The day ended quickly, and I was glad it was over. I do enjoy working at the store, but today I just didn't feel like it, especially whoever came into the store kept wishing us a happy New Year. I had to restrain myself from saying it wasn't a happy New Year. How could it be? How could I even think about being happy and celebrate the New Year knowing what had happened to my sister, especially when the killer is still walking free?
Our boss allowed Rhett and I, as well as the other staff, to leave once our shift was over, locking up the store himself. Rhett was starving and wanted to stop at Hungry Jacks before we headed to the wharf to meet up with Kaylie. I wasn't hungry, but feeling thirsty and hot from the humid summer weather, I brought myself a frozen Coke.
While Rhett waited for his food, I call Mum, letting her know that I wasn't sure if I will be returning home late or crashing at Rhett's after the party. She tells me it's fine and hoped I have a good time. As she speaks I can't help but feel a hint of sadness in her voice, which suddenly makes me feel guilty for ditching my parents tonight when we should really be together as a family. We didn't celebrate Christmas last week. There was no reason to. Not without Tiffany. Instead Mum cooked the three of us a baked dinner. The Christmas spirit just wasn't in us. We didn't even contact our relatives to wish them a merry Christmas. I should cancel my arrangements with Rhett. My parents are more important than a New Year's party.
I move away so Rhett couldn't hear me. "What are you and Dad going to do for the night?"
"We may just take a break from packing and watch a movie."
"I should just forget about the party and come spend the night with you guys."
I feel my mother's smile on the other end. "Oh, sweetie, that's very nice of you, but you don't need to do that. Your father and I will be alright on our own. You can go out and have fun with your friends. Just remember to call us to let us know if you're spending the rest of the night with Rhett."
I nod, promising I will and hang up the phone. I slip it into my pocket and glance over at Rhett, whose order was just called. He grabs the brown paper bag and then joins me, walking out of the restaurant. He takes the burger out of the bag, dumping the paper in a nearby bin. He unwrap the Whopper as we walk down the busy plaza to the wharf. He takes a bite.
"Want a bite?" he asks me with his mouth full.
I shake my head. "No thanks." I take a sip of my frozen Coke.
I eye two surfers as they walk past us in their wetsuits and holding their boards underneath their arms. Half of me wanted to ditch Rhett and join those guys on the surf. It's where I wanted to be right now. It's where I'm meant to be. At least it will help me keep my mind off Tiffany. This party wouldn't help me. Rhett had promised we would go surfing for at least half an hour before we met up with Kaylie, but then he decided it was best we surf tomorrow when it was our day off. Knowing the hangover he will have tomorrow, I doubt he will go surfing.
I don't tell Rhett what I'm thinking because I know what he will say. He has been trying every way he can to keep me occupied, but still Tiffany manages to slip my mind.
We spot Kaylie from across the street where she was standing near the bus stop at the wharf. She is dressed in a short denim shorts and a lilac camisole over her bikini, with her reddish hair tied back into a ponytail. I was surprised she was wearing her bikini underneath. I don't think we would be swimming at all this afternoon.
The light turns green for us and we cross the busy road. Kaylie hurries over to us and embraces Rhett, kissing him tenderly.
"Happy New Year, babe," Rhett says.
"Happy New Year to you too." She pulls away and greets me. She tells me happy New Year and I smile politely, saying it back, which instantly makes me feel ashamed to say it. "So are you guys ready to go?"
"You know I am." Rhett swings an arm around her shoulders.
We walk towards the yacht club near the wharf. Rhett and Kaylie mostly talk about tonight, while I remain silent.
"So Riley," Kaylie says as we step into the speed boat, "Amber recently broke up with her boyfriend. Maybe you should share a kiss with her at midnight."
I give her a shy smile knowing Rhett probably mentioned something to her. I have hung out with Kaylie's friends a couple of times, but I didn't know them well. It was nice to know they were concerned about me and wanted me to be happy, but I didn't think I could find happiness in dating.
"Thanks, Kaylie, but I don't know," I reply.
She starts the motor. "Come on. You will love Amber. I think you both will make a cute couple."
Amber was a lovely person. She had short dark brown hair and green eyes. She had a great sense of humour, but I wasn't sure if she was right for me.
"I will see," I answer. "I'm not really sure if I want to date anyone just yet."
Kaylie steers the boat towards Sydney Harbour where her father's yacht was.
"No, you won't see," Rhett says loudly over the motor. "Don't say you aren't sure you want to date. Of course you want to date. It has been two years, mate. You are ready to move on."
I wanted to protest about whether or not if I was really ready to move on. I didn't feel ready, but maybe that's only because I never really gave myself a chance to date again. It never even crossed my mind. Maybe I should take my friends' advice and give it ago with Amber tonight.
We arrive at the yacht and greeted Kaylie's friends and father. Her father than says goodbye, telling us to make sure we don't drink too much tonight, that way someone is still sober by midnight to steer the yacht back to the yacht club. Most likely I will be the one who will be sober by the end of the night. I wasn't planning on drinking much.
Rhett tosses me a can of Jack Daniel's. I take the beer and open it, taking a sip. I silently remind myself not to drink too much. I didn't want a hangover when I go surfing tomorrow.
Kaylie cranks up the volume on the boom box, with Ariana Grande's song Break Free on the radio. Rhett puts his arm around his girlfriend's waist and they move to the side to dance. Tina and Mandy do the same. I feel Amber's eyes watching me, but I don't glance her way.
Without saying a word to her, I walk over to the table where three loaves of garlic bread was sitting on the fold up table, wrap in with foil. Beside it are three Pizza Hut boxes. I check each one to see what toppings there were – Meat lovers, Hawaiian and Supreme. I grab a slice of Meat lovers. I still didn't feel hungry, but if I didn't eat anything soon, Rhett will probably force it down my throat, telling me to eat something.
"It's a nice day, isn't it?" Amber says to me, taking two pieces of garlic bread.
"It is," I reply, sitting down on a seat. Amber joins me. "How has your day been?" I bite into my pizza.
"It has been great. I was jogging near the beach this morning. I saw you out on the waves. You were excellent."
I smile at her. "Thank you. Do you surf?"
Amber shakes her head. "No, I don't. I have never been surfing."
I stare at her, surprise. I thought she was only joshing with me, but she wasn't. Particularly everyone I knew in Manly surfs. Well, maybe not everyone, but most of my old classmates did. I see some of them down the beach from time to time since we finished school in September. My parents used to surf themselves, but work mostly stops them from doing the sport. "You should come surfing sometime. It's a great sport. I find it relaxing."
Amber smiles brightly at my offer. "Yeah, sure. I would love to go."
I return the smile, and finished eating the pizza. My friends were still dancing and I decided to ask Amber to dance with me, just so we didn't look like the odd ones out just sitting here and doing nothing.
We dance for a while until we got tired and sat down to eat, watching the sunset and talk about what we wanted to do for next year. I have no idea what I wanted so I just remain silent. Even when my friends ask me what my plans were, I reply with I wasn't sure.
By the end of the night I was tired and just wanted to go home. I didn't care about the fireworks.
Fifteen minutes to midnight I decided to separate myself from my friends and sit on the front of the boat. Around me I could hear music coming from other boats, laughter and people having a good time, wishing everyone a happy New Year.
I sit there and look around me, watching everyone in nearby boats who were out on their decks. Everyone was happy. One girl with blonde hair to the left side to us was excitedly telling her boyfriend how it was almost time for the fireworks. She reminded me of Tiffany. New Year's Eve was her favourite celebration. She loved fireworks. When we were kids Mum and Dad would buy us sparkles, and we would run around the beach, yelling out happy New Year to people. We ran around until we felt exhausted and fell asleep on the sand. Rather than taking us home to bed, our parents would take us down to Manly Wharf when it was close to midnight, where we were able to watch the fireworks from Sydney Harbour.
I hear Kaylie giggling from behind me. I glance over my shoulder to see Kaylie and Rhett through the window, sitting beside the steering wheel of the yacht. Rhett was sitting on a seat with Kaylie sitting on his lap. I watch them kiss. I wasn't sure where the others were. They were probably at the back of the boat.
"Do you mind if I sit here with you?"
I turn to see Amber standing beside me. I didn't even hear or see her come up behind me.
"Yeah, sure."
She sits down beside me. "You're quiet tonight."
"I'm not much in a party mood at the moment."
"Yes, I have notice. It's about Tiffany, isn't it?"
I nod. "I didn't really want to come here, but Rhett wanted me to. He is trying every way he can to help me move on. I know I should move on, but I feel like I can't. Knowing how she died, it's..." Tears prickle my eyes. I quickly wipe them before Amber notices them. Thankfully it was dark and there wasn't much light around. "It feels like something is missing inside of me."
Amber sits there staring at me before putting a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, everything will get better again."
"That's what's everyone tells me. Even my parents say it. They say moving away will help, but I know it won't. Without Tiffany, it feels like something is missing, like I can't be completed without her."
"You know how some twins have those connections where they feel each other's pain, did you and Tiffany ever have that?"
I nod. "Yes, we did."
"Did you know that Tiffany was dead before you were told?"
I look away from Amber, not wanting to remember that night. Rhett and I were in my room playing Assassin's Greed when I started to feel that something was wrong. I felt bad for asking Rhett if he mind leaving because I wasn't feeling well. It was late as well so it was probably best that he did leave. Parts of my body ached. I wanted to tell my parents that something was wrong, but I didn't. What could they have done? We didn't even know where she was.
I lie down on my bed, resting until the pain subsides. When it does after a while, something felt odd. I didn't feel right. I felt hollow, like something was missing. I grab my phone and dial my sister's number, but it kept going to voice mail.
It wasn't until late morning when the police tell us the bad news. My mother didn't want to believe anything. She thought Tiffany might have been out with friends or had come in late when she and Dad were asleep. When she finally accepted what the officers were saying, she broke down. She couldn't stand.
Right now I am still trying to work out what this new hollow feeling means. I don't know how long I will feel it for or if it will be there eternally.
I tell Amber everything. She listens and doesn't say a word.
Suddenly everyone around us begins to count down to midnight. Even my friends say it. Amber joins in. I count softly.
Everyone cheers as the fireworks are let off in all different directions, lighting up the harbour. Everything is quiet. The only sound that could be heard was the fireworks. It lasts for several minutes until it ends. You could smell the smoke as a light breeze blows our way.
I look behind me to see Rhett and Kaylie were back to locking lips. Tina and Mandy were on their phones, saying whoever they were speaking to a happy New Year.
I turn back to Amber. She watches me carefully. She reaches out and touches the side of my cheek before she leans forward and kisses me. I kiss her slowly, but I couldn't feel any chemistry between us, even if Rhett and Kaylie wanted me to be with Amber. I gently pull away from her.
Amber realises her mistake and gets up. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that."
I stand up as well. "It's okay, Amber. I'm not mad. I just... I just don't feel like I'm ready to be in a relationship."
She gives me a smile. "I understand. Happy New Year."
I give her a small smile and then walk to the back of the yacht without saying anything back to her.