burst out laughing through the tears that blurred my vision. Yes, those tears had defeated me once again.
"Look who's talking," I retort amidst the mix of sniffles and chuckles.
"Miss World or Miss Universe?" even in this state, Maryam didn't lack come backs and again, she made me laugh.
She breathes in and out heavily and closes her eyes, scaring me for a little while till she starts to talk but with her eyes still closed.
"And this is the state your brother's going to see me in," Maryam sighs, "he'd probably take back his proposal and I won't blame him. Who would want someone like me Jannah? I'm so ugly and sick and pathetic. It's disgusting and-"
"Amazing and wonderful and gorgeous and brave and..." Yasin cut in and Maryam's eyes shot open and widen, realizing that Yasin had come in with me and was here all along, "...and mind blowingly talented and kind and strong and beautiful and generous and everything anyone could ever ask for in a daughter, a sister, a friend and a wife." Yasin was now leaning beside her bed, his head leveling with hers as he looked at her through sincere, loving and tear rimmed eyes.
For now, that was all they could do, just stare at each other and let those gazes convey the depth of their feelings for each other. I could see the adoration and yearning in my brother's eyes, I could see the shame and love in Maryam's eyes, I could see the fear of this being their last moment ever together in both their eyes and I couldn't stand it anymore, I didn't want to break out in a sob that would ruin such a precious moment so I left the room as fast as I could and again, found my way to those cold metal seats where I could cry my heart out.
I waited till I see Yasin come out and when he does, I run over and envelope him in a hug. If it were on any other moment, I know my brother would brush me off but now, he hugged me back and it was because he needed it more than I did. He was grieving and I wonder if Maryam had even gotten to tell him she has agreed to his proposal.
"Jannah, Yasin." came Mommy's voice, breaking up our hug. "Yasin, take care of yourself and your sister and don't worry about a thing alright? Just keep praying and Allah will preserve Maryam for us, it's almost dawn so please go home and rest, okay?"
Me and Yasin both protest but Maryam's dad joins in to convince us. "You've been here the whole night Yasin, take your sister home atleast if you aren't going to take yourself home."
And that did it and made us set course for home. I know I would come back here in just a few hours to meet Maryam again, she would be better by then and there was no need to worry, the doctor had said that she was stable and she had even talked to me so why was I feeling otherwise? Why was my heart heavy and I couldn't convince myself of my hopes?
When we arrived home, Immediately I stepped out of the car, Yasin starts to reverse out the gates again and I stop him, leaning my head into the window.
"Where are you going?"
"Where do you think Jannah? To Maryam." he doesn't even ask me to move before he continues reversing the car.
"But her parents just asked us to come home."
"I don't care Jannah, I just can't. I'm going back to see Maryam. Now move back before I knock you off."
And just as he said, I moved and let him reverse out of the gates and speed towards the direction we just came from.
When I entered home, I found both Umma and Abba awake, both also worried about Maryam. I had been keeping Umma updated on the situation through out when we were in the hospital and now, after reassuring me that everything's going to be fine, both my parents take me to my room and make sure I was in bed before they switched off the lights and left me to sleep.
Little did they know that there was no way sleep could overtake me now. So for what I think to be more than two hours, all I did was toss and turn in bed until my phone rang and I reached out for it.
I sat upstraight when I saw the caller was Yasin and before I picked it up, all my senses had already gone numb and my blood cold but I still placed the phone on my ear.
"Yaya?" I said to silence. "Yaya, can you hear me?" more silence until steadily, I hear a sound, a soft but none the less nerve wrecking sob. "Yaya?"
"Ja...Jannah, it's... she's gone, Maryam's gone."
A/N
This is the longest chapter I've written yet and if long chapters aren't to your liking, I sincerely apologize but I hope you can see the reason why. This chapter sucked the soul right out of me.
The verse referenced to up above in Ahmad's letter, is from surah Ash-Shu'ra, verse 85, of the Holy Quran.
The next chapter coming up will be a bonus chapter and more of a filler on Maryam so stay tuned for that. And also, this chapter marks roughly the halfway mark through the story as well as its onemontheverssary so I'd like to thank all you guys for 400+ reads and 150+ votes in such a short time.
Lyrics from the very first paragraph up above are from Lady Antebellum's "Never Alone."