Harry Styles
"So when are you going to tell them?" Louis says smugly. I glare at him as he smirks.
How the fuck did he find out.
"Tell us what?" Liam questions, arching his brow.
I rub my temples with my hands, avoiding eye contact. My eyes pinch shut in anger and frustration.
As much as I didn't want to tell them...I had too. They deserved to know.
"Last night, while I was in the living room, Lydia came downstairs." I begin.
The boys all look at me, giving me their undivided attention.
"We got in a little bit of an argument and-"
"Did you guys have make-up sex?" Niall cuts me off.
"No!" I object. His mouth curls into a smirk and he nods, allowing me to continue.
I shake my head. "She saw an envelope on the table." I say, my voice becoming low.
I was dreading the next sentence.
"She saw The Kings' red circle." Liam and Niall's eyes widen.
"She recognized it from the diner." I say quietly, but firmly.
"Fuck, dude." Niall mutters. Liam stares at the counter with a gaping mouth and wide eyes.
"So she knows about...us?" Liam finally speaks, looking at me.
I nod and take my bottom lip between my teeth.
"What happened after that?" Liam asks.
I take a deep breath. "She ran out of the house but I caught up with her and got her to come back in. I told her everything this morning." I feel dread in my stomach as I relive everything that happened with Lydia.
The kitchen falls silent for a couple moments. Everyone was processing this new obstacle we were being faced with.
"What are we supposed to do with her?" Louis breaks the silent room with his voice. I look up at him and purse my lips to the side.
"She can't go back. Not just because she knows about us but also because there are still people who want to hurt her." I say, fully meaning every word.
"This is insane." Niall exclaims.
I sigh, dipping my head down to look at my hands as I begin to obsessively play with my rings. I was seriously at a loss. I didn't want to have to keep Lydia here under these circumstances, but I felt like I had no other choice.
"Does she know you killed her brother?" Louis asks, his voice was low and monotone.
I continue to stare down at my hands before shaking my head in response.
"Shit." he curses.
I run my hands through my curls as I sit there in stress. Lydia didn't deserve any of this. She didn't ask to be dragged into this mess but yet, here she was. I knew that she hated me now.
She told me herself.
But I only wanted to protect her. I brought her to stay with us because I thought it would be best for her and her safety. Whoever broke into her home that one night was so close to getting whatever it is they wanted. If the guys and I hadn't of shown up at the time we did...who knows where she'd be right now. So, I tried to give her a small sense of security here...but it was all thrown away at the drop of a dime.
We all sat in silence around the kitchen counter.
That is, until we heard tiny, shuffling footsteps walk into the room.
I lifted my head up and looked at a certain blonde, blue eyed girl that had entered the kitchen.
She wasn't looking at any of us, but she knew we were there. She was biting her lip and her eyes were filled with sorrow. She stared down at the ground as the guys and I simply looked back at her, waiting for something to happen next.
Suddenly, her small voice filled the room.
"I left my book at home." she says, just above a whisper.
I knit my brows together. The guys and I exchange confused looks to one another.
"W-what?" I ask in confusion.
"My favorite book. I forgot it at home." she says, her voice breaking mid sentence. she raised her head to look at us. She seemed so distraught and also so broken. Her eyes were still a little glossy and her cheeks were stained with old, dry tears.
"Lydia-" I start.
"I need it. Please. I need to go get it." her voice was breaking, and her eyes were glossing over even more. I could feel Liam, Louis, and Niall's confusion as they kept glancing over at each other.
Why was she so concerned about this book?
"Uhm. We can get you a new one." I say, not really knowing how else to respond.
She immediately shakes her head. "No I need mine." she sniffs. I look at her and tilt my head in utter bewilderment.
"Please, Harry."
As soon as my name leaves her lips, my heart flutters and begins beating faster.
It felt like forever since she said my name.
I didn't realize how much I missed it.
I take my bottom lip in my fingers and look at her, as she looks back at me.
I have absolutely no idea why she needs this book so badly...but if it was going to take her mind off everything, even for just a little bit, then I'll do it for her.
"I'll go get it for you." I say as I begin to walk out of the kitchen, ready to go outside to my car.
"Please let me come with you." she says from behind me. I stop and turn around.
I can see the guys behind her as well. Their faces were all distraught and puzzled.
"Oh, Lydia I don't know if-"
"I won't try anything. Please just let me come." she pleads. I look down at her and into her vibrant blue eyes that were filled with desperation.
"Okay."
She lets out a sigh of relief which seemed like she was holding in for a long time.
"Um...why don't you go shower and we'll go after that." I tell her, knowing she'd feel better if she was clean. She simply nods and walks past me, returning up the stairs where she came from.
Lydia White
I opened the curtain and stepped out of steaming shower. I grabbed a towel and began to dry myself off.
When Harry agreed to let me come with him to retrieve my book from home, I was so relieved.
I was laying in bed, thinking about my life before all of this shit happened. I thought about my friends, work, and eventually, I thought about how I would read obsessively.
And that's when I thought of my favorite novel, realizing that it was one of the things I had left at home.
This book in particular was so special to me, for so many reasons...and I just needed to have it again.
I got dressed and took a deep breath before meeting Harry downstairs. He was wearing a white t-shirt, black jeans and had sunglasses covering his eyes.
He noticed me as I walked into the front lobby part of the house, where he was leaning against the wall.
When he sees me, he shoots me a small smile which I don't return, and heads for the front door.
I follow him to his car and timidly get into the passenger seat.
I haven't been in here in so long, yet it was such a familiar feeling.
I sit and stare out the windshield as he extends his arm over my seat, looking over his shoulder as he backs out of the long driveway.
When we reached the highway, he sped up and raced down the asphalt. It felt like forever since I've seen what lies outside of the house. I rested my chin in my hands and propped my elbow up on my door, looking out my window as we sped past hundreds of trees.
It was so quiet out here. Harry and I were the only ones on the road. It was like no one else knew about this area.
I think back to everything Harry told me.
They found my brother's dead body on this highway.
I pinch my eyes shut once the image filled my head. I could imagine my brother on the side of the road, just lying there, completely drained of life. I could imagine exactly what his face looked like.
Oh my god my brother was really dead.
I immediately feel sick. My mouth begins to water and my stomach turns in every possible direction. I gulp when I feel a vile taste in my mouth.
"H-Harry pull over." I say as the feeling only intensifies.
He glances over at me with a puzzled look on his face. "Why?" he asks.
"Just pull over please!" I raise my voice a little as I feel my throat burn.
He quickly pulls over to the side of the road and I don't waste any time jumping out of the car. I rush over to the wooded area and bend over.
My stomach empties onto the dirt and I immediately feel empty and drained. I shut my eyes as small tears leak out of them.
I stand up straight again as I hear Harry jog over to me.
"I'm sorry." I say through staggered breaths.
"Don't apologize." he says while handing me a water bottle. I take it from his hand and rinse my mouth out.
If everything that was happening in my life right now wasn't happening, I'd be pretty embarrassed at myself in this moment...but right now I didn't care.
I take deep breaths as Harry stands next to me with his arms crossed.
"Are you okay?" he asks. I nod without looking at him and head back to the car then climb into the passenger seat.
Moments later, Harry joins me in the vehicle as he jumps into the driver's seat. He begins to drive down the highway again, but a little slower.
"Are you sick?" He asks quietly from next to me. I continue to stare out the window.
"No."
"Then what was that about?" he asks again.
I sigh. "I was thinking about my brother. How he died here."
Harry's grip on the steering wheel tightens. "Oh." he says. I nod and look down at my hands.
It was silent except for the sound of the car speeding down the road and the running of the engine.
I slowly raise my head and turn it to look at him. He was chewing gum that filled the car with a fresh, minty scent. His curls sat messily on his head and a black pair of sunglasses covered his eyes. His shoulder was bandaged from where he had been stabbed. I could see a small part of the bandage poking through the sleeve of his white shirt.
One of his hands was gripping the wheel, while the other was playing with his bottom lip. He had a habit of doing that, as I've come to notice. He'll take it between his thumb and forefinger and tug and pull on it. His rings glistened in the sun as he fiddled with it.
I remember the first time I watched him drive. It was the night he drove me home from work. I remember examining his tatted arms...and how his curls would bounce whenever he moved his head. But his habit of playing with his lip always stuck out to me. It was like a subconscious thing that he did all of the time.
Like how I tuck my hair behind my ear.
He was so intriguing and magnetic, and I couldn't really put my finger on the reason why. It was damn near impossible to look away from him.
When I met him, I thought he was so mysterious. I saw him as this mystifying person who was difficult to understand.
Then he opened up to me. He kissed me. He told me he cared about me.
But he was a gang leader. Gang leaders don't care about people.
"Harry." I mumble.
His head snaps over to me for a moment, then back to the road. "Hmm." he says, showing that he's listening.
"Would you have shot me if you saw me at the diner?" The question leaves my mouth so quickly that I don't have time to stop it. But I have been wondering about this all day.
If he saw me that night, would he have not hesitated to put a bullet in my head?
I watch him as his jaw clenches.
"We were there for James." he states, keeping his eyes in front of him.
"What if I got in the way?" I ask, not being able to filter myself. His brows knit together and his jaw tightens, as does his grip on the wheel. I'm not sure if I want to know the answer or not.
"I-I don't know. Maybe." he says, avoiding eye contact.
My stomach drops at his words and I slowly turn my head away from him so that I'm looking at the ground.
"But that was before I knew you, Lydia. I would never hurt you now." he says, his voice quickening slightly to get his point across.
I bite the inside of my cheek and tuck my hair behind my ears. Deep down, I know Harry wouldn't hurt me...but he's still very dangerous and from what I've learned in the past day, he's also very capable of hurting me.
"I wish you were never dragged into this." he sighs. I turn my head to look back at him.
"But I was." I reply. As much as I'd like to turn back time, I can't.
"I wish that man never followed you in the alley that night. This wouldn't be happening." he shakes his head in remorse.
"Harry, you saved me that night. He could've hurt me." I protest. As scared of him as I was right now, I can't deny that he did me a huge favor that night.
"Yeah, now look where it got you." he mumbles. I sigh at his words.
"You did the right thing."
"Doesn't feel that way." he mutters under his breath.
As a total reflex, I reach my hand over to his free one and grab hold of it. I felt the warmth of his large hand and the coldness of his rings contrast between my fingers. He looks down at our hands and his eyes widen as he looks at me.
I quickly pull away and awkwardly put my hand back in my lap, feeling instant regret.
"Um. S-sorry." I stutter. I curse myself silently over and over again.
"Do you think I'm a bad guy, Lydia?" he says, changing the subject. I snap my head to look at him.
I didn't know how to answer.
I haven't known Harry for too long...but before this whole gang fiasco, I thought that he was a good person who just didn't know how to express the goodness inside of him. He always had so much to say, but he didn't know how to say it...so he closed himself off. I thought he was a man with a huge heart, but he had walls built up.
Sometimes, these walls would come down for a little, and he could finally open up. His heart would be free for a moment to express what it had been keeping inside.
These walls came down when he kissed me for the first time.
They came down when he took me outside to watch the sunset, and then kissed me the second time.
And this is why I was at such a crossroads with Harry Styles. The man I saw as a complicated, but caring man with a beautiful soul vanished and was replaced by a cold-hearted killer.
But, the more I thought about it...the more I realized that underneath 'Harry Styles' who was a ruthless gang leader, was Harry.
The man who held his heart in a cage and couldn't find the key.
The truth is, I didn't know if Harry was capable of love...but I knew that he had the potential.
"No." I state my answer.
His eyes widen. "You don't?" he asks.
I shake my head. "I don't..." I was being completely honest, "Maybe you've done some bad things, but I don't necessarily think that you are a bad guy."
His brows furrow as he stares ahead of him. "Even after everything? You don't think I'm bad?"
I take a deep breath and look into the windshield in front of me. "When you told me everything about the gang stuff, I'll admit I was horrified." I begin. He pulls his lips to the side and nods.
"But I've come to realize that there's good inside you. And I know this because you showed it to me before all of this. You opened up to me, you showed me your heart and you made me happy." I say, meaning every single word.
I was so happy with him before all of this. Despite everything happening, like the break ins...seeing him made it better.
He could walk into a room and my stomach would flutter in joy, or relief. He would smile and every worry I had would fade away in that short moment.
I missed his smile.
"I'm so fucking sorry." he whispers.
"For making me happy?" I knit my brows together.
"For letting you down." he says, louder this time. "I made you happy and then I fucking ruined all of it." he shakes his head.
"You can't change the past, Harry."
"For you, I would if I could." he says, turning his attention from the road to me, and then back.
-
We drove in silence for a little. The tension had lifted slightly and I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I did an hour ago.
"So, what's so special about this book?" Harry says from next to me.
"Oh, it's stupid really. I've had it since I was eight." I say, twiddling my thumbs in my lap.
"What's it called?" he asks.
"Charlotte's Web. It's my favorite." I smile to myself.
I haven't smiled for a while.
"Is that the one about the pig."
I can't help but letting out a very soft chuckle. "Yes." I respond.
"I've never read that one. Why do you like it so much?" he questions, running a hand through his curls.
"It's just a great story. Charlotte will do anything for Wilbur and doesn't expect anything in return. My mother read it to me and it's just stayed with me ever since." I say, reflecting on the impact this book has had on me.
"Only you would fall in love with a book about a pig and a spider." he says, causing me to look up at him. His lips were pulled into a smirk as he looked down at me.
I swat his arm, causing him to laugh.
His chuckles filled the car and suddenly, my heart melts.
It was such a rare sound, and I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear it.
"What about you then. Do you read?" I ask him.
He bites his lip as it curls into a smile. "A little." he chuckles. I saw those beautiful dimples that I missed so much.
"What's your favorite?" I light up and sit up in my seat.
"Not telling." he says. I furrow my brows and slouch a little.
"Oh c'mon."
"Nope."
"Oh my god." I say in irritation. Why does he have to be so stubborn about this. I huff and turn my head to look in front of me. I can feel Harry smirking from beside me.
An idea pops in my head and I immediately sit up again, and turn my body to face him in the seat.
"How about this. I'm going to list a bunch of novels, and if I guess it you have to tell me." I say.
His eyes glance over to me and then back to the road. "Go for it." he says, smirking.
"Catcher in the Rye." I guess first, because it was my second favorite.
"Nope." he says, popping the 'p' at the end.
"To Kill a Mockingbird."
He shakes his head.
I purse my lips as I try to think of more novels.
"The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn."
"God no." he chuckles. This was way harder than I thought.
"Um. Little Women?" I question.
He turns his head to me and knits his brows together. "You're joking right."
"Moby Dick." I say, not giving up.
"No."
"A Christmas Carol."
"Sorry." he says, shaking his head.
"The Great Gatsby."
I watch him, waiting for a response. Suddenly, his lips begin to slowly curl into a smile, but he grabs his bottom lip with his fingers to stop himself. He lets out a small cough, not answering me.
"That's the one!" I exclaim.
"You got me." he smiles.
"I've never read it." I say, sitting forward in my seat again. He snaps his head toward me.
"You've never read Gatsby?" he asks in shock. I look at him and shake my head. "So you'll read books about literate spiders but you won't read one of the most classic stories in history." He teases.
"I've never gotten around to it." I laugh.
"You're reading mine when we get home." he says, shaking his head.
My stomach shifts at the word 'home'. I didn't consider Harry's house 'home' at all. My home was my small apartment, and it was taken from me. My home was invaded and I only sought refuge at Harry's house. It wasn't home. I knew that he probably didn't even realize what he had said, but it still didn't fail to make me a little bit uncomfortable.
"Here we are." Harry says, making me snap back to reality. I look up to see my apartment building.
Harry pulls into a parking stall and shuts off the car. I sit there for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. For some reason, I felt a pit in my stomach looking up at the building. The last memory that I had here was an awful one.
"Do you want me to go in with you?" Harry asks.
"N-no. It's okay." I say. He nods while looking at me. I open the car door and grab my key from my back pocket. I cross my arms over my stomach as I head inside.
I step inside the elevator and press the button to my floor. I stare at the floor, feeling extremely nervous.
The elevator dings and the doors slide open. I take a deep breath before stepping out and waling down the corridor.
In the next moment, I'm standing outside my door. I stick the key into the lock and inhale before turning it.
The door cracks open.
I didn't really expect what to see, even though I knew nothing had changed from how I left it.
I slowly stepped inside to be met with my 'home'.
There was a blanket sprawled out on the couch. It was the one I had wrapped around me after the boys saved me from the Phantom men.
There was still a glass of water that Niall had brought me on the coffee table.
I roamed around the main area of my apartment, taking in everything. The smell, the color, the mess.
I walk towards my bedroom, where the novel was. As I got closer and closer to the door, I felt dread grow faster with every step.
I pushed open the door.
I saw my bed, my vanity, my closet, everything.
I had hid in that closet with Harry. I had hid under that bed before being ripped from under it by my ankles.
I almost died in here.
My heart started beating uncomfortably fast. I could feel my breath beginning to stagger as I relived my nightmare. Instant panic washed over me and I began to tug at the roots of my hair. I rushed over to my bed and lifted the mattress up from the frame to reveal what I came here for.
The old, worn out novel sat underneath my mattress and I quickly reached down to retrieve it. I held it to my chest as I let out short, choppy breaths.
I look at the ground beside my bed.
"They're gone." Harry speaks softly into my ear as he holds me against his chest tightly.
This place was where I had felt the most fear and yet the most relief that I had ever felt in my life.
I try so hard to control my panicked breathing. I grasp the book in my hands as tears begin to spill out of my eyes.
I take the book away from my chest and open it to the front page. I inhaled a sigh of relief when I saw the familiar photograph sitting on the page.
I shut the book again and wiped my tears, slowly calming down.
I felt my soul being crushed when I walked in here. So much had happened in this place and I just didn't feel safe standing in it.
I wasted no time running out and towards the elevator. I held the novel in my hands as I took calm breaths while the elevator went down each floor.
When the elevator slides open, I rush down the lobby and through the front doors.
I sucked in sharp inhale and shut my eyes when the cold air hit my face. I was able to breathe again. I opened my eyes to look up at the sky. The sun was setting, making the sky completely orange.
I looked away from the sky. My eyes landed on Harry, leaning against his car with his arms crossed. His head was tilted upwards, and his sunglasses weren't on his eyes anymore. He was watching the sky as well.
Every ounce of panic vanished in that moment. I felt warmth and calmness as I looked at him.
When I was in my apartment, I felt more unsafe than I ever have before. But now, looking at him, I felt what I should have felt in my apartment.
I thought this place was my home. I didn't want to think that it wasn't. But a home is supposed to make you feel safe, and loved.
A home is meant to spark joy within you. A home is meant to make you happy. I didn't feel that here. But I felt it somewhere else.
So I ran.
I ran towards my real home underneath the tangerine sky and I crashed into it.
I wrapped my arms around him so tightly. My body was right against his. I took in his smell, his warmth, his comfort.
Harry stood still for a moment before tightly wrapping his arms around my body in return. I found myself letting out an exhale as he returned the embrace.
I felt that happiness which I was longing for. I felt so safe and secure, like nothing could touch me.
And for the first time in a very long time...
I was home.
-
brb crying
i was listening to "to build a home" while writing this so lets just say im a mess
also dont worry, we're gonna find out about that photograph soon.
much much much much love.
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