5.
Days passed and though Blue tried her best to settle in she found it hard to adapt to her new environment. Most of the people in the camp were nice enough but she didn't trust them fully, except for maybe Arthur. He'd told her countless times that she was safe and that he, and the rest of the gang, would make sure of it. It wasn't that she didn't believe him it was just that she hadn't felt safe in a long time and it was as if she had forgotten how to.
She barely slept out of fear that someone would sneak up on her like the other kids did so often. Putting bugs on her face, placing sharp or hard objects around her in the hope that she would role over and get hurt, pouring water (or worse) over her sleeping form so that she shivered more than usual.
And then of course there was the nightmares, she never remembered them for more than a few seconds after she woke up but it was enough for her to not want to go back to sleep.
Her nights had been like this through all her years at the orphanage and she had always hoped that when she left it would go away, but it didn't.
Then there was the matter of food, usually she got what was left after the other children, meaning she didn't eat all that much nor did she do it every day. And here she was basically required to eat at least two big meals a day. Her stomach hurt and sometimes it caused her to throw up, she didn't dare tell anyone about it though... what if they got mad that she wasted their food?
One thing that she did enjoy however was her chores, first of all she wasn't forced to do them, Dutch said she was too young to have to do chores. She liked doing them though so he let her help, and that was the thing, she got to help! She didn't have to do them alone, she wasn't responsible for doing all of the chores. Everyone helped out, they did it together.
Blue found it hard to actually interact with the others as they worked but she liked having them there, she liked when they ASKED if she WANTED to help, they didn't tell her to do it, didn't yell at her or threaten her, they just asked nicely. And when she was done they would thank her, no one had thanked Blue for anything since her mother died and it felt nice, though her cheeks always burned furiously when they did it.
There were other things she liked too, she liked how people smiled at her, she liked how Hosea would pat the seat net to him and ask her about her day, she liked Sean's jokes and Charles stories, the way Dutch would put his hand on her shoulder to encourage her when she shied away from something, how the women of the gang would brush and braid her hair, how Arthur was always there for her (even when he was far away.)
These things made the bad things seem small, or smaller at least. There was, however, one thing that was causing her pain that didn't seem small because of the good things. She wasn't aloud to leave camp as she wished and never alone, she hadn't known that, however, and that was the reason she was now lying under her bed crying silently.
She'd woken up just before sunrise that morning and she felt the need to wander around the woods like she so often did. No one cared where she was or what she did, as long as she did her chores, when she lived with Mrs. Green and the other children, so her 7-year-old brain didn't see anything wrong with leaving without telling. She'd been gone for quite a while when she all of a sudden came face to face with Sean, at first she was happy since she liked him but he wasn't the normal happy Sean. In fact he wasn't happy at all. He told her she'd caused a lot of trouble because everyone thought she'd gotten kidnapped or gotten hurt. He put her on his horse and rode back to camp without a word.
Once in camp she was met first by a worried Hosea who asked if she was okay and then she was pushed towards very angry Dutch. He yelled at her, saying she'd gotten them all worried sick and that she was never aloud to leave like that again. Blue didn't look at him or anyone else as he kept on going, she couldn't. Shame coursed through her body, she felt like it was all going back to the way it used to be, people yelling at her. Now she just waited for him to hit her, but he didn't, he just told her to go to her tent.
At first she curled up on her bed but it felt wrong, it was too comfortable, so instead she rolled into a little ball under her bed and let a few tears run down her cheeks.
A few people had come and gone from her tent, asking her to come out and eat, Abigail and Jack even left her a bowl of stew. Dutch came and told her he wasn't angry no more and that she should join them around the fire but she didn't budge. No one even got as much as a reaction form her, until Arthur came that is.
***
The panic Arthur had felt when he went to wake up Blue and found her missing from camp was beyond anything he thought he could even feel. The first thing on his mind was that she had somehow been taken from camp, he even accused Micha for selling her off to Mrs. Green. In the end they had all decided she must have simply walked away and so most of the men spilt up to go looking.
Arthur himself had gone to Valentine and though he reasoned she couldn't have gotten that far he looked though every store just to be sure. He came out empty handed and when darkness came he went back to camp hoping she would be waiting for him at the fire with a bowl of steaming stew.
It turned out Sean had found her wandering around the woods and taken her back where she had been scolded by Dutch and she was now hiding under her bed, refusing food and not talking to anyone. Fearing the damage Dutch's potentially harsh words could have done to the girl he quietly walked into her tent and crouched down to look under her bed.
And just like he was told, there she was, curled up in a ball.
"Blue?" he tried to sound as soothing as possible but she tensed at his voice. Reaching out his hand he gently touched her shoulder but feeling her flinch away he retracted it.
"You alright kid?" no answer "I heard Dutch yelled at ye', he didn't mean to me to scare you, you know, he was just worried, like all of us" he could hear a slight sniffle, so she was crying...
"Don't cry princess, come out of there so we can dry off those tears" she made no indication to move so he laid down flat on his stomach and scooted under the bed, it was a tight fit but he managed.
"Come on Blue you can't stay here forever" carefully he wrapped his arm around her coaxing her towards him. She tried to wriggle out of his grip but eventually gave up and let him pull her out. Once she was free he sat up, back against the bed with Blue, still in a tight ball, in his lap.
Gently running his fingers though her hair he untangled some knots' feeling her slowly but surely relaxing against his chest.
"I aint gonna pretend I'm not a little mad at you too kid, when I found you gone... well it scared me half to death you know" lifting her face so that he could look her in the eyes he gave her what he hoped was a stern enough look "you left without telling anyone and we thought you might have gotten hurt of even taken"
"I'm sorry..." it was the first words she had said since he got there.
"I know you are, but you have to promise me you won't do something like that again, okay?"
"I didn't know..." she said, and he realized that he'd never actually told her she couldn't leave on her own, he took it for granted that she knew but then she was a kid... she couldn't always know right from wrong at that age.
"Well now you know, no more tears over this, okay."
"Okay" drying off her wet cheeks with the edge of her blankets he allowed them a few moments of silence before he motioned for her to get up.
"Come on, let's go and sit by the fire, I'm sure Dutch wants to talk to you properly" noticing how reluctant se was he grabbed a hold of her hand "If he starts yelling I'll yell back at him, how about that?" he winked at the little girl.
She let out a giggle, which he took as a yes, and followed him willingly out of the tent. Hand in hand they crossed the small distance over to the fire where most of the gang resided during the evenings, drinking, singing and talking. Most of them didn't pay all too much attention to the newcomers but the ones who did smiled fondly. Since Blue came to stay with them Arthur had been accused of becoming soft by a fair few gang members. Sure it was said in a joking manner but even Arthur himself could see the changes in his ways. He still did most of the work he'd been doing before but found himself wanting to spend more and more time in camp with Blue. Was he turning soft? Too soft for being an outlaw?
His thoughts were rudely interrupted by Dutch's voice "Come here Blue, we need to have a little chat"
***
Blue would have much rather stayed by Arthurs side but as the leader beckoned her over with a reassuring smile she didn't dare to say no, risking his apparently good mood to diminish. Pulling her hand out of Arthurs much larger one she timidly walked around the fire to the dark-haired man. Upon arriving at his side he gently patted his knee and helped her climb onto his lap.
"Now, Blue, it has come to my attention that I might have been a little bit too harsh on you when you first came back" he paused for a moment, looking down at her "and I understand that you might not like me all that much right now but I did have my reasons." He was wrong, Blue liked him even if he yelled at her
"you see" he continued "we're a family, all of us, might not be the most proper family but we stick together and we make sure everyone's safe and well taken care for, aint that right?" directing his question to the others he was met by mixes of 'yes' and words' alike. "and you, Blue, is one of us now, one in the family. So we have to keep you safe and we can't do that if you're running away without telling someone" Blue felt worse and worse about what she'd done for every word but then she also felt happier and happier as he talked about family and how she was now a part of one, could it really be true?..
"I'm sorry Dutch..." she tried to speak clearly but as always her words came out quietly.
"So am I kid," he said, tucking a few blond hairs behind her hears and wrapped his arms around her more securely "how about we forget this day happened and just have a nice evening?" Dutch's voice was soothing and Blue found herself agreeing, leaning her head against his chest she let herself tune out of the conversations around her to just sit there, warm and happy, until she eventually fell asleep in the leader's arms.
***
There was a slight sting of jealousy in Arthurs heart as he watched her fall asleep in Dutch's embrace. Sure he was happy she trusted him enough to do so but he'd felt real special to her and now he feared Dutch would take over his place. He'd known form the beginning that it should have been Dutch that signed those damn adoption papers, not that they were legal since he of course couldn't sign with his real name, but anyways... he knew it was silly to feel like this but he just couldn't help it!
It seemed Hosea had somehow read his thought because with a chuckle and a pat to Arthurs shoulder he reassured him "You're still her favorite, son, don't worry. She aint ever gonna look at no one the way she looks at you!" it did make him feel better about the whole situation,
"And how does she look at me then old man?" he mumbled back, trying to conceal a chuckle of his own.
"Like a hero, like someone who could do nothing wrong, or in other words... a father" the word shocked him, could this little girl see him as something like that after such a short time? Looking at her again he realized he wouldn't mind at all if she would have seen him like that.
Still he felt like there was no way he could do her justice, it was one of the reasons he found it hard to tell her about the adoption. Arthur was just about to argue with the older man when he saw Dutch stand up, Blue in his arms, making his way towards him.
"You better put her to bed son, I don't have much experience in that area" Dutch whispered, gently placing the sleeping child in Arthurs waiting arms. Arthur, himself, didn't have much more experience but didn't argue.
Weighing next to nothing he easily carried her over to her tent and placed her on the cot, pulling the blankets high so they tucked nicely under her chin.
Even though it was dark he could distinguish a worried look on her face, soft whimpers escaped her lips causing him to worry. Was she in pain? Most of her wounds had healed but her fingers and ribs were still bruised. Or was it just a nightmare? Whatever it was he didn't like it so he sat down on her bed, gently running his thumb up and down in the middle of her forehead. He'd seen Abigail do it to Jack when he had trouble sleeping and thought it might help.
It did, if ever so slowly the frown on her brow smoothed out and her jaw relaxed. Unsure of what to do now he just sat there and watched as she curled up on her side hugging her blankets, he'd have to remember to get her something else to hug. Leaning down he placed the lightest of kisses on her temple before standing up to leave. With one last look at the girl he opened the flaps and with a quiet 'goodnight princess' he went back to his own tent to spend some sleepless hours thinking about their day.
***
Almost two entire weeks' had passed since Blue went to the forest on her own and she once again found herself wanting to go back. This time however she'd told Arthur and he told her she'd have to wait until he got back form wherever he was going that day. And so she waited and waited but timed seemed to have slowed down. Blue didn't know what Arthur did when he was out of camp, all she knew was that she wasn't allowed to go with him because sometimes it was dangerous.
She spent an hour or so playing with Jack, he was four years old so she was almost twice his age. Sure it was loads of fun to play with him but he got tired quickly and Blue realized that he preferred to be still where as she wanted to move around.
After giving up on Jack she'd helped Pearson to chop carrots for dinner and the women with the laundry. None of those things could still her need to go exploring the woods however and so she took the next best thing, the trees surrounding the camp. She made sure she was well within the boundaries of the camp, Dutch had showed her where these supposedly were, and started exploring. It wasn't too long until she found a climbable tree and started making her way up.
Climbing was something she'd always enjoyed, not just because she could easily out-climb the other kids and therefor get away from her tormentors, but also because she could see so much more form up there. She felt like she could see the entire world, she loved how the wind would sway the tree back and forth, she'd even fallen asleep because of it. She might have done so this time too if it wasn't for the voice that came from below,
"How the hell did you get up there kid?!" it was Micha, Blue didn't like him all that much. He would sometimes bump into her when no one was looking, sometimes so hard she'd fall over.
When she didn't answer him he got angry and looked like he was going to shout at her again but just when he opened his mouth Charles came walking down the small path beneath the tree.
"Who you talking to Micha?.." Charles peered up the tree obviously surprised to find Blue sitting in one of the top branches.
"The little freak managed to get all the way up there, I bed Dutch aint gonna be too happy about it!" there it was, that word... Freak, Blue hadn't heard it once since she came to live in the camp and for some reason it hurt more than ever to hear it now, even if it was just form Micha.
"Don't you call her that!" Charles said angrily, he was defending her. She hadn't talked to him all that much so it surprised her that he would even waste his energy on speaking up for her.
"You should always call things what they are, though I guess you wouldn't know since you're one of a kind..." with a sly grin and a quick glance to Blue Micha turned around and left.
"Do you think you can get down on your own or do you need help?" Charles had to lean slightly backwards to properly see her amongst the leaves.
Knowing she wouldn't be able to speak loud enough for him to hear she simply started weaving her way down between the branches until she was close enough to the ground to jump.
"That's some impressive climbing skills, you do it a lot?" there was a smile on Charles face that Blue found very appealing.
"I like climbing" she said, shyly returning the smile.
"Is that why you like going to the woods?" she gave a nod and they started slowly walking back towards the actual camp talking about climbing and nature in general. He told her he, himself, loved to be out in the woods and that he very much enjoyed tracking animals. Eventually he even asked if she wanted him to show her how he did it. Not knowing when Arthur would be back or if he'd even remember about his promise to take her to the forest she accepted Charles offer, thinking it would make Arthur happy that he didn't have to do it, he always looked so tired when he came back from work.
It took them quite a while to get to where Charles thought it proper to start their lesson but Blue was excited enough to not care at all. The day had been warm and Blue relished the cool shade of the trees around her as she listened to Charles hushed voice. He showed her both the obvious and the subtle signs of animals, snapped branches, hoof and paw prints and small tracks that crisscrossed the lush ground.
"Come over here" he motioned her towards where he crouched "look, what do you think that is?" peering at the mark in the ground he'd pointed to, she'd seen those marks before!
"Bear!" if she hadn't been excited enough before she definitely was now! Blue loved bears, they were so big and fluffy! She knew they were dangerous but they held good, if somewhat foggy, memories of her years with her mama so she loved them.
"You've seen bear tracks before?" Charles looked surprised.
"Uhu. They're my favorite animal" she admitted, the initial happiness she'd felt started to subdue as it was replaced by longing for her mama.
"Most little girls prefer bunnies... But I guess it's as good of a favorite animal as any. Just remember to stay away from them, they're dangerous" Blue, of course, agreed that she would.
By now the sun had started to slide down form its place on the sky so they made their way back to Charles horse and rode back to camp where they found Arthur who was just about to relieve his horse of it's saddle.
***
That day hadn't gone as planned and Arthur wasn't all too happy as he heaved the saddle of his horse. Before he left he'd promised Blue to take her to the forest after what was supposed to be and easy job. All he had to do was to collect some money form a ranch but upon getting there he found the place on fire and had been roped in to putting the fire out as the man of the house was too sick to do all too much. It'd taken hours and by the end not even he was cold hearted enough to demand the money, if he got shit for it in camp, he'd just have to pay it himself.
All the way home he'd been thinking of a good excuse for not keeping his promise to Blue but found it unnecessary as she came riding up the path with Charles, a small smile on her lips.
"Where've you two been off to then?" though Arthur trusted Charles could keep her safe he couldn't keep the surprise off of his face. As they halted next to him he grabbed Blue around the waist and lifted her to the ground.
"Charles too me to the woods! He showed me how to track animals!" there was excitement evident in her voice and she slightly bounced up and down as she spoke.
"She did good, recognized bear tracks immediately" Charles said before he gave Blue a pat on the head and left. The fact that they'd seen bear tracks didn't sit well with Arthur at all, if there were tracks the bear itself couldn't have been too far away.
"So you found someone else to take you huh?" the fact that it hurt a little was ridiculous but he couldn't help it.
"I-I thought you'd be happy, c-c-cause you're always so tired and I thought maybe you didn't really want to go, you could sleep instead..." warmth spread within him, she was thinking of his wellbeing. What kind of 7-year-old dose that?
"Ah kid you don't have to worry about me! I'll be just fine and besides I wanted to go with you but I guess Charles aint to bad of a choice either" she looked unsure but accepted his answer "have you eaten?" he asked and when she shook her head 'no' he lead her over to the fire and sat down with the others.