"Hi...it's been awhile..." Wade waved awkwardly. "Welcome to Wade's Question Corner...as always the first question is for you."
What is your least favorite oneshot in this book? (don't worry I won't get offended)
"Be sure to answer before the next episode." Wade chuckled nervously. "Okay, uh, next question is for Min from Matieski!"
How tall are you motherfucker?
"First of all, I have never fucked any mothers." Min stated. "And second of all, I'm 5'5 or 165 cm."
"Min." Susie shook her head.
"UGH! Fine, without my heels on, I stand at 5'3 or 160 cm." She frowned. "But I was STILL tall enough for the mayhem that is roller coasters."
"Next question is for Peter and I from EmilySpurrier8." Wade looked at his notecards lazily.
Has anyone ever walked in while you were doing........it? (or something similar)
"What do you mean by i--oh." Peter turned red.
"Yes, actually." Wade chuckled. "A few months back. Clint walked in on us."
"They have hot sex." Clint snickered.
"Are you telling me that Clint knew about your relationship before I did?" Tony put a hand on his hip.
"Not only did he know about it, he witnessed their intercourse." Strange guffawed loudly at Tony's horrified expression.
"We didn't notice him until he cleared his throat loudly and wiggled his eyebrows at us." Peter mumbled.
"Ew, you watched child porn!" Natasha cringed.
"I didn't mean to!" Clint defended himself. "It took a whole 20 seconds to process what I was witnessing!"
"Okay, moving on from this awkward topic, next question is for Darius from Matieski." Wade fumbled with the button to activate the screen for a bit.
Heckin heck? Heck heck dude.
"I...wha...huh???" Darius tilted his head. "Uh...heck...?"
"Heck heck heck." Wade nodded. "Anyways, next question is for...the author...? Okay then, for the author from ChuuyaDoubleBlack."
How are you doing?
(👉😎👉 feelin' good mi amigo~)
"I'm going to assume she answered just now." Wade said after a bit of silence. "Uh, next question is for Peter from JuciyGucciBoi."
What do MJ and Ned think of Wade?
"Oh my god." Peter chuckled. "Ned is so protective of me. He doesn't trust Wade and is willing to fight him for my honor."
"He's a scary guy." Wade shivered.
"MJ likes him...I think." Peter shrugged.
"Next question is for everyone from introverted-geek!"
What is your worst moment?
"Oh...I don't want to talk about that..." Wade looked down.
"When I got hit by that train and ended up in prison." Peter chuckled awkwardly at Tony's horrified expression.
"Uh, when I...died...I just felt so helpless, y'know?" Tony rubbed the back of his neck.
"When Bucky fell off the train is still by far a worst moment for me." Steve shook his head.
"Similarly, when I fell off the train." Bucky snorted.
"Two words, Red. Room." Natasha looked away.
"When my family...just all of a sudden...disappeared." Clint whispered. "I'd never felt so alone...in a second...everything I cherished was gone..."
"When my eye was cut out by my sister." Thor crossed his arms. "At least the man of Fury and I have something in common. Losing our eyes in heroic battles."
"Yes, totally." Fury nodded.
"The whole plane incident." Carol leaned against the wall.
"Uh, next question is for Peter from EmilySpurrier8." Wade cleared his throat.
How did you react when you saw Wade die and come back to life?
"Oh my God, it was terrible." Peter laughed.
"Can't the cops deal with patrol tonight?" Wade asked Peter. "I wanna cuddle!"
"No Wade, this is our job." Peter shook his head.
"No, this is your job." Wade crossed his arms.
"Which you agreed to help me with." Peter smirked. Wade pouted.
Suddenly, multiple shrieks tore through the air. Wade and Peter immediately stiffened and ran towards the screams.
"Ah, Spiderman. You've finally decided to join the party." Dr. Ock smirked, dropping the woman he was holding up.
"Hey Ock, what are you doing here? Did the aquarium run out of room?" He asked, tilting his head.
"Laugh it up, spider. I've gotten a few upgrades since our last encounter. Notice anything different?" Ock asked.
"Oh, you know I'm bad at this. Hmm, new haircut? No? Okay, um, OH! You got new goggles!" Spidey pointed to his face.
Ock scowled and lunged at Peter. Peter jumped out of the way, laughing.
Ock stopped as he caught sight of the mercenary who was watching the fight in boredom.
Wade was fully aware that Peter could handle this by himself, so he didn't try to help.
"C'mon, Octopus. You can't be tired already?" Spidey laughed, sitting on top of a car. "Hmm, should I change your nickname from Doc Ock to Octopussy?"
Ock only smirked as he shot a tentacle straight into Wade's torso.
He opened the end of his tentacle with so much force, it tore Deadpool in two.
"WADE!" Peter screamed, rushing over. Ock laughed and ran away from the scene.
Peter was sobbing hysterically as he ran over to Deadpool's legs. He grabbed them and began frantically searching for Wade's top half. "No no no no." He couldn't find it, cold panic was flowing through his veins.
He fell to his knees, sobbing. "Wade..." He held Deadpool's legs tenderly.
"Wow, I knew you loved my dick but damn." Peter choked and looked up.
Deadpool was walking towards him. Mask off, and his bottom half completely naked. "Wade...?"
"I was so scared." Peter laughed.
"You seriously thought I would die from losing my pants?" Wade rolled his eyes. "Next question is for Ironstrange from Matieski."
What was the gayest thing you've done before you realized that boys caught your eyes?
"So," Tony laughed. "Stephen and I were eating at this restuarant he reccomend. And he, the weirdo that he is, takes the napkin and he asks the waitress for some crayons that are MEANT to be used on the kid's menus."
"Yeah, yeah. I make my own rules." Strange scoffed.
"He takes these crayons, and he takes the napkin, and he makes this hand puppet!" Tony chuckled. "And so when our food came, I apparently got something on my face,"
"Like the klutz you are." Strange nodded.
"And he takes his napkin puppet, and instead of using it to wipe my face like a normal person, he fucking makes the puppet kiss me. And then he goes 'all clean, gorgeous.' And I swear to god how did we not realize we were gay then?"
"I don't know." Strange shrugged.
"Okay then." Wade shrugged. "Next question is for all couples who have fucked from Titan_Slayer_Kura."
Has someone walked in on you fucking before?
"We've already answered this question." Wade shrugged.
"Natasha always catches us in the most awkward moments." Tony shrugged.
"I saw too much dick on that day." Natasha shuddered.
"Nope! We have yet to be caught." Bucky smirked.
Everyone looked at Wanda and Vision, who looked away. "We haven't...done that...yet..."
"HA! VIRGINS!" Tony laughed. Strange slapped him on the back of the head.
"Next question is for everyone from EmilySpurrier8!"
What is the toughest mission you've done?
"Budapest." Clint and Natasha answered in unison.
"I crashed a goddamn plane." Steve crossed his arms.
"I fell off a train." Bucky shrugged.
"So...since I'm the most agile due to my powers..." Peter chuckled. "Mr. Stark had me sneak into a Hydra base and steal this thing he wanted for a suit."
"And he did great." Tony gave a thumbs up. "Hmm, I mean...all missions are easy as fuck for me."
"Language."
"Hmm," Wade rubbed his chin. "I'll get back to you on that one."
Jesus Wilson, you're not answering half the questions.
I'm sure the readers would prefer if you'd actually answer.
"Can you two shut the fuck up?" Wade pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, next question is for me from EmilySpurrier8."
How did you realize that you basically can't die?
Wade pointed a finger gun at his head. "Bam." He chuckled. "Next question is for Peter and I from Y33TLavenYT."
Switch dem roles! Peter the Spider-Merc! And Wade the unable to die Vigilanteeeeee!
"...so I have to kill people now...?" Peter asked quietly.
"Why. Can. I. Still. Not. Die." Wade asked, banging his head against the wall. He sighed, stopping himself. "Okay, we should do something to satisfy their hunger."
Wade was doing his nightly rounds. It was a relatively peaceful night. A couple of muggings here and there, but nothing major. "I can't believe I'M the hero now." Wade tsked.
Suddenly, he heard a noise. He whirled around, having pulled out his gun already. "Who's there?"
"So are you like some super cop?" A stranger asked, stepping out of the shadows. "You have the same skillset as a cop, you just can't die."
"Who are you?" Wade asked, tightening his grip on the gun.
"Ah ah ah, don't do that." He shot a web, grabbing the gun out of Wade's hands. "That's better. It's very rude to point guns at people, y'know?" He giggled.
"Are you going to tell me who you are?" Wade asked, subtly reaching for another gun tucked away in his costume. "I'm not a fan of surprises, y'know?"
"Oh, that's a big fat lie." The stranger chuckled. "After all, didn't you just surprise your daughter the other day?"
Wade stiffened. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"C'mon, Deadpool...or should I call you Wade? Would you prefer Wilson?" He shrugged. "Aren't I rude? Suggesting names for you when I haven't even introduced myself.
"Spiderman the Spidermerc, at your service." Wade could hear the man's wink.
"What do you want, mercenary?" Wade spat.
"Money," Spiderman shrugged. He walked closer, Wade's hand shifted closer to the hidden weapon reflexively. "And you, good sir, have a lot of people who want you dead."
Wade snorted. "Good luck, I can't even kill myself." He smirked at the way the mercenary's body froze.
Spiderman quickly regained his calm demeanor. "That sounds like a challenge." He stalked even closer, until he was right in front of Wade.
Wade studied the design of his suit. Black and red, seeming to mimic a spider web. "Oh? Are you checking me out already?" Spiderman giggled.
Wade scoffed, pulling out his gun and pressing it to Spidey's chest. "Checkmate, and you wish." Wade smirked, though he knew the mercenary couldn't see it.
"Ooh, sneaky." Spidey chuckled. Wade was just now noticing how short Spiderman was next to him.
In one swift movement, Spidey twisted Wade's arm and ripped the gun out of his hand. Wade scowled and ripped himself away, instantly getting into fighting position.
"Calm down, fiesty." Spiderman was leaning against the wall, spinning Wade's gun around on his finger. "You've lost two guns to me now. Wouldn't want to make that three, would you?"
"I'll start a tab." Wade reached for his katanas.
"Man, you're just itching for a fight, aren't you?" Spidey pushed himself off the wall. "Also, are you serious about the tab thing? I don't have any money."
"No I'm not--hand yourself in, criminal." Wade had his katanas pointed at Spidey now.
"I prefer...antihero." Spidey decided. "Has a nice ring, don't you think?"
Spidey shot two webs and had taken both katanas out of Wade's grip. "Stop doing that!"
"No! I don't want to be killed, thanks." Spidey scoffed.
Spidey looked into a nearby shop, and saw the time with his advanced vision. "Oh, look at that. I've gotta go. Let's continue this another time~."
Spidey giggled and shot a web, and just like that he was gone. "Damn it."
"Hmm, not a bad idea for a oneshot." Wade mumbled. "Next question is for me from WD_Crystal."
I'm with my friends right now and we all agree that we love you! You're amazing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
"...thanks...?" Wade mumbled. "Uh, next question is for everyone from EmilySpurrier8."
If you had to choose, sweets or chocolate?
"Hmm, chocolate." Wade shrugged.
"Uh, chocolate, obviously. Is that even a question?" Peter scoffed.
"Hmm, I like them both." Tony shrugged.
"I like sweets." Strange smirked.
"Uh, sweets I guess." Steve shrugged.
"Chocolate." Bucky said.
"Sweets." Natasha shrugged.
"Chocolate~" Clint hummed.
"Next question is for the author from Cassie20052." Wade rose a brow.
Do you do requests?
(U know it bb 😏)
"Again, I'll assume she answered." Wade rolled his eyes. "Next question is for Peter from ImLonely11307."
Pls cosplay Lucy from fairy tail.
Wade's eyes widened. "Do the outfit from the last arc!"
Peter beamed and skipped out of the room. He walked back in, a bouncy blonde wig on his head, and a tiny skirt around his waist. He pulled out a bag, and picked a random key.
He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it to look at the key. He smirked confidently. "Open, Gate of the Golden Bull! Taurus!" He struck a pose.
"Wow." Tony mumbled. "I raised that."
"No you did not?" Strange looked at him weirdly.
"Shhh."
"Wait, does that make me Natsu...?" Wade mumbled. "I mean, I'm already a dragon in bed--"
"Stop. Don't continue that thought." Peter shook his head. Wade pouted but complied.
"Next question is for everyone who isn't gay from EmilySpurrier8." Wade read off his card.
What was the gayest moment of your life?
"I was still trying to figure out where I stood..." Wanda mumbled. "So I made out with this girl once..."
"I mean, I've been with Wanda for my three years of life...so..." Vision shrugged.
"Made out with a guy, he was a bad kisser." T'challa shrugged.
"Next question is for all the people who are gay from EmilySpurrier8." Wade nodded.
What was the straightest moment of your life?
"Dude, I have a kid." Wade put a hand on his hip.
"Liz and MJ." Peter shrugged. "Until they realized they liked each other and I got with this idiot." Peter pointed to Wade.
"Do I really need to answer that question?" Tony crossed his arms. "Hello~? I've slept with SO many women."
"Peggy!" Steve exclaimed.
"Um, what is this straight you speak of?" Bucky asked, completely serious.
"That Kree dude who I've blocked from my memory." Carol shrugged.
"Next question is for Pete from EmilySpurrier8." Wade cleared his throat.
Name all you aunts, uncles, parents, and sibling out of the Avengers.
"Tony is my dad." Peter started. "Strange is my Pops."
"You know it." Tony smirked.
"Bucky, Bruce, Sam, Vision, and Steve are my uncles." Peter hummed.
"Yeppers." Bucky nodded.
"Nat is my auntie." Peter beamed.
"Obviously." She smirked.
"And Wanda is like my cool older sister!" Peter exclaimed.
"And finally, last question is for everyone from EmilySpurrier8." Wade sighed loudly.
What is your favorite vine?
"The 'and they were roommates' one." Wade chuckled.
"The 'I'm calling the weed' one." Peter giggled.
"The 'oh my fucking god she fucking dead' one." Shuri smirked.
"The 'I'm Jared, I'm 14, and I never fucking learned how to read' one." Clint nodded.
The rest of them didn't know what the fuck a vine was.
"And that's the end of this episode! Be sure to leave your questions in the comments! See you next time on, say it with me now!"
"WADE'S QUESTION CORNER!"
A/N:
This took a millennia.
*
Susie: Um...D-Darius...?
Darius: What's up?
Susie: So...you used to have a crush on me?
Darius: *turns bright red* Who told you that? Was it Diabolos?
Susie: No, it was Min...
Darius: *glares at Min from afar*
Min: *notices and pales*
Darius: *sigh* Well, yeah. I used to.
Susie: Why didn't you tell me?
Darius: I mean, I WAS going to tell you, but you had just started dating Dominic so...
Susie: Oh my god! I'm so sorry!
Darius: Nah it's cool, it's ancient history anyways.