Chapter 17
'“What do you mean you have to go somewhere?” Alex asked, watching Gabriel finish getting ready.
“Just some business with the pagans, no biggie.” Gabriel shrugged.
Alex sighed, “Okay. How long are you going to be?”
“Not long. Day or so.”
“What is this ‘business’ anyway?” Alex raised an eyebrow.
“They think they’re going to be able to stop the apocalypse” Gabriel said.
“That’s stupid.” Alex scoffed.
“That’s why I have to go, and hopefully convince them otherwise.”
“Yeah, Yeah. Whatever. Just please don’t get yourself killed.” Alex walked over to the archangel. “Cause if you do, I’ll bring you back and kill you myself.” She pulled Gabriel down by his coat collar and kissed him.
Gabriel smirked, pulling away after a few moments, “I wont. I love you.”
“Yeah, I love you too idiot.” Alex smiled, then chuckled a bit. “Watch Sam and Dean show up or something.”
Gabriel scoffed, “Wouldn’t surprise me….Well, I’ve gotta go.”
“Have fun.” Alex smirked and Gabriel rolled his eyes, then teleported out.
~
“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming,” The god of light, Balder, greeted. “Well, in all my centuries, I never thought I’d see this. This many gods under one roof.”
“Gods?!” Sam hissed quietly to his brother that sat beside him.
“Now, before we get down to brass tacks, some ground rules- No slaughtering each other. Curb your wrath.” Balder continued. “Oh, and uh, keep your hands off the local virgins, we’re trying to keep a low profile here.”
“Oh, we are so, so, screwed…” Sam whispered.
“Now we all know why we’re here. The judeo-christian apocalypse looms over us.” Balder spoke. “I know we’ve all had our little disagreements in the past. But the time has come to put those aside and look toward the future. Cause if we don’t, we won’t have one. Now we do have two very valuable bargaining chips.” He raised his hand and pointed to Sam and Dean, “Michael and Lucifer’s vessels….The question is, what do we do now? Anybody have any bright ideas, speak up. This is a safe room.”
“What do we do?” One of the gods, Zao Shen, stood and spoke angrily in Mandarin. “We kill them!”
“Oh I don’t like his tone…” Dean muttered.
“Kill ‘em? Why?” Ganesh laughed. “So the angels can bring them back again?”
“I don’t know what everyone’s getting so worked up about.” Odin spoke up. “This is just a bunch of angels having a slap fight, it’s no armageddon. Everybody knows when the world comes to an end, the great serpent, Jormungandr, rises up, and I myself, will be eaten by a big wolf.” He laughed.
“Here we go,” Zao Shen sighed.
“Oh yeah, and why’s that?” Odin asked. “Because your beliefs are so much more realistic? The whole worlds being carried around on the back of a giant turtle.” Odin scoffed, “Give me a break.”
“Don’t mock my world turtle.” Zao Shen warned.
Odin stood. “What are you going to do about it?”
“I’m going to send you packing to Valhalla!” Zao Shen continued speaking in Mandarin.
“You watch your mouth when you talk to me, boy!” Odin yelled. Sam and Dean took this opportunity to slowly get up and try and leave the room.
“Boy? I’m older than you!” Zao Shen and Odin continued arguing.
Suddenly, the chandelier fell, landing in front of Sam and Dean. “Stay.” Kali said, standing up. “We have to fight. The archangels, the only thing they understand is violence. This ends in blood. There’s no other way. It’s them, or us.”
“With all due respect, ma’am….” Mercury spoke. “We haven’t even tried talking to them…” Kali didn’t answer, instead, she looked at Mercury, making him choke and cough up blood with her mind.
Balder sighed, “Kali….”
Kali stopped choking the other god, “Who asked you?”
The main entrance to the room opened and Gabriel walked in, “Can’t we all just get along?”
“Gab-” Sam and Dean were cut off as Gabriel took away their voices.
“Sam, Dean. Always wrong place, worst time with you muttonheads, huh?” Gabriel sighed.
“Loki.”
“Balder. Good seeing you too. Seems my invitation got lost in the mail?” Gabriel assumed.
“Why are you here?” Balder asked.
“To talk about the elephant in the room.” Gabriel turned to Ganesh as he stood up angrily, “Not you. The apocalypse. We can’t stop it gang...But first things first,” He turned to Sam and Dean who stood confused behind him, “The adults need to have a little conversation. Check ya later.” Then he zapped them away.
~
“O-Okay...did that...holy crap…” Dean stuttered when they were back in their hotel room.
“Yeah, tell me about it.” Sam gasped. “By the way, next time I say ‘let’s keep driving’, uh, let’s keep driving.”
“Yeah okay, next time.” Dean agreed.
“Uh, alright. What’s our next move?”
"I-I,” Dean chuckled slightly. “I don’t know. We grab the poor saps out of the freezer I guess, bust ‘em out. Gank a few freaks along the way if we’re lucky.”
“And when are you ever lucky?” Gabriel interrupted, sitting on a couch in the room.
“Oh, you know what? Bite me, Gabriel.” Dean turned to the archangel.
“Maybe later big boy.”
“I should have known. This had your stink all over it right from the jump.” Dean realized.
“You think I’m behind this? Please.” Gabriel stood. “I’m the Costner to your Houston. I’m here to save your ass.”
“You want to pull us out of the fire?” Dean asked.
“Bingo. Those guys are either gonna dust you, or use you as bait. Either way, you’re uber boned.” Gabriel pointed out.
“Wow...’Cause a couple months ago, you were telling us that we need to ‘play our roles’.” Dean sneered. “You were uber boning us.”
“Ohhhh, the end is still nigh.” Gabriel walked to be in front of the boys. “Michael and Lucifer are gonna dance the lambada. But not tonight, not here.”
“And why do you care?” Dean questioned.
“I don’t...care…” Gabriel denied. “But me and Kali…we uh, had a thing. Chick was all hands…..” Dean looked away, clearly tired of listening to Gabriel. “What can I say, I’m sentimental.”
“Do they have a chance? Against satan?” Sam asked Gabriel.
“Really Sam?” Dean asked.
“You got a better idea, Dean?”
“It’s a bad idea.” Gabriel answered. “Lucifer’s gonna turn them into finger paint...So let’s get going while the going’s good, yeah?”
“Ok, great. Why don’t you just zap us out of here then?” Dean suggested.
“Would if I could. But Kali’s got you by the short and curlies...It’s a blood spell. You boys are on a leash.” Gabriel explained.
“What does that mean?”
“Means it’s time for a little of the old black magic.” Gabriel pulled out breath spray from nowhere and sprayed his mouth.
“Okay, yeah. Whatever. We’re gonna take the hors d’oeuvres in the freezer with us.” Dean said.
“Forget it. It’s gonna be hard enough sneaking you two mooks out of here.” Gabriel disagreed.
“They called you Loki right?” Dean asked, “Which means they don’t know who you are.”
“Told you. I’m in witness protection.”
“Okay, well, how about you do what we say, or we tell the, uh, Legion of Doom about your secret identity.” Dean ordered. “They don’t seem like a real pro-angel type of crowd.”
“I’ll take your voices away.” Gabriel retorted.
“We’ll write it down.”
“I’ll cut off your hands.”
“Then people are going to be asking, ‘why are you running around with no hands’?”
Gabriel narrowed his eyes, “Fine.”
~
Alex lied on the bed and stared at the ceiling. She was bored and Gabriel was still out. “I wonder what he’s up to…” She talked to herself. Why does he want to help a bunch of pagans anyway? “How long had he been acting like a pagan? And where’s the real Loki? Stuck in the Avengers movie?” Alex laughed at herself. “I ask too many questions…”
Leo barked and she sat up. “What buddy?” He continued barking and walked over to the door. “You seriously want to go for a walk? Weirdo.” Alex got up and took off his collar, so he wouldn’t scare normal people. “Alright let’s go, but no barking.”
~
“This is crazy.” Mercury commented, looking at the dead body of Gabriel.
“They can die. We can kill Lucifer.” Kali said.
Dean sighed deeply and stood up, “Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up.”
“Are you out of your mind?!” Sam hissed.
“I’m out of options.” Dean muttered back.
“Now, on any other given day, I’d be doing my damnedest to, uh, kill you, you filthy, murdering chimps.” Dean chuckled. “But, uh, hey….desperate times..” He looked at Gabriel’s body. “So even though I’d love nothing better to slit your throats, you dicks….I’m gonna help you….I’m gonna help you ice the devil.” He poured himself a drink. “And then we can all get back to ganking each other, like normal. You want Lucifer? Well, dude’s not in the yellow pages. But me and Sam, we can get him here.”
“How?” Kali asked.
“First, you let those main courses go. Then we talk.” Dean instructed. “We can either take on the devil together or you lame ass bitches can eat me. Literally.” Dean persuaded.
~
“Psst, Dean!” Dean looked away from the people running to their cars to see the supposed-to-be-dead-archangel sitting in his car. “D-Don’t look at me! Act natural, get in.”
Dean climbed into the front seat and turned back to Gabriel, “Man there’s nothing natural about this at all. I thought you were dead!”
“You think I’d give Kali my real sword? That thing can kill me!”
“Then what do they have in there?”
“A fake. Made it out of a can of diet orange slice.” Gabriel explained. “So...ah...Go snag our blood will ya?”
“What?”
“I heard you in there. Kali likes you. You can get close. Lift the plasma, and we vamoose.”
“No.” Dean refused. “Hand over the real blade. Better yet, why don’t you sack up and help us take down Lucifer.”
“You can’t be serious.” Gabriel asked, moving closer to Dean.
“Deadly.”
“Since when are you butt buddies with a bunch of monsters? That’s all they are to you aren’t they?” Gabriel questioned.
“Alright, you know what? Sam was right. It’s nuts. But it’s the best idea I’ve heard so if you’ve got a better one?” Dean said, starting to get annoyed.
Gabriel tapped on the front seat and smiled, “Well, good luck with that. Me? I’m blowing Jonestown. Those lemmings want to run off a cliff, that’s their business.”
“I see right through you. You know that? The smart-ass shell, the whole ‘I could give a crap’ thing. Believe me, it takes one to know one.” Dean observed
“That so?”
“Yes. And maybe those freaks aren’t your blood but they are your family.” Dean continued.
“They just stabbed me in the friggin’ heart!” Gabriel exclaimed.
“Maybe. But you still give a crap about them, don’t you?”
“Dean-”
“Now they're going to die in there without you.” Dean tried to persuade the angel.
“I can’t kill my brother….” Gabriel admitted.
“Can’t or won’t?” Gabriel stayed silent. “That’s what I thought.” Dean got out of the Impala and headed back into the hotel.
~
Alex walked back into the hotel after walking Leo, who decided not to listen to her and barked at everything. She replaced his collar onto his neck and patted him. “You hungry?” Leo barked and she grabbed his food bowl, making a steak appear in it.
Alex~ Lucifer sang in her head, interrupting her.
Go away, Lucifer. Alex placed the bowl on the ground and watched Leo begin to devour the meat.
I’d like you to come with me somewhere.
Where? And why?
A hotel the Winchesters are at with a bunch of lousy gods.
Okay….. Alex agreed, still not sure where he was going with this. Then she remembered Gabriel was with a bunch of gods. Why are you going there?
Sam has been hidden from me, something he’s had carved into his ribs, but it’s gone now.
So…? You really think he’ll say yes? Alex crossed her arms.
Just come with me.
Alex rolled her eyes, you sound like a teenage girl afraid to go to the bathroom alone. But fine. Whatever.
~
“Lucifer, thanks for coming.” Mercury greeted Lucifer as him and Alex walked up to the front counter. This is going to end horribly… Alex thought, she wasn’t sure why, but she was nervous.
"Oh, you did right calling me.” Lucifer nodded.
“It’s just...The way the talk is heading in there it’s...it’s insane.” Mercury looked slightly nervous to Alex, and Lucifer seemed to not care.
“You know, I never understood you pagans. You’re such...petty little things. Always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind. No wonder you forfeited this planet to us. You, are worse than humans.” Lucifer spoke. Alex could see where this was heading. “You’re worse than demons, and yet, you claim to be gods.” Lucifer turned his hand and snapped the gods neck.
Alex wasn’t very surprised. “And they call me prideful.” Lucifer commented. Alex followed Lucifer down the hall, helping him kill the other gods- unwillingly- as they charged at them. They made it to a door and Alex prepared herself, knowing Sam and Dean were in there. She looked at her slightly bloody clothing and frowned. There was a dark expression in Lucifer’s eyes that she wasn’t very fond of.
“It’s him” Alex heard Sam say.
“How?” She heard a female ask, who she assumed was another god.
“Does it matter? Shazam us out of here, would you?” Dean suggested.
“We can’t.” Another god said.
“Of course you can’t. You didn’t say ‘mother may I?’” Lucifer smiled. Alex looked at Sam and Dean’s scared and worried expressions. “Sam, Dean. Good to see you again.” They noticed Alex with Lucifer and she gave them an apologetic look.
“Balder, don’t” Kali warned.
“You think you own the planet?” Balder ignored Kali. “What gives you the right?!” He marched forward.
Lucifer shoved his hand into the god’s abdomen, “No one gives us the right. We take it.” He removed his hand and pushed the dead god aside.
Alex watched the female goddess’s arms light on fire and she teleported herself to the opposite side of the room to avoid being burnt. She hid behind a table in between Sam and Dean who were also there.
“Are you okay?” Sam asked both her and Dean.
“Not really.” They all turned to see Gabriel crouched beside Dean. “Better late than never, huh?” He noticed Alex and was extremely confused, but didn’t have time to question it. “Guard this with your life.” He handed Dean a copy of ‘Casa Erotica 13’.
Alex watched as Gabriel sent Lucifer flying across the room before he could kill the female god. Does he plan on fighting Lucifer?!
“Luci, I’m home.” Gabriel said. Lucifer got up and went to attack Kali again, but Gabriel blocked him with his angel blade. “Not this time.” Lucifer stopped and watched Gabriel help Kali to her feet. “Guys! Get her out of here.” Sam and Dean got up and went over to them. “Alex too.” Gabriel added, not taking his eyes off Lucifer.
Gabriel guarded them as they walked to the door. Alex was surprised Lucifer was allowing her to leave, but she didn’t dare question it. She wasn’t sure she wanted to leave though. Alex knew Gabriel wouldn’t be able to kill Lucifer.
“Over a girl? Gabriel, really?” Alex heard Lucifer ask as Sam guided her out, a hand on her shoulder.
~
“I’m not getting in that.” Kali said when she saw the Impala.
“Just get in the car princess.” Dean ordered. All four of them climbed into the car and drove off quickly.
Alex felt uncomfortable sitting with Kali in the backseat when she realized Kali was Gabriel’s ex. She quietly chuckled and looked out the window.
“Something funny, girl?” Alex raised an eyebrow and looked at the goddess.
“No.” Alex said simply and turned back to the window. She saw Dean glance at her confused through the rear view mirror. She felt Kali poking around in her brain and she frowned, pushing the goddess from her head.
Alex could tell Kali was confused without even looking at her. “What are you?” Kali asked.
“Stronger than you.” Alex retorted, not really answering her question.
“Is that a challenge?”
“Hey! No fighting you two!” Dean ordered from the front seat.
~
“Gabriel, if you’re doing this for Michael-”
“Screw him” Gabriel interrupted his brother. “If he were here, I’d shiv his ass too.”
Lucifer scoffed, “You disloyal-”
“Oh, I’m loyal, to them.” The two began to pace.
“To who? These so called gods?”
“To people, Lucifer- people.” Gabriel corrected.
“So you’re willing to die, for a pile of cockroaches. Why?” Lucifer questioned.
“Because Dad was right. They are better than us.”
“They are broken, flawed, abortions!”
“Damn right they’re flawed. But a lot of them try, to do better. To forgive. And you should see the Spearmint Rhino!” Gabriel sighed. “I’ve been riding the pine a long time, but I’m in the game now. And I’m not on your side or Michael’s. I’m on theirs.”
“Brother, don’t make me do this.” Lucifer begged, genuinely upset.
“No one makes us do anything.” Gabriel pointed out.
“I know you think you’re doing the right thing, Gabriel. But I know where you heart truly lies.” Lucifer turned around and redirected Gabriel’s angel blade into Gabriel’s stomach. “Here.” The Gabriel copy he had been talking to disappeared. “Amature hocus-pocus. Don’t forget- You learned all your tricks from me, little brother.” Lucifer jerked the blade deeper into Gabriel and a bright light erupted from him.
Lucifer let go of his body, letting Gabriel fall to the ground as large, black wings burnt into the wood floor. He breathed shakily, wishing he could’ve avoided killing his brother.
~
“Hey, Alex.” Sam turned to her as Dean worked on starting the CD Gabriel gave him. “What was up with you and Kali fighting earlier?”
“Oh, uh…” Alex laughed awkwardly. “Well, she and Gabriel were a thing at one point….”
“So? What’s that got to do with you?” Dean asked, also curious.
“Uhm, well, me and Gabriel are a thing now….” Alex waited for them to freak out.
“Wait what?” Sam and Dean both looked confused.
“Y-Yeah….” Alex looked away awkwardly.
“Woah, wait. You knew each other already?!” Dean questioned.
“Yeah...He saved me when I was a kid….” Alex explained. They looked like they had a lot more questions, “Can we just watch whatever he wanted you to have?”
“Yeah…” Dean placed the computer between them.
~
“Gabriel wanted you to guard this with your life?” Sam asked as him, Dean and Alex watched ‘Casa Erotica 13’.
“Maybe he’s a fan?” Dean asked, looking at the cd’s box. “It is a good one.”
“I’ve got the kielbasa you ordered,” Alex tilted her head to the side as she watched Gabriel walk in with a fake mustache on.
“Ooooh, Polish?” A girl laying on a bed asked him.
“Hungarian.” Gabriel corrected in his Hungarian accent. Alex sighed, knowing where this was going and becoming extremely uncomfortable. She almost wanted to cover her eyes as the three watched Gabriel make out with the girl.
“What the hell’s going on.” Sam asked.
“Sam, Dean, you’re probably wondering what the hell’s going on.” Gabriel stopped and turned around. He pulled off the fake mustache, “Well….If you’re watching this, I’m dead….Oh please, stop the sobbing, it’s embarrassing for all of us.” He sat down on the edge of the bed.
Alex shifted uncomfortably. I told that idiot not to get himself killed…..
“Without me, you’ve got zero shot at killing Lucifer. Sorry.” Gabriel continued. “But, you can trap him. The cage you sprung Lucifer from, it’s still down there. And maybe, just maybe, you can shove his ass back in. Not that it’ll be easy. You gotta get the cage open, trick my bro back into it, and oh yeah- avoid Michael and the God squad. But hey- details, right?”
“And here’s the big secret, that Lucifer himself doesn’t even know. But the key to the cage? It’s out there. Actually it’s keys, plural. Four keys, well, four rings. From the horsemen.” He explained. “You get them all, you got the cage. Can’t say I’m betting on you boys, but hey, I’ve been wrong before. And Dean, you were right. I was afraid to stand up to my brother. But not anymore. So this is me, standing up.” Gabriel stood. “And this is me, lying down.” He turned around and kissed the girl who began to laugh.
Alex inhaled deeply and looked away from the laptop screen as things began to...heat up. “Oh, oh man!” Sam closed the laptop.
“Horsemen, huh?” Dean changed the subject. “Well we got Wars. We nicked Famine’s. That’s two rings down. Collect all four? All we need is Pestilence and Death.”
“Oh is that all?” Sam asked sarcastically.
“It’s a plan.”
“I can help too.” Alex spoke up. “And I won’t tell Lucifer.”
Dean nodded, “Good.”
~
Alex walked into her hotel and sighed, taking off her jacket and boots as usual. She was upset, but wouldn’t believe he was really dead. She walked over to the table in the hotel room where her laptop was, and sat down.
She opened the screen and saw the same bed from the CD Gabriel gave the boys. “Hey.” Gabriel walked into the frame and sat on the bed. This time, there was no girl behind him.
“Gabriel?” Alex tilted her head a little.
“What? You think I’d go without saying goodbye?”
Alex could feel her heart breaking, a reaction that hadn’t come before, mostly from her denying his death. “I was hoping you faked it.” She admitted.
Gabriel sighed, “Nope.”
“Do you have any good news?” Alex didn’t even bother questioning how he even set this up.
“Well, if the Winchesters manage to shove Lucifer back in his cage, I don’t think you’ll be bound to him anymore.” Gabriel tried.
“Oh good.” Alex said half-heartedly. She felt like every ounce of energy in her was instantly drained, and she just wanted to sleep for the rest of time. But she wasn’t just going to close her laptop and leave.
She began to wonder when he even made the CD for the boys, and the need to know how he did this started to bother her even more. “How’d you make this anyway?”
“Wasn’t that hard, well kind of. Took a lot of work, but I managed.” Gabriel shrugged.
“That doesn’t answer my question. But I don’t care really… I’m glad you did something….” Alex smiled a little. “Buutt, you still broke your promise. And when you get back I’m going to kick you ass.”
Gabriel looked doubtful but still smiled, “Yeah, yeah.”
~