You became vaguely aware of a bright light shining in front of your closed eyes as your alarm beeped and you groaned internally. How was it already time for you to get out of bed? You tried to remember what had happened the night before, but you couldn't, which confused you. You weren't the type to get blackout drunk, but it was the only explanation for your splitting headache and hazy grogginess. But however much you wanted to stay in bed for the whole day, you knew you probably had work to do. Reluctantly, you tried to open your eyes.
Nothing happened.
Panicking slightly, you continued to try forcing your eyelids to move, but to no avail. Instead, you attempted to sit up, to move your legs, to call for help, to do anything at all. Nothing worked. The beeping sound continued, but it began to increase in speed. You were slowly realising that it wasn't your alarm at all. In fact, it sounded an awful lot like a heart monitor.
This wasn't your bedroom. This was a hospital.
Suddenly, you could hear brisk footsteps and hushed voices. You tried to make out what was being said, but you only caught the end of the conversation, when the people speaking stopped right next to you.
"...she's in a somewhat stable condition right now, but we don't know when she'll wake up from the coma... she has about a thirty percent chance of surviving this. She can hear us, so you can talk to her if you want to. If you require the help of a doctor, press this panic button and I'll be right over."
So that was why your head hurt and you couldn't remember anything. You weren't hungover at all – you were in a far, far worse state. As you came to terms with what you'd just been told, you heard the sound of several people pulling up chairs to sit by the side of your bed.
"Hi, Y/N. Oh, thank God you're still alive." It was Tony's voice. He sounded exhausted, which worried you slightly – ironic, given your current predicament.
"I'm guessing you can't remember what happened." This time, Steve spoke up. "We were on a mission to retrieve some files from a HYDRA base. You and Bucky were running back to the jet but one of the agents shot you in the chest. You had to have emergency surgery to remove the bullet and stop the internal bleeding and now you're in a coma..." His voice cracked slightly. "But you're alive, you're still with us. That's all that matters."
Over the next couple of hours, everyone took it in turns to speak to you, informing you of everything that was going on. From what you could tell, pretty much the whole team had come to visit, which both comforted you and upset you at the same time.
Eventually, you heard the doctor return to inform everyone that visiting time was over and only one person could stay the night. Of course, this provoked a small argument between your friends because none of them wanted to leave. As their voices got progressively louder, you blocked out the noise as it was hurting your head.
Finally, the commotion died down and you realised that everyone was gone apart from whoever they'd picked to stay with you.
"Hey, doll."
You were surprised to hear Bucky's raspy voice for the first time that day. Honestly, you hadn't even realised that he was in the room because he hadn't spoken when the others were still present.
"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you earlier, I guess I was still shocked after what happened and I just... didn't want to say anything with everyone else listening."
You felt Bucky gently holding your hand, rubbing circles over your knuckles with his thumb. "I-I'm so sorry, Y/N. I could've saved you, I could've jumped in front of the bullet and I tried, I swear I did, b-but I was too slow and now you're stuck here... this is all my fault, I'm a monster... God, you probably hate me." He broke down and began to sob quietly, his hand shaking in yours as your heart broke for him.
You wanted nothing more than to comfort him, to hug him and tell him that he was wrong about himself, that it wasn't his fault, that you could never hate him even if you tried. You had so much to say, but no means of saying it.
At some point, Bucky's sobs subsided and you could tell from his steady breathing that he'd fallen asleep. You began to drift out of semiconsciousness, into your own state of slumber. Before you did so, there was only one thought left in your mind.
If there was a thirty percent chance of you waking up, you were going to fight for your life and beat the odds.
Just so you could tell Bucky that everything was okay.
—— ★ ——
PART TWO COMING SOON.