In a normal persons mind they wouldn't be doing what I'm doing right now, which happens to be sketching Draco Malfoy. I couldn't find a reason as to why I was doing this, but it also feels harmless. I know Harry, Ron and Hermione have had their fair share of run ins with the boy over the years, and I've felt a small bit of his outbursts and his wraith of anger, also, but in my eyes, he only seems to be a hot head.
I'm not sticking up for Draco, nor do I regret planting a dungbomb on him, it was deserved. But after that day I noticed he didn't bite my head off the way I've seen him to do others, Draco is the type of person to whip his wand out and cast a horrible spell unto someone who just planted a dungbomb on him, but he didn't, he was flustered, then left the room when Snape instructed. It was quite obvious he was biting his tongue to make sure he didn't say anything too damaging. But all I can ask myself is why? Why didn't he fight back? Did he not do it because Snape was there? Or was he just trying to take the higher road and not tear me apart with his words or his actions?
These are questions I'm assuming I'll never find an answer to, which for now, is okay, I'm also not all that interested in getting to know Draco's character. The entire Slytherin house has targeted me and my friends, and I wouldn't say Draco is the leader of this antagonization, but I don't appreciate the treatment we receive from the house.
I have a few classes with Draco, and I've studied him a few times. He's a jock, he has a reputation here, but I've noticed people don't adore him in a positive way or follow in his steps because they like him, they're scared of him. And if anyone knows how the world works, following a person in fear rather than because you admire them, is a slowly but sure way to have your followers around you crumble and slowly vanish. In the end, Draco will find himself standing alone if his attitude doesn't change.
I continued shading the dark around his robes on my paper, I still wasn't positive how I was going to sketch his hair since he's so bleach blonde it's almost white, and I'm still rather new at this. I drowned out the noises of the students as I began drawing the most difficult parts, someone eyes. The eyes can tell you exactly what's in the soul, how a person is feeling, but as I study Draco's. They are just dark. His eyes might be the hardest eyes I've ever had to focus on.
Harry didn't come to classes today because of some thing with the next trial, neither did any of the other champions from what I've heard. I've been thinking about him all day, I really hope he's figured out the egg and what the trial will be. I wonder if Cedric has figured out the egg? Of course I want Harry to win, but I also have slight hopes for Cedric too. I couldn't get out of my head what Harry had said to me last night, am I crazy for thinking I could possibly love him? Is it too soon? Should I have avoided his questions? Maybe I should have hidden the book, and I was definitely a dumbass for underlining certain sentences. He saw them. Harry has the right to feel the way he does, he likes me, he told me, he cares for me deeply he says, but he doesn't love me. Can I be mad at him for that? Am I allowed to be upset by this? It's only been a few months, maybe I need to take a step back. But I have this constant insecure thought about how I shouldn't have let him touch me in anyway he has if he felt this way about me, I don't believe Harry would use me to get into my pants ever. But the more thought I've put into it he says he's new to all of this too, so what if he's just as confused as I am?
I want to jump into this. I want to jump into this and have a leap of faith. But on the inside I can feel my heart hurting, because it's scared of being rejected. I'm scared. Harry and I haven't had sex, we haven't really done anything like that other than his magical ways or touching me with his hands and his lips, oh, how much I love when he touches me. My body loses complete control anytime he ever touches me. I can't keep allowing Harry to touch me in his intoxicating Harry ways if the possibility of him never loving me is actually there, I terrified to give myself to him if he doesn't want me in that way.
Do I love him? I'm sure I do. Everything about him is beautiful in my eyes, he's funny, attractive, I could keep going... but there's too many words. When I first arrived at this school I was so surprised I had been placed in his house, then my roommate was best friends with him which caused me to be around him all the time, then the classes we had together just added the cherry on top. Harry was everywhere for me. I never thought he'd be interested in me, or I him. My life has taken a quick turn down a road I didn't see coming anytime soon. Harry's made his way under my skin, and I love it.
I love him.
I've never been in love, but if this is what it feels like. I understand why it's so important to the world.
My hearts aches, because he doesn't love me.
It's okay, give this more time. He has a lot on his plate, Luc. The thoughts in the back of my mind crowded my current ones. I'm right, or she's right, the lady in the back of my mind, also me, is right. Hopefully time will change his opinion.
I glanced up at Professor Binns who was still asleep, as always, and returned to my sketch. This one was messy, I've been trying to finish it in one class period before I had to go onto the next. Malfoy remained silent and actually was putting in the time and effort of his essay that was due at the end of class, I finished mine yesterday. It was a peeve of mine, I had to always be on time or ahead of schedule. If I didn't follow my schedule I was stressed till it was straightened out. Thankfully, because of my peeve, I've been able to put more time into my sketches. I've almost completed the book Hermione gifted me as well, but I left that in my dorm. As I drew one of the last small lines onto Draco's face Hermione nudged my arm, causing me to draw out of the line. I frowned and gave her a look.
"You just messed up my sketch." I said already beginning to erase the line.
"It was messed up the second you started drawing it. You do realize who's on that piece of paper, right?" Hermione said with a nasty tone.
"Oh, calm down. I even drew Neville." I laughed lightly, "but most of these are Harry. Don't say anything, he doesn't know I have this notebook. Well, he does, but he doesn't know what I have been sketching. So shush your mouth." I said sternly, she raised a brow at me.
"And the day he finds the notebook and sees Malfoy, you assume he'll be happy?" She questioned.
"It's no big deal, really. It was just something to do." I lied. I've been doing a lot of that lately, unfortunately. I don't know why I drew Draco. He was just the only thing in the room that my mind desires to capture and my hand desired to draw. So I did. This is harmless. I can see how in Harry's eyes this may not be harmless, but I wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt him, and this is my notebook, he doesn't need to see it. Plus, Malfoy to me is just another student in the school. I have plenty of sketches of random students throughout the school.
"Okay. Why are you even drawing him?" She asked while closing her book, she was doing some reading for the next chapter, because like me, she finished her essay before it was due as well.
"I honestly don't know." I finished shading and closed the notebook looking at her, "Have you talked to Ron yet?" I asked, a share of fear appeared over he eyes and she shook her head.
"No. Not yet. I will, though." She said packing her books away, I nodded at her and did the same. If I don't are on the middle she'll never say something to Ron, I'm going to have to come up with something.
The day went by rather fast, once classes were over I headed to my dorm to take a nap. I fell asleep in Harry's arms last night as he read to me, I smiled as tore off my robes and pulled my shirt over my head. Harry, my Harry, who reads to me and holds me tightly while I sleep in his arms. I pulled off the rest of my school uniform and headed over to my suitcase to pull out some comfortable pajamas. As I stood in my bra and underwear I noticed two letters sitting on my pillow, I climbed onto the mattress and folded my legs together ripping open the first one. There was no return address on it. Just my name. I flipped the paper open and read the words that were written in beautifully cursive, it was a woman's hand writing.
"Dear Lucy,
My dearest Lucy, please do not be upset with me, but if you are... you have every right to be. I left you and your father at a terrible time, when he needed me the most, and you most of all... you were so young, so little, so innocent, an angel of a child. You didn't deserve a mother like me, nor did your father, me leaving was the best thing I could've done for you and your father. My past is catching up with me and it'll always follow me, no matter where I go or what I do. I had to leave to protect you both.
I love you, Lucy. From the second I found out I was carrying you, I have always full heartedly loved you.
I wasn't going to write to you, it will only put you in more danger, but now I must. You need to leave Hogwarts. You were never meant to attend this school, your father should have stayed in America. Now I am worried about your safety, it isn't safe for you there, Lucy. Please listen to me. Leave Hogwarts.
I know this is a lot to ask, especially from someone who was supposed to take care of you and be there for you, I wasn't, and once again I am sorry. I need you to trust me. I've seen in the Daily Prophet pictures of you, the friends you've made. One of them happens to be Harry Potter, I can't chose your friends for you... or who you choose to love... but if you stay, you'll soon find the world around you start to crumble. Hogwarts is not safe.
I can't say much more. This isn't safe for me either, us talking isn't safe, goodbye Lucy.
I love you.
Love, Mom."
I dropped the paper onto my mattress, my heart was pounding and I was trembling. My mother wrote to me, holy shit. She's real, she's here somewhere in this world. I have a mom, and she cares.