Okay, so right now, my favorite thing to do is to kiss Seth. It's amazing.
After my experience with Veron, I hated all kinds of intimate stuff. My first time was a nightmare so it was reasonable that I hated it.
Until Seth.
He made it feel special. I love kissing him. He gives me hope that maybe my life won't be miserable anymore. I can hope all over again for a better future.
And kissing Seth? I could do that all day.
After work on Monday, we all went to hang out in the restaurant again. It's wasn't to celebrate anything. Just for fun. This time at the restaurant Seth sat right next to me. Jake sat on the other side of me. I know Seth was a little worried about Jake being a little too protective of me. Honestly, I was worried as well. I don't wanna break his heart but there isn't anything else I can do as well, if it comes to that. I really hope it doesn't.
We all had so much fun that day. The entire table was filled with laughter. Seth was holding my hand the whole time and he was stroking, in a soothing way with him thumb. It was really sweet. I don't think he was even aware that he was doing that.
"Why don't we all cheer for "The couple" to kiss?" Drew says, clapping his hands and the entire table cheer and shout in agreement.
My cheeks heat up and I look down at the table, embarrassed.
"The couple?" Seth asks.
"Yea! You guys are pretty cute, by the way. And you two are the only couple there is from the working crowd." Jacob explains. "So everyone calls you that."
Seth chuckles and I can help but giggle as well.
"Okay, love birds. Now kiss." Jake pushes us. I guess he doesn't have any bad feeling towards us anyway.
We did have to kiss in front of everyone for 1 minute. They said it was a challenge that we have to face as a couple.
Well.. It's not like we didn't enjoy doing it anyway.
The next day, I was in the changing room after I came to work. I can hear someone talking rather loudly on the phone. He was standing right outside the girls locker room and I can hear every word very clearly, even though I tried not to hear. I recognize from the voice that it's Jake.
"Oh Peter, I missed you last night." Jake says. He dirty talked for like 10 mins and I tried to cover my ears so that I won't hear them. It's not like I can go out cause he is standing right near the door.
So when I can't hear his voice anymore, I thought maybe he ended the call and went so I went outside. Only to find him leaning against the wall, staring at his phone, smiling. He sees me and I can visibly see all color draining from his face. I actually got concerned about him and made him sit down on the bench in the middle.
He looks at me with guilty eyes. "Did you hear everything?"
"No. I covered my ears. I thought maybe you wouldn't want anyone to hear that." I smile.
He groans and put his head in his hands. "I'm sorry you had to do that."
"It's okay." I stroke his back reassuringly. "You didn't know I was in there."
He doesn't move but just stays there like that. "No one knows yet."
"What?" I ask.
"That I'm gay. No one knows. I didn't come out yet."
He looks at me with eyes filled with sadness.
I smile at him politely. "I won't tell anyone. I promise."
After that Jake explain to me how he found out that he was gay when he was in high school and Peter had been his best friend since kinder garden. He couldn't keep it hidden from Peter so when he told him than he is gay Peter's response had been "Me too." And ever since then, they had been together. They both sound really in love, it's so romantic.
I ask something that I have been curious about since I first heard this. "Why do you care about me so much?"
"Huh?" He looks as me, a little surprised.
"You care a lot about me. Whether I'm okay or not, you always ask me that. I'm not saying that You shouldn't do it or anything. I'm just asking why?"
"Because I see you as my little sister." He smiles as he explains. "See? I've always wanted a sister. So when I saw you, my sisterly love came up and I have been concerned abut you cause of that."
I mentally slap myself for thinking that he likes me.
We hug and I promised him again that I won't tell anyone and I didn't even tell Seth anything.
The management board doesn't know that me and Seth are a couple. That includes Mr. James as well. Relationships between co-workers aren't allowed so we could get fired if they find out. No one would rat us out if we didn't do anyone trouble, right? I'm sure no one will anyway. If we don't do anything bad to someone, they won't get the need to take revenge from us by ratting us out. So I guess things will go fine.
We can't be together during work time cause there are CCTV everywhere and we can't risk being caught So, the past 3 days, we went to the ice cream shop after work and well... We end up kissing. Sometimes we don't even get ice creams to eat.
We haven't gone further than kissing. I know we are both happy with the way things are and I'm not sure if I can handle being with him like that yet. But making out with him is the best feeling ever.
So at 1 p.m. today, we get the rest of the day off.
We take his car and drive all the way up to my place. We sing songs on the way and laughed a lot. If was like we were going on a road trip. But getting closer to my apartment, I'm getting really nervous. My hands start to shake and I started sweating. I'm scared of taking him into my place where I once took Veron in and he ruined my life. I don't want him to see the tiny apartment. I don't want him to run into Veron. I know I haven't seen Veron in like a month but, a part of me is scared thinking that this maybe the day I see him after along time. My luck just likes messing with me.
Seth must have sensed that I was getting agitated that he glances over at me and ask, "Hey, what's wrong, honey?" He keeps a hand on my shaking ones.
"Hope, baby what's wrong?" I shake my head and point in the direction of the parking lot, right next to my building. He parks the car and then without even switching the engine off, he removes his seat belt and turns to me. I keep staring at my apartment building just scared to look at his blue eyes. "Your hands are cold."
I take a deep breath and smile at him, avoiding his eyes. I shake my head. "No. It's nothing. Let's go in?"
He looks worried but he reluctantly nods and starts getting out the car.
My legs are literally shaking. I know that I'm panicking for useless reasons considering that there's so little chance of running into Veron. How would he know to show up at my place, today?
My heart started beating fast and I repeat, "It's Seth." over and over again to calm myself down.
He doesn't say anything to me as he follows me to my apartment. Inside the building, I stand in front of my door, holding the keys with shaking hands. He stays quiet giving me time which I'm really grateful for. I take a deep calming breath and open the door, stepping inside in one quick motion. I can't hesitate for long. I don't want him to start doubting me, which I'm sure he already does.
Seth follows me inside. I turn towards him and say. "Welcome to my humble aboard." I smile and try to make the mood light but it doesn't help anything. Despite his worried expression, He smiles at me.
The last few days, I packed everything I own. None of the furniture are mine plus I won't be needing them cause the new apartment is already furnished. There's only about 4 boxes to take.
Wow! I lived here for 3 years but that's all I have to take?
I can see Seth looking at the boxes.
"That's all?" He raises his eyebrows.
"Yea." I shrug. "Oh wait." I run into the bedroom and get my clothes from yesterday and grab my toothbrush and stuff from the bathroom. Hurrying back over, I stuff them into a random box that's labeled as clothes.
Seth clears his throat and I look at him. "Mind if I take a look around?"
I shake my head and he walks around the place. There isn't much to walk in the living room so he walks in to the bedroom.
"Hope"
I follow him to see him holding the photo from that night.
"This was on the cupboard." Seth tells me as he look at the photo.
I head over to him and look at the picture as well.
"Hannah looks really pretty." He comments.
I smile. She was the prettiest out of the two of us. "You would have liked her."
He looks at me. "I'm sure I would have liked her but I would have to make sure she likes me too, cause it looks like she isn't the type of girl who would let just anyone have her sister."
I chuckles. Looking at the picture, Hannah is holding me really tightly. We are hugging and looking at the camera sideways. We were inseparable.
"Aren't you going to take this?" Seth asks me.
I want this with me. Even though they aren't with me, I need this as a reminder that I was once happy.
"I'll take it."
"I'm glad you still have this." Seth says as he take put it in his jacket pocket.
"Why?"
"That means you still haven't given up on your family."
Well... there was a time where I used to hope that one day me, mom and dad would get together and be happy again.
Seth tried to hug me but instincts took over me, and I move back from him before he could even touch me. He stops in his step and look at me worriedly.
I shake my head to move away scary feeling I have. "We should take the boxes down."
I grab the garbage bag that was next to my bed and I go out of the apartment, without looking to see what he is doing.
When I come back, he isn't there and there are only two boxes left.
I look around the place. I wasn't really close with the place but this had been my home for along time. I try to take everything in but memories of that night kept on coming back to me. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and I turn to look at the door, scared that it maybe someone I don't wanna see right now.
I sign in relief when I notice the black messy hair and then Seth, just walking inside looking at the ground. He notices me looking at him.
"Hope..." He starts but after while he says nothing and take the other 2 boxes to take them down as well.
I know he is bothered by my behavior. He might even be heart broken because I moved away from him when he came to hug me.
I didn't tell Seth about Veron yet cause I didn't want anything to make him change his mind about me. I know he said that he is proud of me for facing everything I've faced but still, this is a completely different story. I did all I can to make my life less miserable. But if he heard that I was raped, I'm sure he would be disgusted and that he would leave me. I can't lost him right after I just got him. I'm finally with someone That I really like and I know it's selfish but I can't let go of him.
I don't want to lose him too.
I was walking around the bedroom when Seth comes in again.
"Saying good bye?"
I sigh and walked towards him leaving a little space between us. "Kinda." I smile at him.
He smile back but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Let's go?"
Seth moves to go out into the hallway. I turn to look back around at the apartment one last time to say goodbye. Everything looks just the way it always did. I leave the keys on the stool near the couch and whisper a small goodbye, before turning to walk away from here forever.
Seth is just standing there looking front without moving. I can't see what he is looking at since his body is completely blocking my vision. So I walk closer to him to look over his shoulder.
Only to see Veron standing in the doorway, smiling wickedly.
"Well, well, well." He gives a little nod towards Seth. "You brought yourself a little treat, didn't you?"
Seth goes rigid. "Who are you?"
Veron looks over at me, raising his eyebrows. "You didn't tell him about me Hope?" He makes a sad face. "Makes me a little sad. I thought I was special to you. I mean, I was your first."
I'm stone cold and shaking but somehow I found my voice.
"Go away Veron." I say gritting my teeth.
"Nope. Not happening." He laughs. "I told you I would make you mine."
Seth's arms flexes and he curls his fists in anger.
Veron point a finger at Seth. "You, get out of here. She will never be yours. She. Is. Mine. Mine to love, mine to marry and mine to fuck." He smiles wickedly.
Seth goes forward with his fist clenching, ready to punch Veron. But I grab hold of him to stop him. He stops but he isn't looking at me. He doesn't take his eyes off of Veron. As I'm holding him, I can literally feel him vibrating with anger.
Veron starts to laugh. "Why did you stop him? Afraid he might get hurt?"
I walk past Seth to stand between the two of them and I look at Veron. "I don't want any of you to get hurt." I can feel 2 sets of blue eyes on me now. "Get out Veron. I don't love you. I never did. So just get out. Let me live my life. I'm sorry your life isn't how you wanted it to be but that's your problem. Not mine. So, please, just leave me alone."
There's only a few feets between Veron and me and I notice that he moves to come closer to me. Instinctively, I move back but he doesn't stop until there's only a like, 2 feets between us.
"She said Go!" Seth shouts from behind me having come closer when Veron came.
Veron smiles wickedly but doesn't take his eyes from mine. Before I even know what happened, I was thrown on to the side and I fall down on the ground. There's a ringing pain in my cheek where Veron slapped me. I can feel the metallic taste in my mouth where blood is coming from my cut lip.
Oh! He should stop slapping me like this!
I look up and I see that Veron and Seth are both looking at me. Veron with pleasure and Seth with concern and anger. Seth snaps his head to look at Veron.
"Coward." He whispers. Veron grows angry as well. But he wasn't able to do anything cause Seth punch him on the face.
"Shit." I get up and scream for them to stop but soon enough Veron takes a good punch on Seth as well. Seth hits the door frame an regains his balance before coming towards Veron. They move fast as they hit one another. I am restlessly screaming and panicking as to what I'm going to do now.
Seth punch Veron on the stomach so hard that Veron stops coming forwards and just fall on the ground, holding his stomach. He groans his pain. Seth wipes his mouth on the back of his hand and comes over to me. "We should go." His voice coating with anger, still.
I keep looking at Veron as Seth grabs my hand and drags me downstairs. I'm not worried about Veron's well-being but I don't want him to get hurt and Seth being responsible for it. Veron's parents will make Seth's life a living hell if something happened to Veron, their precious son.
We went outside, before he let go of my hand and held me from my shoulder to look at my face.
"Don't cry." He wipes away a tear that has rolled down on my cheek. I didn't even know I was crying. "Are you okay?" He asks me.
"Will he be okay?" I ask. I don't want Seth to get into trouble cause of me.
Seth's eyes go dark. "I don't know. Don't care."
I shake my head, panicking . "We should take him to a hospital."
He lets go of me and moves away from me, running a hand through his hair irritably.
"I got hurt too." He whispers. He looks at me now with anger. "I got hurt too, you know? Look at me Hope. I'm bleeding. Shouldn't I go to the hospital? Shouldn't you ask whether I'm okay or not? I got into that fight because of you! But it seems like he is all you care about." He is shouting now.
"Seth, I didn't-"
"Ever since we came here, you were on the edge, not coming closer to me. Not letting me hug you or even touch you. You don't even try to explain. Why did you bring me here when you already had him? Why are you even with me?"
That hurts a lot more than the slap.
I stare at him unable to believe what I'm hearing. I can't believe any of this is even happening.
"He is your first. Maybe your should go to him." He shakes his head and turn around to walk towards the parking lot. "I'm sorry for hurting him."
He leaves me there, without even looking back at me. I can't say anything. I can't even find my voice. My legs give out and I fall on my knees to the ground. Tears flow rapidly now and I cry. I don't care whether I'm in public, in the sidewalk, I cry. I scream to get the pain out. It feels as if he just took my heart out and stabbed it repeatedly. It hurts so much.
I don't know for how long I stayed there but after crying out all the tears, I stand up. I look towards the door to the building. I don't care about Veron. I don't give a shit. I turn around and run to the parking lot.
I notice Seth's car as I get closer. The driving seat is empty. I look around for him when I see a shoe, pocking out from the side of the car. I go to the back slowly to see Seth, sitting down on the ground leaning against the back of the car.
He sees me walk to him and he gets up. I stop with a few feets between us, not sure if I should go to him or not. We stare at each other a little while and then Seth comes forwards and pulls me towards him for a hug. He holds me tight and I hold on to him, resting myself on his comfort.
"I'm sorry." Seth whispers. He sounds so lost. I sob. "I'm so sorry."
We stay that way for a few minutes and then he pulls me back to look at my face.
"I shouldn't have screamed. I'm sorry." He strokes my head.
"I'm sorry too." I sob and tears come again.
"I'll go see what happened to him. Would you stay in the car for me?" He asks me. I nod.
We walk towards my side and I get in. He leans in and kisses my forehead before he closes the door and locks it.
He comes back a few minutes later and without another word, he drives us away from that hell hole.