Chapter 7
Finding yourself in a situation where everyone hates you, even yourself, is not good for anyone. Especially when that someone has recently discovered they no longer want to live with the past baggage they have been carrying around for years.
Ever since Tonya moved to the city, she carried baggage. At first, it started as a carrying case. A small lie here, a little fib there. Then she added a medium size suitcase. Too big for a carry-on, but still manageable. Going too far when making out with some guy at a party. But over the past three years, the baggage was piled so high, she could not carry them all, she would juggle them and move them around so that she could handle everything in her life. But, this summer, when everything fell apart, lies, her relationship with Heath being one-way and overburdened with guilt, and then Nana having a stroke. Tonya felt her baggage crumble down on her burying her in an avalanche of lies, deception and illicit actions.
Amazingly, when Tonya came to terms with her actions, she found that she was free. She no longer felt guilt and shame. She took control of her past and faced it head on. She knew she was living in truth now and God had forgiven her. She was now trying to forgive herself, and that was a bit harder. The worst thing was when Heath or one of his “friends” would remind her of the past. She tried to let things roll off her. Tonya was good at hiding things that bothered her. She always seemed to have a response to their jabs. Others that witnessed these events thought Tonya was funny or quick on her feet to reply to the insults. She was, but that was also her way of hiding that things really bothered her.
Occasionally, things would come out of her mouth and she didn’t even know they were being said until it was too late. One day, she was coming out of Calculus, her brain was still hurting from the past hour of trying to figure out complex problems. She was heading to the cafeteria for lunch and to meet Julie and Tanner. She saw Heath down the hallway, but he was with his buddies laughing about something. When suddenly she collided into someone. She had seen the new kid a couple of times in the hallway, but never this close. The hallway was rather empty, which surprised her when she knocked into what seemed like a moving wall. He was taller than he looked at a distance. His eyes were blue. His hair was dark and wavy. He was a lot more solid, built more than he looked too. Basically, he was cute.
“Wow! You’re CUTE!” Tonya said. “Oh Crap! Did, I just say that out loud?”
“Yes you did. And you are not bad yourself.”
“Not bad?” Tonya said as she bent down to pick up her books that were now on the floor.
Brent bent down to help her. After all, he wasn’t looking where he was going. “Well, you are cute yourself. But, I don’t normally go around telling girls I don’t know that.” He said with a smile.
As they stood up, Tonya started walking towards the cafeteria and Brent went with her. “Hi. I’m Brent Stevens.”
“Hi, I’m Tonya Perry. Nice to meet you Brent.”
“You too Tonya.”
“Already going after the new guy Tonya?” Heath said over her shoulder.
She didn’t see him coming and she hated this. She just met this cute guy and now Heath was going to tell him all her past before he even knew her. “Heath, you know, looking back, I can’t figure out what I ever saw in you?”
“Just trying to let the new guy know what he is in for.” Heath said smiling as he walked past them to the cafeteria.
“Sorry,” Tonya said to Brent. “We broke up the end of the summer. We only went out for about a month, but now he thinks he needs to insult me daily.”
“It’s OK. I normally don’t judge people by what others say. I have found that if someone is so willing to gossip about a person, what do they say about me behind my back?”
“Good judgement, I like that.” Tonya said with a smile. “I am meeting my cousin and her boyfriend for lunch. Would you like to join us?”
“Hmmm eat lunch by myself in a corner on my first day in a new school, or join a pretty girl? Oh the decisions” Brent said with a twinkle in his eye. “Sure! I would love to join ya’ll.”
Brent fit right in with the group. He was funny, cute, polite and everything a girl could dream of. And on Friday, after school, Tonya was talking to him while waiting for Julie and Tanner by the truck.
“Hey Tonya. I was wondering.”
“Yeah?”
Brent did not know why he was so nervous. He had asked girls out before, but he really liked Tonya, and did not care about the guys that whispered behind her back and to her face. “I was wondering if, you would like to go out sometime?”
“Umm.” Tonya didn’t know what to say. Normally, it would be YES! And she was attracted to Brent, not to mention he was so cute. But, she needed to find herself and she wasn’t sure she could or would if she turned to another guy on the long list of guys just to get that moment of gratification, Tonya could not live with it anymore. “Brent, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way.” Brent was already taking it the wrong way she knew. She could read it in his face. “Wait. Don’t go jumping to conclusions. Please let me finish.”
Brent nodded. “Um. I really like you. And I have been through a lot recently. And I have this bad habit of doing things I shouldn’t and not facing the real issues. So, as much as I like you, and I would like to go out with you, right now, I am going to have to pass. And you have no idea how hard it is for me to say that.” Tonya said reaching out and touching Brent’s arm.
“I guess I understand.”
“Can we still be friends? I really like hanging out with you and talking to you.”
“Yeah, of course.” Brent said as he opened his arms and gave Tonya a hug. “What about a group thing?”
“Yeah, that would be great.” Tonya said with a smile on her face as she gently pulled away from Brent. It was really hard, she enjoyed being in his arms.
“Cool. There is this party that some kids are throwing to welcome me and my family to town tonight. I would like to see someone there that I know. Do you think you could come? Of course, Tanner and Julie can come too.”
“Sure. Um, can I ask you something?” Tonya looked puzzled.
“Yeah.”
“Who are you that they would throw you a welcome party?”
“Not me. My dad. He is the new youth pastor at church. And there are suppose to be a lot of kids coming and stuff.”
Tonya could not help it, she laughed. “A PK? Preacher’s Kid? You have got to be kidding me!”
“Why? What is the matter with being a PK?”
“Nothing. Just God’s sense of humor.”
“Well, he has one. But, I don’t understand what is going on?”
“It’s OK.” Tonya said laughing as Tanner and Julie walked up.
“What’s so funny?” Tanner asked.
“Nothing.” Tonya said. “Look, Brent just asked us to a party tonight. Are you guys game?”
“Sure.” Tanner and Julie said in unison.
That night after chores and dinner, Tanner, Julie and Tonya showered, got dressed and headed to the church for the party. They had heard that a new Youth Pastor was moving to town, but they had not met him yet and had no idea he would have a son their age. Nana had been excited when they asked to go to a gathering at church. Julie had always been active. But Tonya had only started going to church for the past few weeks. So, the news of the party pleased Nana to no end. It is all she talked about at dinner. Well, that and a large donation to the Shoebox for Soldiers Christmas campaign.
Fall was in the air, so the youth decided to have a bonfire in the back field of the church property. By the time Tanner, Julie and Tonya arrived, the marshmallows were coming out as a few pieces of wood were being thrown on the recently started flames. Tonya could see the moving boxes that were empty and labeled Kitchen, Brent’s Room and Living Room used to stoke the fire.
“Hey guys.” Brent came up to greet them. He gave Tanner a high five, nodded at Julie and he gave Tonya a hug. He would have hugged Julie too, he was a hugger, but he had this rule against hugging girls who had boyfriends. Especially boyfriends who were his friends.
“Hey.” They said in unison. Julie and Tanner walked over to say, ‘Hi’ to some people by the fire.
“I am glad you guys could make it.” Brent said with a smile to Tonya as they walked towards the fire.
“What are friends for?” Tonya said with a smile. She was playing with her fingers trying to keep them busy and not throw herself at Brent. He looked so cute in his jeans and blue sweater. The blue almost matched his eyes.
The group sat around the fire roasting marshmallows, hot dogs and drinking hot cider and soda. Tonya, Brent, Tanner and Julie were laughing, having a good time when a man approached them. Everyone knew immediately that this was Brent’s dad. He was an older version of his son. “Hi guys!” He said as he approached.
“Hey Dad, let me introduce you to some of my friends.” Brent went around and introduced the trio. “Guys this is my dad Rick. Most people call him Pastor Rick.”
“Hi Pastor Rick,” they said.
“Are you kids having fun?” He asked.
“Yes sir.” Tanner answered. The girls nodded.
“Well, I am glad Brent is making some friends at school. And I hope to see you all Sunday morning at Sunday School.”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” Julie said with a smile.
“Well, you kids have fun.” He said as he moved on to another group clustered around the fire.
“I’m gonna go get a soda.” Julie said, “Anyone want anything?”
“I’ll go with you.” Tanner said. “Maybe I will see something I can’t live without.” He said with a wink.
Of course there were whispers, Tonya was almost use to it by now. But, Brent wasn’t. He had heard the rumors, but he didn’t care. She had told him what she was comfortable telling him and Tonya had always treated him nice, yet he could tell she had up a wall. He hated the fact that so called Christians were so judgemental and did not want to give those that had changed a second chance.
“I’m sorry.” Tonya said. He could tell she was upset and trying to hide her emotions. Something he noticed she was good at.
“You have nothing to be sorry about. You have done nothing.”
“I have, but I am working to change. I have asked God and my family to forgive me. They have. I am working to forgive myself. But, everyone else keeps wanting to throw my mistakes in my face.” It was dark, but Brent was sure that Tonya had a tear drop down her face. “Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier to move back to New York with my parents. I mean, that is where everything started, but, sometimes I wonder if a big city would be easier.”
“I wish there was something I could do to make things better.” Brent said as he scooted closer to her.
“I think it would be best if you distanced yourself from me. I would feel horrible if your reputation was ruined because you were seen with me.”
“Why?”
“What?” Tonya said with a puzzled look on her face.
“Why? Why give them the satisfaction?” Brent shook his head as he whispered to her. “I thought you were stronger than that.”
Tonya looked shocked at him and she stood up and walked away. It took him a couple of minutes to find her in the parking lot next to Tanner’s truck.
“I’m sorry.” Brent said as he walked up and hugged her. Tonya began to cry but pulled away and turned to stare out in the distance away from the fire.
“You have no idea how hard it is to walk the hallways and have people whisper and call you a slut and whore... and those are the nice things. Knowing you are trying to change. Knowing that you could very easily fall back into your old ways.” Tonya took a deep breath like she was debating saying something or not. Then she went on. “Then...then you come along. This guy I would have dated in a heartbeat. You have no idea how hard it is for me to push you away. Yet, they keep coming at me.” Tonya hung her head in shame. She didn’t want to tell Brent all of that. She liked him, but could never be in a relationship with him. His dad was a PASTOR!! She was damaged goods.
“Tonya.” Brent said stroking her back. “I don’t care what others say about you or me. Right now, we are friends. And actually it is no ones business what we are, except for us.”
“You can say you don’t care. But, after awhile of the whispers, it will get to you too.”
“No, it won’t.”
“How do you know?” Tonya said finally looking up at him.
“Because I have lived through this before.”
“What? Dated a slut?”
“No.” He laughed. “I have been to several churches and trust me, they always look at preacher’s kids through a magnifying glass and I am not perfect.” He laughed again and it made Tonya want to know how he was not perfect. Brent continued “I have found that if they don’t gossip about one thing, it will be another. So, I don’t let it get to me anymore.”
“I should be use to it by now. I normally have my defences up at school and whenever I see Heath. But, I was not expecting it at church.”
“Well, you shouldn’t expect it anywhere, but here especially. But, church people are not perfect and unfortunately sometimes they gossip. It’s wrong and it should not happen. But sadly, it does.” He took a deep breath. “You know, in the Bible it says, ‘He who is without sin, cast the first stone.’”
“Yeah, I know. But, tell them that.” And Tonya motioned back towards the bonfire.
“Well, they can try and tell you who you are.” Brent said as he turned her to face him. “Or you stand up and show them exactly who you're going to be.”
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