Zac was getting into bed when he spotted a long, brown streak. He and five friends were having a sleepover at his house.
"Why is there long female hair on my pillow?"
Luke made a boggle-eyed face at him and Noah looked over.
"Hmm. There could be a number of answers to that."
Sam joined in. "Have there been any long females in your bed recently?"
"Definitely Sam, I entertain so many lady friends on my bed." Zac responded.
"Which of these lady friends are long? Detective time."
Yzzie finished unpacking. "Guys I have a confession."
"Was it Yzzies hair? She's kinda long."
"I snuck into lukes bed and it was secretly me."
"Wait, what?" Zac seemed confused.
"SHE'S A WITCH!" Sam was ready for a burning.
"We're not actually talking about Luke's bed," Noah laughed.
Chloe piped up. "This got weird fast."
"I weigh the same as a duck, so yeah I suppose." Ysabel theorised.
"Are there long lady hairs on your pillows, Luke?" Noah asked. Luke nodded.
"I seeeeee. So wait, Yzzie has deposited hairs on both Zacs and Lukes pillows?"
"Correct," confirmed Ysabel.
Sam stood up. "I gotta come clean. It was me. Thanks for taking the fall Yz."
"Again Sam? You gotta stop." Chloe was outraged.
"But...
But...
But...
But...
You aren't a lady.
And you aren't long!" Noah exclaimed.
^^^TOTALLY UNEXPECTED PLOT TWIST^^^
"I gotcha back, Sam." Yzzie hugged him.
"I sprayed the hair with ladysmell to throw you off." He revealed.
"You shouldnt defile peoples beds with lady smelling hair sam... its not socially acceptable." Chloe looked at him accusatively.
"I'm so confused right now." Noah looked from one person to another. "You so much as touch my bed, Sam, or Yz, then you will be sorry." He stared daggers at them. "Too late!" snickered Ysabel.
"YOU WHAT?" Sam cried. "Yzzie, Noah's bed is SACRED GROUND."
"One does not simply touch Noah's bed. You didn't complete the ancient ritual, or score higher than 70 percent in the exam."
"What were you THINKING?" Sam was outraged.
Noah explained. "One does not simply touch my bed without appropriate credentials. If you do not present the appropriate credentials within 24 hours, You will have to pay the 573 dollar fine to prove that you did the ancient ritual. Which you didn't. Nor did you pass the exam. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but with your open confession, it makes it hard not to accuse you. You have the right to a fair trial among your objective peers."
"This is the case of the people versus Horton the... I mean, Yzzie the Long Lady." proclaimed Sam, who happened to be a judge.
"Am I in court???" exclaimed Ysabel.
"Not yet," said Noah. "But if you did indeed touch my bed, then you will be."
--THE NEXT DAY--
The defendants waked into the courtroom.
"Would the prosecuters come to the stand?" asked Sam. Noah walked up to the podium.
"Your honour-" "I'M NOT CRAZY!!" Ysabel interrupted, rocking back and forth.
"-I am pressing the charges." Noah finished.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, unless the truth is boring?"
"I swear."
"YES!" Yzzie interrupted again.
"Shuddup."
"Shut it." Sam slammed his hammer down.
Yzzie began flickering in and out of existence. "K bye."
"Nooo come back!" Noah shouted, as Sam made a dejected sad face.
"Hahahaha," Ysabel laughed. "I never left." Noah gasped. It was all an ILLUSION!
"Ok back to being prosecuted." Ysabel sat back down. "I will get the idea eventually."
Noah stood. "The charges are as followed:"
"Alledged tresspassing upon universally recognized sacred space without explicit verbal permission nor appropriate legal documents of entitlement."
"That is all."
Sam nodded. "I call the first witness to the stand."
After a second, he waved slightly to a figure slumped against one of the desks. "Luke, you're on."
The figure looked up sleepily. "Hey bro," he said. Noah was whispering with the judge, "Does this mean I win yet?"
"He's supposed to be on your side."
"Aww. Objection!"
"Overruled."
"Me phone's a bit slow," Luke mumbled for no reason that was apparent to the court.
Noah skulked back to his stand. "Ha!" Yzzie proclaimed triumphantly at his shameful walk.
"So uh wut?" Luke looked around, confused.
"Give your account of events," Sam explained. "What did you see?"
"Uh well man," he started off. "Oi wuz just lying here and this here long lady hair fell onta the pillow." He gazed at a spot about twenty centimeters to the left of the judge's head.
Noah leant over and whispered to him. "We're talking about my bed, right?"
"Wazzat? Uh sure man, whatever."
"Would the defendant... Defend... Defensively..." Sam spoke slowly and clearly, as to avoid confusion.
"Keep yer pants on."
Noah coughed twice, and the courtroom heard a slight mutter of the words 'defendant' and 'Yzzie'.
"How do I win?"
"Order," called Sam.
"Yeah so anyway I wuz lyin' there..." Luke drifted off into incoherent mumbles.
"Um," Sam said. "Yzzie?" Her hand had gone up.
"Present. I have an objection. Is that what you call it?"
"...and dunno whetha it wuz Sam or the pretty lady over there..." Luke continued.
"Objection!" Yzzie yelled. "OK so I was in the room and there was nobody lying on the bed when Luke clearly said he was."
"I wuz pretty high then," Luke remarked.
"There is a flaw in his story your honour."
"Shh," Sam whispered. "He's high. Cut him some slack."
"On what may I ask?"
"'Zis me ya talkin bout?" Luke looked confused.
"Because if it is marijauna than is that not illegal in the country of Australia?"
"Oim very much not high now, yer honorness!"
"Give him some PRIVACY, woman!"
"Objection," Noah said.
"Granted, master fishy." Sam sighed.
"Are the personal habits of my witness relevant to the case at hand?"
"I think not."
"OBJECTION!" shouted Ysabel.
"Ooz witness am I?" Luke looked around.
"Exactly." Noah noticed the judge, who was looking at him pointedly. "Someone get Luke an ice tank. Just in case."
"On it." Noah vanished.
"Granted, Yzzie," Sam was getting more tired by the second.
"Your honour I believe it has everything to do with it as we are discussing whether or not he was IN THE ROOM at the time of the crime. To me this seems quite important."
"Excuse me," begun Noah, but he was interrupted by Luke who looked like he had just come to an exciting conclusion. He stood up, albeit only just.
"I thought it was tha pretty lady over there."
Noah nudged him. "Good save," he whispered. "Keep going like that, man."
Luke tried to stare at him but his eyes were too unfocused. "Ya talkin' ta me?"
"LIES ALL LIES!" Yzzie was in hysterics. "ORDER!" shouted Sam, who banged his hammer thingy against the table, only to realise that it was made of rubber.
"Please. Someone restrain this woman. She is obviously hysterical. Methinks she doth protest too much!" Noah exclaimed.
"Hey fishy," Sam began.
"I AM NOT CRAZY!" Yzzie yelled as she began to froth at the mouth.
"How do you restrain a long female?" Sam continued, fishing something out from underneath his desk.
"She's rabid! I move that she be ejected from the building." Noah was beginning to back away.
Luke had begun to catch on to what was happening. "Wiv a long rope, methinks?" he said in response to Sam's question.
"With a long female tranq gun," Sam finished as he raised a gun about a meter long that appeared to be wearing a skirt around the magazine. He threw it at Noah, but Luke, in a rare moment of coordination, jumped up and hit it with his forehead. It made a loud 'bonk' noise. "Oi! Whaz this thing do?" He shot himself in the face and collapsed. Noah immediately ran over and picked it up.
"Does this mean I win?"
"I move that the prosecuter shoot the defendant with the tranq gun," Sam said in a loud and commanding voice.
"Because she is obviously in no fit state to provide a coherent defence." Noah aimed and fired at Yzzie three times. The gun made a strange 'pew' noise as it fired.
Sam noticed Luke lying unconsious on the ground. "It only works on long women, he'll be fine."
Ysabel was taking a remarkably long time to fall unconsious. She broke down in tears.
"I-I'm sorry! It's true! I was there! I'm the one who did it! IM SO SORRY!"
"Yall think she's guilty?"
"Guilty," said Noah. "Lying under oath. Probably."
Sam paused as he thought of a consequence. "Bed without dinner. Two weeks no hugs."
Yzzie screamed. "NO YOU CANT MAKE ME!!!"
"Your gun seems to be broken your honour," remarked Noah.
"Oh? Oops. That was the average high pothead gun." Sam realised he must have pulled the wrong gun out from underneath his desk. "Oh crap." He realised Luke wouldn't be getting up anytime soon.
Noah collapsed into maniacal laughter. "I forgive you. Probably."
Yzzie smiled at him. "Thanks Noah." She went to sleep.
Luke suddenly woke up in a moment of soberity. "Guys, if I stop talking it means I died of a crack overdose."
Noah shot him another three times with the tranq gun.
"Goodnight. Seeyalltomorrrroowww..." He collapsed again.
"Oh yeah that thing," Sam said. "Um... throw a blanket over it."