It was way too late at night for Damon to be outside of Raina's house, but he couldn't help himself. He didn't want to go another day without Raina knowing how sorry he was. He had to say something.
He noticed that her window was left open, wide enough for him to come through.
Part of him was hoping that she'd knowingly kept it open for him, like she knew he'd come for her. But then after the way he'd treated her, he wouldn't be surprised if Raina had left the window for him to come through, only to push him out halfway.
Damon climbed up the tree, and towards the window. The main light of her room was off, but the lamp was on, letting a dim light into the room.
He stepped through the window and into Raina's room.
He looked around and his eyes finally landed on the one he was looking for.
Raina sat on the floor of her room, beside the bed. Her knees were pulled up towards her chest, as she looked blankly ahead.
Damon wasn't even sure if she knew he was in the room with her.
Damon walked towards her, standing in front of her. He crouched down and what he saw nearly broke his heart all over again. Raina's eyes were red and raw, which he immediately recognised were from crying. Her nose and cheeks had a faint pinkish colour to them.
He fell to his knees in front of Raina, placing a hand on top of hers, that rested on her knees.
Raina took in a audible deep breath and closed her eyes.
Damon was thankful that he was at least able to get a reaction out of her. That was something to go on.
"Rain" he said, but got nothing back from her.
"Raindrop" he said once more, but again nothing.
When he received no answer from her, nothing but another fallen tear, Damon felt the blood in his veins go cold. He could handle her hating him, not loving him anymore, but he wanted to hear her voice. He needed it. He felt selfish in that way. That was the bare minimum that he wanted.
"Please" he pleaded, but got nothing but silence.
Damon then thought that it was best that she didn't say anything, since it meant that he could talk instead. He'd already said so much, but this time, what he had to say was something Raina needed to hear.
"I deserve this silent treatment" then murmured. He took his hand away from hers, and carried on to kneel in front of Raina.
"I deserve worse to be honest, but I'm going to take advantage of this silence to talk, and for you to listen. I know you already listened to all the bullshit I said before, but I just need you to listen one more time" he told her.
Raina gave no clue if she were listening to him, she kept her eyes closed, but Damon just hoped she was.
"I'm so sorry. I am. What I said was...I said some pretty horrific things, I know. You deserved none of it, yet I couldn't stop myself. I've always let my anger get the best of me and tonight I did exactly the same, once again. It's not an excuse and I know that" he began to say, the words now falling off the tip of his tongue.
"You're not wrong when you say that I'm the kind of guy that's a perfect example of kind of guy Ariel should stay away from. I'm not good. Just look at what I did to you. To us". Damon's voice broke in the middle, but he knew he couldn't stop. "When I saw that guy with Ariel, for a moment I saw myself in him and I lost it. She's my baby sister and I just didn't want her to get hurt. So I lashed out at her, at him and worst of all you. I never should've believed that video, but I was insecure" he finally confessed.
Raina listened to every word he said.
Apologising to her wasn't going to be enough, at least not this time. All that he'd said had gotten to her. The mean words she could forget, but the accusations were harder to both forgive and forget.
She knew that he felt a sense of protectiveness for Ariel. Since he'd been labelled the bad guy, it was like he was aware of what kind of guy Ariel shouldn't be with, and Kayden was similar to how Damon was, minus the leather jacket and motorcycle. She knew that he'd lash out but when it came to her, Raina didn't expect any of what had said.
Raina was ready to hear what Damon had to say in his defence, if he even had one, but she wasn't not expecting him to mention that last word. Insecure.
Opening her eyes, she looked to Damon, who now had his head bowed down, as if in shame.
She wanted to badly to comfort him, to wrap her arms around him and just let them have their moment. However, she knew it was more important for her to hear what he had to say, knowing if she stopped him now, he'd run, and she'd never be able to hear what had kept them apart for so long.
"Insecure?" She asked him, her voice lighter than a whisper, however it was enough for Damon's head to snap up towards her, a smile now in his face.
"You're this great girl Raina. One in a billion. I don't see you with someone like me, because you deserve the best and that's not me" he started to say and when Raina seemed like she was about to interrupt him, he shook his head to let him continue. "When I saw the video, it broke my heart because you mean everything to me and to hear you say those words, it killed me, Rain" he confessed.
Damon took a breath, knowing what he was about to say was his most deepest confession, but Raina was the only person he could say this to. The only person he had to say this too.
"My insecurities got the best of me and it was like a way out. It was a cowards way out but I took it anyway. I thought if I stayed with you, I'd end up hurting you and I swear Rain, I've never wanted to hurt you. That video gave me a way to make sure you stayed away from me and so I took it. I selfishly took it. I thought I could stay away from you, but I could never. Not with you. I wanted to believe you hurt me, that you broke me and so I did, I needed to believe it so I could act like you didn't matter to me, when in reality it's the complete opposite" Damon told his truth, his eyes stinging.
This had been something Damon had long kept to himself. Feeling like he was fighting himself. His mind was clouded by dark thoughts, and sometimes he found himself sucked in so deep and falling so far down the rabbit hole, that he was trying so hard to claw his way out. Damon didn't want his family or friends to know anything. He just wanted to complete this fight on his own. Battle his own demons without worrying anyone else.
Loving Raina was one of the only good things he'd done, but he was scared. So scared. He worried that the demons that plagued his mind, would then drag her through his hell too. He'd rather keep her away and happy then with him and sad.
Raina looked at Damon as he spilled his heart out to her. He looked so fragile in the moment. She had no idea that he was going through all of this. Especially alone.
Instead of feeling sadness, Raina felt a sense of anger grow within in her.
Raina leaned forward and grabbed at Damon's t-shirt.
"Do you know how stupid you sound? How dare you believe that video over me? I love you Damon. I've said it again and again" she seethed in anger.
Damon was left wide-eyed at her action and more so at the fury that was in her eyes. He knew he deserved it.
Holding her fists in his hands, Damon bowed his head. "I know. I just needed to believe in that video, that it ended up becoming true in my mind" he told her.
"All to keep me away from you?" She asked him.
Damon looked up to see the anger wash away from Raina's face and in its' wake, had left a crestfallen expression.
"I didn't think-" he began to say, but Raina cut him off.
Leaving his t-shirt, Raina raised herself to her knees and held Damon's face between her the palms of her hands.
"You didn't think. Period" she snapped, not caring if her parents were to hear her at this point. "You're so incredibly stupid, that I actually want to call your mother to ask if she's had you tested and if not, then maybe she should. How fücking dare you think even for a second, that I could do something like that to you? That I could betray you like that? That I could be so shallow to use you like that? You're like my air, Damon. I'm not breathing without you. I love you so much and always have, that if you asked me to give up everything for you, I would. I've known I would, for the longest time. You think I'm sitting here crying about you yelling at me or calling me names? No. I know your anger and that you spew out all kinds of bullshit that comes to you. I know that you'd never hurt me and I've never been afraid of your anger" she ranted at him.
Damon shook his head that Raina still held, placing his hands on her waist. "I'd never lay a had on you like that".
"And I know that. You think I slapped you because you accused me of being a slut? You and I both know that I've only ever slept with one person, and that's you" she told him.
Damon then sighed. "I know".
Hearing him say he knew that made Raina even more angry. "So then what? What the hell is it with you? You're seriously going to talk to me about insecurities when you look like that?" She said.
"It's not about looks" Damon said.
Raina then leant back, placing her hands on his shoulders. "No, it's about how you seem to be so terrified to feel something for me or scared about how I feel for you. You think I shoved you earlier cause you said some mean things? No. I shoved you because you doubted my love for you. I've been irrevocably in love with you since I was a little girl and yet you had the audacity to think that it wasn't real?".
"I know it was real" Damon said and Raina was feeling the urge to strangle him.
"So what the fück is wrong with you, Damon?" She asked.
"I'm just not good enough for you" was his only response to her question.
"Oh for the love of God. Just stop. Please, just stop. I cannot believe you're still barking up that tree. I actually want to throttle you right now, because you are literally the biggest and most insufferable idiot I've ever met. Just tell me, please, who is good enough for me Damon? Because apparently it's not you, someone I've been in love with forever. You won't even let it be someone else, so tell me, who is good enough?" At this point Raina was on the verge of crying, but not from sadness, instead it was the immense amount of anger that she was feeling.
There was a long pause between the pair after Raina had questioned him on who was good enough, only broken when Damon told her, "No one".
"What?" Raina asked him, confused.
"No one is good enough for you, Raina" Damon repeated.
It was clear to her he meant the words, but she knew that wasn't the truth since the one person perfect for her, was right in front of her.
"I can't even..." Raina began to say, but took a deep breath.
She held Damon's face once more, so he could look her right in the eyes as she said the next words. So she could tell him her truth.
"Don't you get it. You are. You're more than good enough for me. I just don't understand why you don't see it, or see what I see. You're everything and more. I don't know what kind of demons you're facing in that mind of yours but I want to help you chase them away. I want to hold you and tell you every single day that I love you. Just please let me" she practically begged him, her tears now finally falling as she rested her forehead against Damon's.
He raised his hands from her waist to wipe away her fallen tears, no matter if they kept on running.
"My demons are too strong, Raina. I can't let them ruin you" he whispered.
All he wanted was to keep her safe and sane and if it meant keeping her away from him, he'd do it.
"They won't" Raina tried to reassure him.
"They won't if I stay away" he then said.
Raina wanted to yell out in frustration, and grab at her more. Or better yet, claw at Damon instead.
"Damon, I can't do this again and again. I keep telling myself that I'm strong enough to take it, to bear it all. I keep reassuring myself that you want me and that's enough for me carry on but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle against myself. I'm waiting Damon, I have been all this time, why can't you see?" She begged him.
Damon knew what she was asking but his own fears were keeping him back. He was scared.
"Raina, I can't..." began to say, but Raina already knew where his words were going to take them.
"Maybe you're right" she let out a shaky breath, swallowing the lump within her throat. "You're not good enough for me. The guy I fell for wasn't a coward" she spat out. Raina knew she was possibly being harsh, but her heart ached and she felt bitter. She felt she had the right to feel this way.
"Raina" Damon began to say, looking into her eyes but she didn't let him say anything else by placing her lips against his, for what could be their last time.
She kissed him with everything she had. A bit of hope, so that maybe he'd reconsider how he felt. A little bit of pain, so he'd know how badly she was hurting instead. A bit of urgency, so he was aware of how badly she wanted, no, needed him. Lastly, she kissed him with a whole lot of love. Since that's how she'd felt about him for practically her whole life.
Damon didn't want the kiss to end, knowing that once it did, he'd have to let go. He held onto her with a tight grip, his hand around her waist and one entangled with her hair as he held her so close to him. Her hands were around his neck, and he felt like she too was holding on to him for dear life.
When the pair pulled away, panting breathlessly, they resting their heads against each other, eyes closed.
"Rain" Damon breathed out. The only name on his lips and in his mind.
They basked in their moment together, before Raina pulled away completely.
She stood up, as did he, both of them looking heartbroken.
"When you're ready to let me in, and realise how much I love you and that I'm not going anywhere, come find me then" Raina told him, giving him a small smile as she did.
Damon couldn't bring himself to say anything, so instead, he kissed her forehead lightly and left Raina's room.
Raina broke down as soon as Damon stepped out and Damon did the same as soon as he got home.
***
This is definitely one of my favourite chapters I've ever written.
A lot of people having those annoying thoughts in their minds, ones that bring you down at your highest. Damon is one of those people, and he doesn't want that to ever effect Raina. It's highly frustrating, but incredibly sweet at the same time.
Also, writing this chapter made me feel brutally single.
Next Chapter: Double Date
Hope you liked the read :)