Shameless (Chūya Ending Part 3/4)
It took you around 2 weeks to fully be able to walk without wincing every time you stepped off your bed. In those 2 weeks, you had only seen Chūya twice. Once, was when he had stopped by your room when your stitches at your stomach re-opened and caused a commotion around the infirmary. He hadn't stopped by for long, just a simple glance in your room with unreadable mixed emotions on his face. The second time, was accidental. He just happened to be walking by and caught your attention, the both of you meeting each other's eyes for no longer than a second.
Other than Chūya, the only other person that stopped by was Kouyou. You found it odd, since the executive had never payed much attention to you before. Later, you had found out that they had given her the responsibility of watching you, since they needed an executive to keep you under control and the previous one had...declined.
After you were finally led out, you weren't given any responsibilities or any missions. The opportunity of being in the Black Lizard had been taken away, and you weren't allowed out of the building without supervision. Every time you made a face about the rules, Kouyou would see you and give you a lecture on your potential and ability, and that you should be grateful you were given so many chances. In truth, she was right. But you hated being in the Port Mafia more every day you were left alone for hours in the dark of your room. In part, you thought it was your fault, especially Chūya not wanting anything to do with you for the simple good reason that you hurt him. The latter, you were sure of.
For someone that meant comfort, and being the reason I survived here for so long...I've never valued it as much as I should have.
He was right, I never gave him a real chance.
Still, being back now, all you wanted now was for Chūya to talk to you again...to hold you like he had before...
You wanted to apologize.
I never forgot about you, Chūya.
You were always there, at the back of my mind. I never didn't care about leaving without explaining to you.
That alone, was one of my biggest regrets.
In your thoughts, as the hours went on, you roamed around the room that was so familiar to you. Nothing had changed, but what surprised you was that the necklace Chūya had brought in for you was still in its same place on the counter. It glittered in the dim light, collecting dust for weeks. Almost shyly, you pick it up, the memory of your first weeks with the Port Mafia was distant, but it still sent a nostalgia through you of times when you thought it wouldn't get more complicated. More than that, it reminded you of when you didn't know that the Port Mafia executive would have such an effect on you.
Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you put the necklace on, touching it gently as it lay coolly against your chest. You then drop your gaze as you look at the rest of you, frowning a bit at your appearance. Under your maroon nightdress, the scars from your wounds were extremely visible, and you wished they weren't a constant reminder of the flaws in all your actions leading up to the present. Sighing with exasperation, you take your long black trench coat and put it over your nightdress, closing it up as you leave your room to walk around the halls, something you did often other than drink, to avoid the nightmares and haunting memories of what could have been that constantly took over your sleep.
Walking around, you let your feet guide you, your hand trailing lightly against the walls, humming to yourself. The late evening was calm, the floor you always roamed was seldom busy, and with the lights illuminating the surroundings just enough for the mafia elegance to shine through. Your favourite part, however, was when the walls turned to glass windows and the whole city side could be viewed. It was breathtaking in the sun, but as night time creeped in, the thousands of little lights lighting up the city like stars made it that much more beautiful. Taking it all in, you don't notice someone walking up and standing next to you, staring out the window as well in silence, until you turned to head back to your room only to walk into them.
Surprised, you gasp and push yourself away, an apology getting stuck in your throat when you see who it is.
Chūya.
His eyes more azure in the light of night, you feel you heart speed up the longer you were left speechless. He was better than any sight of the city skyline.
"Shouldn't you be in your room?" He asks, his tone cold and distant, his expressions portraying nothing but annoyance. To your surprise, you could tell he hadn't been drinking, even though you knew tasting wine was his favourite hobby when no other opportunity presented itself. Unless...he had a reason not to tonight.
"I...wasn't tired. But, Chūya, I've been wanting to talk to y-"
"There isn't anything to say." He interrupts, turning to leave until you reach out and grab his wrist to make him stay.
Startled, Chūya tenses and pushes your arm away, taking you by the shoulder, turning to you directly. You flinch, struggling to calm yourself down so Annabel Lee wouldn't be activated as a defence to his touch. It had been a long time since you had to force so much control, but you assumed it was because recently, you used your ability to a dangerous excess.
"Chūya..." you plead, willing to lower down your pride just to have him hear you out.
Maybe it was the way you said his name, or maybe it was just pity, but the mafia executive sighed with reluctance and let you go, muttering something inaudible to himself before talking.
"Fine. Go ahead, talk. I'll walk you to your room, and that's all the time you get."
Relieved, you don't waste a second as the both of you start walking side by side.
"I want you to know you were never a mistake. I was never too considerate, but I cared too, Chūya. You were the only reason I could stay for so long, and even now all I want is to have you back next to me. I'm sorry the circumstances weren't good, and I'm sorry for being so problematic but please, I-"
"[f/n] [l/n]. I am not going to blame you for something that wasn't your fault. I always knew you hated it here...I'm mad because you left and painted stupid illusions for me, and I fell for it."
The hurt you had heard the first day in Chūya's voice, when Akutagawa brought you in, was detectable in his voice once again. Your heart squeezed with guilt, the tension between you two unbearable as you kept walking along to your room, his words repeating over and over again in your head.
"I never lied to you, Chūya. I just needed something else."
Or someone else...
You arrive just outside your room in no time, and as he had said, you expected to go inside and not hear anything more from the red-head.
You were wrong.
Before you could open the door, Chūya's hand reached past you and to the doorknob first, holding the door shut while you stood between it and him.
"I want you to need me"
Sounding more like a demand than a request, your face heats up and your heart practically jumps out of your chest. You meet his gaze and find a pained desire, and a resentment to himself for showing it so. Mesmerized, your breathing hitched, the atmosphere hot between the two of you. You see a flash of surprise go across Chūya's face and you watch as he slowly and gently lifts the necklace on you up as if to admiring it, but you know he recognizes it. Dropping it and with his attention back to you fully, he leans in a bit closer, hair loosely encasing his face.
"Prove to me it was all real."
If only you knew how much I want to.
-❦-
Questions (Dazai Ending Part 3/4)
When Dazai had said he would take you out, you expected going to get a bite somewhere, or something short and simple. What you did not expect, was for him to take you to a mini amusement park in the middle of the city. Together, you spent hours playing dumb games, your competitive side taking over and yelling every time Dazai got the best of you. When you did, he'd just laugh and tell you all he was truthfully trying to win was your heart, and each time, you'd roll your eyes but smile to yourself. Overall, your time together was a sweet, blissful memory in the midst of all your darkness. Every time Dazai's eyes shone with the sun, it made your heart happy and a feeling of giddiness would be left inside, like the butterflies in your stomach had become too much the more of him this man showed you.
By the evening, you were exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to go home and rest to take everything in. You wanted to keep replaying Dazai's light hearted laughs, the way his hair moved so freely, and remember every subtle touch between the two of you. But of course, there was the problem that you didn't have a home anymore, and the moment you were alone, you knew all your guilt and fears would come crushing down.
Currently, you and Dazai were walking downtown without a clear destination in mind, enjoying each other's company as the sun set. You glanced at him beside you, his side profile just as breathtakingly calming as the rest of him. Unaware you had been staring for a second too long, Dazai shifts his gaze and smiles softly when he sees you looking at him. You turn back around embarrassed, and a silence too long between you followed.
"[f/n]...can I ask you something?"
You look at Dazai curiously, and nod.
"Do you have anywhere to go after this?"
You frown, not wanting to have him pity you after having such a good time with him. If he pities you, you thought then nothing would feel genuine again.
"[f/n], it's ok you know. You can stay and sleep with me for the time being!" Dazai suggests cheerfully, and out of shock you trip over yourself, falling towards the ground until Dazai catches you and pulls you to him.
Dazai chuckles, raising an eyebrow combined with a teasing grin.
"What's wrong? You've been to my place before and used the extra bed...unless you thought of something else?" He says as if he hadn't meant to imply something else.
Just watching him playfully toy around with his words for you, and seeing the way the light in his eyes changed with every sentence, you couldn't help but go completely red and smile. Dazai hadn't let you go yet, and putting your hands around his neck loosely, you decided to have your own fun.
"Is it all really just a joke? Is just one date what you really want? Or...have you always wanted something...more? Is having me there all a part of your plan?" You ask slowly, softly, inching closer at ever word until with one last lean your lips would meet his. Dazai's eyes flutter with unexpected surprise, watching you, waiting.
You never leaned in.
Instead, you pushed him back and watch him stagger back in a dramatized pout, a light blush, hardly noticeable, on his cheeks. You laugh, and Dazai's expression changes immediately from frustration to glee, because that was the first time he'd ever heard his favourite sound.
Your laugh.
-❦-
Author's Note:
Next update is the last ending part for both of them...!
Anyways, hope you've enjoyed Ambivalent ♥️