And just like that, Hisoka and Illumi had faded. Not in the literal sense, obviously, but if literal is what would be preferred as an explanation, then one would say the 'and' has disappeared. There is Hisoka. There is Illumi. Existing in the same world but not the ones tailored to themselves.
One month ago they had their first time and Illumi left a bed of warmth for a bed of ice. He left a fiery man who was willing to whisper sweet nothings into his ear for as long as he liked for a family of icicles waiting for one slip up as permission to come crashing down on him.
It wasn't willingly of course. He had just woken up to what he assumed was the early morning, sliding closer to the warm body next to him, he heard the notification. It was very quite to untrained ears but it rang out in his. He almost never got texts unless it was from the the handsome man who lie fast asleep next to him. Reluctantly, he slithered out of bed to the cursed device that rouse him.
It was a message from Milluki, rather a warning. It would seem their father is rather angry at him for his constant absences. Of course his younger brother also mention that he now owes him one. Illumi rolled his eyes, which rolled right to the sleeping figure in bed. He smiled at the relaxed Hisoka, not being able to bring himself to wake him. He figured he'd return home, ease his father's suspicions, then in a few days he'd be able to go out again. He would just have to call the older man in the meantime. So he left with out a sound.
He returned to the manner, however, before he could even get up the stairs, he was stopped by a butler who looked overcome with dread at being the courier for this message.
"Master Illumi, Master and Head of House, Silva would like to speak with you."
A similar dread crept into the eldest son, "What could father want?"
It was a rhetorical question, because he knew full well what he could want but the butler, was taking no chances of messing up and answered anyways, "I believe he wishes to speak with you about your recent absences."
Illumi sighed, "Tell him I'll be there in a bit, I have some business to attend to."
"I'm sorry but I'm told it's urgent."
He rolled his eyes, letting out a scoff of irritation, mainly to distract from his worry of knowing what the conversation would be about. He thought about killing the servant to blow some steam, but that would likely bring him more trouble. Instead he brushed right past her to start his decent to the lions den.
All he wanted to do was take a long shower, one that could have been shared with another but that would be a bit too much to ask for he supposed.
He walked in the room prepared for one parent but not both. Silva didn't look fazed by his sudden appearance though his mother took to a different method. She gasped, then turned to whisper into Silva's ear (something nasty, Illumi was sure) to which the brute finally looked up.
Illumi had no choice but to quickly readjust the excuses he made up for his absences to now convince his father as well as his mother. How he just wanted to curl up into a ball in the ground.
Silva was the first to speak, "Welcome back."
It was true, since his recent endeavors with Hisoka his presence at the estate has been dwindling to a dangerous scarcity. Even so, there was no need to be this dramatic. He stayed silent knowing his father would drag this conversation longer than it needed to be.
"Well then, on to it," Silva started again, Illumi braced himself, "your absences from the house have become more frequent than they should, I realize you have your own business to attend to but certainly you shouldn't be out as much as you are. Need I remind you, if you want to remain employed to me, you are to dedicate yourself to this job?"
It's not like he had a choice.
"No father."
This seemed to please him, if only for a moment, "Then you're well aware that I could have not overlooked your constant leaves?"
"Yes father."
"Your mother is very upset you know? We have not heard from Killua in a while and you know how his leaving has made her very upset. So imagine how we must feel when our eldest has suddenly decided to leave."
So their aim is the guilt trip, easy enough. But Illumi couldn't hold his tongue.
"I know. You must be so sad, mother, that all your children have left, I wonder why?" He scowled at her, he shouldn't have said that.
"Illumi!" She cried out, then began to shake.
This seemed to annoy Silva, "As of now you're on lockdown, you are not allowed to leave the house, one foot out the door and you will be seen to solitary confinement for as long as your mother pleases."
"But you know what I wonder more?" Illumi continued hardly registering his father's words, "Why the hell do I bother to stay?"
"Illumi!" This time it was his father's turn to shout. If he didn't stand so abruptly, Illumi would have continued to ignore him, "you are restricted to your room, you'll have no contact with anyone."
Illumi scrunched his nose at this, opening his mouth to protest but Silva beat him to it.
"Do you really wish to argue with me?"
Finally his better judgment got ahold of his mind once more, he kept his mouth shut and averted his eyes down although, he was seething with rage.
His father spoke something about having the butlers clear his room but he wasn't listening anymore. Suddenly his rage manifested into a deep regret and an even deeper sadness. Why hadn't he just stayed with Hisoka? Why hadn't he denounced his family and the damned business that came with it? His other siblings did the later, so why couldn't he? If only he could turn back time, he would have never left that bed.
He was shown up to his room like a guest after his father took his phone (most likely going to be destroyed) then proceeded to send him off with parting farewells,
"Take a shower once you get up there. I can smell you from here."
He could've sworn his mother was laughing, or crying, who knew?
They really did gut out his room to the bare minimum while his father was lecturing. Not like there was much to begin with, but now there really was nothing but what was considered essential.
He turned on the water, deciding to draw a bath since there was nothing else for him to do. It was hours ago he more vulnerable that he'd ever been in his life and he didn't mind it. It scared and excited him at the same time. Ever since he met Hisoka, it feels like his eyes opened to a different world. One that contained the same violence as his as well as everyday life and emotions that follow. It was peculiar at first but he grew attached to it.
Who knows when he'd be able to get back to that life.
***
A month went by dreadfully slow. There was only so much to do in an empty room with no contact to any human being. It gave him time to mull over the fact that in Hisoka's eyes, he might as well have fell off the face of the earth. He would have to fix that as soon as he was let out.
He was left with more positive thoughts to ponder as well. After much thinking, lots of thinking, there was not a world in which he could fathom contentment without Hisoka (maybe happiness was the right word but that was quite foreign to Illumi so he strayed away from the use of it) He established his feeling of calamity for leaving the way he did so, he made a promise to himself that he would leave as soon as he was let out to go see the man, make up with him, then leave the family business.
It wouldn't be easy by any means however, it was something the eldest put a lot of thought into. He knew he could find new work, he had Hisoka who had connections. Work wasn't a problem but being hunted down was. That was something he'd just have to live with or maybe, if he was lucky, he wouldn't be worth their time. Luck didn't seem to be on his side very much so it seemed highly unlikely he'd face zero consequences.
He did have to really convince himself that this was the best option. Having lived and breathed in the manor for 22 years, leaving felt impossible. At first, he thought it was decision between Hisoka or the Zoldyck family. It wasn't until recently he discovered it was Hisoka or his parents, the later he cared far less about than his siblings. They had already left so it was time for him to do the same, even if he was a couple years late.
So, one morning, the door opened, a butler told him he was free too leave, then produced a phone from his pocket, handing it to the long hair man. Sure enough, it was brand new and Illumi knew he'd be ditching it as soon as he left the property. Who knows what kind of tracking systems it had on it?
Once outside, away from the estate including everything it contaminated, he felt a sudden surge of confidence in his decision. With much haste, he was headed back into the city to fix a relationship he was sure to be damaged quite a bit.
***
What he didn't expect was to be rejected. He showed up to Hisoka's doorstep (he made sure to remind himself everyday where it was while he was in confinement) knocked a few times before waiting eagerly. He would have called in advance but he could remember the mans number for the life of him.
Illumi had to hold back every urge to jump into the tall mans arms. He looked just as Illumi had daydreamed but ten times better. He was muscular just as he remembered, his hair was up in the way Illumi always admired, his golden eyes could melt the raven haired man, he slammed the door in his face. What?
Illumi blinked out of his trance. The door shut almost as quickly as it was opened. He thought maybe he imagined the whole thing so he when to knock again. He was beaten to the punch as the door swung open again. Illumi went to speak but, as is the the theme for the day he supposed, he was beaten again.
"Well, well. I had to make sure I wasn't seeing things," he laughed but it was full of sarcasm, "so he rises from the grave, what a pleasure."
Illumi could tell he seething but he remained calm just like he told himself he would, "I know it's been a while, I know I left abruptly but listen I can explain."
"Oh, please do." Hisoka frowned.
"I was unfortunately summoned by my father for a meeting which ended poorly which, lead to my confinement for a month so," Hisoka was nodding along to his every word but it was obviously he wasn't having any of it, "that is why I couldn't reach you. I returned as soon as I was let out."
Illumi sighed, confident in his explanation, very ready to be accepted back into the life of bliss he missed so much. But Hisoka just let out a laugh of irritation.
"That's a lovey little story you conjured up there, Illu. I think you forgot the part where you left the morning of with out a word."
Illumi scoffed like it was obvious, "I had to leave right away, I didn't have time to explain-,"
"But you did. You could've woken me. Are you telling me that one extra minute would have been out of your way."
"Well I could have, but I was preoccupied." His side of the argument wasn't looking too good.
"Well if you can't spare a minute for me then don't worry, I won't inconvenience you to spare any."
He slammed the door again leaving Illumi to blink out of confusion at the sudden action, as well as let his words soak in.
As soon as they did, he was banging on the door.
"Hisoka wait! Let me explain further, listen I didn't know I was going to be locked away for a month, I was planning to call you after my meeting but I quite literally could not."
The door opened as he was knocking, luckily he caught himself.
Hisoka spoke, visibly angry, "Listen Illumi, I've had my fair share of one night stands. Do you know what that is? Well let me tell you what it's not, it's not leading someone on for months just to get a good fuck then jump ship. That's what psychopaths do though believe me darling, I'm sure you as well as I are both closer to that than anyone but I really did think you were above that level of heartless."
"That's not what my intention was! Is! It's not what it is, I'm telling you the truth, you know my father is batshit, does secluding me from the world really seem outside the realm of punishment he'd dispose?"
"No, it doesn't. Can he confirm this?"
"Well," Absolutely not, confirming his story would mean Hisoka meeting his father, which was out of the question, "no. No, because you can't talk to him."
"Well then goodbye, Illumi."
"No wait," he stopped the door, "I promise you I'm telling the truth."
"Dear, I know relationships are not your forte, but something like this can not be fixed by something as fictitious as promises."
Illumi felt powerless but he pushed that feeling away and replaced it with determination.
"But they can be fixed?"
Hisoka leaned on the door frame, "Perhaps." He drawled out.
"Well then, what? What do I need to do to get you to believe me?"
He chuckled in a way that was most definitely mocking, "Oh dear, you really are clueless when it comes to this," Illumi bit his tongue, "Well then I suppose, if you can prove to me that you won't leave again, I'll take this story you've spun into consideration."
Illumi furrowed his brows, opening his mouth to say something, but was abruptly cut off,
"If you ask me 'how?' then I'm going to start reconsidering even giving you a chance."
He closed the door, Illumi assumed for good this time. Hisoka was right, he had no clue how to make this up to him.
But he had to start somewhere.
So the very next day he bought a lovely arrangement of flowers which is what normal people probably get for each other after they fight. He decided coffee would also be a peacemaker if the flowers were a bust. He was feeling rather proud of himself, that is, till he was rejected yet again.
Hisoka took the gifts with an eyebrow raised in suspicion. Illumi was ready to be excepted back into the man's life, then he spoke.
"I'll save you some time Illu, you could buy me a garden and it still won't cut it." He sighed and turned inward, just before closing the door, "but I'll admit, I'm surprised though thought of this."
He closed the door, leaving Illumi to hang his head and sigh. This had been his main plan, he didn't have a back up because he didn't fail.
That night was sleepless as he tried to think of ways to convince the man he wasn't leaving. That in fact, he was leaving his family for Hisoka. He sat up once discovering his new revelation. Maybe if he told him that, then he'd really reconsider.
So the next he showed up at the door he was tired of seeing in his face. He knocked eager for any glimpse of those golden eyes.
Before the other could get any word, Illumi started, "I'm leaving my family's business. I don't want any part of it anymore. I will dedicate myself to-to whatever this is." he gestured between them.
However, this didn't seem to be the words Hisoka was looking to hear, "So what you're giving me is an empty promise?"
Illumi groaned, "It's not empty! I fully plan on it"
"Well let me know when you do." He started closing the door but Illumi stopped it.
"I'd call my father right now and tell him to go to hell but I don't have a phone and going back home to tell him is... complicated."
Hisoka ran a hand through his hair and let out a long breathe. When he resumed eye contact his face was riddle with disappointment which made something in Illumi's chest hurt.
"Wait here." He commanded, the left the door just a bit ajar as he dipped into the apartment.
He returned with a slip of paper in hand to which Illumi took it greedily. Written was an address in his neat script.
"I'm going to that club tonight. I'd text it to you but you don't have a phone, also I don't give out my number to strangers."
Illumi pushed aside that last part, focusing only on the opportunity that lay ahead.
"Alright then, it's a date." He smiled.
He noted the hum of amusement Hisoka gave before he shut the door.
Once again, he hung his head while simultaneously letting out a breath. He clutched the paper in his hand for dear life.
As the time scribbled on the paper drew nearer, Illumi got more nervous, which was a foreign feeling. In the two attempts he really did try his best. It wasn't much he knew that, but he if he had to go back everyday to plead his case, he was fully prepared for that. Although, it wasn't something he preferred. Hisoka never seemed like he'd take anything to heart, but Illumi was realizing he'd hurt him pretty deeply. He didn't know how to fix things like this. He was born to end lives, not get involved in them.
He left 30 minutes early, giving the taxi the address, then sitting in more silence.
What could be possibly want to hear from me? I've told him the truth, I'm here now aren't I? That should be enough.
He figured it would do no good to keep pondering about but he couldn't help himself. He was overthinking during the entirety of the ride and when he walked in he was so deep into thought that the loud music with flashes of light almost sent him into cardiac arrest.
Social setting like this were something Illumi avoided all together. The lights made him want to vomit, the noise made him want to kill every living thing in there. Oh, but the things he'd endure to get Hisoka back were limitless, so onward he pushed.
With some struggle, he was finally able to make out a bar. His eyes wandered like they knew exactly where to go which lead to Hisoka. He was in muted colors which was interesting but nothing to complain about because anything that man wore as well as anything about him made Illumi wonder how he got so lucky.
His black eyes, which swirled around the practically radiant man, rounded their way to someone unfamiliar. Someone way to close to just be a friend but far enough that it was clear they weren't going to suck face anytime soon. It became clear what they were doing, flirting.
All at once Illumi filled with jeaoulsy. Had it been a different setting, he was sure everyone would pick up on his dappend mood. Although, had it been a different setting, preferably one hidden from public eyes, he would have ripped this stranger to sherds, leaving him to wonder why suddenly his right arm is to his left and his left to his right. But Illumi couldn't live that fantasy, no, he had to be civil. So, breathing away his surface level jealousy, he approached the two.
Hisoka was playing the ignoring game, Illumi noted that right away. As soon as he stopped in front of the pair, the stranger looked at him while Hisoka continued staring at the stranger, like he hadn't stopped mid conversation.
Illumi decided he'd pay no mind to this mystery man, "Hisoka?"
Finally, as if it were a chore, the read-head trekked his eyes to meet nearly soulless ones.
He raised an eyebrow and pulled out his phone, "You're early." was all he said but Illumi would be damned if he let Hisoka resume any attention on the loaf to his right.
"I figured better early than late. You didn't say you'd be here and," he shot a glare to the unwanted stranger, "occupied."
"I told you I'd meet you here at 9, not that that's when I'd be arriving." He shrugged.
"Maybe I should go." The man chimed in.
"You should've already been gone." Illumi deadpanned, not even sparing him a look. He was too focused on Hisoka who was focused on watching his own crossed leg swing back and forth.
The man looked at Hisoka who didn't share the moment.
The nuisance stood to leave, "Goodbye then. Maybe I'll see you guys around?"
"Not if you care for your life."
Illumi took the seat before the man was even a few feet away. He directed all his attention towards the person he actually came here for. Once the numbskull left for good, Illumi allowed their conversation along with his jealousy to resume.
"Who the fuck was that?"
Golden eyes averted to behind the bar with a nonchalant roll of the shoulders to accompany it.
"Someone who said goodbye when they left."
The paler face scrunched his nose, well if that's the standard then I'm beginning to think I'm overqualified, he thought but didn't dare say. Instead he settle for,
"So listen, I thought I'd start from the beginning..." He was about a third of the way through his brilliantly (if he do say so himself) mastered monoloauge about how he had no choice but to leave in a hurry, when Hisoka dropped his head to the counter. He groan into his arms leaving Illumi no choice but to stare in wonder as to what was unfolding. Where had I gone wrong? He began to wonder. Maybe I should have elaborated more on-
"You really don't get it do you?" He grumbled into his arms.
A puzzled look crossed the others face, "Don't get what? I understand I'm suppose to convenience you I'm not going to leave. If you'd let me finish I was going to say-"
"Illumi I don't want to hear you talk about what happened," he shot his head up, looking him in the eyes, "I believe you, I believe your story because I trust you. I know you're not the type to sleep around, especially since the word 'sex' was used in your vocabulary maybe twice throughout your life when we first met," he giggle at that, "You don't have to convince me of anything."
Illumi felt his face heat up but he pushed it down, "So you belive me. Then why are you still mad?"
Hisoka let out a drawn out breath and a look of disappointment crossed his face just as it had at the door, "You really are clueless. Illumi, love, I want an apology," Illumi cocked his head, unsure what to make of the statement, "Not once in since I've seen you have you said the words, 'I'm sorry' not even before you disappeared, so I'm starting to think that you don't know what they are."
This brought back a childhood memory for Illumi. It's always been one in the back of his mind but yet, he never really thought too much of it.
He was young, very young, he'd just failed a job for the first time. He recited his sorry's to his father to which his response was,
"I can't do anything with your apologies. Don't tell me you're sorry, show me, do better next time."
He was punished none the less but that part didn't matter.
If he ever said he was sorry in his life, it was sarcastic or with out much thought. He never had to apologize for something while also meaning it.
So maybe that's what he'd been feeling all this time. Everytime his heart ached when he was looked at with disappointment, how he just wanted to convince Hisoka so bad that his words were truth, maybe he was just trying to apologize.
"Alright then," He inhaled and sat up straighter, "I am sorry."
Hisoka rolled his eyes, "For what, sweetheart?"
"For leaving you without a word, it won't happen again because I plan-"
"Alirght! Enough about your plan, it's burned into my memory now."
Just then his golden eyes squinted and started studying the others face who stared back in confusion.
Suddenly his mouth turned into a pout, eyes squinting further, "Well now that I told you to say sorry, how do I know you're being genuine."
"My family doesn't do apologies but believe me when I say, I am being genuine."
This didn't seem to satisfy him, "Prove it then."
Illumi almost threw his arms in the air, "How do you suppose I do that?"
Almost instantly his face lit up and he grined wide, Illumi instantly regretted asking such an open ended question.
Hisoka stood, extended a hand, and in a soft voice asked, "Will you dance with me?"
Of all the things to ask for, and he asks for this? Illumi didn't bother keeping the look of disgust off his face as he looked to the over crowded dance floor. This made Hisoka laugh and the sound was almost enough to sweep him off his feet, almost.
"Come on, you'll be totally forgive, just one dance."
His sly face gave away that it would most definitely not just be one.
"If you insist this will ease your suspicions then," he made one last obvious grimace to what lay out in front of them, "then I suppose I will."
He place his hand on the outstretched one. It lead him into a heap of people gather in the middle.
"Don't be so stiff!" Hisoka yelled with a wide smile neither of them have seen in a while.
"What?"
Slender hands grabbed his shakey ones and drew them up and around his neck which was warm. After he was certain Illumi got the hint to hold them there, he moved his back down to his waist. He felt the his hair brush against his hands and it had never been more difficult to keep his hands from wandering. He decided Illumi wasn't ready for public grinding so he swayed them back and forth, bouncing on the balls of his feet. All the other did was groan in displeausre and burry his head into his chest.
"Illumi dear, this hardly counts as a dance, I'm practically doing all the work."
But he couldn't complain, he had the most beautiful man in his arms and had no intention of letting him go ever again.
"I don't dance!"
Hisoka spun him around under his hand anyway. When he came back to face him, he couldn't help put force a kiss deep into that Zoldyck's soul. It caused Illumi to lean back a little but he didn't deny the soft lips. He was starved for touch and the sudden explosion of it made his mind short circuit and forget about anything else.
"Hey," Hisoka pulled away only far enough to speak, he rose his hands above his head, "you're moving all on your own."
Illumi's lips flickered upward, "Shut up."
"They grow up so fast."
Illumi shut him up with another kiss, one that was soft and delicate and that made if especially hard to keep from smiling.
*******************************************
I could not think of an argument for the life of me, which is why this took so long 🤠
I'm sorry it was kinda fast paced but let me tell you 80% of this writing was done at 4 am. I made it extra long though so please forgive me for the hiatus.
Your comments always make me laugh so thank you all who do.