I shuffled my bare feet nervously as Alan continued to stare down at me, his expression was curious and questioning and I wondered what on earth was going through his mind.
He then took in a very large, deep breath.
"Gwen, may I ask you something?". He frowned.
"Yes....... Um........ Fire away". I said, somewhat nervously.
This was actually it.
I felt sure that he was now going to suggest our next move and my stomach began to twist with a sudden rapid nervousness and a huge adrenaline rush raced swiftly throughout my body in a tidal wave of anticipation.
He was now about to confirm what Patricia Mae had suggested he'd do. That he had already gone ahead and booked us in at some posh hotel somewhere and using entirely her words, because he just wanted to shag me!
My stomach twisted again and my breathing, although somehow controlled now after my running around episode, was now beginning to take on a very different role, the role of suppressed panic and interpretation.
Alan was still looking at me, his expression continued to be somewhat confused. Probably wondering to himself what my reaction was going to be at his possible suggestion about a hotel room. He then took in a breath and suddenly nodded his head towards my feet, before asking:
"Where the fuck are your shoes?".
My breath suddenly caught in my throat as I gave out a big gasp.
"What?". I said, and looked down quickly.
My feet!! Yes of course!! I had no shoes on and what with our very exciting and unscheduled getaway, it had completely slipped my mind that I had left them behind on the carpeted floor of the Odeon cinema!
I started to giggle out of embarrassment as well as foolishness at my inability to actually remember this very important piece of attire.
"I threw them at that security guy". I laughed, wriggling my toes and looking back up at him.
But Alan wasn't even smiling. He was stoney faced just staring at me.
So I gave a sigh.
"The one that was chasing after me". I carried on. "I was trying to stop him, or at least slow him down a bit. So I threw them at him".
"Were they very expensive?". Alan asked seriously.
I shrugged.
"A bit, I suppose".
"Were they of any sentimental value to you?". He then asked.
I began to laugh.
"No, not at all. They hurt my feet. That's why I was carrying them".
I saw him nod his head slightly, although he was still looking very serious. Gone suddenly was the carefree, unpredictable man that had just burst out through the fire exit of the cinema a few moments ago. He had somehow behaved so out of character then but now he had returned back to his somewhat staid, serious and very properly mannered very English gentlemen self.
I now stared hard at him and noticed that his features were lit up by the glow from the moonlight.
The only light that was available in this darkened alleyway.
I could see his rather big, romanesque shaped nose, the silver of his hair mixed in with the dark blonde. The line of his firm jaw and the outline of his lips. What I really couldn't see though were his eyes. The moonlight had failed in its attempt to allow me to see this very important feature of his and I was disappointed. I needed to see them, their colour, their expression and maybe even...................... their love.
I drew in a deep breath.
"My feet are ok now though". I shrugged, Looking back down at them. "I can walk alright............and run, of course".
I began to laugh at my own acknowledgement of the fact that we had only just stopped running. But still Alan remained serious.
"Are you able to walk very far?". He asked slowly.
I looked back up at him.
He was suggesting something but it wasn't very clear to me exactly what.
Was it that he would still like to take me to the after Premier party being held at The Fair Guardian, although I had no idea where the heck that was!
Maybe it was only a short distance away from here and I could in fact walk it. Or was it that he just wanted to escort me the even shorter distance back to my own flat. My evening now over before it had properly begun!
My heart began to suddenly ache. I didn't want this evening to end, not yet.
I didn't want to go back to my empty, messed up old flat and spend another evening watching boring television with yet another ready meal on a tray, on my lap, on my own.
I hadn't gone through all of this tonight, just to end up having to cut it so short like this! Blimey I had only been out little more than an hour, I wasn't prepared to go back just yet!
Besides, I desperately wanted to spend more time with Alan.
It was what I had really been looking forward to more than anything. So I wasn't about to fold away and creep back to my little hovel, unseen and unnoticed. I wanted to be where he was, to be with him, to actually enjoy him.
My stomach twisted with sudden nervousness.
Maybe he was about to suggest we walk to a hotel somewhere. A hotel where he had a room ready for us.
I took in a breath.
That could be it. This had been pretty much on my mind ever since Patricia Mae had suggested that his sole reason for inviting me to the Premier in the first place was to get me inside a hotel room alone!
I gave him yet another look, but was still unable to properly see him, such was the dimness of the light. But I felt sure that he was able to see me or at the very least be able to suss out my apprehension, for suddenly he caught hold of my hand very gently and started to lead me out from this darkened alley.
The loud ringing noise from the cinemas fire exit, was now replaced by the vibrancy of Trafalgar Square as I walked beside Alan towards one of its fountains and its cascading water with people sat about on their walls.
He now stopped in front of the large building that was now in front of us and looked up.
"I remember saying that we should pay a visit inside there, one day". He said, cocking a head towards the large imposing building.
I looked up at it.
" Oh, The National Gallery". I smiled. "Yes..... Yes we should".
I then turned to look at him.
Was it my imagination or did he seem just a little bit preoccupied, as if he was somehow in a bit of a battle with himself.
Could it be that he was nervous about how I would react about his suggestion of going to a hotel room?
I felt sure that this would, in fact be his next question.
Okay the evening hadn't gone exactly the way I had imagined it would but according to Patricia, that was the sole reason for me being with him tonight in the first place!
But suddenly now, I didn't mind as I now felt my hand tightening within his, trying to give him the reassurance he probably needed, trying to tell him without words that it would be okay.
I was ready.
Alan was now looking down at me, a soft smile crept across his delectable lips.
Was it really quite possible that he was able to read my mind?
Or was it simply a response to my answer about visiting the gallery or even the grip I now had upon his hand.
I took in a breath.
Perhaps I should just ask him, stop all this guessing game nonsense and ask him outright about the hotel room. I should Just come right out and say it.
"Have you got us a room?". I suddenly blurted out, without giving myself the chance to prepare.
"Whhaaat?". Alan's shocked voice answered, his eyes widening with complete surprise.
But there was no going back for me now.
"A room. You know. In a hotel................ Somewhere? ". I continued to ask.
Alan blinked at me and seemed totally taken aback by my question. Probably because he wasn't expecting me to know all about it. Maybe he was just going to spring it on me after a few cocktails at the after premier party, when I was a little bit worse for wear with alcohol. Although, I wouldn't have thought that was really his style. He somehow didn't strike me as being the sort of person who would actually take advantage of someone. He was far too much of a gentleman for that! Besides I wouldn't have thought he would need to ply any female with copious amounts of alcohol to get them to accompany him to some lavish hotel room somewhere. I was quite sure that anyone lucky enough to be in his company would in fact go willingly.
Me included.
But at this precise moment, Alan was still just staring at me as I now cocked my head to one side, an air of confidence had suddenly filled me as I now knew that I had caught him on the back foot, so to speak. He definitely did not expect me to know anything about any hotel room!
"Well? Have you?". I almost demanded. "Have you actually booked us into a room in a hotel, so that we're able to spend some quality time together?".
Alan looked right at me, into my eyes, and I guessed that he was probably trying to suss out how I actually knew about his little plan.
"Is......... Is that what you want?". He asked slowly, his eyes now looking deeply into my own.
"Is that what you really expect of me?".
The deepness of his baritone voice really coming to the fore now as he continued to look directly into my eyes.
This very suddenly unnerved me.
He had a deep superiority about the way he was now staring at me. A sudden air of maybe passion and lust. It was really hard for me to tell what it was, but I was now quite suddenly aware that I had bitten off more than I could possibly chew.
I had appeared all confident and in control of the situation, just a few moments ago, only for him to see right through me and had more than likely guessed that I was anything but!
He suddenly took in a breath. A slow, deliberate intake of air and spoke again as he exhaled.
"Is that where you'd really like us to go now. To a hotel room? Are you absolutely certain that this is what you want............ Miss Stevens?".
My mouth suddenly went all dry and my stomach twisted in a succession of twirling somersaults as I felt myself begin to shake with an abundance of nerves.
The fact that he had given me my formal title, made me in fact wonder if I had got the information about the room thing very wrong.
Was he in fact, the one who was now offended?
I let my hand slip gently from his and looked over towards the fountains.
A couple of lovers sat on its wall, caught my eye as they kissed one another and then entwined their fingers together before getting to their feet and walking away from us hand in hand.
It all seemed so easy for everyone else, this falling in love thing, so why was it so very difficult for me all the while. It just didn't seem fair.
With a sigh, I left Alan standing there and walked over to the wall where the couple had both been sitting and sat down there myself. Perhaps subconsciously trying to get their luck to rub off onto me maybe.
I then proceeded to dip my fingers now, into the water and swirled them around. It was strangely comforting as my thoughts went back to that talk Patricia Mae had given to me about Alan having a room all set up and the fact that he only ever wanted to have sex with me and wasn't that interested in my acting ability at all.
Could she in fact have been lying about everything.
To perhaps put me off him.
She did appear to have a bit of a crush on him it had to be said, but he never seemed at all interested in her in that way.
Oh, he indeed had the utmost respect for her as an aging actress but as for finding her attractive, well I don't believe he ever harboured such thoughts.
She maybe had been trying, in her own way to put me off him. Painting Alan as some sort of sexual predator or something. She might even had tried to set me up with Ruben at Vivian Scott's that time.
Perhaps she might have believed that with me out of the way she might stand an actual chance with him.
I shook my head to myself and continued with the swirling of the water with my fingertips.
That was a ludicrous idea.
I had no more of a hold on Alan Rickmans feelings than she had!
Especially now that I had suggested a hotel room to him.
I figured I had quite offended him and as I noticed him coming over towards me, I suspected that he was going to now ask to walk me back to the safety of my flat. To put me back in there and close the door on me, so that I could cause no more harm to him or to anyone else. What with my over active imagination and my stupid, silly suggestions, what on earth could he be thinking now?
At the end of the day, he still very much had Silva, even if I had got the whole thing about her wanting to spy on us totally out of context.
The two of them were probably more than happy with one another anyway.
If Patricia wanted to get to someone for Alan's affections, she should concentrate on Silva, for it certainly wasn't me!
Alan was now standing right here beside me, possibly looking down and wondering what in God's name I was doing now! I didn't know for sure if he was though, as I couldn't look up, such was my embarrassment at what I had just said to him. So I just continued to swirl my fingers around in the cold water, watching with interest it's movements whilst also trying to figure out everything that had been going on inside this stupid head of mine.
Why was I so gullible all the while? Actually seeing things that weren't even there, like convincing myself that my two best friends were spying on me for Silva, someone they had never even met before, when all they were in fact doing was taking photos of me with Alan, on the red carpet for my goddam Mother!
Then believing that Patricia was trying to look out for me, when all she really wanted to do was to get me out of the way!
Then in the middle of all this was dear Alan Rickman.
The most loveliest, kindest, most gentle of human beings it had ever been my privilege to have ever met.
What with his deep, sexual voice, his expressive green eyes and the slow, gentleness of his manner.
I now understood that I had really fallen for him......... Big time, but all the while I had been held back by something a lot more powerful than I could ever hope to understand.
And that was my head and the stuff that went on inside it.
It would not be very fair to expect him, or indeed anyone else, to actually cope with all of that, when I could not even cope with it myself.
I was a complete liability. Someone to be avoided at all cost, until such a time when I could be much more able to rationalise things.
At the moment though, I wasn't even able to do myself justice, so how on earth could I expect anyone else to hang around.
My friends included.
"I think we ought to be going now". Alan's voice very suddenly interrupted the thoughts that were going on my mind as I tried I vain to decipher them.
I had pretty much finished trying to analyse myself anyway but had come to no clear conclusions whatsoever.
I glanced up at him but only very briefly, such was my mortification of the last words I had spoken to him.
I knew that he was ready to walk me home. We were, after all in the right facility and Alan, being the gentleman that he undoubtedly was, would not leave me to walk home alone, however much I had in fact, disrespected his motives for me being here with him.
I gave the very deepest of sighs, as I began to feel the water from off the fountain now beginning to splash out onto my bare skin, as if they had very suddenly been turned up.
I rubbed the water droplets from off my exposed arms and shook my hand dry as I got to my feet.
I felt saddened by my realisations but also satisfied that I now knew of my weaknesses.
I looked over at Alan, standing there, his hands deep in the pockets of his black trousers. He looked just so damned attractive although he wore a confused expression upon his face.
I came and stood in front of him not able to speak a word, but It was clear to me that I had deeply offended him and now he was extremely disappointed.
Well, I now concluded that Patricia's little plan had in fact worked. Probably not in the way she had mentally planned it to, but she had been damned successful in turning Alan against me without any sort of intervention from herself.
Unbeknown to me, she had given me the ammunition to fire and I had loaded the gun and had killed any chance that I might have had with this most loveliest of men.
I opened my mouth in which to apologise to him but the words became stuck within my throat and I was at a loss at how to actually form them. But Alan was now giving me the very slightest of smiles. A sympathetic one, where just the corners of his mouth turned upwards just ever so slightly.
"Come along Miss. Stevens". He spoke softly, "We need to get a move on".
He then began to walk along the wide open space of Trafalgar Square, with me following beside him and away from the fountain and its somewhat soothing waters. But somehow I was still strangely being splashed by droplets of water. Stopping suddenly, I rubbed my arms again and found that they were wet and getting wetter. So was my dress, my hair and my bare feet!
I looked around me and began to notice that people were starting to run. Some had newspapers or plastic bags placed over their heads, a few sensible ones were putting up umbrellas. It was then that I actually realised that it was in fact raining.
Alan had also now stopped in his tracks and was coming back towards me. Probably wondering what this stupid girl was doing now!
But I had been so wrapped up in trying to figure myself out that I had little knowledge of the fact that it was raining and I was now getting soaking wet.
"It's raining". I suddenly said as I looked up at him, now standing there beside me.
"Very perceptive of you, Miss Stevens". Alan answered, raising an eyebrow at me.
I had now realised his impatience at wanting us to move on. He must have known it was actually raining before I had even noticed it.
I then scrunched my eyes up from the water droplets and looked skywards.
"But I can still see the moon". I added, noticing the huge, round brilliant white light that was poking itself out from around the thick mass of dark grey cloud.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed that Alan was also looking up, screwing his face also to catch a glimpse of this strange phenomenon. A bright full moon, glowing brilliantly from the darkness of clouds that were trying with all their might to suppress it.
I had seen this before though in what felt like a lifetime ago, but it really wasn't.
It was on the night that Ashcroft Jennings had attacked me. The night when he had terrified and invaded me. The night when I had lost all the respect from someone I thought that I had been in love with.
The night when I had in fact yearned for the very man now standing right here beside me.
I looked over at him desperately wanting to speak to him, to try and explain everything, make him understand.
I gulped and then took in a breath.
He turned and looked down at me and in an instant he had taken off his jacket and had put it gently over my shoulders as the rain was now falling at a heavier rate.
The scent of him, from the garment immediately filled my nostrils as I now felt immense warmth from both inside and out. I smiled at him with gratitude as we then continued to walk in silence, even though the thoughts that were going on inside my head were anything but!
We had now come towards the end of Trafalgar Square and we were still very much in the silent mode. It wasn't very far to my flat from here either, so if I was going to speak to him, I'd better be quick about it.
I took in another breath.
"My...... Um...... My... Feet are hurting a little bit". I said, quite suddenly, "Could we just stop for a moment".
Alan looked round and I felt really guilty at my request as I could see that his pristine, expensive white shirt was now soaking wet through. But he nodded and guided me, with a hand gently placed into the small of my back, over towards the huge bronze statue of George IV sat upon a magnificent horse on top of a very tall plinth. It didn't offer much in the way of shelter from the rain, but the wall at least, gave me something in which to lean against.
I wrapped the jacket even closer around myself and the scent of Alan's cologne wafted towards my nostrils once more. This was quite heavenly, although I had the distinct feeling that this would be the last time I would be doing this. Being with him and being so close was not what Alan Rickman wanted from me. I was foolish to even think that it was and to be taken in by all the tittle tattle of my friends and fellow colleagues from both the theatre and the film world was just madness. They knew nothing about the way he worked, the way he was only there to help and guide me through my budding career. He was only there to give me the confidence to go forward and to realise my dreams and gain fulfilment from my work.
Alan wasn't here for me to fall in love with. That was not the plan.
As I looked up at the moon again, struggling now to fend off the ever darkening skies as the clouds gathered around it more and more, I felt as if I had some sort of an affinity with it. For there It was, shining brightly in my hour of need, giving me hope and encouragement to carry on. To fight back against all the darkness and the demons that continued to surround me and to tell me that there was always going to be light.
Now it was also telling me that the light was fading on this particular aspect of my life as the clouds gathered all around me, suppressing me, letting me know that I had no right to this man's affections, no right to these feelings and absolutely no right to his love.
A stray tear began to trickle down from my eye. At least I thought it was and not a raindrop. It fell onto my cheek and down to my lips. The saltiness taste now told me it was definitely a tear and it was quickly followed by another and then another.
Oh God, this was so stupid of me.
Why was I crying like this.
If Alan noticed he would consider me foolish and even more of a pain than I already was! Quickly I wiped a wet hand over my wetted cheeks and saw that Alan was now looking curiously at me.
"I'm okay, really I am". I answered hurriedly before he had a chance to ask.
"Are you sure?". He now asked gently with a frown.
I nodded my head quickly.
"But you seem upset about something ". He went on.
I drew in a deep breath and pulled his jacket around me even closer for comfort, finding that I could not even answer him.
Being this close, wrapped inside a piece of his own clothing, in the pouring rain, well wasn't this the stuff of romanticism?
I looked about me. Trafalgar Square was now becoming almost deserted as the rain fell even heavier and the bright full moon had now almost disappeared completely from view as the strength of the dark clouds had now taken over.
It had gone.
And so had any chance I may have had with Alan, although I didn't fully believe now that I ever had any with him in the first place.
And still my tears kept silently falling at the realisation of it all.
Alan now placed a gentle hand onto the one side of my cheek. It felt comforting, warm and just so lovely, but I knew that it was only out of his concern about me crying that he was doing it. It was just the sort of thing that this kind, gentle, caring man would do.
I looked up at him and tried to smile, but I ached and hurt for him so very much that it was quite impossible.
How was I able to smile at him when I was hurting so very much inside.
But he then smiled at me. A truly wonderful, gorgeous smile that lit up the whole of his face, just for a second though before his expression became a serious one once more.
Then without hesitation or any sort of warning whatsoever, I suddenly felt his lips come crashing down onto my own.
It was done so completely by surprise that it took me a moment or two to actually realise just what was going on!. But as his soft, gentle lips moved over mine with such passion and commitment, I now found myself responding to them.
The kiss was wonderful, spontaneous, so completely natural and the most beautiful thing that I had ever experienced. I certainly never wanted it to end, so it was with bitter disappointment when it actually did.
He was truly a master of this art, but forever the doubter I wondered whether or not he had just done that because he believed he had grossly upset me.
I bowed my head down, hardly noticing the rain at all but the tingling sensation in the bottom of my belly was undeniably strong as I became all too aware of how immensely turned on by him I'd suddenly become.
Alan was now looking at me, his face just inches away from my own, but I just could not look at him. I didn't want this to be just a pity kiss or even, God forbid, an actual goodbye one, although I was fearful it probably was at least one of them or more than likely both!
"Gwen? ". He whispered softly.
My breathing was rapid. This had to be it.
He was now going to give me his reasoning behind the kiss and I became fearful that I was now going to be hurt so very much by it. I took in a breath and looked away from him and back up at the sky again, where I noticed that the moon was peering out from behind a darkened cloud once more. I smiled to myself. It always appeared for me in times of stress or worry and now there it was again in my time of impending deep disappointment.
"Gwen?". Alan said again, trying to get my attention.
But all I wanted to do was to close my ears to him.
I really did not want to hear him to say it.
I had no wish to hear his reasons or excuses about how he would have to let me go and I really wished that I was able to skip this part of my life altogether so I would not have to go through it.
I took in a breath.
"The moon is crying". I said simply, for I really didn't know what else to say, or how to act or even what to think at this precise moment.
"What?". Alan asked, turning his head slightly to see what I was going on about.
"The moon". I repeated, "It's crying, now..... Up there, look".
I could sense that he had absolutely no idea what I was going on about, but to me it just seemed such a perfect thing to see and the timing of its appearance was quite extraordinary. It really was, to me anyway, quite awesomely beautiful.
"Gwen....". He now sounded a little exasperated as he was looking back down at me.
But I had to stop him again. I had to protect myself from his parting words.
"It's so very beautiful, don't you think? but also there's a sadness surrounding it....... In a strange sort of way".
I went on, still refusing to look at him.
"But..... Do you know something, it always seems to be there for me, watching over me, giving me hope and guidance. Its good...... to have that".
Alan gently took hold of my chin and pulled my head round so that I had to face him. No getting away from it now. I must prepare myself.
"Are you speaking about me, by any chance?". He asked, with what seemed to be a certain amount of hopefulness within his tone of voice.
I blinked at him.
No this could not be.
What was I even thinking?
Okay ........ He had just kissed me and dare I say quite passionately too.
Well, very passionately in fact.......
But did that really mean what I hoped it did?
Could I dare believe?
Or was it really just his way of letting me go.
Was it indeed intended to be a farewell kiss.
Something to remember him by.
"It's........ Its the tears". I gulped.
'The tears from the moon. That is what's falling from the sky.
It feels like I'm just so sad all the time, I've...... I've... made the angles cry".
Alan tilted his head to one side.
"Did my kissing make you so desperately unhappy then?". He asked.
I stared at him and shook my head hurriedly for I didn't mean it to come out quite like that, although I could see why he would think it!
"No, no of course not!". I said quickly.
"Then you must allow me to be the one who stops these damn tears then". He said, as a finger stroked down the side of my face.
A breath suddenly caught inside my chest as I could not really believe his words. I began to stutter:
"So.......so you....... You weren't about to say......... Goodbye then?"
The corners of his lips crinkled ever so slightly upwards before he shook his head slowly.
"No...... I wasn't about to say goodbye". He said, querking an eyebrow at me, "Not at all".
My breathing became more rapid as I continued to stare up at him. He then carried on:
"Contrary to what I believed to be the absolute correct and right thing to do at the time, I have now come to realise that this was in fact an error of judgment on my part and that it was pure folly to believe that I could ever stop thinking about you". He spoke ever so softly.
I stared hard at him, now quite unable to speak.
Alan took in an elongated breath, then shaking his head, he went on:
"Me and my damned, stupid morals! Which were in fact, getting in the way and making the both of us extremely unhappy and there's really no point in that whatsoever ".
He paused for a moment, looking down at me with an intensity I'd seldom witnessed before within those deeply attractive eyes of his. He then drew in a deep breath, before going on.
"You've both captured and enthralled me, from the very first moment I ever clapped eyes upon you. Your beauty, your kindness, the fire within you and of course your immense talent but above all your naivety. I also find you to be both passionate and alluring, yet coldly in different ".
I bent my head down, but immediately it was pulled up again by a gentle touch of my chin, so that I couldn't help but to look right into those most attractive eyes of his.
He took in a slow, deep and deliberate breath, before going on softly, almost whispering his next few words:
"I want to look after you Gwen, take the utmost care of you in every conceivable way. Not only to teach you about the world and about acting. I want to teach you everything about life".
I then noticed him swallowing hard, his Adam's apple rising up and falling back down again within his throat, before his voice spoke words I never expected to ever hear from him:
"I want you to allow me to love you".
It was now my turn to swallow hard and a knot inside my belly suddenly began to tighten, almost strangling me as I felt the whole of my body begin to shudder as I continued to look unbelievably into those kind, beautiful eyes that had truly captivated me.
This was what I had been wishing for and hoping for, just to be given the chance to be able to love him and here he was standing inches away, the scent of his cologne so prevalent, his breath so dangerously close to my face, his touch gently holding my chin upwards so that I had to look right into his face, the face that was literally asking me to love him!!!
Alan wasn't some big shot movie star any more. He wasn't the person admired and idolised by so many. The sought after actor who demanded so much screen presence whenever he appeared on it. I didn't really care who he was. To me at this very moment in time, he was just this very kind, very gentle human being wanting to be loved, actually loved............... By me!
Without a single moments hesitation, I clasped my hands around his face and pressed my lips fully onto his. The kiss was strangely frantic to begin with as I seemed to be in a hurry to show him that this is exactly what I had wanted from him all along, but now as Alan took more of a charge, he slowed the kiss right down to a more seductive pace. His tongue now found my mouth as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tighter, our damp, cold bodies seeking warmth from one another from the chill of the cool evening air.
Our mouths parted once again, but it was now Alan who seemed reluctant to fully let go as his arms became tighter around me.
"You feel cold". He whispered.
I shook my head.
"No, I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine". I now smiled up at him. "Couldn't be better in fact".
Alan returned the smile with one that really lit up the whole of that handsome face of his and pulled my head down with a strong yet gentle hand onto his chest. The side of my face was now leaning against the dampness of his shirt but I felt such a warmth inside of me and was truly so very, very happy.
I then glanced up at the sky once again and noticed that the full moon had miraculously reappeared with its brightness now casting a silvery glow onto the wet, almost deserted Trafalgar Square.
I straightened, relieving my face from Alan's chest and looked around me. The moon was curiously bright, lighting up famous and well known monuments, that held a glistening glow about them from the raindrops in this most iconic of settings.
"Its stopped raining". I whispered. "The clouds have moved away".
I then pulled myself from him, wanting to fully immerse myself in what now surrounded me. I could feel Alan's arms slacken before fully letting me go, in what seemed to be very slowly and also very reluctantly.
"It's beautiful, so very beautiful". I whispered, almost to myself.
I was now fully aware of Alan looking around himself as if trying to see exactly what I was seeing. He did look slightly bewildered I have to say.
I somehow felt he needed a bit of reassurance from me, because looking at all of this really meant a lot to me and I did not expect or needed him to ever understand what I was about to do.
It was a sheer personal thing, something that I needed to fulfill my own heart.
So I went back towards him and smiled up into his face, then I placed the palm of my hand against his cheek as I then continued to rub my thumb along the side of his face as our eyes now connected.
He then took hold of my hand and brought it down to his lips and kissed at it gently, still holding my gaze within his own, before I then stepped backwards away from him and found a big open space in which to surround myself in.
Then stretching my arms out sideways and closing my eyes I spun myself around in a big circle and laughed out loud with sheer unadulterated delight.
Never in my life before, had I ever felt so incredibly happy.
"There's no tears! ". I announced, as I continued to spin around, "There's absolutely no more tears from the moon!"
Around and around I spun, arms outstretched, bare feet dancing across a cold, hard surface as they also made their contact with the pools of water. My hair, now wet and straggly hit against my face as I continued to spin myself around. The gorgeous dress I was wearing was now soaking wet through and clung to my body, trying to hold me in the confinements of its material but it failed miserably to district me from my wayward movements.
I felt free of everything!
Absolute freedom was now totally mine.
At this precise moment, I could have spun like this forever!
Of course I was completely aware that Alan was standing there watching these strange antics of a somewhat deranged woman, but I didn't worry. I felt so full of unbridled joy and happiness that it had become so hard for me to control myself.
I began to spin faster and faster.
Round and around I went as I now had opened my eyes and could see a blur of muted, dark colours all mingled in together. But with each turn I took, I could see the outline of a bright, white figure just stood there watching.
There it was again.......... And again..... With each and every turn I did.
It glowed from out of the darkness like a ghost...........
Or like the moon appearing from out of darkening skies.
I knew it was actually Alan standing there in his white shirt, be it soaking wet now from the rain we had endured, but it felt so right that he did seem to be my saviour now and it was because of him that I was experiencing such complete euphoria.
Very suddenly, I began to wobble out of sheer dizziness from my spinning around actions and felt as if I was about to land crashing to the ground. But Alan was immediate in his response of actually catching hold of me and taking me back into his arms once again.
I looked up at him and smiled, feeling rather foolish that I had nearly fallen over my own bare feet.
"I told you I'd look after you". He spoke gently. "I will never let you fall".
I smiled up at him, before looking around me and back up at the sky.
"It would seem that the moon would agree with you. Look how bright it has become". I grinned.
But Alan wasn't following my line of vision at all. He was not interested in all of that. All he seemed to want to do was look at me.
But that was alright. I didn't mind that. Not at all and as I turned to face him again I could see that real passion was held within his eyes.
The crowds were now returning, milling around Trafalgar Square like hoards of bees returning to the hive.
A lone guitarist was setting down his case and tuning up just yards away from us and a couple of painted living statues were also getting into position to do their thing. A group of excited children ran past us towards a mobile ice cream cart that was just being wheeled passed and lovers walked by holding hands romantically which funnily enough, I now didn't feel at all envious at their happiness.
I had become momentarily distracted by all that was going on around me as the activity of this vibrant city had now returned. Even though it was getting late in the evening and the daylight had all but disappeared, the life and atmosphere of this capital city simply refused to be put to bed!
I smiled to myself.
This was just so, so perfect.
Even though I had gotten soaking wet through, my feet were bare and my hair and makeup held little to be desired, I had now found myself snuggled up against this most wonderful, gentle, charismatic and handsome of men, who just happened to have his arms holding tightly around me.
My expensive, beautiful dress was completely wet through and was clinging to my body making me feel uncomfortable. My once beautifully styled hair was also stuck firmly onto my scalp by the wetness from the rain and my feet were blue with cold. But somehow none of that seemed to matter. I was exactly where I wanted to be, within the arms of the man I loved.
I looked up at him and smiled, as I pushed a stray strand of wet hair away from my face. Alan gave a little smile in return and also proceeded to push back the annoying stray piece of hair with gentle fingertips.
Then without a moments hesitation, he once again gently pressed his lips down onto mine and kissed me firmly and passionately.
This was the most wonderful of all feelings as my head now started to spin like my body had done only moments ago as every nerve throughout my entire body, tingled with great excitement.
Surrounding us, the crowds were getting on with there own thing, living their own lives and not paying any attention to us whatsoever. They would not have even realised who we were in fact and to them we were just a couple enjoying one another.
As we continued to kiss, I couldn't care less about anything else either.
This was the single most important thing to me above all else, actually being in love with this wonderful human being and being loved in return.