Pin out all the mistakes you see because they really escape me even after proofreading.
❤️🙈❤️
His wife had been MIA all day, under the strict orders of his grandmother. He pulled his sleeve up as he looked around the hallways, dodging his hundreds of cousins and relatives that saw him and snickered.
"Heena Babhi." He called out the woman who was carrying a decorative plate full of jalebis. She turned around raising her eyebrows at him.
"Jee Devar Sahab?" She put her right hand on her waist. "Does my brother in law need another favor?"
"Please. I haven't seen her all day." He stole the sweet treat from the plate before she swatted his hand.
"Fine. I need one in return."
"Waya jee?"
"Speak?"
"I need a photo of My husband and me on stage. You better drag him up there if you need to."
"You got it."
"Fine, I'll send her up. She needs to be back with Aday soon or else I'm getting beztified again."
"I promise. Ten minutes. I literally just need to make sure she is all right."
"Khan Darling." He dropped the sweet fritter from his hand as he heard that voice. His sister-in-law was just standing there holding in her laugh.
"Oh, I'm definitely sending your wife up as you catch up with your favorite person."
"No please, don't leave me alone." He pleaded, but she just laughed as the girl behind him tapped him his shoulder:
"Bye Khan Darling." Heena covered her mouth as she snickered and went down the stairs. He groaned in frustration as his phupho's daughter approached him.
"Khan." He finally turned and met with fluttering eyes of Vaneeza. "You didn't even tell me you were coming back? I found out from Mum like yesterday that you are even married."
"Yeah, about that." He scratched the back of his neck. This girl always scared the crap out of him. Even when he had been angry and muted himself for years. She'd still find somehow to tell him how much of a crush she had on him. "My wife wanted to get married as soon as possible."
"Your wife." Vaneeza fixed her bangs as she tried not to roll her eyes. "Doesn't she seem like reserved and a little backward with that dupatta tied around her head? I'm from here and have better fashion sense than that American."
"I'm sorry?" He furrowed his eyebrows trying to understand the point behind her implication. "She-"
He was about to defend Rabail, but she was standing right behind Vaneeza with her eyes bugging out. Her eyes went squinted and her fists clenched.
"Babe." He sidestepped his cousin and went to put a hand around her but she slapped it away.
"I'll see you later, Khan Darling." She put her hand on his elbow and he could literally see steam coming out of his wife's hijab. Oh boy. "and also uhm you... Miss. Whatever." Rabail's mouth hung open as she stared at the girl past him.
If he didn't do anything, this house was going to hear Rabail's colorful language and Vaneeza's murder.
"Baby," She fumed as she marched past him in their room. Pacing around, waiting for him to shut the door.
"KHAN DARLING!!!!" She screeched like a banshee. He winced. "AND I'M MISS WHATEVER."
"Babe, calm down."
"DID YOU JUST SAY CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN!" She blinked at him, her veil fell from her head as she paced around faster. "And what did you say earlier... My wife wanted to get married as soon as possible. Oh, so you didn't want to marry me?"
"It's not-"
"I knew it. Fefe warned me. I should've listened. She told me men change after marriage. I should've stayed single."
"Oh really?" He bit the inside of his cheek to keep in his laughter as he watched her nose turn red. "Who'd tell you then that you look so hot when you're angry?" He circled his arm around her waist.
"Asfandyar Khan if you tried any of those touchy-feely antics to distract me, I will un-qubool hai everything." She didn't even make a feeble attempt to remove his arms as she threatened him.
"And how are you going to do that?" He pulled her closer.
"I'm going to tell Dada and Dadi." She whispered as she closed her eyes and put her forehead on his chest. He just broke into a laugh until he felt her tears on his shirt. His laugh dissipated on his lips.
"Rabi?" He put his hands on each side of her face and turned her head upwards. "Hey," He whispered. "Hey, What happened?"
She opened her eyes and they were glistening with tears.
"I'm sorry. I was just joking. I don't even know how she even found me."
"It's not that." She stared at his Adam's apple, trying to avoid the conversation with him.
"Rabi," There was a light warning in his voice, telling her that he wasn't going to let her go like that. He wiped the tears slowly falling from her eyes.
"It's not just her. I keep hearing people. You know, they keep saying I should take off my hijab. That it's my wedding and I should have my hair done and not look backward." She swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared into the dark of his eyes. His calm eyes went sullen, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
"When did people's opinion started to matter about your hijab, Rabi?" He wiped the streaks of mascara from under her eyes. As he put the black veil back on her head. The gold jewels on the black dupatta sparkled in the sun rays.
"You're beautiful with or without hijab. It's your choice not what they think what your choice should be. If you want to wear it in every ceremony throughout go ahead. If you don't, babe, you are still the same Rabi." His lips curved in a smile. "But whatever you choose should be what you choose to do not what the people around you expect your choice to be."
She nodded, mulling over what he had said.
"Forget that you tell me something else. Why are you wearing all black on our dholki?"
He squinted his eyes, raising one of his eyebrows. She was wearing a long black frock that fitted along her waist then fell to her ankles with matching black churidar. The gold jewel work in it was sparkling in the warm rays of the sun.
"Not that I'm complaining. You look completely ravishing."
"Asfi!" It was her turn to narrow her eyes at him. "I loved this one so I wore it."
His eyes twinkled and he smiled as if accomplished something. His eyes crinkled at the corners as they always did when he fully smiled.
"That's the Rabail Noor I know and fell in love with. That's my wife, strong and resilient as she makes choices for herself. The woman who doesn't give rat's asś about what other's think." She bit her lip as a happy smile graced her lips. "That's the girl who wears boots just because she likes it even when it's September and 78 degrees. The woman who loves sparkle and glitter."
"Okay, Okay... I get I'm a weirdo and proud of it." She laughed and put her head on his chest, listening to the familiar rhythm of his heart. "Thank you." She murmured against the fabric of his shirt. "Did I ever tell you you're the best husband in the world?"
"No, but you didn't have to. I know I'm the best thing happened to you." He nuzzled his face on the side of her neck.
"You know what? You're really becoming narcissistic day by day."
"It's because the most beautiful and alluring woman in the world is in my arms as my wife. I think that gives me the advantage to be at least a little bit narcissistic."
"No, Mr. Khan, that is not love. It's a disorder. You're in dire need of help." She clasped her hands behind his neck and tilted her head.
"You can very well help me with that Mrs. Khan."
He removed the duppatta from the side of her neck and pressed his warm lips on her sensitive skin. She closed her eyes as her body shivered under his touch. She never could get used to those feelings. Every time he touched her it seemed like stars exploded against her skin
"Asfi, I need to go." She whispered as her hand tightened around him. "Everyone's waiting."
"I swear the moment we get back I'm locking the damn house and it's only going to be you and me and a damn bed."
"Asfandyar Sahab, can't I have my devrani back before Aday makes my ancestors roll in their graves with all her insults." There was a loud knock and door.
"I'm telling you they are all conspiring to keep you away from me." he pouted and put his forehead on her shoulder. "I mean we're already married. What is this rule of we can't see each other until the events start?"
"Later," she said, kissing him on the side of his neck. "Meet me on the rooftop." She whispered and then winked at him as she fixed the duppatta on her head and left, leaving him sulking in the room. Without knowing that later was only going to get worse.
/////
"We're not going to kidnap you, you know." Heena shook her head as she prepared the oil that was supposed to go on Rabail's hands so the Mehendi color could be as dark as possible. "That man can't breathe without seeing your face every second of the day."
Rabail laughed as she sat in Dadi's room. She couldn't believe this is the same Asfandyar Khan who couldn't stand her in his office.
"He literally slammed the door in my face. I went flying in the air before my butt kissed the dirt."
"NO WAY!" Heena came with a bowl of some oil concoction, sitting on the carpet in front of her. Her hazel eyes widened as her hair fell forward on her shoulder. "He seems like he's been in love with you for centuries." She sighed there was a thread of melancholy in her words. "He is a good husband. You guys are so cute together. Mashallah."
"Thank you. You and Adam are rather hot together. I was going to really Rishta him with Ayla, but then I found out he's married" she pouted.
Heena didn't say anything as she picked up the bowl and signaled her to roll up her sleeves. She unbuttoned the ends of her sleeves, for a second she forgot about all the scars. Her hands trembled as she messed with the button.
With Asfandyar she forgot all about her scars, not even remembering that they were there. He reminded her always that she was whole and he loved each and every part of her. With him, she had forgotten that she wasn't normal, but not everyone was as accepting as her husband. People are going to see when she puts Mehendi on. They are going to see that she tried to end her life.
"Rabail?" The woman in front of her shook her hand. "What happened?"
"I..." Could she even say it? "I don't think I want Mehendi on my hands." She pulled the sleeves to her knuckles.
"What's the matter, love? You told me yesterday that you can't wait to get it and you were so excited."
"I know, but..." She took a deep breath. "I have scars, Heena Bhabi. Not like one or two, my whole arms... both of them." She merely rolled up the sleeve, showing the numerous white lines to her, the prominent one being on her wrist."
"Oh, Rabail." Heena held her hands in reassurance. "Everyone has scars. We can see yours while others are good at hiding. Whatever your story behind these scars is, it's yours. You don't have to be embarrassed or be scared about them." She rolled her sleeve up and started putting oil on hand and her forearm. "People will say things, but that's what they do around here." She sadly chuckled. "You know what they call me around here?"
God, there was so much sorrow that her hazel eyes darkened.
"Dusri Aurat." Her voice trembled. "And no I'm not his second wife. It's just because Adam is still in love with the woman he was supposed to get married to."
"Heena," Why was society so cruel? Why did people find comfort in hurting others?
"So people will talk. They will find cracks and then try to break you apart from there so you have to be brave and not let them do that." She smiled at her, hiding away all her broken parts. "Which reminds me, Neelo Phupho heard your conversation with Dadi about your parents and all. Considering she was trying to get Veneeza married to Asfand, she's going to create a lot of drama so stay strong."
"Ughhhh. It's not a desi wedding if phupho doesn't do her designated drama." Rabail groaned followed by Heena laughing.
/////
He sat in the window as he watched the ladies in the living room sing Pashto wedding songs around a dholki. His wife was sitting on the stage that Adam and him along with few other cousins set earlier. She was sitting in the middle, her face glowing with a smile as the ladies put henna up on her hands all the way to her elbows.
He was in awe. How could someone be so beautiful? He shook his head as he stared at the hijab on her head. She'd made her choice and he was proud of her for not altering her beliefs for someone else. For a society who vilified everyone for the choices that made. He'd been through it. The way he was stared down at as he made his sajdah at the mosque and they all wondered how could a man like him be Muslim.
"Get your fućking aśś up before Dadi starts calling you Rabail ka kutta?" Adam pulled him from his neck, dragging him to baithak where the boys had their gathering.
"Don't be jealous, you aśshole. Just because your wife doesn't give you the time of the day." He elbowed his cousin and fixed the collar of his black kurta. The mirth flew from Adam's eyes at the mention of his wife. Asfandyar knew what was going on in his head. He stopped his cousin before they went in. "You're still going back to her place?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Adam ran his hand through his raven black hair.
"This is not fair to Heena."
"I told Heen- I told her she can leave. It's her choice. I've never forced anything on her." Adam leaned against the cold hallway wall.
"You can't even say her name, Adam." Asfandyar knew the hell Adam went through but he was not being fair. "At least give her that."
"Asfand, I'm trying, but All I see in her is Amal. I see her face everywhere. Her blood is still on my hand. How the fuck am I supposed to forget that?"
"You at least give your wife her rights first. She is your wife, a human, not a ragdoll that you can drag her through your broken past. Give your wife some respect. that's the least she deserves-"
"Asfand!" She heard Heena's scared voice. "Rabail!" He turned around she was standing there in horror. "She needs you. Now!"
He knew his fuking family was going to create hell. He just hoped it wouldn't include his wife, but that's exactly what happened.
/////
He'd been trying to get her attention and she had purposely not been looking at him. First, he threw flowers at her and now he was sitting in the window blatantly staring at her. God, these people weren't going to leave him alone. She snickered.
"Your husband is really next level nikama aashiq." Heena teased her as she fanned her hands with a paper plate.
"People going to think I probably did some black magic or some juju shit on him." From the corner of her eye, he saw Asfand trying to throw another rose at her discreetly, but his cousin slapped him on the back of his head. Heena stiffened next to her as Adam came into view, while the latter dragged Asfandyar with him.
"Your husband really gave you that hot stare." Rabail teased her.
"I'm going to go get water for you so you can cool your sensors."
Heena shook her head and left for the kitchen. That was a mistake. She was like a shield, an anchor. She protected her from all the questions and dodged anything that was related to her parents.
"Uhh Bhabi wasn't even leaving you alone." Vaneeza plopped on the seat next to her. She dreaded the conversation with Miss. Whatever. The woman gave her next level chills. "I'm sure you know I'm Vaneeza, Khan's family." Rabail gave her a weak smile, but she was boiling inside. SHe wanted to slap the woman and smear mehndi on her face, but she wouldn't ruin her mehendi and her wedding. This despicable worm wasn't worth the hassle. "I don't see anyone from your family."
"They are busy. We already had a ceremony for our family and friends who were important. Dada and Dadi wanted to have this ceremony so extended relatives and some random people should know that Asfandyar is married now." Rabail wanted to flip her hijab, huh. Bitch, I got a Ph.D. in petty, come at me.
She smirked as Vaneeza's smile faltered a bit, but she really was dealing with a bitch.
"But what about your dad and mum? They should be here. You need parents' blessings."
It was Rabail's turn to falter. Her breath hitched.
"They can't come." She answer to clenched teeth.
"Why?"
"As I said, woman, they are busy." She wanted to strangle her.
"I heard you lived with your parents aren't together?"
"NO they are not." Asfi, where the hell are you damn it? She looked at the window but it was empty. Her heart dropped to her stomach.
"Are they divorced?"
"No."
"Are they together then?
"No, Vaneeza, they are not. Why are you interested in my fucking family?" She cursed under her breath and Vaneeza's mom gasped behind her.
Asfi? Dada? Heena? Dadi? Anyone! She frantically looked around but they all were busy running around errands and greeting guests or something.
"This is exactly what happens when parents are separated? but oh wait, but your parents aren't even married." The ladies all around her started staring at her. Hush-hush whispers floating. She was becoming more and more suffocated. Her throat closing up and the last word did it to her as her tears spilled. "Na-Jaiz hai yeh?"
Someone whispered in the crowd. She didn't even care to see. She stood up and ran from there, running away from the hallway and in her room, she fell against the door. The screams were stuck in her throat as her hands were tied by the wet henna. She was helpless and the bracelet was gone. fuck. Why did I take it out? She'd put it in the drawer earlier. I shouldn't have taken it out.
/////
"Rabi." He yelled as he looked around for her in the hallways, finally arriving in his room. Her cried were being silenced by the music loudly playing somewhere in the house. "Rabi?" He opened the door carefully and she was right there on the floor, sobbing. "Baby?" He fell on her knees as he cupped her face in his hands.
"I'm so sorry, love." He pulled her in a hug. "I should've known they'd do this. I should've been there."
"It hurts." She screamed. "My whole body is hurting, Asfi. I want the razor. I need the razor."
He tightened his arms around her as she screamed in his arms. His own tears falling on her scarf. He didn't let her go, as she screamed her pain out.
"I want to cut, please. I need to cut. My arms are burning. My legs are burning. My skin is burning. I need relief. I beg you."
He didn't say anything as he held her in his arms. She thrashed against him, smearing the henna on his shirt, but he didn't care. He held her, until she was out of scream and she went limp in his arms.
"I'm here." He rubbed her back, removing the zipper he traced the pattern of her spine with his fingers and it calmed her. "I've got you, baby. I'm here."
They sat there for hours and hours. The sun left, taking the tale of her miseries with it. He picked her up and put her on the bed against the bedpost. He went to get multiple washcloths and warm water. Carefully, he wiped her face with the washcloth. Then using all other to wipe away the smudged henna on her hands He held up the glass of cold water and made her drink it.
"Are you feeling a little better?" He put his hand on the side of her face, making her look at him. Her eyes were bloodshot, but she nodded. "Now you're going to trust me and come with me downstairs." She shook her hand, but he held her right hand and clasped the bracelet on it. "Trust me okay?" Reminding her as he held her hand. It was trembling as he held, but he pulled her up and they walked out of there. "I want you to hold your head as high as you can. Not even for a second, I want you to look down. Do you hear me?" She barely moved her head.
He reached the living room and most of the women were gone, but the ones who needed to hear his simmering anger were there. Dadi was there with her head bowed down in shame due to her daughter's fiasco. Vaneeza was just rolling her eyes and Neelo phupho knew Asfandyar's anger so she seemed to be on edge. His other aunts and cousins were also sitting there sullen. Adam just shook his head at his mother and his sister, ashamed of their words.
"Rabail?" Heena came to her side and wrapped an arm around her and made her sit next to Dadi. Dadi pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. Silent tears escaped her eyes as she held on to Dadi as her husband blasted at his family.
"What did you call my wife?" He gritted his teeth as he stared at Vaneeza who straightened her back. "Vaneeza! WHAT DID YOU CALL MY WIFE?"
"Khan-"
"I'm asking for the last damn time what did you call my wife?"
"Nuh..." Vaneeza gulped. "Na-Jaiz."
"You called my wife illegitimate? Who the fuck gave you that permission? Did she say that's her name? Did she tell you she is illegitimate?"
"But she is!"
"NO, SHE IS FUCKING NOT!" He roared at his aunt. "You want to know who my wife is?" He pointed at Rabail who was curled up against Dadi as dadi read some Quranic verse and blew it on her.
"Her name is Rabail Noor. Her name is a woman who fought against death twice. Her name is a journalist. Her name is a woman who fought through her struggle with writing and still pursued her master's. Her name is a woman who went through hell but still has the most beautiful and kindest heart. Her name is a hijabi who chose to follow a part of her religion which she even gets vilified for even by her own people" He glanced at his cousin and grimaced. "Her name is Hasan's baby sister, a sister he raised like his own baby. Her name is Fefe's 2 AM friend because she will literally go across the world two in the morning to be there for her. Her name is Zachary's little monster because she's the only who can get through his dumb skull. Her name is Ayla's angel because she gave Ayla her brother back.
"And you know what else... Her name is Asfandyar's savior because she saved him from drowning." He looked into her swollen eyes and smiled. "Her name is the woman who gave the world to Asfandyar. A woman who took from the darkness and showed him he deserved light. A woman who accepted him for all his sins and scars. A woman who gave him his family. A woman who taught him to love unconditionally. A woman who gave him Willow." They looked at each other and laughed between their tears. "That's my Rabail Noor and you know what phupo she still doesn't need a man's name to validate her. Neither her father's nor mine. She is a whole person in herself. She is Rabail Noor... who lights up everyone's life wherever she goes. She is my Rabail Noor. The woman I love and the woman I respect."
"And if you can't seem to respect her, I suggest you leave now because this is the last time I'm tolerating anyone hurting my wife, beyond this you all know what I'm capable of. I've learned it all from your brothers so I assure you I'm not going to let anyone get away with this shit." He held his wife's hands
"Adam, take your mother and sister back to Peshawar. The car is ready. I want to see only Heena and you here tomorrow. I will not tolerate my grandaughter Rabail's insult in this house." Dadi commanded and left the room letting them all know this was the final decision, followed by Asfandyar as he wrapped his arms around his wife and took her upstairs.
/////
"The mehendi all smudged now." She sighed as she stared at her hands as she sat between his legs, her back against his bare chest. "I lost it today huh?" She closed her eyes as ran his fingers through her hair, still calming her.
"No, you didin't" He turned her head slightly and nudged her to open her eyes. She looked into his and he smiled, that full smile with crinkle eyes. "You won. You won against your cutting and you have no idea how huge that is."
"We won." She put her head on his chest and closed her eyes, falling asleep in his arms as he held her together, shielding her from shattering.
/////
I know this was heavy. I promise the rest will be lighter and happy. This meant to come up and I wanted to raise this topic and how society treats such things. I wish everyone could be as accepting as Asfandyar and his dadi but the world is cruel. Maybe someday in future, but for now here is the chapter for standing up against the suffocating norms whether it's as mere as someone's choice to cover or uncover or someone's identity.
lots of love
Sara