Y/N's POV
We followed him downstairs, trying to wipe our hands clean on the inside of our robes without Snape noticing. We walked down the stairs to the dungeons and then into Snape's office.
"Sit," said Snape.
We sat. Snape, however, remained standing.
"Mr Malfoy has just been to see me with two strange stories," said Snape.
I didn't say anything.
Snape explained Malfoy's story whilst I racked my brain for excuses.
"I think he's hallucinating sir." I said.
"Malfoy is not having hallucinations," snarled Snape, "you were both in Hogsmeade!"
"We've been up in Gryffindor Tower," said Harry, "like you told-"
"Can anyone confirm that?"
We didn't say anything. Snape's thin mouth curled into a horrible smile.
"So," he said, straightening up again, "everyone from the Minister of Magic downward has been trying to keep famous Harry Potter and Mister Y/N L/N safe from Sirius Black. But the two boys go where they want to, with no thought for the consequences."
We stayed silent.
"How extraordinarily like both your fathers you are," Snape said suddenly, his eyes glinting, "they too were exceedingly arrogant. A small amount of talent on the Quidditch field made them think they were a cut above the rest of us too. Strutting around the place with their friends and admirers...the resemblance between you all is uncanny."
"My dad didn't strut." I said before I could stop myself. "And neither do I."
"Both your fathers didn't care for rules either," Snape went on, pressing his advantage, his thin face full of malice. "rules were for lesser mortals, not Quidditch Cup winners. Their heads were so swollen-"
"SHUT UP!" I yelled, I still wasn't sure whether he was talking about Sirius or my father. Either way, I hated him disrespecting them.
"What did you say to me, L/N?"
"I told you to shut up about my dad, Harry's as well!" I shouted. "I know the truth, all right? Harry's dad saved your life! Dumbledore told me! You wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for his dad!"
"And did the Headmaster tell you the circumstances in which your father saved my life?" he whispered. "Or did he consider the details too unpleasant for precious Potter and L/N's delicate ears?"
Neither of us knew the whole story and Snape seemed to of picked up on that.
"I would hate for you to run away with a false idea of your father, Potter." he said, a terrible grin twisting his face. "Have you been imagining some act of glorious heroism? Then let me correct you, your saintly father and his friends, including your father L/N, played a highly amusing joke on me that would have resulted in my death if your father hadn't got cold feet at the last moment. There was nothing brave about what he did. He was saving his own skin as much as mine. Had their joke succeeded, all of them would have been expelled from Hogwarts."
Me and Harry looked uncomfortably at the floor.
"Turn out your pockets, both of you!" he spat suddenly.
We didn't move.
"Turn out your pockets, or we go straight to the Headmaster! Pull them out!"
Cold with dread, Harry slowly pulled out the bag of Zonko's tricks and I pulled out the Marauder's Map.
Snape picked up the Zonko's bag.
"Ron gave them to me," said Harry, "he brought them back from Hogsmeade last time-"
"Indeed? And you've been carrying them around ever since? How very touching...and what is this?"
Snape had picked up the map. He turned to me and I tried to lie as best as I could.
"Spare bit of parchment," I said with a shrug.
Snape turned it over, his eyes on me.
"Surely you don't need such a very old piece of parchment?" he said. "Why don't I just, throw this away?"
His hand moved toward the fire.
"No!" I said quickly.
"So!" said Snape. "Is this another treasured gift from Mr Weasley? Or is it something else? A letter, perhaps, written in invisible ink? Or instructions to get into Hogsmeade without passing the Dementors?"
I blinked.
"Let me see, let me see..." he muttered, taking out his wand and smoothing the map out on his desk. "Reveal your secret!" he said, touching the wand to the parchment.
Nothing happened.
"Show yourself!" Snape said, tapping the map sharply.
It stayed blank. I was taking deep, calming breaths.
"Professor Severus Snape, master of this school, commands you to yield the information you conceal!" Snape said, hitting the map with his wand.
As though an invisible hand were writing upon it, words appeared on the smooth surface of the map.
"Mooney presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
Snape froze.
"Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Mooney and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
It would have been very funny if the situation hadn't been so serious.
"Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor."
"Mr Stripes would also like to say that Professor Snape needs to wash his greasy hair."
"Mr Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day and hopes he never returns."
Me and Harry waited for the blow to fall.
"So..." said Snape softly. "We'll see about this..."
Snape strode to his fireplace and summoned Lupin, who appeared seconds later.
"You called, Severus?" said Lupin mildly.
"I certainly did," said Snape, his face contorted with fury as he strode back to his desk, "I have just asked both Potter and L/N to empty their pockets. L/N was carrying this."
Snape pointed at the parchment, on which the words of Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and Stripes were still shining. An odd expression appeared on Lupin's face.
"Well?" said Snape.
Lupin continued to stare at the map. I had the impression that Lupin was doing some very quick thinking.
"Well?" said Snape again. "This parchment is plainly full of Dark Magic. This is supposed to be your area of expertise, Lupin. Where do you imagine they got such a thing?"
Lupin looked up and, by the merest half-glance in our direction, warned us not to interrupt.
"Full of Dark Magic?" he repeated mildly. "Do you really think so, Severus? It looks to me as though it is merely a piece of parchment that insults anybody who reads it. It's childish, but surely not dangerous? I imagine Y/N got it from a joke shop-"
"Indeed?" said Snape. "You think a joke shop could supply him with such a thing? You don't think it more likely that he got it directly from the manufacturers?"
I didn't understand what Snape was talking about. Nor, apparently, did Lupin.
"You mean, by Mr Wormtail or one of these people?" he said. "Harry, Y/N, do you know any of these men?"
"No," said Harry quickly.
"You see, Severus?" said Lupin, turning back to Snape. "It looks like a Zonko product to me-"
Right on cue, Ron came bursting into the office. He was completely out of breath, and stopped just short of Snape's desk, clutching the stitch in his chest and trying to speak.
"I gave them that stuff," he choked, "bought it in Zonko's ages ago..."
"Well!" said Lupin, clapping his hands together and looking around cheerfully. "That seems to clear that up! Severus, I'll take this back, shall I?" he folded the map and tucked it inside his robes. "Y/N, Harry, Ron, come with me, I need a word about my vampire essay."
I didn't dare look at Snape as they left his office. We walked all the way back into the entrance hall before speaking. Then I turned to Lupin.
"Professor, I-"
"I don't want to hear explanations," said Lupin shortly. He glanced around the empty entrance hall and lowered his voice, "I happen to know that this map was confiscated by Mr Filch many years ago. Yes, I know it's a map," he said as me, Harry and Ron looked amazed, "I don't want to know how it fell into your possession. I can't let you have it back, Y/N."
"Why did Snape think I'd got it from the manufacturers?"
"Because..." Lupin hesitated, "because these mapmakers would have wanted to lure you out of school. They'd think it would be extremely entertaining."
"Do you know them?" asked Harry, impressed.
"We've met," he said shortly.
"Don't expect me to cover up for either of you again. I cannot make you take Sirius Black seriously. But I would have thought that what you have heard when the Dementors draw near you would have had more of an effect on you."
He walked away. Leaving me and Harry feeling guilty.
The three of us reached the corridor where the security trolls were pacing, and Hermione was walking toward us. One look at her face convinced me that she had heard what had happened.
"Come to have a good gloat?" said Ron savagely as she stopped in front of us. "Or have you just been to tell on us?"
"No," said Hermione. She was holding a letter in her hands and her lip was trembling, "I just thought you ought to know...Hagrid lost his case. Buckbeak is going to be executed."