That Saturday morning, Caspar and Ambar were now Emelia up from the apartment because they would be babysitting her again, something they both enjoyed doing very much. Joe was extremely grateful of just how much his friends supported the three of them, willing to help out where they can.
"Hey guys." Caspar and Ambar chorused, entering the apartment, it scented with a new lavender incense stick, one that Zoe had recommended to Joe a few weeks ago.
"Ready for tonight?"
Joe shook his head at Caspar, combing back the morning mop of brown and blonde that was pretty much untameable nowadays. Dianne was getting her things together, and also trying to talk Emelia out of climbing onto the kitchen counter.
"Please stop climbing, you'll hurt yourself."
"I don't know, I mean, I know the routine, I think it's just nerves that are getting to me, and that we are so close to Blackpool." Dianne nodded in agreement. It had been their goal since day one, the tower ballroom, so to get eliminated at this point would be devestating.
"We will be fine, just keep calm or you'll only get worse, and drink coffee, it helps." Both men laughed as Joe placed Emelia on the counter, saving her the trouble and risk of injury.
Meanwhile Ambar nodded vigorously, knowing how coffee always made her feel better. "It does, it seems coffee can make me feel ten times better, even on the darkest of days." Dianne nodded, the two women exchanging a mutual smile.
"Have you got everything?" Joe asked Emelia, not wanting her to be in a mood because she had forgotten something. "Has she got everything, Dot?"
Dianne nodded, remembering packing the night before, wandering around the apartment finding little things of Emelia's, and even little things of her own that she had forgotten about.
"Yep, all packed and ready to go. I even found my hair pins laying around, and my perfume." Joe gave a fond chuckle, passing Emelia her jacket, Dianne soon joining him and resting an arm on his shoulder, clasping both of her hands together.
"Well you know what they say, love." She shrugged, raising her eyebrows and giving an expectant look.
"What do they say Joseph?"
"Don't have a clue." She rolled her eyes, soon laughing at his quip, he seemed to have an endless supply of ways to make people laugh. "Right. We have to get going, don't we Dotty?"
"Yes we do." She put Emelia down on the floor, seeing her run off into the spare room. She raised one eyebrow. "Maybe she forgot something?"
Joe shrugged, the two putting their own coats and things on before Emelia soon came out. "I thought I had forgotten something, but I remember that mama has it, silly me." She tapped her head, all four adults laughing.
Joe did the zipper up on his puffer coat, the one he always wore. "Silly you, you're almost as bad as your mum." Dianne hit him gently, hearing him chuckle. Emelia nodded, going to hug her mum, who gave her an extra squeeze.
"Mama has a very bad memory, nanny says she's like a fish!" Emelia used her hands to talk as well, Joe grinned and took the keys off the side. Dianne folded her arms.
"I honestly do as well. Right, Joseph, we best get going, the producers aren't too jovial this week so we should get there early." While she said this Joe said his goodbye before standing up again.
"Definitely. Thanks for doing this guys by the way, you're legends." Caspar and Ambar smiled gratefully, Emelia going over towards them.
"It's fine bro, bedtime is nine right?" They both nodded.
"Yeah. Maybe eight thirty, that way if she is persistent then it will be nine, you get me?" Dianne suggested. They both nodded, Joe and Dianne heading out the door.
He put his arm around her shoulders, feeling her do the same around his side. "Caspar and Ambar are so lovely."
Joe nodded. "They really are, I've known Caspar almost seven years and he's such a nice guy, Ambar too, she's right for him. They make a good team."
"Agreed. Like us, we make a good team." He saw her smile up at him, he did the same back to her.
"We do, you'd think we did being bloody dance partners." She laughed, leaning her head on his shoulder. "'Maybe not so much when we argue over which toothpaste to get, it's like bloody world war three."
She laughed. "But I like the one with the pretty colours." She pouted like a small child, seeing him roll his eyes lightly.
"I know, it is a nice one. It's also nice to have conversations like this, little things like toothpaste, or which handwash to buy, I should probably get a new one come to think of it."
"Oh yeah I think the one in the bathroom is running out. It feels like we're living together, but we're not. I mean, I do spent half my time here anyway."
He nodded, the two heading into the lift. He rested a hand on her back for support as they went down. "Yeah, I think it's definitely worth talking about it though, just maybe when we're not in the lift."
She chuckled. "Yeah. Right, lets get into focus now, we have some dancing to be doing!"
///
Emelia was quite content with life that Saturday evening, watching her mama and Joe on Strictly. It was nearing ten past seven and the opening titles had just played out, all the couples doing their little parts.
Caspar and Ambar were sat in the guest room, talking without the worry of Emelia overhearing. Ambar was sat on the bed, filing her nails while her boyfriend wandered around, deep in thought.
"What's up?"
He stopped. "I'm just...I'm just thinking about Joe, how his life has changed, so much." She nodded, wanting him to explain further. He sat down next to her, looking out onto London through the window.
He took a moment to think before speaking.
"When I met Joe in twenty twelve, even up to the launch, he was always on his own, like relationship wise. We all had gotten partners, I mean I have you, Byron had Emily, everyone had begun to get serious, and he was just single. He would work a lot more, more than he probably needed to, because none of us would be available, and deep down I know it had hurt him inside, the fear of not knowing what love was. You get me?"
She nodded, placing her hand in his. It had really touched her, how Caspar had such a strong friendship with Joe and how they had that amount of trust to share these kinds of things. Caspar had clearly helped Joe through with his hardship, and of course vice versa. Sure, Caspar was a lot of the time playful, and chilled out and extremely laid back, but also had a really sensitive side, one that Ambar loved and was glad she could see.
"Yeah, I mean I've only known Joe not even half the time you have, but it had pondered my mind. While we were all finding and falling in love, seeing the world, starting to settle down as well as just feeling everything falling into place, he'd always be working, videos, editing, planning, finding ways to advance the company. I guess I've always just wondered what that must have felt like for him."
Caspar rested his head on Ambar's, feeling hers under his as they sat side by side on the comfy bed. "Yeah, But now look at him."
Ambar smiled. Caspar smiled too, placing his hands in his lap.
"He's got Di, or Dotty, or even the lovely Dotty. Need I go on?" Ambar chuckled, shrugging. "But yeah, he's finally fallen in love, definitely worth the wait though. Plus, she has a daughter, how wonderful is that?"
Ambar sighed happily. "Very wonderful. They're like a proper little..."
"Family."
"Yeah, like a proper little family."
"Yeah. It's going to be sad though, when they fly out to Australia for Christmas, they're getting back on New Year's eve but it's still going to be hard, seeing them go."
She sighed, looking out and spotting the London eye somewhere in the distance. "It is, but hey, there's always FaceTime."
"Oh yeah, they could talk everyday if they wanted. Anyway, Shall we go and see what she's up to?" He got up and held out a hand for her, feeling her place her palm in his.
"Absolutely. Lead the way DiCasp." He rolled his eyes as they wandered across the hallway, seeing Joe's own art, a very fine piece of art. It was contemporary but had old school elements, standing proudly on the wall.
"Oh be quiet."
///
"Think matador Joseph, think matador."
They both stood backstage, among the other couples who were all just as nervous as they were, and also just as excited. It was always those two emotions which consumed all the contestants: excitement and nerves.
Joe nodded, putting his head in his hands. He hadn't had the easiest time when it came to embracing the matador role, or just feeling strong and masculine in general when he saw himself as a lanky twelve year old with a twenty seven year old conscience most of the time.
"I just...I can't. I'm not the kind of person who can just feel confident in that way, feel strong and powerful. Compare me to..." He looked around, settling on the first man he saw.
"Johannes, for example." He gestured towards him, Dianne starting to understand more and more where Joe was coming from, a darker place than she had imagined or expected.
"How am I meant to feel strong or powerful next to him, or anyone?"
How is anyone meant to feel strong and powerful for that matter, when in today's society all we see is the competitive spirit becoming more and more popular, and people losing sight of what is actually important, and what actually makes us strong and powerful. Being strong and powerful shouldn't come from seeing other people as weak and comparing yourself to those around you, it should come from inside yourself. Strong and powerful shouldn't mean physically strong, although it can, it should mean independent, positive, kind, insightful. It should mean caring for those around you and making positive impacts on everyone around you, empowering those around you to feel strong and powerful in their own rights, and that act of kindness will in turn make you feel that pride that may have been lost and overshadowed by a looming competitive spirit.
She removed his hands from his face, taking them in hers. Dianne looked into Joe's blue eyes, the ones that seemed just that little less blue than they usually did.
"By not comparing yourself to anyone. Listen, strong and powerful doesn't mean being the most benched person in the room, or the tallest, or any other physical characteristic. Don't think about anyone else right now, this about you feeling powerful within yourself.
You are powerful because you make those around you feel inspired, you make so many people inspired and happy, and you're incredibly smart, strong can be strong minded too."
He took in every word she said, the things he knew he probably needed to hear. He had come to a new realisation, one that made him realise that strong isn't muscle, it's his spirit and how he appreciates himself and those around him. He was grateful, extremely grateful, that she had lifted his esteem, made him feel like he was worthy of feeling such strength and power.
"And as for physically, you're perfect just the way you are. I love you for you Joseph Graham Sugg, all of you, strengths, flaws, I love it all. I love you."
He squeezed her hands gently, feeling himself become overwhelmed with the love he felt for the woman in front of him, who he loved entirely with his entire being.
"Thank you, Dianne. You have no idea how much I love you too, all of you." They embraced, Dianne at peace of mind knowing she had made him feel capable of his own strength.
Because he was.
We all are.