"There are memories that time does not erase... Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable." - Cassandra Clare
My feet touch the ground instantly, leaving me standing in awe in the biggest library I have ever seen. The ceiling stretches metres above my head. Dark wooden bookshelves rise from the polished marble floor into the high glass domes that allow moonlight to stream down. Torches emanating soft yellow light line the walls.
“Laelia?” Aedan's uncertain voice hitches as it echoes from everywhere and nowhere all at once.
Baffled, I look up to the ceiling. I have no idea how I entered.
“Aedan, it is the Lost Library!” I do not tell him the ceiling is very high, because I know that my feet touched the ground instantly. Things like that are irrelevant in magical places like this.
“I'm coming down.”
I look up, but I do not see his feet coming through the ceiling. The next moment a thud resounds next to me as Aedan appears out of nowhere.
“This is huge! Look at the ceiling. It is metres above our heads. Did we fall in through the roof? I do not see the hole.»
“No, I do not think so. I looked up to see you dangling through the roof, but suddenly you were just standing next to me,” I reply.
“It is beautiful. But how do we get out?”
“Let's figure that out after we get what we want.”
Aedan whistles. “We might be busy for a while.” His words seem to echo through the library.
“Maybe for the rest of our very long lives?” I suggest and walk to a large table in the middle of the endless room.
Several of the biggest books I have ever seen are scattered on the table. Everything in the library seems larger-than-life.
“It looks as if someone was here recently,” I observe while checking the title of one of the books.
“Yes, unlike the library we came through, there is no dust,” Aedan says, lovingly drawing his hand on the spines of the books on a shelf.
I agree with him, but just nod absentmindedly as the title of one of the books grab my attention. I wish I can sit on the floor and devour the knowledge in the book.
“We have to find it. We cannot stay here for long. We do not know if there are any dangers in here,” Aedan says.
“The shelves are labelled according to subject. This shelf says Stars and Other Heavenly Bodies. The one next to it is Plants, Herbs and Medicines.”
I walk to the nearest shelf. “This one is Cities, Towns, Dorps and Dwellings, and next is Extinct Species and Unmentionable Creatures.” I sigh. “The shelves aren't labelled in any order. We will have to search the whole place.”
“I start in this half and you in that one?” Aedan suggests. “At least there are ladders.”
I nod, draw a ladder closer to me, climb up and start to scan the titles of the shelves.
After two hours, Aedan and I are no closer to finding the diary that our mother wants us to find.
I sigh in exasperation. “I don't think we'll ever find the damn stupid diary!”
“You just have to ask for the book. Didn't he tell you?”
The air next to me shimmers and a girl appears next to me. Inexplicably, I just know that she is no threat to me.
Her round eyes with broken creases have a violet hue in them. The tips of her glossy hair are a dark purple. She is shorter than I am - at least by a head and a half, but she seems to float in the air. Parts of her white and purple dress wave up and down.
“You are here to help me, aren't you?”
“Yes! I am. I would love to help you. I rarely have new visitors.”
“I am Laelia.” I extend my hand to her.
She grasps it and shakes it vigorously. “I know! I have wanted to meet you since forever! I am Atarah. I keep the Library in order. I am sort of the Keeper of Knowledge.”
“It's an honour to meet you.”
I smile at her.
“You have probably never heard of me,” she says sadly.
“Sorry, no.”
I wonder why Aedan hasn't come over to us yet.
“Oh, your brother can't see me. He only sees you looking at the shelves. I only appear to those I want to.”
That makes sense.
“You said that I have to ask for the book?”
“Yes, I am here to help visitors, but I rarely get any.”
She looks so sad. I just want to hug her - which isn't something I normally want to do.
“We are looking for a diary that my father wrote in the time of the Second War.”
She smiles, but for the first time it doesn't reach her eyes. “That is the only book I can't give to you, but you can ask for any other one? What about Healing without herbs? You are a healer, right?”
For a moment all I can think about is how advantageous that knowledge could be. “Yes, I am.”
She hands me a book. It is a heavy leather bound volume. I start to page through the book.
“This one doesn't have any pictures. You should read it from the first page.”
I turn back to the first page. I read about three pages before I realise that she is trying to distract me from my mission.
“It has to be the diary.”
“There are a lot of other diaries you can look at. Do you want me to show you?”
I do not like reading diaries, but who knows what I might find? “Yes, please.” I let her take my hand. I walk a few steps with her and then stop abruptly.
“Atarah, I like you, but I do not appreciate you trying to distract me.”
“I am not distracting you. I am showing all the books you would like. Come take a look at this. It is a history of Ligtland and Darkeland before the Council came.”
I follow her without protest. I realise that I have read the name Atarah once. Her name appeared in some thick volume about the Council, but there were barely two sentences written about her. I try to recall the sentence.
“Atarah is the keeper of knowledge and secrets. She has the power to induce a state of forgetfulness,” I say out loud without realising it.
She halts her steps.
“Atarah, please help me find my father's diary.”
She sighs. “I cannot make you forget, because your mind is full of forget. You have too many memories.”
I have no idea what she means, so I frown.
“He won't like it. I tried to steer you away, but it is my duty to help the Library's visitors. Here it is.”
She pulls a small faded black book from behind the books on the shelf that we are standing next to.
“He just has to accept that your mind cannot be made to forget by my simple spells if the magic he used is the strongest known.”
I smile. “You brought me to the right shelf.”
“Of course I did! I knew that you would take the book.”
“Thank you, Atarah. Can I repay you in anyway?”
She smiles. “Come visit me anytime you need help. And get rid of the forget-cobwebs in your head. I do not like cobwebs and it is time for him to be happy again.”
“What do you mean? Whose time is it to be happy again?” I ask, but Atarah has disappeared.
“Who are you talking to?” Aedan asks from across the library.
“Atarah. She was just here.”
“I did not see anyone?”
“She said you couldn't see her. She gave me the diary.”
I walk to him. The diary is in my hands.
“Atarah?”
“The keeper of knowledge and the library. She has violet eyes and purple hair.”
Before he can ask me any more questions, I open the diary randomly and start to read out loud. “The days are getting shorter. The prince and his people have not noticed it yet. We elves are uneasy at the thought of the coming darkness. We know this war is leading to a final battle, but not when or where it will take place.
Pherenike has been here for a while. No one has seen her, but we notice her presence.
“Caith, the half-elf, is distracted. Something is bothering him. It is not his demotion. I am certain of that. He has never been bothered by the things that would bother other humans. He enjoys the same pleasures as other men, but it does not seem to provide him the same pleasure. He is honourable, in a way. He is loyal to the Order. He is kind to the beggars we have met on the road. He would never expect the men or elves to do anything that he would not do. He has been my friend for some years now. He has aged, but not significantly.
“He slips away from his chores. Usually he is the perfect example of one who is dutiful. But now he cares nothing for his duty, nor the men. He steals away at odd times. I have heard whisperings that he spends a lot of time with the princess.
“I have met many half-elves, but Caith is different. He claims to be a descendant of a pure half-elf, but the magic in him is stronger. He is not an elf. His name was the first clue.”
This entry does not make any sense.
I close the diary and frown at Aedan. “It's queer that Father made a diary of that time. He would have remembered everything.”
“He never talks about the war.”
“Why would our mother need this book? The library is full of books with immense knowledge, and she commands us to bring back the diary, and to not even touch the others. It is strange indeed. What would she want with it?”
“It is, but now we can return home. We have been gone from the forest for too long.”
“This is an adventure, brother. Are you afraid?” I ask jokingly. I do not tell him that Atarah tried hard to make me forget about the book.
“I wish only that I could be sent to the mountains or the Order.”
“You wish to follow in our brother's footsteps,” I say accusingly.
“It is the only way Mother would accept me. I have to be strong. I have to learn how to lead our people. I will be our brother's hand. You know this. Sister, you know I cannot follow the path you want me to. You know the path that I must follow.”
“Because Mother said so?” This was one of the only things we ever fought about. Aedan has this need to please Aylissa, and it irritates me.
“No.”
“You do not need to follow in his footsteps. You are worthy of making your own.”
He does not reply for a long time.
“And what is my path? She will never let me go. She will not let me fight.”
“You underestimate her. She knows that she cannot choose your path,and that is why she tries so hard to do so. She does not like what she cannot control.” He smiles at me: “Your path will be clear one day.”
“I will make my own path. I refuse to follow the path that someone else has laid before my feet.”
“Yours has been mapped before your birth. Every time you choose not to follow it, you end up walking it.”
I open the diary again, but at a different place. “The day was dark. The sun did not shine. It was a terrible day, with thunder. The other elves are also restless at the anger of our lord. They do not openly criticise him, but I see the accusation in their eyes. He has crossed the line. The final battle will take place soon. I know this. We have to win or be engulfed by darkness.”
“There is no other entry after this one,” I tell my brother. “It is all so cryptic.”
“We should not read any more. We will be invading Father's privacy.”
“Brother, I love you dearly, but sometimes knowledge is important.”
“Sister, I love you dearly, but sometimes honour is important.”
I smile at him. “That is why we are a good team.”
“Will you put that astonishing power of observation to good use and think of a way to get out of the library?”
My smile widens. “I have already,” I point to a large door at the end of the library.
Aedan blushes. “I did not notice the door.”
“I know.”
“How do you know it is the door that exits?”
“It is the only door. We just have to hope that we end up in the same place.”
He nods. “We have to take another book to make him believe that we did not come for the diary.”
“That's a good idea. Which one?” I take a random book out of the shelf. “This one?” I read the title: Healing without herbs.
It's the same book Atarah wanted me to take a look at.
“And this one: History before the Council?” Aedan suggests.
I nod. Both are books Atarah spoke about.
“Now, let's go!” Aedan announces and hops over to the door.
I hide the diary in a secret pocket in between the layers of my dress. Only elves would think of making dresses with more than enough secret pockets.
He opens the door. “This time I go first.”
I can't disagree. We step out into the same library that we entered through. It was not night anymore. The bookshop bustled with activity, and we just stepped through the front door.
“You took your sweet time.” He is still standing where he did when we entered the bookshop last night.
“The library is very big,” I answer without looking at him.
“Did you find what you wanted?”
“Yes. Thank you for your help,” Aedan answers. “Is there a way we can repay you for your help?”
He shrugs.
“Thank you for helping us, and thank you again for saving my life,” I say smilingly.
“Farewell.”
He doesn't even take the hand I extended to him. He just leaves us in the bookshop without glancing at us again.
“He is quite rude,” Aedan says frowningly, “but I guess you can afford to be rude if you're that powerful and important.”
I shrug. “Hopefully we won't have to meet him outside of the occasional social responsibility.”
“No, you will meet him again. Your path and his entwine.”
Aedan's words make me feel uncomfortable.
“When did you see it?”
“When I met him.”
“You did not tell me?”
“You were too sick, and he was there. I am telling you now.”
“Oh.”
“And you will not see him again?”
“I will see him too, but not on the same path as you will.”
I don't like the prospect of Aedan and my paths diverging.
Sometimes I can't help but wonder if there are things that Aedan knows that he chooses to hide from us - and especially me. His words have this ominous yet finite ring to them whenever he speaks of my future. He also seems to have a certainty in his voice whenever he speaks of his own future. Yet, he never hints to what the future holds for Faolan. Perhaps he doesn't want to influence Faolan by speaking of the great things he will accomplish, and thus influence and negate them.
A/N: This is the last chapter before the epilogue. I know that it might not all make sense at this point of the story, but it continues in Book 2: The Moon's Sorrow. Please add it to your reading list or library so that you'll know when I start publishing. TMS also now has a blurb!
Find it here:
The Moon's Sorrow: The Chronicles of the Council Book 2 https://my.w.tt/JQ6zHu97MZ
or on my profile.
Thank you for reading The Sun's Tears!