I wake up with a lot of energy today. I'm really excited to see my dad but more than that, I really wanna hang out with Seth. I don't dwell on things too much cause then I would imagine how things would go. I'd be disappointed when something changes from what I imagined and that will ruin everything for me. So, I'll just live one moment at a time.
I get ready to go to Seth's place. I chose out comfortable clothes cause well.. We are just going to hang out so why do I have to dress up? I mean, I know normally the girl would want to dress pretty to go to the guy's house. But in our case, it's just Seth there. He already loves me. If he can love me when I'm wearing nice clothes then he can love me when I'm wearing my sweats.
I put everything in the bag and get ready to go out.
When Seth comes, I notice that he is wearing sweats as well.
"Hey, gorgeous. Ready to go?"
I get in the car putting my bag in the back seat and give a peck on his lips. "Yup"
He looks down at what I'm wearing. It's actually making me feel a little embarrassed. Maybe he doesn't like what I'm wearing? Maybe he was expecting more than just sweats? Maybe I just ruined the entire day for us? I get nervous waiting for him to comment. Say something.
"I'm glad your wearing comfy clothes." He smiles. I release my breath I didn't even know I was holding. "I don't want you to feel like you are going to a strangers house. It's my place and I want you to feel like home there."
I smile. I'm really happy he understood. I lean in closer and kiss him full on the lips.
He break the kiss and he tilts his head to the side smirking. "Plus, you look really good in them."
I laugh and he joins me. Then we settle down in our seats and drive off. Like every other time, We turn on the radio and sing along to the songs. It's always fun to do that.
Seth pulls to the parking lot of a really tall building that I can't even look at the top of it cause of the sun. His apartment is on the 12th flour. It's pretty high. So when we were walking in the hallway, I look out of every window we pass to catch the sight of the view.
Seth notices me looking. He smiles but says nothing.
When we reach his apartment, he opens the door and move away for me to enter.
As soon as I go inside, Binnie, the golden retriever comes towards us with it's tongue hanging out, excitedly. I moved back a little, scared that he might jump on me but he just comes and sits down right in front of me. I lean forwards and stroke his head and he literally smiles!
Seth chuckles. "He really liked you."
I look at Seth and smile. Looking back at the dog, I move down and hug him. "Hi Binnie."
Binnie just licks my face and we laugh as I get him to stop.
I stand up and I see the couch filled with so many pillows. I stare at how cozy it looks when Seth closes the door and stands next to me.
"I made it a little better. Hope you like it." I love it! He knows I love pillows.
I nod. He grab my hand in his and give mine a little squeeze.
"Want coffee?" He looks towards the kitchen and I follow his gaze. It's a small area with the stove and the cabinets with the counter in front of it. I look around to see that the living room is so homey. I didn't notice all these before cause I was looking at the pillows on the couch. There's a window in the far corner of the room taking up the entire wall. The view looks really breathtaking.
"Yea, I'll come with you." I answer looking at him.
I start to walk in the direction of the kitchen but he stops and turns me towards the couch holding my shoulders.
"No, stay here and make yourself at home." He squeezes my shoulders and go to make us coffee. "I'll be right back."
I sit down on the couch and surround all the pillow around me to make it look like a pillow fortress. Binnie sits down on the floor and watch me as I work with the pillows. I used to do this with Hannah. We would use up all the pillows, 2 chairs and sheets to make us a little hut and we would watch movies or play games inside it. I had lights string even at home so I would brighten up the hut using them. It was so much fun.
I smile at the memory. Since I was done arranging the pillows, I walk over to the window to take a better look at the view.
The city looks really lightened up in the morning sunlight. It looks pretty. Fresh. I try to look if I can see Green Globe but I can't find it. I don't really know much to know if that was in this side or on the other side.
"It's on the other side." I turn around to see Seth walk in with 2 steaming mugs of coffee. He keeps them on the stool and looks at the fortress. I walk over there.
"I see. You made yourself a home." He say indicating the pillows with his head.
I shake my head. "Not yet."
I sit down on the couch and he sits down next to me. Despite my frantic heart, I snuggle in closer to him, putting my arm over his stomach, keeping my head on his shoulder. Bin lies down on our feets as well.
"Now, I'm home." I whisper.
He lightly kisses my head.
"What would you like to watch?" He grabs the remote and switch on the TV.
I shrug. "What do you have?"
"Do you know "The Avengers"?"
So we ended up watching 3 movies from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I really love these movies. They are so much fun. I'm really glad I can understand them cause we are watching them in chronological order. I never knew they made movies like this, all connected. I know TV series but movies? It is amazing.
After we finish watching Iron Man, we order pizza and eat it while watching The Incredible Hulk. I love Iron Man. He is so funny. After that movie ended, Seth looks over at me. "Another one?" He gets up and gathering the pizza box and walks towards the kitchen.
I check the time and it's almost 5. I should start to get ready soon. "No, we don't have time."
Seth goes still and I look over at him. I realize that I didn't tell him about tonight. I completely forgot! "Shit."
He walks to the kitchen and sit down on the counter. I stand up, guilt cursing through my entire body.
"Seth?"
He goes "Hmm?" without looking up.
"I called my dad yesterday." He doesn't move and I walk over to him and sit down in the chair next to him.
"And you didn't tell me until now?" He sounds hurt.
I whisper. "Sorry."
"So what happened?" He looks at me with concern. Somewhat worried even.
I shrug. "He said he missed me so much and that he was so scared, thinking he lost me." I fidget with my fingers to have something to do with my hands.
He holds my hands and I look at him to see his worried eyes. "Do you believe him?"
I shrug again. "I guess. I don't know. He sounded genuinely happy to hear from me."
He ponders on that for awhile. "What else?"
I swallow. I don't know how he would react to this. "He asked me to come to dinner tonight. At his place." Saying that to Seth now, I realize I should have told him that earlier.
"Oh" He looks down at our hands. "What did you say?"
"I said okay." He doesn't move his eyes from our hands but I know he doesn't really see them. "I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. I feel really bad about it. I forgot about it completely with our movie marathon." I smile a little but he isn't looking at me to see it.
"I can stay with you if you want?"
He looks at me then. "No, you don't have to stay." He shakes his head. "But it would be nice to know that a little earlier than now."
I lean in closer to him. "I'm sorry." I whisper and hug him from the side resting my head on his shoulder. "I didn't want to be excited about it cause it could go good or bad. I didn't want to be disappointed. I'm scared as hell to go. What if he doesn't like me? What if his family doesn't? What if he is so different from how we used to be and I don't like it? What if-"
"Hey" He turns my head to look at him, keeping his palms on either cheeks, leaning closer. "It'll go well tonight. Don't worry. Plus, if anything goes wrong just call me and I will there. I'll give your dad a speech about hurting my girl, give him an idea on who he is messing with and take you away from there never to see them again. I will make sure you will never cross paths with them."
He lifts up my face to him. "I'm just one call away."
He kissed me so gently and I melt into it. We keep our foreheads touching, catching our breaths for awhile afterwards.
"Who is he messing with, by the way?" I ask trying so hard to hide my smile.
"I am being serious! I could kick his ass if he hurts you. You know how I fight, right?" He's smiling too.
"Oh yea.. I know." We brush our lips.
"God! You are so beautiful." He whispers and that's all it takes for us to kiss all over again.
After cleaning the dishes, I take my bag and walk towards the bedroom to shower and change. I take a quick shower and dress up. I'm wearing a plain magenta colored blouse with a V neck and just plain jeans. My hair is pulled back in a frizzy pony tail. I add a little makeup and just look myself in the mirror. Seeing me after 3 years, I don't think I have grown much.
I put the clothes into the bag and leave it on the floor of the bedroom and leave to go out in to the living room.
Seth is sitting in the fortress and just going through the channels. Binnie is still asleep. But he looks up at me as I enter.
He hears me come in and turn around to look but stop moving as he saw me.
"Did you put... makeup?" He sounds breathless.
"Uhh yea." I say looking down at my clothes and then back up at him. "Do you not like it? Is it not good?"
I'm actually pretty worried about how I look tonight cause I don't want me dad to think wrongly about me.
He stands up and just stand there. "No! No... You look... Wow!"
I can feel myself blushing. "I'm just wearing normal clothes." I point out.
"Yea but you are stunning."
I walk towards him and put my arms around his shoulder. He keeps his hands on my waist.
"Well... I'm yours." I whisper playfully.
He smiles delightedly to that. "Damn right you are!"
~~*~~
Seth drives me to our store and the entire ride, I was biting my nails cause I was so nervous. He grabs my hand and keep in on my lap with my other one.
"Don't bite your nail. I like them like this." I look down at my nails, smiling. "Honey, Don't worry. Everything will go just fine. Remember one call away okay?"
"Okay" I nod.
He turns on the radio and then we sing again to the songs. My nervousness dies down with each songs. I love doing this with him.
He stops in front of the store and cutting off the engine, turn to look at me.
"I could stay and see your dad at the very least. So I know it is your dad coming to pick you up and not some perverted driver."
I raise my eyebrow at him. "Not every drivers are perverts. and I'm sure dad would just come pick me up on his own."
"How do you know for sure?"
"I don't. But if isn't him, I will just call you okay? I won't go with some driver." I assure him.
He pouts like a child.
I pinch his cheek. "So adorable."
He smiles playfully. "You like that?"
I smile back. "I like everything about you."
He pouts again and I lean in closer and bite his lip.
We ended us kissing again. My lipstick gets smeared all across his lips. This is like the 4th time I'm applying lipstick since I had my shower.
After convincing Seth to go home and not wait till my dad gets here, I walk towards the store entrance and wait outside. I don't want my dad to see Seth on the first day he sees me. I wanna get to know him before I introduce him to my boyfriend. I'm fairly certain, normally it should be me, Introducing my boyfriend to my family. but in my case, it's the other way around.
A black car pulls up in front of me and stops. A middle aged man gets down and walks over to me. I check the time and it's exactly 6 minutes pass 6.
The man who is walking towards me looks just like I remember but better taken care of. The last time I saw him, he had been really thin and frail. But now he is chubby and healthy looking. He's dressed in formal clothes, completed with a coat. The white shirt and the blue tie looks really good on him. He looks different from what I normally remember seeing but familiar as well. He looks really good.
His eyes are shinning as he approached me and without a word, he hugs me tightly. I hug him back.
"I missed you so much, my baby girl."
"I missed you too dad." I hide my face on his shoulder willing myself not to cry.
He hold me at arms length and look at me. "You have grown up." I smile nervously. "You are a pretty young girl now. I can't believe I missed my only daughter growing up."
"It's okay dad. I am here now."
We walk towards his car and he opens the passenger side door for me. I get in and he gets in the driving side. He started to drive in silent but it's actually comforting. I know we both have so many questions to ask each other. I look over at dad. He looks so much younger than before. This new life really suits him.
"You are staring Hopey." He states.
"This suit looks good on you."
He smiles at me with pride.
"Hope." He goes serious. I can sense from him tone. "I know I was a jerk before and I'm sorry that I didn't try to be better. I really am sorry."
Have to say that finding out that he was successful now, did hurt a little. I was thinking like why couldn't he do that when he was with me.
"After you left me,I was devastated. I didn't know how much you did for me all by yourself until I lost you. I never wanted to be a drunkard again so I quit drinking. It's a long story, how I got here but I did all of this thinking one day, I would find you and give you the life you deserve. I'm your father. That's my responsibility."
He sighs. "But I couldn't find you anywhere. I couldn't find even a record of you. I thought you were... Gone. I thought I lost you. Hope, I'm sorry for not looking better for you."
Tears fill my eyes. "Dad, It's okay. I'm happy to be here right now. I'm even more happy to see you like this."
He shakes his head smiling. "Oh Hope. Always seeing the good in everyone."
I smile and stare out the window.
"Hope." I look at him. He sounds nervous and he is gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly. I'm actually worried about what he might say.
"I got married. You know that right?"
I smile reassuringly even though he can't see me. "I do dad."
"There's a little boy. My son. I'm sure you will like him."
"I'm sure I will."
A few minutes go in silence.
"What do you do now, Hopey?" I can hear doubt in his voice.
I was actually wondering when he might ask it.
"I work in that store I was standing in front of." I'm a little shy to say it.
"Oh." He looked sad. "Hopey. You can go to college and not work anymore. I can take care of you now."
"Thanks dad but no." He glaces at me with a confused expression. "I can manage working. It's okay. Besides, let's take everything slowly okay?" I ask.
"Okay, sure." He says. I can see that there's more he is going to say so I don't say anything.
"You look the same yet different. More mature."
I shrug though he can't see it.
A while later he pulls up in front of a house. "okay! It's time to meet your new family."
When we walk in, a lady about the same age my father walks towards us with a huge smile.
"Hope." She hugs me. "I've heard so much about you." I smile politely at her.
I haven't heard anything about her.
"Come in come in."
She gives a kiss to my father and grabs hold of my hand. "You look really lovely." I say to be polite. Though she actually do look really pretty. She is wearing a black dress with heels. Her hair is let lose. She elegant elegant.
"Oh, thank you darling." She take me to the living room.
"I'm gonna take a shower." Dad announces and he go upstairs, giving a kiss on the boy's head.
"Dinner is almost ready." She looks towards the little boy playing with the legos. "That's little Ollie right there. Get yourself at home okay?" She leave me there and disappears behind a door.
I walk over to the little boy who is concentrating on the legos.
"Hey Ollie." I say, smiling.
He looks up at me but says nothing. He continues to do what he was doing. I watch him for a little and then sit down a little closer to him and collect some lego pieces to make something on my own.
He looks at me again and watch me play. "Do you like legos?" His voice is so cute. It's such a cute baby voice.
Now that I look more closely, he looks a lot like Hannah.
"I do. Me and my sister used to play lego all the time." I answer.
"I've always wanted a sister as well." He goes back to legos. "What's your name?"
"Hope."
"I'm Olivah." The way he said Oliver is adorable.
"Hi Oliver."
"Hi. But you can call me Ollie." He looks back at me. "Would you help me? I want to built a fortress for myself to play in."
This is like Deja vu to me. I know I can't make a fortress using these lego pieces, that's big enough to fit Oliver but the thought that he wants to make it, just melts my heart with longing.
I help him make the fortress. We laugh and have fun making it, until his mom calls us to come eat. She walks in as we were about to stick the tiny flag on the top of the tower.
"Wow. That's so nice Ollie." She says as she carried him up.
"Hope helped me." Ollie says.
I smile nervously. "He is a cute kid." I say to his mother.
"Yea, he has his fathers looks." I smile at that. Yea he does.
We all walk towards the kitchen. The place looks really grand. Everything looks really nice and clean. It's actually really cozy, the whole place.
"You home is so cozy." I point out.
"Thank you honey." He keeps Oliver on a baby chair after washing his hands. "I don't like to have really expensive and ugly things around like most woman. I just keep things simple and beautiful."
She is right about that.
I wash my hands and I stand there looking at the table not knowing where to sit. She may have notice that, cause she pointed to a chair in front of Ollie on the opposite side of the table. "Sit right there, honey."
"Thank You... uhhh?" I don't know what to call her. I don't feel like calling her Mrs. Evans
"Rebecca. You can call me Becca."
I smile at her. "Thanks Becca."
I sit down the chair she showed me and she bought some dishes as she sat in the chair next to Ollie. The table is already set and it is filled with dishes that are closed from the lips.
Dad comes into the kitchen at the same time, smelling like soap and fresh.
He sits at the head of the table, next to me and Ollie.
Becca opens the lids and the entire room fills with a mouth watering smell. There's a baked chicken that Becca had cut to pieces , lasagna, steamed vegetables, omelets, mashed potatoes and orange juice for all of us to drink. My stomach rumbles with hunger.
"I didn't know if you were vegetarian or not so I made some dishes with vegetables as well." Becca point out. There's a Caesar salad as well.
"I actually eat anything. I don't pick at my food." I shrug.
We all start eating food and the table get filled with small conversations.
I take a bit out of the chicken. "Wow! This taste so good."
"Becca is actually a great cook." dad explains.
"Oh please. I only got better after I started being at home. Before, not even the crow could eat what I cooked." We laugh. "But thank you honey. I'm glad you like it. Eat as much as you want. Don't be shy."
Dad started to talk about Becca. I can see that he really loves her from the way he looks at her and she loves him too. They look so sweet.
"Becca used to model in my company but after we got married and had Ollie, she quit her job." Dad points out.
Becca smiles at dad. "I love taking care of my two boys and our home. It's my favorite thing." She points a finger at dad while looking at me. "He doesn't like that I quit but I wanna be here with Ollie."
I smile at her politely.
"I know but when Ollie is old enough, you have to work again." Dad says. "I don't want you to feel bored being at home."
"Okay, I will go to work later."
The conversation turns towards me.
"How's work going for you now, Hope?" Dad asks me.
"It's actually okay. I work in the vegetable area and sometimes I get to help manage the files as well." I explain.
"Are you living along?" He asks me.
"Yea." I think it's about time I should tell about Seth. "Actually, I'm seeing someone." Sooner or later, I would have to tell them about Seth and I wanted it to be sooner.
"Hmm..." Dad stays quiet a little but asks. "So, who is he?"
I tell him about Seth and how I work under him. Becca looks at dad with a smile, adoringly. I wonder why she did that when I remember that Becca worked under dad before they got together.
Dad clears his throat. "I need to see this guy who is dating my daughter. I may have to give him the dad talk." He sits up straight and Becca raises an impressed eyebrow at him. "I have to tell him that he can't hurt my baby girl or I would make him regret it."
I smile at him as I say, "Funny. He wanted to give you a similar talk just this afternoon."
Becca laughs and dad visibly blushes. Ollie laughs too. I'm sure he doesn't understand why we are laughing but he is really adorable when he laughs. Dad chuckles a little too.
The dinner went well. By the time the dessert are served, I am actually pretty full. I have dessert anyway cause I don't want Becca to feel bad and the cheesecake looks delicious. I love eating dessert actually. It's one of my weaknesses. I can never say no to having sweets and stuff. No matter how full I am.
After everyone finishes with dinner, dad carries Ollie back to the living room, leaving me and Becca along. I help her clear the table and wash the dishes.
"Hope." I stop wiping the plate and look at Becca. "Your father was devastated when he couldn't find you or anything about you. He looked around as best as he can for you."
She walks towards me and hold me from my shoulders. "But when you called him yesterday, he was so happy. I have never seen him that excited. Not even when Ollie was born. He knew he made a huge mistake and everyday he felt guiltier than before."
I look down at the plate in my hand not knowing what to say.
She grabs the plate and the cloth from my hand and keep in on the sink.
"Your dad is in that room over there." She point at a door across the living room. "I'm sure there's a lot of things he has to tell you."
I smile at her. "Thank you Becca, for being with him through all of this. I'm really happy to see him like this."
"I know. Every daughter loves her father no matter what happens." I nod at that. "Now go."
I hug her quickly and walk over to that room, knocking lightly.
Dad is sitting down at the table. He is looking down at some files but he looks up at me as I walk in.
"Am I disturbing your work?" I ask.
He closes the file a little hurriedly and smile at me.
"Oh no no no. It's not a bother. Have a seat."
I sit in the chair right in front of him.
"Do you know about your mother?" He asks me.
"Yea"
"She... I gave her a job at my company. A good one. We won't be running into each other but it was a really well payed job. But she turned it down."
He sounds really concerned and it pinches my heart.
"She was a good woman. I did that to her." He shakes his head, devastated.
"No." I lean in closer towards the table. "She did that to herself. She chose to do that job she is doing now. She could have had a better life. It's not entirely your fault." I explain.
"That's not the only thing I ruined in her life Hope." He whispers.
I know what he is talking about.
Hannah.
I was angry at my dad for what happened that day as well. It was his drinking problem that make me lose my sister. It he didn't drink he would have heard her fall down. She would have been saved. I hated my father for that.
But dwelling on the past won't help the future. I have to make amends with dad and not make things worse. Plus, hating dad for what happened won't bring Hannah back.
"It's in the past dad. Let it go."
He looks at me.
"We don't deserve you." His eyes fill with tears. "You are too good for us. Even after Hannah, you tried your best to make us happy, ignoring your own grief but we were too dumb to see that. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, dad."
I reach across the table and hold his hand. We stay that way for sometime.
Since it's a little late, I decided to go home. Dad offered to drop me off at home but I asked him to drop me off near the store for today.
"Come here anytime you want Hope." Becca said hugging me tightly. I hug her back. "You are always welcome here."
"Thank you Becca. And thank you so much for having me today."
I hug Ollie as well.
"Do you have to go?" Ollie asks me in a really cute baby voice.
I smile. "I will come back another day. We can make a big fortress then okay?"
He jumps up with excitement and hugs me again. "Thank you Hope. You are the best sister."
I was taken by surprise when he called me sister but I guess Becca must have told him who I am before I got here. I hug him back as well. I kiss his head before stand up to hug my dad.
"You have to come again honey." Dad says into my hair as we hug. "You can even move in here but we are taking things slow so let's see what happens. Okay?"
"Okay." I say hugging him tightly. It's so good to be held by your father.
We get into the car and drive back to the store.
"Sure you don't want me to drop you off at your place?" He asks looking around outside like he expects to see a mugger or something. The store is actually closed right now but I'm sure the working crowd hasn't left the place yet.
"Yea, it's okay."
"Okay then." He sounds unsure. but I'm glad that he isn't pushing it. "See you later?"
I smile. "See you later."
He smile back.
I get out the car and stand on the sidewalk as I wait for him to drive away.
"Night, dad." I shout at him as I wave.
"Night, pancake." He drive away waving.
I walk back to the one place I want to go now as I think about how he remembered my nickname Hannah made for me.
"Pancake"