November 20, 20XX - Thursday
'Night'
Taehyung had the worst weapon pointed at him,
forcing him to surrender,
forcing him to comply,
holding him against his will,
to bring what was placed before him to his lips,
to poison him,
to control his mind like a disease,
to taint his thoughts like an illness,
to spread the pain to his heart,
only felt by him,
only known to him,
all alone with him.
Yes, Taehyung had the worst weapon pointed at him,
his thoughts, the gun
his feelings, the bullet
his emotions, his spillage.
Yes, Taehyung had the worst weapon pointed at him,
and he no longer could run
away from his fate.
*
I awoke to a terrible feeling,
leading me to find him on the side deck
(and what I saw will never be written).
It took a while to get through to him, but I thanked the heavens when I did.
I was confused, hurt, and angry that I couldn't understand it,
but I knew that I would never be able to understand the demons Taehyung dealt with.
All I could do was be there, holding him together so he could no longer fall apart.
"I'm scared, Hari...I'm scared." He sobbed, crumpling into my arms.
I looked up to prevent the tears from falling down.
"There's no hope." he shook his head, his voice barely above a whisper.
Why?
Was it because Namjoon postponed our leave one more night?
Or...?
"Does this have something to do...with what Hoseok told you?"
No answer, just hard sobs.
"I hate myself."
His next words were too painful to remember.
The only relief I felt in that moment was knowing there wasn't anything in his hands.
"I hate myself so much." His voice wavered.
"It's not...your fault..." I tried my best to reassure him, even though I knew he wouldn't believe me.
"It's my fault... It's all my fault. How could I blame someone else? I did this! I murdered my father! You don't understand...you don't. You never will. You're so pure and seraphic and I'm nefarious and toxic. We keep running away, but the only thing I want to run away from the most is myself. Hari, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I'm not good enough for you. I can't give you what I want for you. I'm bad for you. I'm bad. I've always been bad. Who would want shit like me?"
As hard as I tried, I couldn't prevent my tears from falling.
"No wonder your mother left you behind! Who would want shit like you?" his father once screamed.
Taehyung trembled in my arms, starting to grow more anxious.
I slightly lifted my hand, noticing the way Taehyung had flinched slightly.
Gently bringing it to his head, I carefully stroked his hair, telling him what he's been longing to hear,
"Taehyung...You're a good boy."
He shook his head, completely in tears.
"You've done enough."
You've done enough, Taehyung.
It'll always be enough for me,
Even though it wasn't for you.
________________
A/N: No more toying with your hearts, next chapter is Airport Day Part I. Brace yourselves. Also, I probably didn't do a good job of mentioning it, but on the boat there are more people than just Hoseok, Namjoon, Yoongi, Taehyung, and Hari. It's actually a big crew, but because Hari and Taehyung are kept hidden in their cabin, Hari doesn't mention the others as she doesn't see them (but she knows they're there).