"Oh! Oh my Davey Baby, I love you so so SO much!" She would say.
"Oh, my Stacey baby, I love you even more!" I would say back.
"Oh...David! You make my heart sing with joy and-sir? Sir do you need anything else?"
"What was that, beefy breasts?"
"...I have a boyfriend, sir... do you need anything else...food wise?"
I snapped out of my trance. Almost a split second ago, I saw a beautiful, blonde, lavender smelling young woman staring back at me, but now all there was was a vacant booth. The only human in sight was the teen aged waitress standing impatiently over me.
"Do you need anything else or not?" She asked, not as sweetly as before.
I needed something, but nothing she could provide for me.
"No, thank you ma'am. And I'm sorry, I'm just...going through a midlife crisis, you know?"
"Yeah...I understand, sir. My ex boyfriend left me for a girl who fills stuffed animals with ketchup and then sucks it out of their eyes...Enjoy your meal," she said as she walked away, like almost every other woman in my life.
I did a small sigh. Ever since Madison and I broke up, I imagined a beautiful woman named Stacey Owens, making my hands and stomach feel tingly as her sweet words danced in my ears, only to be sucked back into the reality that Stacey Owens was just a figment of my imagination. Although my imagination comforted me in my dark, loveless days, I resented it, especially after it caused me to call a minor, "beefy breasts." That may not sound too bad considering the circumstances, but I could just imagine Chris Hansen asking me to "please have a seat" once I entered my own house.
Almost every part of me needed a companion-my eyes so they could be filled with wonderful sights of the woman I love, my hands so her hair can be run through my fingers as I'm making out with her in the back of my minivan, and then move on to gently squeezing her cute, but thick tooshie if we got a little too carried away with our make out session. But most importantly, the part of me that needed a soulmate the most was my big, pink, throbbing...heart, so I could love her unconditionally.
The only thing I had that didn't want me to get a lover was my wallet, but looking down at my nice, juicy Filet Mignon, and remembering the fact that I work as a clerk at a 7-Eleven, I realized my wallet barely ever got its way anyway.
"At least I have you," I said as I took a bite of my steak, the only hunk of meat I ate in months. As I was chewing on my steak, I looked around the restaurant I was currently in, good ol,' "Momma's Meats." This was Madison's favorite restaurant and the only restaurant we would eat at together, since she refused to go to anything I suggested.
I looked around and saw all the love doves grazing at the surrounding tables. At the table directly next to me, I saw a man and woman with their elbows on the table just lovingly staring into each others' eyes as if their pupils were playing their favorite tv shows. Three tables behind me, there was an elderly couple smiling and laughing at all the stories they were sharing together with a few kisses here and there. I sat there and wondered when or if I ever reached their age, would I be like the man in the relationship, or the other elderly man directly behind my table sobbing into his soup muttering, "I'm a failure. I'm a failure." I then remembered that I could never be like the crippled old man behind me...I hate soup. I would probably just sob into a salad or something. No, I couldn't spend my future days sobbing in salads...what kind of life is that? I will just have to find a soulmate, somewhere somehow.