A/N : This is for ChocolateNeko07 ! Hope you like it !
As usual, in the afternoon, right after classes, [Y/N] was taking a stroll around the school, humming a song as her [H/C] hair swayed around gracefully. She was taking time to look at her surroundings, admiring the empty hallways while the courtyard was full of life : numerous clubs were there for their activities.
In fact, [Y/N] was in the litterature club, but she had a hard time writing a good piece ; her writings always ended up dull, without any feelings carved into them.
Actually, they were even boring, without anything standing out : the story was far too cliché and predictable, the characters only seemed lovable because she was their creator, and the fantasy world she wanted to depict had nothing memorable.
First of all, she tried to make up for the weak plotline by making great characters, but then, they were too different, too successful or too drenched in misery. It seemed like everything about them was exaggerated, even their reactions and ideals. When she added an element onto them, it only made them more ridiculous. When she tried to make them more simple, they seemed bland.
So she gave up on the characters, and chose the best setup she had, thinking she could at least make the story interesting by describing a vast panel of architecture, social classes, politics and animals, to make it more like a study about what life could be like in a fantasy world. And of course, she failed miserably.
Who would read dozens of pages of very detailed description about passerbies and birds ? When politics were such a bother in the real world, why would they be interesting when brought onto a story ?
Everything she wrote was so bad ; she couldn't show that to anyone. Worse, being so awful at creating stories made her ashamed of her own existence, shielding her notebook against her chest so that no one would be able to read the title.
When another student walked near her, [Y/N] would lower her head in embarrasment, praying that they won't ask to read what she wrote.
After all, [Y/N] could be considered shameless : her dream was to become a successful author ; she used to announce it proudly to her friends because she was convinced that if she worked hard, she could do it. Everyone knew that [Y/N] was writing all the time, even in class, and in general, whenever she had time ; she viewed the entire world as nothing but a source of inspiration and took every opportunity to challenge her talent.
She had won writing contests and even appeared in the local newspaper. Everyone knew her, and thought that it was her destiny to be successful in the future.
But the truth was, she had never being that good, and the low quality of her work now was the ultimate proof of that.
She had never been a genius, not even close. And yet, her classmates, friends and parents viewed her like that, like it was normal for her to succeed.
Then, what failure would be considered like ?
Shame, embarrassment, disappointment, pity.
Everyone's looks are cold, and unwavering, as they step back from her. They frown and mutter words that pierce through her like pointy daggers.
[Y/N] would never be able to look at them properly. She had to do something to overcome this slump, and she desesperately tried to find inspiration as she looked at the world around her.
Oh, so many ideas of stories pushed each other in her head in the most marvelous way. And yet, [Y/N] paid them no mind, as they weren't good enough. She sighed ; to be honest, she wanted to run away and to rest. However, she immediately labeled those thoughts as poor and unpleasant : why would she have the right to rest when she couldn't even do her job well.
As [Y/N] felt more nasty tears forming in her eyes, she bolted through the empty hallway as quickly as she could. Running inside of the building was forbidden, but she kept going as she encountered no one and only heard the sound of her heavy footsteps.
Then, she suddenly stopped in front of a heavy, wooden door. It was quite different from the sliding doors that lead to every classroom. She opened it quickly, and got inside while closing the door.
Resting her body against the reassuring, imperfect polished wood calmed her a bit as tears silently fell down from her eyes, clouding her vision. She couldn't even see the empty room.
"Has something happened ?" asked a deep, male voice from afar.
[Y/N] suddenly shivered, and cleared her tears by rubbing her eyes ; sure enough, a tall, handome student was sitting, the book he was probably reading on his desk.
Her eyes widened as she came to the realization that someone had seen her crying, and she covered her face with her hands, feeling ashamed to have disturbed someone.
She was seen crying.
Now, her day couldn't be worse than that, and it wasn't even finished. A red blush creeped on her cheeks, and she wished she could disappear.
Even if that student didn't recognize her, she would be forced to tell what happened, and open the door to gossip. Before long, the whole school would laugh at her, destroying the tiny bit of hope of having a career in writing she had.
Why ? Did she ever do something to deserve all that ? She already spent months agonizing over her uselessness, and now, everyone was going to know about this.
Slowly, while [Y/N] reflected on the purpose of her existence, the male student slowly approached her and stopped in front of her. He tilted his head, trying to get [Y/N] to look at him.
"Hey", he began softly, "it's only me."
[Y/N] suddenly realized that she knew the voice that was speaking to her in a weird, awkardly yet kind, scary manner. She looked up, getting her [H/C] colored locks out of the way ; the graceful and rough figure of her senior, Joo-Doh, greeted her silently.
As usual, his face wore a bit of a scowl, but she knew he wasn't angry. He only was like that, scary at first glance, but once people got to know him better, they understood that in reality, he was really nice.
If she was completely honest, she had a tiny crush on him. He was part of the baseball team and was a valuable asset : she always thought he looked cool when playing because of how the team members would depend on him. He had multiple talents, and seemed like he could do anything.
However, he also had his weaknesses. For example, he had a hard time saying no to someone who needed help, and took care of everyone he appreciated like a lively big brother.
Yes, to her, he was like the ultimate character ; perfectly balanced, not too extraordinary, lovable and someone everyone could look up to. He was the one she always searched for, the one her mind couldn't create, and mysteriously real.
He lived as a real person, and not as a character in a foreign world. She was naturally drawn to him, and, of course, had wanted to know more about him from the moment they met.
She knew Joo-Doh liked to relax in the library sometimes, to escape from noisy people, and joined him more than once. They usually talked quietly, or read a book separately.
Somehow, [Y/N] always felt calm beside him, and today was no exception. Even if she felt her face redden with embarassment as she didn't want the one she loved to see her in that pitiful state, she started calming down. She no longer felt panicked, and her shoulders relaxed slowly.
Joo-Doh stood there, not wanting to disrupt her again. Of course, he was painfully curious about what was wrong, but held back a bit.
[Y/N]'s breathing becoming steady, he finally asked, "Has something happened ?".
"Oh, um...", she muttered awkardly. "I... I'm just a bit stressed lately."
He tilted his head, frowning at her words.
"Why is that ?", he growled, "did someone do something to you ?"
[Y/N]'s eyes opened wide, surprised as she denied it firmly. Somehow, she felt a tiny bundle of joy in her chest ; it juste made her happy that Joo-Doh worried for her and wanted to protect her. After all, any girl would be happy if their crush reacted this way, showing affection in such a roundabout way.
However, when he asked her again, she let her head fall down in shame and looked at the ground.
She was supposed to be the genius everyone wanted her to be ; able to write anything, letting the ink flow on paper as easily as breathing. She couldn't admit that she had trouble writing the nice piece everyone was expecting. Worse, she couldn't decently recognize that she wasn't good at all. It would be like denying every work she put her heart into, and everyone would be so disappointed that they might refuse to read something she wrote ever again.
Then everything would be over.
Suppressing the thought of telling her senior everything that weighed on her heart, she closed her eyes and bit her lips.
Yet, that only seemed to annoy Joo-Doh, and pulled a sigh out of him.
"Fine, that's okay if you don't want to tell me."
"It's not that, I swear !", [Y/N] said hurriedly, "I'm... just ashamed."
That may have surprised Joo-Doh, whose eyes widened immediatly. He then cursed under his breath, his menacing look becoming quite scary. However, when he saw [Y/N] flinching, he immediatly tried to relax, or at least to show a little, reconforting smile.
"You don't have to be", he muttered, trying to seem more kind, patting her head affectionately, "whoever put that idea into your head is unforgivable."
[Y/N] felt quite awkward at that declaration ; she didn't have the heart to say that she had obligated herself at thinking like this.
Still, she began to question herself : would it be okay not to be ashamed of her failures ? Would it be okay for her not to be perfect ? Such a thought seemed liberating, and forbidden at the same time.
"Ah", groaned Joo-Doh, "I think I understand now. It's about your stories, isn't it ? There isn't anything in the world you take more seriously than writing."
Unable to say anything yet again, maybe because she was so scared that Joo-Doh may think badly of her, [Y/N] only nodded. She could already feel her throat becoming painfully dry, and tears forming at her eyes.
"Now I don't have to know the full story", he continued, "but I think everything you write is great, because you put your heart into each word. That's what matters. Right now, you don't have an editor to tell you what to write, so you should try to do what you want while you still can. Sometimes, it's hard to be bind by guidelines. It is something necessary once you become a full-fledged writer, but only then."
Joo-Doh seemed like he thought about this a lot before, and that made you remember that he was the caretaker and bodyguard of that rich classmate, named Soo-Won. As such, you guessed he couldn't do anything he wanted : he couldn't have hobbies or go anywhere because he needed to be with Soo-Won at all times. It seemed so restricting and awful.
Considering all that, Joo-Doh was completely right. She should try to be happy while writing everything she could think of because she wasn't tied down too much. After all, she had been so focused on writing a good piece that she had forgotten why she liked creating stories so much ; she had forgotten she joy it brought her.
"It isn't arrogant or selfish to enjoy yourself ; it's human", he finished.
[Y/N] didn't expect to hear something like that from Joo-Doh, who dedicated himself to guarding Soo-Won.
Enjoying life wasn't selfish. It was normal.
Oh, how that was liberating. Hear someone else, especially Joo-Doh, say that she didn't have to abide by everyone else's expectations for now felt great. It was as if she didn't have the right to write anything she wanted without someone telling her to.
Suddenly, she felt a surge of inspiration ; ideas that had been locked inside of her coming forth into her brain.
She felt better. She felt happy. And it was thanks to Joo-Doh again.
"That's better", Joo-Doh said, "you're already smiling."
[Y/N] set as a goal to make him happy too.