Hey early update :)
These are all tweets by @iSwagTalk
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Missed Calls: Dad (0) Sister (1) Brother (1) Mom (48)
Teacher: This test is very easy
Me: Sure it is, you already know the answers
The only “B” word you should call women is beautiful. Bitches love to be called beautiful
People that don’t know me think I’m shy. People who do wish I was
Do you ever just want to grab someone by the shoulders, look them deep in the eyes and whisper “no one gives a fuck,”
“You took my daughters virginity!”
“I’m sorry sir, it won’t happen again,”
Partying, YOLO. Forever alone, SOLO. Marco, POLO. Condom broke, OHNO. You like men, HOMO. Bitches be crazy, FOSHO. Run bro’ run, POPO.
"Let's talk dirty”... "What?!”... "I said its 10:30."
Twitter....where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours.
Pissed off (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ (╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻ *flips table*
"Fuck it" - my final thought before making most decisions.
Boy: You are the funniest and most beautiful girl I've ever met. Girl: You just want to f*ck me. Boy: Wow and you're smart too.
Cop- "Let’s do a drug test." Me- "Cool, which drugs are we testing?"
Guy: "Hey! Want to play the rape game?" Girl: "No..."Guy: "That's the spirit!"
If a robber ever breaks in, I'll just pretend to be one too, and we'll laugh and hug and he'll leave because I have first dibs.
I wish my car horn yelled "WTF are you doing!?"
I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: "What do you do at a red light?" Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."
You this read wrong.
Today's Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone.
You know your childhood is over when you fall asleep on the couch and wake up on the couch.
Square box, round pizza, triangle slices. I'm confused!
B.i.n.g = Bitch I'm not Google.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit is not what I expected.
Practicing your signature over and over again, just incase you become famous.
I'll act my age when I'm 69....... lol
You're a great friend but, if we get chased by zombies I'm tripping you.
When I'm married, I will never fight in front of my kids because I know I hated seeing that shit.
____/\____\o/___ SHARK ATTAAAAACK !!!
Bruno Mars: "I'd catch a grenade for her." Me: "Why the hell is she getting a grenade thrown at her in the first place?!"
Relationships these days = 1 Male, 1 Female, 1 Hoe, 1 Ex trying to mess it up and 1 friend secretly hoping it ends.
"Dammit Im Mad" is spelled the same way backwards. Think about it.
Slut: "Weekends should be longer than 2 days!" Nerd: "So should your relationships."
Making some changes to my life. Please leave a message and in case I don't get back, then know that you are one of the changes.
That awkward 3 second lap dance you get at the movies when someone walks by you.
"Google: "I have everything!" Facebook: "I know everybody!" Internet: "Without me, you're nothing." Electricity: "Keep talking bitches."
That mini heart-attack when you can't feel your phone in your pocket.
Secrets are something you tell everybody to tell nobody.
Pretending to care about a teachers personal life, to waste time in class.
Person dies in movie; "Eh. They probably desevered it." Puppy dies in movie: "WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT DID THE PUPPY DO?!"
Giving gum to your friend is like a drug deal. "You didnt SEE anything, you didnt HEAR anything, and you sure as hell didnt get it from ME"
It's funny how some girls go from duck duck goose to fuck fuck loose.
My graduation speech: "I hate all you fuckers, I'm out."
Famous people walk on the red carpet because they're stars. I walk on toilet paper because I'm the shit!
8 planets, 1 universe, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and I just had to find yo dumbass.
*At home* Me: "I want to go out, I want friends." *Outside* "I want to go home, I hate people."
Jay-Z has a song for his daughter called glory. Glory spelled backwards is yrolg which means absolutely nothing, but I had you for a second.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Skinny = anorexic, thick = obese, virgin = too good, non-virgin = slut, friendly = fake, quiet = rude. You can never please society.
Me: "Heyyyyyyyy" Friend: " Hi....." Me: "Well f*ck you then."
Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 50 minute clarinet solo.