The next morning they were all stood around where the crates had been piled up, sat untouched until now. Clementine was at the forefront, crowbar in hand, ready to finally find out whether it had all been worth it.
"Clem, if you don't open these crates, I might die from the anticipation."
Louis gets a shove from Violet for the comment, but strangely, it does kick Clementine into action. She tightens her grip on the crowbar as she steps towards the nearest crate, shoving the end of it into the lid of the crate. With a quick push down, she hears the wooden lid splinter and strain from the force, splitting apart from the crate.
The crowbar is dropped to the floor, now grabbing the sides of the lid and heaving it off to the side, kicking up a cloud of dust as it lands on the floor. Clementine glances into the contents of the crate just as the others step forward, crowding around to get a look for themselves.
"Holy shit..." Willy whispers in awe, resisting the urge to put his hands into the crate.
"That's a lot..." AJ says, excitement creeping into his voice.
"Guys? You're forgetting I can't really see here, what are we looking at?" Violet cuts in, irritation lacing her voice.
Various firearms were laid out within the crate, clearly having been scavenged from elsewhere, whether it be from The Delta lucking out, or forcefully taking the weapons in one of their raids. The latter seemed more likely...
"Guns. And a lot of them," Aasim answers, hands now resting on the edge of the crate, too nervous to actually grab one from out of the box.
"Sure, there's a lot, but... Where's the ammo?" Ruby asks, unable to spot any bullets that they had expected to see alongside the guns.
"Maybe its just the guns? They probably have plenty of ammo back at their base, maybe they didn't need it?" James said.
"Nah, no way. They were at war, right? They'd need all the ammo they can get," Willy replies.
"Who doesn't need ammo? No such thing as too much ammo," Zara said.
"So, what? The Delta scavenged around, found a crap ton of guns and ammo, and just decided not to take the ammo?" Violet asks
"Or maybe they didn't find any. They could always have only found the guns." Louis replies
"That doesn't make a lick of sense..." Ruby mutters.
"Or-" Clementine cuts in, stood next to a crate that she had opened without them noticing, too wrapped up in their discussion. "-Maybe it's in one of the crates we haven't opened yet?"
There's a moment in which everyone stands and stares at Clementine, blinking slowly as the realisation dawns on them, looking from Clementines unimpressed (though slightly amused) expression to the crate next to her.
Shockingly enough, Clementine is right. Inside the crate are boxes of ammo that have been haphazardly thrown into the crate, along with loose bullets that must have fallen out of their boxes during the whole, uh, 'explosion' thing.
"Was this crate in the water?" Aasim asks as he picks up one of the boxes on the top of the pile, feeling for any dampness.
"Don't think so. At least, it doesn't look like it. It's pretty banged up though, so seems it was thrown a bit from from the explosion. Probably one of the crates that was left out on the docks."
"Good thing it wasn't on the boat. All this gunpowder, plus that bomb? Yeah, that wouldn't have been a pretty sight..." Louis comments, glancing worriedly to the ammo in front of him.
"Some of the guns might be a bit waterlogged, but they'll still work," Clementine tells them as she reaches into the gun crate, pulling out an old looking pistol and inspects it over.
"Work for what?" Louis asks, staring down at his hand when Clementine places the pistol into it.
"For shooting practice, of course."
---------------------------------------------------------
It didn't take Willy too long to haphazardly put together some targets for them to shoot at. Really, all he needed to do was cut up some of spare bits of wood he was using (which he absolutely refused to tell Violet what he was using it for when she asked, even going so far as to deny her entrance into the basement when she offered to help).
After quickly cutting off a few pieces and slapping on some spare paint they had lying around in the basement, they had some fairly 'targetish' looking targets to shoot at.
"What? You see if you can do any better in less than an hour," Willy has huffed upon seeing the less than enthusiastic reactions of everyone when he has first brought the targets at.
"Thanks, Willy. These'll work perfectly," Clementine thanked him, not at all caring about their slightly shoddy appearance.
Clementine strung them up around the school, making sure they were spaced out enough so that everyone had enough space when shooting. The others stood by and watched as she worked, not having a clue as to what they were supposed to do.
"Okay," Clementine announces once she hangs up the last target, catching all of their attention. "Who here knows how to shoot?"
Its not too much of a surprise that no one from the school puts their hands up. Everyone's glancing at one another to see who put their hands up, going one by one down the line.
James, AJ and Zara are the only ones with their hands up.
"I haven't fired one in a long time," James tells Clementine, slowly lowering his hand back down to his side. "The Whisperers preferred not to use guns. Too much noise."
"You remember enough to teach the others?" Clementine asks.
"I should do, yes. I might be a bit rusty, though."
Clementine nods, a smile on her face as her gaze moves to AJ, who looks exceedingly proud to be one of the few people that know how to shoot a gun.
"You up for teaching these guys a thing or two?" Clementine asks, getting an enthusiastic nod in response.
"Yeah! Do you think they'll be able to shoot as good as me?"
"No-one can shoot as good as you, little man," Louis praises AJ.
"You sure? Not even Clem?"
"Not even Clem," Louis confirms, glancing fearfully up at Clementine. "And I am so going to pay for that later..."
"Zara, you able to teach as well?" Clementine asks, electing to ignore Louis' comment.
"Maybe? I'm okay, not great. Dad only taught me a bit after we escaped and well, ammo was tight. Couldn't really waste it on practice."
"Alright, good. We'll need someone to stay on watch to take out any walkers that are attracted to the noise," Clementine informs the group, scanning them for who should go on first watch.
"Sorry Omar, you mind going first? We'll switch you out with someone else in about 30 minutes."
"It's no problem," Omar waves off her apology, already making his way towards the watch tower. "See you guys in a bit."
"So, how are we doing this?" Ruby asks.
"Well, two of you are going to have to go as team so we can spread out the 'teachers' enough. Aasim and Ruby, I'll teach you. James, you can teach Willy and then Omar when he gets back. Zara, you can watch over Violet and AJ can teach Louis."
"Wait, you're teaching me how to shoot?" Violet asks incredulously, having been seconds away from heading to one of the benches to watch the disaster that was surely about to unfold.
"Of course we are, why wouldn't we?" Clementine replies.
"I mean, I kind of don't have depth perception anymore? I can't even shoot a bow anymore, what makes you think i'll be any better with a gun?"
"We don't. That's why we're teaching you; so you can go out there and keep yourself protected."
"But... I can't see what it is I'm shooting at. What if I accidentally shoot one of you guys instead?"
"That's something we'll figure out later. It's important to me that we keep you safe."
Knowing there was no way to argue against that, Violet backs down, nodding in response.
"I think its best we start with pistols, just to get you guys started and get used to the feel of a gun and the way it fires," Clementine tells them as he heads over to the gun crate, picking out a few pistols and handing them out to the others. "I don't think I need to tell you how dangerous these can be. Be careful of where you point your gun. You should never point your gun at something, unless you're prepared to kill it."
Everyone looks to their gun warily at this.
"Similarly, keep your finger off the trigger until you're ready to fire. You'd be surprised how easy it is to misfire," Clementine says as she begins digging around the ammo crate, making sure that everyone got the right type for their pistol.
They begin to split up as instructed; Louis heading over to the far left target with AJ, Violet being led by Zara to the far right target, and James and Willy idly chatting as they head over to one of the targets in the centre of the courtyard.
"You guys ready?" Clementine asks once she gets to Ruby and Aasim, the two of them looking to their weapons with puzzled expressions.
"I... I have no idea what I'm doing..." Aasim admits, looking helplessly from the gun to Clementine.
"Me neither..." Ruby agrees, turning the pistol around in her hand.
"That's why I'm here, isn't it?" Clementine says, holding out her hand for Aasim's gun.
"First, make sure the safety is on if you're not going to fire it," Clementine instructs them, showing how the small switch on the side was pointing to 'Safety: ON'
"Can't fire the gun, as there's no ammo loaded. So, we're going to press this button here-" Clementine presses the button in demonstration, catching the empty mag that slips out from the pistol. "-Then we take these..." She picks up the box of ammo, one by one removing the bullets and sliding them into the mag, stopping when she reaches the twelfth bullet. She takes the now full mag and pushes it up into the pistol until it makes a 'click' sound.
"And how do we do that quickly? Say if there's a bunch'a walkers around, or we're being shot at?" Ruby asks.
"In the case of walkers, best not to fire too much anyway. Don't want to attract them with all that noise," Clementine answers.
"And for people?" Aasim asks.
"In the case of people... Well, if you think you're heading somewhere where there might be trouble, and you have the ammo for it, it's always best to bring some pre-loaded mags. Better than carrying around loose ammo, that's for sure," Clementine says as she flips the pistol over, showing them the safety once more. "When you're ready to shoot, you switch that to off. Then you just-" Clementine grabs the tops of the gun, cocking it backwards before falling into her shooting stance, aiming down the sights to the target in front of her. "-Pull the trigger."
She does just this, firing a bullet nearly perfectly into the bullseye, slightly to the left of it. Satisfied with it for now, she flips the safety back on before offering the handle of the gun back to Aasim.
"Careful, the barrel gets hot after firing it," She warns him.
Ruby pauses in loading her ammo into her guns mag when she sees Aasim prepare to shoot, adjusting himself slightly every now and then to try and perfectly copy Clementines stance.
"You don't need to copy it to the tee, Aasim. Just do what makes you feel comfortable."
Aasim nods, flicking the safety off before raising the gun up, aiming at the target in front of him.
He fires.
And the bullet rips through the top right of the target.
Ruby whoops at the same time Clementine congratulates him, pleased to see how quickly he was picking it up. Aasim stares down at the target, stunned to see he had actually managed to hit the thing.
"I was hoping your good aim would pass over to when firing the gun. Even though a bow is completely different." Clementine tells him.
"You ready, Ruby?" Aasim gently asks Ruby, noticing how nervous she seemed handling the gun.
"I'll give it a try..." Ruby unconfidently replies, stepping up to where Aasim had shot from, taking the time to focus and aim.
Clementine and Aasim stand side by side, smiling as they watch Ruby also manage to hit the target first time. It had barely made the target, just clipped the bottom, but was a hit none the less.
"Is it really bad I'm hoping Louis will miss so I can rub this in his face?" Aasim leans to the side slightly to whisper to Clementine.
Louis was staring down at the pistol in his hand in disdain. Everyone had been nervous to shoot the gun, and he was no different. What was different is that despite everyone's nerves, they still wanted to at least give it a try.
He absolutely did not.
"It's not going to hurt you, you know," AJ says from next to him, noticing the internal battle that seemed to be going on in Louis' head "So long as you don't do something stupid, anyway."
"Yeah, yeah, very funny wise guy," Louis mutters under his breath, flipping the pistol over in his hands. "So what do I do, exactly? How do I- Oh, shit-" Louis fumbles with the mag that had had slipped from the gun, the two of them watching as it drops to the ground with a small 'thud'.
A beat passes.
"Did I break it?"
AJ huffs in response to this, grabbing the mag up from the floor and peering inside for damage. "Nope. You found the button to release the mag, though." AJ tells him, grabbing at a box of ammo nearby.
"... And... I was supposed to do that?" Louis asks as AJ begins loading the bullets into the mag, giving Louis a clear view as he does do.
"You mean drop the mag on the floor?" AJ asks with a teasing smirk.
Dammit, he really was a bad influence on the kid.
"Maybe it's a new tactic you don't know about. Distract the enemy with your incompetence, then strike!"
AJ doesn't seem to fall for it. "Just shooting at them is probably better."
AJ hands him over the now loaded gun, pointing the safety out to him as he passes it over. "If that's on, the gun won't shoot. You have to flip it off first, then fire"
"Wait, really? So what if I forget to take it off during a gun fight?"
"Don't?" AJ responds with a baffled look.
"Wow. I'll keep that in mind," Louis mumbles, flipping the safety off and raising the gun up, seconds away from squeezing the trigger.
"Wait-" AJ's voice nearly startles him into pulling the trigger before he was ready, glancing to the younger boy out of the corner of his eye.
"What?"
"You can't fire like that."
"Like what?"
"Your arms are straight out. It was the first thing Clem taught me. You try to fire like that, you're going to hurt your elbows."
"Oh," Louis says softly, bending his elbows slightly so they weren't as locked up. "Will this do?"
AJ gives a little "Mhm-Hmm" hum in agreement, waiting for Louis to fire his first shot.
"Any other pieces of advice?"
AJ pauses for a moment to think.
"Make sure you're holding it tight enough."
"That's your advice?"
"The first time I fired a gun, it really hurt my hands. Clem warned me about how the gun forces back after you fire it, I can't remember what she called it though..."
"Recoil?"
"Yeah, that! It hurt so bad, I nearly dropped the gun."
"So....hold it tight?"
"Hold it tight."
Louis takes a shaky breath in, willing his hands to stop their small tremors, refusing to hold still with the unfamiliar weight. He lines up the sight as best he can over the target, and squeezes the trigger.
"Holy hell!" He yells once the gun fires, looking down to the pistol in his hand with a pained wince. "You weren't kidding about the recoil."
"You do get used to it after a while."
This does nothing to ease Louis' nerves. If it were up to him, this was something he would never have to get used to.
"Anyway, what's my score?" Louis asks with a grin, looking over to the target he had shot at.
"Did I-"
"Miss it completely?" AJ fills in the blanks, struggling to hide his smirk. "Kinda, yeah."
"Damn..." Louis whispers, deflating in disappointment. "I was sure my amazing archery skills would pass over to this."
"But... You suck at a shooting with the bow?" AJ states, confusion lacing his voice.
"Aren't you supposed to be encouraging me? Not, y'know, kicking me while I'm down?"
"But I'm not kicking you?"
"No, not like- You know what? Never mind. This is pointless."
"What? You can't give up, you've only shot once! I was really bad the first time I tried shooting! Even Clem missed the first time she tried."
"First of all, thank you for telling me that about Clem, it will make for great teasing material. Secondly, I didn't even want to do this in the first place. Guns just... Aren't my thing."
Despite his young age, AJ is able to pick up the sudden change in tone in Louis' voice near the end of his statement. The mild irritation he had been feeling at Louis' eagerness to quit seemed to melt away, quickly replaced by a deep feeling of concern.
"You really don't like guns, do you?" AJ asks quietly, trying to keeps his voice low enough so the others wouldn't hear.
Louis sighs tiredly, placing the gun in his hand on a nearby table before taking a few steps back, as if wanting to put as much distance between himself and the gun as possible. "No. I don't."
"Why?"
Louis sighs at the simple question. Simple, yet complicated to explain.
"When I kill a walker, I use Chairles. When I make that decision to kill it, I have to walk up to that walker. I have to get close enough. I have to use force to swing that chair leg forward to kill it." Louis begins to explain, pausing for a moment before pointing to the gun he had placed down. "That right there? All I have to do is twitch my finger. That's it. One small movement, and a person could be dead."
"Bad people. And monsters."
"Yeah, well, doesn't always go that way, does it?" Louis snaps, regretting his words instantly at the way AJ flinches away from him. "Jeez, I... I'm sorry, kiddo. I didn't mean it like that. It's just that... Whenever I hold a gun, even see one, all I can see is Marlon and that damn hole in his head. I see Tenn. I see Dorian."
"Dorian?"
"That raider, back on the boat."
"But you weren't using a gun?"
"No, I wasn't. But I still pulled a trigger. I squeezed with my finger by accident, and a woman died because of it."
AJ still has so many counter arguments to that, but, seeing the dejected look on Louis' face, instead decides best not ask and stay quiet.
"I just don't think this is a good idea" Louis mumbles to the quietness around them, turning to walk away and back into the school.
"I still miss him."
AJ's voice makes him freeze in his steps, turning back to face AJ with a questioning expression. "I still have dreams about Tenn. Sometimes they're good, most of the time... Not..."
"Why did you do it?" Louis asks near silently, afraid his voice would break and betray him if he dared go any louder. You and Tenn were close, so why? Why did you pick me?"
Louis knew it was unlikely he would get an answer, as AJ usually did his best to avoid such questions. To his surprise though, AJ actually answers.
"I want to say that I didn't have time to think, but then I'd be lying. I had time. I knew I had to make a choice. Tenn was like... No, he was my best friend. I didn't want to kill him. He didn't deserve it. But it was between him and you. Tenn was my best friend but you... You're not my friend, exactly."
"Ouch," Louis jokes in a whisper, trying and failing to lighten the mood. "What am I then?"
"It's like..." AJ cuts himself off with an agitated huff, struggling to find the right words to explain himself. "I never knew my parents. Only stories from Clem, and even she didn't know them all that well. But she's always told me about how brave yet caring my dad was, and how strong willed my mom was. But to me, they were just stories. Clem's the one that's been there since... Well, since I can remember. She's been the one to teach me all I know, to do all she can to make sure I'm safe, even if it means putting herself in danger. Clem's the closest thing I'll ever get to having a mom.
At first it was like... I don't know, you were kind of like a big brother. You liked to mess around and have fun with me, and that was different. But you're not like a brother. Now, you're more like a dad to me."
"I... Really?" Louis asks in disbelief.
"Yeah. You weren't afraid to tell me when I did something wrong."
"I was a little harsh..."
"But it helped. Helped me to understand how my decisions have con... Conse-"
"Consequences?"
"Yeah, that. You were willing to play games with me, show me the piano, show me how to be a normal kid. But you're also making sure I know right from wrong, to see things differently than just... How to stay alive.
I miss Tenn every day. Knowing I had to shoot him to keep you alive hurt me so bad. But the thought of letting you die seemed so much worse. I couldn't let you die."
AJ was sniffling now, fighting to keeps the tears that threatened to spill over at bay. "Coz' I'd be losing more than a friend. I'd be losing the closest thing I have to a dad."
"Dammit, AJ..." Louis mumbled, immediately dropping down to a knee so he was at AJ's height, wrapping him up in a tight hug. "Why are you so good at making me cry?"
"Sorry," AJ apologises meekly into his shoulder. "Its why I want to teach you how to shoot a gun. Why Clem wants you to learn. If its something that helps keep you alive, then surely it's worth it?"
"I guess..." Louis concedes, knowing deep down that AJ was right, that this was a skill he was eventually going to have to learn. "Can't say I remember Clem wanting me to learn, though. She can't be that worried."
The 'You've got to be kidding me' look AJ gave him return made him wish he had Zara's camera on him.
"Is that why Clem has been watching us for the past five minutes instead of teaching Aasim and Ruby?"
Louis whips his head round at this, finding that Clementine had indeed been spying (keeping tabs, Clementine would say) on them. Upon realising she had been caught, she quickly returns her gaze back to Aasim and Ruby, pretending she had been paying attention to them the whole time. (Even from here, Louis could see the faint dusting of red on her cheeks at being caught).
"I don't think we were supposed to notice," Louis leans over and whispers to AJ with a grin as Clementine walks over to check on James and Willy, this time doing everything in her power to now even glance in his and AJ's direction.
"Alright," Louis suddenly declares, springing to his feet and grabbing the pistol from the table he had placed it down on earlier. "Teach me how to actually hit something with this thing"
---------------------------------------------------------
It had taken Violet what felt like hours to fall asleep, and she was fairly certain she had only slept for about two hours before her over active brain had snapped her back into consciousness once more.
She had been replaying earlier today back in her head, of what happened for a brief moment during their shooting practice.
They were already fairly far behind at this point, everyone else having begun firing their first rounds and she was just finishing loading her mag into the pistol. (Personally, she thought being blind was a valid excuse for her being a bit behind everyone else).
"You seem super nervous about this," Zara had noted as she watched Violet handle the gun, whose focus flicked between the gun and Zara.
"Yeah, I guess I kinda am. Feel like this is something I would have been great at back when both eyes were working."
"Hey, don't feel discouraged if you don't get it first time, alright?" Zara voice suddenly dropping into a much more serious yet gentle way.
"Yeah, I'll keep that in-- Dammit!"
A round had slipped from her fingers to the floor where she had been trying to force it in wrong, unable to completely make out where it was she was putting it. Zara cautiously slipped the gun from her grip, loading the last few missing rounds for her.
"If you're that worried about it, I can always give you private shooting lessons," Zara said cheerily with a barely there, sly smile.
Violet glanced up at Zara, scanning her face to try and figure out the meaning behind what she had said. Was it done in a joking manner, referring back to their agreed 'private knife lessons'? Or was she actually extending an invitation for more lessons?
"I'm, like, ninety percent certain that all we'll see is me missing this target in private, instead of with everyone else," Violet replies, holding out a hand for Zara to give her the gun back.
"It's almost like you're expecting something else to happen when we're in private."
It was like her filter had been snatched away, letting her internal thoughts spill out. She hadn't realised what she had said, not at first. She regretted it almost immediately after though, especially seeing how Zara seemed not to have expected it as much as she had, a few rapid blinks as she stared at Violet, making sure she had heard what she thought she had said.
But then, she smirks. An honest to God smirk that makes her unsure whether she should fixate on her or look absolutely anywhere else. Before she can decide though, Zara ever so slightly leans forward, her hand briefly skimming across Violets as she hands the pistol back over to her and then spoke in a low voice.
"Guess we'll never know until you shoot your shot."
And now here she laid in bed, trying to figure out what it meant. Violet wasn't one to flirt, certainly not with others around. Really, the only form of flirting she had seen was seeing Louis with Clementine, though she didn't really count that as it was just the way he acted towards everyone.
So no, she wasn't a master at flirting, nor a master at knowing if someone was flirting with her. Yet, she felt like surely, that was Zara's way of flirting, right?
Was Zara suggesting that she should be the one to make the first move, to put herself out there first? Or was she speaking quite literally, as in she'll never know if she hits the very real target they had been shooting at unless she takes the shot first?
This was much more complicated than it should be.
Giving up on the idea of sleep got tonight, Violet swings her legs over the side of the bed and pushes herself up, stretching away all the aches in her arms and legs. As she's doing this, she glances over to where she expects to see Zara sound asleep, only to do a double take to make sure she was seeing right.
Zara wasn't there.
While, granted, her eyes weren't what they were used to be, surely she would have seen Zara getting up in the middle of the night? Hell, even if she didn't, she was awake and alert enough to have been able to hear her leave at the least.
Violet makes her way out to the hallways, having no idea as to where Zara might have gone. She could be anywhere in the school, and it wasn't exactly for Violet to find someone in the middle of the night with her condition. And it not like she could go shouting after Zara as well, assuming she doesn't want to wake up everyone else.
She begins to ponder why it is that Zara got up in the middle of the night. Nightmares, perhaps? Or maybe she's in the same boat as Violet, something on her mind that's keeping her up, and forcing her to wander.
She doesn't know where Zara would head in that kind of situation, so instead Violet heads where she herself goes when things all get a bit too much.
Outside.
The cool air is refreshing against her skin as she steps out to the main courtyard, although it's cold enough that she's certain it'll start to become uncomfortable after a while.
Peering around into the dark seems pointless, but there's not much else she can do. As she squints to try and see anything out in the courtyard, the squeaking of the gates makes her jolt, reaching in her pocket for a weapon that's not there.
The footsteps that approach pound in time with her heartbeat, and she's stuck between the urge to run for a weapon, or to stay put and see who it is that's just entered their school.
Violet decides she's better of staying where she is. This appears to be the right choice, as she begins to recognise the figure the closer they come to the lit torches near the building.
"Zara?"
Seems that Zara hadn't spotted her either, as she too startles, nearly tripping in her steps as she comes to a stop.
Zara's eyes immediately snap over to the source of the voice, and her entire posture relaxes once she sees that its Violet. Knowing she was no longer in danger, she makes her way towards the school steps, where Violet is waiting at the top.
"I was wondering where you-"
Not only did Zara getting closer to the light help Violet recognise her, it let her see Zara's face more clearly. More specifically, it let her see the red, puffy eyes and dried tear tracks on her face.
"Shit, are you okay?" Violet asks concernedly, unconsciously stepping closer to Zara once she reaches the top of the stairs.
"'M fine," Zara brushes off her concern with a mumble, voice obviously hoarse from crying. "'S just a bad dream, is all"
"I didn't hear you leave."
"I didn't want to wake you up and bother you."
"It's fine. I was awake anyway."
"Bad dreams too?"
"No, just... Something on my mind..."
They fall quiet after that, the both of the glancing to the door behind Violet, unsure whether to head back inside or not.
"You should at least take Rosie with you if you're going out the gates. Especially at night -that was really dangerous."
Zara signs heavily, rubbing at her temples as if nursing a headache before sliding her hand down her face. "Sorry, didn't mean to worry you or anything. I..." Zara sighs again, though it sounds more like a huff. "It's stupid, really. I just needed to go somewhere and walk for a bit. Try not to disturb anyone."
"It's not stupid," Violet reassures her, sympathising with her reasoning completely. "I used to have a place I would go when shit like that happened. Bad dreams, bad thoughts, or just... Needing to get away from everyone for a while."
Shes expecting some more questions from Zara, but instead Zara is simply watching her, trying to decide something as she studies Violets face.
Its hard for Violet to decide whether she feels unnerved or flattered by the attention.
" I was going to do this later but... I think now is the perfect time."
"To do... What, exactly?" Violet asks anxiously, her heart in her throat.
"Except... Shit, might take a while..." Zara muttered to herself, glancing over to the side of the school building. "Alright, I need you to close your eyes."
"You need me to... Close my eyes?"
"Yep, and you cant open them till I say."
Violet gives her a baffled look, trying to figure out if Zara is being serious or not.
"Come on, I need you to promise me here. This is important," Zara insists.
"Okay, fine. I promise I won't open my eyes." Violet promises.
Her voice doesn't seem to reassure Zara, who squints at her suspiciously.
"I even cross my heart," Violet jokes.
"You promise?"
"Of course."
"What do you promise?"
"What do I... What?"
"You need to promise something important to you. That way I'll know you're taking this seriously."
"Something important to me?"
"Yeah. What's important to you?"
She so wants to go the cheesy route and say "You", but in no way does she have the confidence for that, as well as the fact she's one-hundred percent certain it'll somehow backfire and she'll die right there from embarrassment.
"Uh, I don't know... Something important..."
"How about your other eye?"
Well, she certainty wasn't expecting that.
"You want me to promise my eye?"
"The good one, the one that works best. You promise that, I'll have full faith you'll keep your promise."
"Fine," Violet concedes, pointing to her non-bandaged eye. "I promise this eye right here that I will not peek at whatever you're doing."
"Until I say."
"Until you say."
"Good. Now, close your eyes."
Violet does as she says, closing her eyes with a slight shake of her head. She can hear Zara's footsteps leading away almost immediately as soon as she closes her eyes in the direction of the building she had glanced at earlier before. Her footsteps fade away, but it's only a few seconds before she hears the doors to the basement being swung open, then the unmistakable sound of footsteps heading down the concrete stairs.
So whatever it is Zara wanted to surprise her with was down in the basement? For some reason, this makes her feel oddly nervous.
She heads footsteps coming back up the stairs, but not just footsteps. Zara is clearly dragging something up the stairs with her, judging by the scraping sound against the harsh stone of the stairs.
Scrape
Thud
Scrape
Thud
This repeats for a bit until finally, Zara makes it to the top of the stairs. Even from here, she can hear Zara's labored breathing, as whatever she's carrying must be heavy.
There seems to be a pause for rest, and then Zara's dragging the mystery item across the courtyard, steadily making her way right and in the direction of the grave yard.
Violet briefly entertains the idea that it's a body Zara's carrying, before realising how ridiculous it sounded even in her own head.
Unless...?
No, no its definitely not. Whatever it is that Zara's carrying seems to be too long for a body. And no, not because she's peeked, but because she can barely hear Zara's footsteps nor her heavy breathing, but she can still hear the end of the item behind dragged away to the right, right in front of her.
Doesn't take long for the dragging sound to too fall quiet, and then it's Violet standing alone on the top of the stairs to the main building, dead quiet with her eyes firmly closed.
"I swear, I will hit you so hard if you're leaving me to stand with my eyes shut in the dark all night," Violet announces to the night air, hoping Zara would hear her wherever she is, assuming she hasn't headed back inside the school that is.
"I'm not that cruel," Zara's voice seems to appear from nowhere right next to her, and Violet flinches so hard she has to repress the urge to both open her eyes and punch Zara straight in the face.
"Jesus!" Violet hisses angrily, not at all happy about being spooked. "You can be damn quiet when you wanna be."
"It's a useful gift to have," Zara jokes, tapping at Violets right arm. "Oh, and you can open your eyes now. The surprise isn't here."
Violet opens her eyes to see that Zara was indeed telling the truth, as nothing appeared to have changed in the courtyard from what she could see. Shes about to open her mouth to ask where the surprise was, then Zara grabs her arm and begins tugging her in the direction of the graveyard.
Except, they don't stay at the graveyard. They turn right at the graveyard and there, on the floor next to the bell tower is...
A ladder?
And a damn tall one, at that.
"I was going to do the whole 'Ta Da!' thing and have the ladder already propped up against the tower, but uh... Realised I can't lift it on my own and might need your help..."
"You built... A ladder? For the bell tower?"
"Well... Yeah? It was mostly Willy, of course. The stairs seemed pretty fucked so I thought..."
Violet couldn't quite believe it. Could there possibly be a way for her to finally go back to her favorite spot once again, where she never thought she would be able to return?
"And before you ask, we already checked it. See if it was sturdy and wouldn't, like, break into pieces once you stepped on it. Or worse, once you were halfway up or near the top."
"How the hell did you do that without me seeing?"
"Waited till you were out fishing with others. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't find out for yourself. There were so many times I saw you head into the basement and was sure you'd find out. What the hell did Willy say to keep you out?"
"Its Willy. If he shouts at me to stay out of somewhere, I'm going to stay out."
"Fair enough," Zara says with a chuckle, approaching the ladder and grabbing hold of the side near the end "Little help?"
Violet grabs the opposite side slightly further down, and the two of them begin to lift after the count of three. It proves to be difficult, the ladder much heavier than it looks, which is a lot considering the fact that it already looks heavy. They both strain under the weight as they shuffle closer to the wall, heaving the ladder up and forward until finally, gravity does its work. They let go and the ladder falls towards the wall, smacking into it at the top and shaking for a bit from the force before settling.
"Ready to go up?"
Violet looks up to the top of the ladder, swallowing past the lump in her throat. She had climbed up there countless of times before, but somehow seeing it like this made it seem like a long way up.
"And you're certain it won't... Fall apart?"
"You saying you don't have any trust in Willy's abilities?" Zara laughs, standing beside the ladder as she waits for Violet to begin her climb.
"I'm just saying..." Violet defends herself, apprehensively approaching the ladder, grabbing hold of the first few rungs before placing a foot on one of the lower rungs.
The ladder didn't shift when she put some weight on it, so that was a good sign.
"Don't worry, I'll catch you if you slip," Zara jokes with a teasing smirk, though it quickly slips off her face when she sees just how nervous Violet seems about climbing the ladder. "Hey, it's secure, I promise you. There's no way I would let you climb it if I thought there was any chance you could get hurt."
"Okay..." Violet said with a small nod, feeling oddly touched by the sincerity and worry in Zara's tone.
Violet begins her climb, bit by bit edging her way up the ladder and towards the top of the bell tower, one rung at a time. She relies mostly on feel rather than putting all her trust in her sight, feeling for the next step with her foot and making sure it was secure on the step before grabbing hold of the next rung with her hands and pulling herself up.
It's methodical, but it's also slow, and she knows it must feel like it's taking forever to Zara, but she doesn't say a thing. No complaints, and also no encouragements, which strangely enough, Violet prefers. She didn't want encouragements, as they would just distract her attention. She just wanted to focus on making sure she got to the top of the ladder without slipping.
After what feels like eternity, the next rung she goes to grab turns out to be the edge of the bell tower entrance. She places one hand flat on the ground in front of her and then grabs onto a divot in the wall further up with her other hand. She pulls herself up the side of the wall, throwing a leg over the side and dragging herself up, firmly planting both feet on the ground.
"God, I thought I was going to vomit part way up..." Violet comments, doubled over to catch her breath.
"Well..." She hears Zara grunt from behind her, struggling to push herself up and over the top of the ladder. "I'm glad you didn't. I would have got soaked..."
Violet hurries over, offering a hand out to Zara who is quick to accept the help. Violet pulls backwards, yanking Zara over the top of the ladder and into the top of the bell tower.
"Hell of a nice view up here," Zara says once she's back upright, looking out to the top of the trees that seemed to stretch on endlessly into the distance, disappearing into the murky blackness, too far and too dark to see everything all that clearly.
Zara was certainly right about that. Despite the darkness of the night, what they could see was lit by the silver glow from the moon, sat amongst the backdrop of the night sky that was complete with a scattering of stars; little pinpricks of lights stretched out among the skyline.
"I haven't been up here in quite some time now. So, yeah... Hell of a nice view."
After a few moments of doing nothing but staring out at the view, it suddenly dawns on Violet that she still had hold of Zara's hand. The sudden realisation of it startles her like an electric shock, forcing her to quickly drop Zara's hand, heading towards the edge of the bell tower and taking a seat before Zara can say anything.
Zara takes a seat next to her, dangling her feet off the edge and glancing anxiously down. "Does this not freak you out?" She asks, looking up from the edge of the tower to Violet.
"Eh, not really," Violet answers, shrugging her shoulders.
"So you're fine with sitting on the edge of a crumbling tower, but not when you're climbing a ladder?"
"I've got more control up here. It would be hard for me to fall off here, much easier to misjudge a step and fall off the ladder."
"Good point. But if you don't mind, I'm going to scooch backwards a bit..." Zara tells her, pushing herself away from the edge and closer to the barely intact wall to her side.
"Do you mind if I ask..." Violet begins to ask, hesitating slightly when Zara's takes her eyes off the horizon to look at her. "What was the bad dream about?"
The mood shifts instantly, the small smile Zara had on her face melting away to be replaced with a stressed frown, averting her gaze back to the sky and absentmindedly counting the stars she could see. "Dad."
"You dream about him often?" Violet asks softly.
"Usually? Not at all. Which is why I think this one got to me so much. Bad dreams never usually mess with my head so much."
"What, uh... What happened? In the dream?"
"It was more like... Replaying a memory, rather than a dream. Going through his death, over and over again. Except... I knew what was going to happen every time. And every time, he still died. I could never stop it from happening."
"As much as you don't want to hear it...You can't focus on it. On what else could have been done. There's no way to change the past, you'll only be torturing yourself."
"I try not to think about him too much. It feels awful to do, knowing all he's done for me but at the same time it's just...it's so painful. The worst part about that damn dream is it made me realise just how much I miss him, even now. No matter how awful that dream was, a part of me enjoyed it."
"How could you have enjoyed it?"
"Because it was the only way I could see him again."
Violet knew all too well what she was talking about. So many nightmare she had awoken from, whether it be about Minnie, Tenn, Brody or Marlon. She always awoke in relief upon realising it wasn't real, and every time it would be short lived, having to be forced to remember that they were still gone.
"I get what you mean," Violet tried to reassure Zara, who had seemed unsure about admitting what she had. "You don't want the nightmares, and at the same time, it's better than never dreaming of them again."
"I haven't really been able to stop thinking about him lately. Back at-- that guys funeral, Jack. I don't even know why, it's like it opened the floodgates. I've been able to keep them closed for so long and just ignore it all. What happened, the way I felt about it. I just chose... Not to?"
"Kind of sounds like denial."
"No, not denial," Zara asserts, shaking her head. "It happened. I know that. I know dad's gone. It's almost like... I skipped over the grieving part? Pretended I was past it, that I was healed. Seemed the easiest way, but now..."
"It's made it worse?"
"Much worse"
Seeing how down Zara looked, Violet patted her pocket to see if the project she had been working on was still where she had put it. She had been working on it with Willy for a while now, and they had recently finished it, giving it the finishing touches after shooting practice. It didn't take too long to make, as it was something that Willy now had experience making. Much too much experience than he ever should...
"I wasn't sure when to give you this, but now seems the best time." Violet announced, catching Zara's attention.
"Seems we were both hiding something from each other. Not only that, but Willy somehow managed to keep it a secret to himself that we were both planning on something for the other."
Violet pulls the item out of her pocket, holding it out for Zara to take. It was a simple wooden cross, one that matched all the others down in their graveyard. And just like the others, there was a name etched in gold across the cross: Connor. Though with the moon light up ahead, the golden letters had more of a silver glint to it.
"When you said about how your dad never got a funeral, it got me thinking. I know we can never give your dad the proper burial he deserves," Violet began to explain, watching nervously as Zara very gingerly placed her hand around the cross, bringing it closer in front of her.
"You... Made me this?"
"Yeah, along with Willy. I know it's not much, but... Thought your dad deserved a place to rest in the graveyard. And... That you deserved a place to pay your respects to him and, well... Maybe now to properly grieve?"
Zara nodded numbly in response this this, still staring down blankly at the cross in her hands. "Sometimes I wonder... If its possible I'll see him again." Zara voiced her thoughts out loud, still looking at the cross she was holding. "Whether I'll never see him again, or I'd there's such thing as an afterlife. Heaven or hell, that kind of thing."
Zara lifted her gaze from the cross, locking eyes with Violet. "Are you a religious person, Violet?"
Violet opens her mouth to answer, but finds no words when she realises she isn't entirely sure on what her answer is.
"I... don't really know. My parents were, so were my grandparents. We all used to go to church together on Sunday."
"You went too? By your choice or your parents?"
"Both, I suppose. My parents wanted me to be a believer of the Lord, and it was all I knew. I had no reason to question it, so I believed."
"Believed? You don't anymore?"
"It's... Its complicated. Growing up alongside Church, the things we were taught... As I got older, I started to question it more. One thing that always stood out was the same teaching that came up more and more often, because of 'the way society's changing'. Over and over again, the same passage: 'If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with woman, both of them have committed a detestable act.' It was something I just couldn't understand... Growing up, I was told that God loved all his children. Why would he stop loving them, condemn them to eternity in hell for loving someone of the same sex?
Of course, that's when I started to realise about... Who I was. Who I liked. All my friends giggling over the cute boys in the class and I... Didn't get it. What the whole fuss about was with boys. When I started to realise why that was... I was scared. Scared that God wouldn't love me anymore, that I'd be burning in hell after I died.
"I never told my parents about it. Tried to pretend it wasn't who I was. And then... Then grandpa died, and Grandma wasn't the same, and...After what happened, mom apparently decided she didn't want to deal with a odd kid, and honestly, I don't blame her. She sent me off here, and while I didn't know it at the time, it was the best thing for me.I became more accepting of who I was, because everyone else was more accepting. I no longer attended church every Sunday, I had new friends, new school work, I... I had met Minnie. I didn't really think about my faith all that much anymore.
Then all this shit started. I watched people die around me, watched friends starve and struggle. I began to wonder if I even wanted a God to exist. Would it be worth it, to have a God that was okay with what was happening? The thought that this God may have somehow sent the walkers himself, to watch us suffer in pain? Still, at the end of it all, I don't know. I don't know if I believe."
Zara had returned to staring down at the cross the whole story, but Violet could tell she had been listening none the less. Her eyes appeared glazed over, but in that way that suggested she was focusing on listening more than she was looking.
"Sorry, that was a bit much. You okay?" Violet asks cautiously, worried she has stepped over a line.
"Yeah," Zara struggles to squeeze her voice out past her tightened throat. "Just, uh... Took me by surprise, is all."
"Well, figured I'd get you back for surprising me with, y'know, this," Violet jokes, waving a hand to the bell tower they were sat on.
This at least gets Zara to chuckle, which in turn seems to get her to force her eyes away from the cross she was holding, carefully tucking it away inside her own pocket for safe keeping."I wanted to give you the space back. The place where you could escape to when you needed, to get away. You haven't been here for a while, so I knew I had to figure out a way to get you back up here."
As sweet as Zara's words were, something about it made Violet feel unsettled. Something that she couldn't quite put her finger on.
And then it hits her.
She couldn't ever remember telling Zara about the bell tower.
"When did I talk about the bell tower?" Violet asks, frowning in confusion. "I don't usually talk about it..."
The sudden panicked expression on Zara's face does nothing to comfort her. Zara does fairly well at covering it up, but Violet sees it none the less.
Zara is about to make up some sort of excuse as to how she knows about it, whether insisting that Violet had mentioned it at some point or someone else had talked about it, but then she's realises it's pointless. Judging by the look on Violets face, she knew for certain there was no way she had talked about it.
Zara looked down to the floor guilty, needing to look at anything that wasn't Violet.
"I... I read about it, in your journal. You wrote about how much you missed being able to climb it after the accident on the boat."
A wave of sickness seems to dawn on her along with the realisation, confusing turning to sheer panic as she realises what Zara was saying.
"How...How much of it did you read?" Violet asks in a whisper, struggling to stop the nerves from leaking into her voice.
Zara somehow manages to look ever guiltier, still refusing to look Violet in the eye despite her panicking.
"I'm sorry, Vi. I really am. I didn't realise you didn't want me to read those parts."
"Do you know?"
There's nothing but a horrific silence after Violet asks this, the seconds ticking on forever as she waits for an answer she's sure she knows the answer to. Finally, Zara gives a small, stiff nod.
The panic takes over as Violet stumbles to her feet, placing one hand in her forehead as she tries to get a hold of herself. She wasn't sure if this was something she was ever planning to tell Zara, but if she did, it certainly wouldn't have been like this.
She sees Zara stand in a much calmer way out of the corner of her eye, watching in worry as Violet begins to break down.
"Don't suppose there's anyway you could forget what I wrote?" Violet asks in a last ditch attempt.
"I don't think so, no." Zara replies honestly.
"Oh, shit. Fuck..." Violet mumbles her curses, turning away from Zara and returning her hand to her head again as the panic continues to rise.
She turns back to continue to speak to Zara, even though she's not entirely surely whats left to say. As I turns out though, she doesn't have to, as any words on her lips are swallowed up by Zara's.
In the time it had taken her to turn, Zara had suddenly darted forward and sealed her lips in a kiss, gently yet firmly reaching out to hold Violets arms just above her elbows. Quite frankly, she's glad for the support, as the sheer surprise from the kiss may have resulted in her collapsing to the floor.
The kiss was soft and reassuring, tender yet firm. It managed to make Violet feel more relaxed, and at the same time kept her heart beating as fast as it could. Mostly from the constant thought of 'What is even happening right now' looping over and over in her head.
That same thought remained in her head even as Zara leaned back from the kiss, questioning whether what just happened had happened despite the fact she had experienced it mere seconds ago.
"Sorry, I should have asked," Zara murmured in a low tone, still leaned in close to Violet
"Except I was kinda worried you were about to pass out, so..."
The concern returns to Zara's face when Violet has no reaction to this, still staring blankly ahead as her thoughts occupied her mind.
"Oh God, did I break you?" Zara tries to joke, but it doesn't come out quite as comedic as she had hoped as the uncertainty in her continued to rise. "You're actually kind of freaking me out here, Vi."
"Sorry!" Violet finally blurted out, a bit too loud considering how late it was. "No, you didn't break me. You definitely took me by surprise, though. Again."
"I didn't plan to do this up here, by the way. That was never the whole... Point, to this."
"Okay. But... Why?"
"Why... What?"
"Why did you kiss me?"
Zara gives her the most dumbfounded look in response to this, as if it was the dumbest question she had ever heard. "Because I like you?"
"Y-You... You do?"
Zara gives her the look once more. "Well, yeah? I thought the kiss made that kinda obvious?"
"Oh. That... Wasn't the outcome I was expecting from reading my journal and finding out about... How I felt..."
"What did you expect?"
"Not entirely sure. Nothing good, really. Maybe that you'd be angry about it, or make you never want to speak to me again, something like that."
"What? No! I would never do any of that!" Zara spluttered, feeling the need to reassure Violet.
"Sorry, guess my mind always goes with worst case scenario," Violet huffs in explanation. "Probably why I broke for a bit there when you kissed me. Was kinda the opposite of what I was expecting"
"Wait, I thought you said you weren't broken?" Zara asks with a smile
"Might have lied a little. You broke my brain for a bit back there. I was still trying to process that you had read my deepest darkest secret."
Zara's face falls slightly at this, the happiness she had been feeling squashed down by an immense feeling of guilt.
"I really am sorry about that. I should have known you were going to continue writing in it and that there might be stuff you wouldn't want me or anyone else to read. But I just didn't really think...I know that's not really an excuse, but... I'm sorry."
"Would you have ever kissed me if you didn't know that I liked you? If you had never read that part?"
"Honestly?" Zara begins, blowing air out of her mouth and glancing away from Violet to the horizon for a few moments before looking back at her. "Probably not. I had no clue you liked me before I read it. Reading it sort of forced me to confront my own feelings and realise that this-"
Zara points a finger to herself and then to Violet, switching who she was pointing at repeatedly to her point across. "-This was something that I wanted. After I read it, I was actually waiting for you to make the first move. I didn't want to be the one to...force it? And then we came up here and everything just felt... Right. Then you started having the panic attack and I didn't know what else to do."
Violet chuckles lightly at this. She wanted to admit that she was glad that Zaras answer to her panic attack was to kiss her out of it. At the end of the day, it got her to stop panicking. Even if it did kind of make her brain stop working for a few seconds afterwards...
"In any case, if you reading my journal meant that this would happen? I'm glad you disrespected my privacy and read it."
Zara smiles softly at her, a small curl of the corner of her lips. Despite the dark, Violet can see the faint blush in Zara's face as she forces her gaze away, staring out to the night sky that would soon start to lighten, a line of muted orange just starting to appear in the horizon.
Violet is so focused on looking out to the view that she doesn't realise Zara is reaching her hand across until she feels it lightly graze against the top of her own. Zara ever so gingerly lifts her hand, flipping it over and grasping it in her own, the warmth of her hand immediately seeping into her own.
This time, Violet doesn't take her hand away.
"So... You liked Clem, huh?"
"You just had to ruin it."