COURTNEY WAS FINE. Really, she was fine. Sure, she may have bawled her eyes out the moment she had gotten home from the prom. She had gotten into her room and hadn't left until the next morning. She didn't want anyone to know how much of an emotional wreck she had been. Besides, they had been more focused on Izzie anyway. For days, the girl hadn't left the bathroom floor. She had been lying there in her pink prom dress and they had tried to get her to stand up, but nothing worked. Almost everyone had gone in there and did some little inspirational speech to make Izzie feel better. Courtney hadn't though. She couldn't do that, not when whenever she had caught a glimpse of Izzie, she had felt worse than she was before. What would she have felt if she had faced Izzie in the bathroom?
No matter how many times the others tried to talk her into talking with Izzie, she didn't budge. They had meant well. They knew that Courtney was the kind of person that set people straight. She told them how things were, even it was bad. They thought that she would go in there and tell Izzie that Denny would want her to move on even if it was hard. Their plan had been that Courtney would go in and make Izzie realize that she could live on without Denny. Her life didn't need to end just because he wasn't in it anymore. So, when Courtney had refused to go, Meredith had gone to talk with Izzie. George had looked at Courtney, a little disappointed.
Time went by and even Cristina had gone into the dreaded bathroom. Then, one time, they had corned her in the kitchen. Again, asking if she would want to talk with Izzie. They knew that her friendship with Izzie had been a bit rocky, but Izzie needed this. She needed her friends right now. Courtney had felt a bit overwhelmed in that moment and had rushed out the door. She knew that they had meant well. They cared about Izzie and wanted the best for her. She didn't blame them for pushing her, because she understood. If the tables had been turned, Courtney probably would have done the same.
She had ended up at the hospital. She hadn't realized that until then the hospital had been her little safe space. When she walked in, she could just push her feelings down and throw herself onto a new case. Even if she couldn't fix herself, she could fix someone else. So, that was what she had done. She had gone into the pit and grabbed the first case that was rolled through those double doors. It had been pretty ironic that it had been a heart patient. But feelings didn't matter, so she pushed them down and scrubbed into the surgery a little bit later on. Together with Seattle Grace's number two cardio surgeon, Dr. Watkins ( he was the one that seemed to have a new significant other every week ), she operated on an actual heart.
She had felt great, until she realized that she needed to go home eventual. However, the universe sprinkled a bit of luck on her. When she had gotten home, Meredith had told her that Izzie had left the bathroom floor. Courtney had been relieved, but not for the reason that you would think of. She had been happy because of the fact that she wouldn't have to face Izzie. Everything would turn out fine.
However, that night the nightmares started. Every time she closed her eyes, she was transported back to the moment where everyone screwed up their own careers. But instead of Denny lying on the operating table, it had been Meredith the first time. Then, another night, it had been Alex. Then it had been Callie's turn. Her brain liked to switch it up every night, rotating between the three of them. Sometimes, surprise, it had been someone else, like Cristina or George, but most of the time it had been the other three. However, that wasn't the worst part of her nightmare. Right before Courtney woke up in a cold sweet, she had to look at herself, standing there with a heart in her hand. Blood was everywhere. On her face, on the floor, on her close ones. Then they said one sentence that made her gasp for air. Why, Courtney, why?
She didn't sleep much because of that, but she was still fine. She was convinced that it would all go away. It would only be temporary. So, aside from basically ignoring Izzie now to not having enough sleep and feeling just the tiniest bit guilty, she was fine. "Courtney, hey, you there?" Someone shook on her arm. Courtney looked away from staring at the window in one of their patient's room to look next to her. Alex was looking at her with his eyebrows raised.
"Oh, sorry, I was spacing out a bit, I think."
"You okay?"
"Yeah, don't worry. I'm fine." They walked out of a patient's room. The woman had aggressive lung cancer and needed a surgery to better her chances for beating it. As they were on their way over to the next room, the other interns decided to bring up Izzie to their resident. They wanted to get her reinstated again. All that talent and medical skill going into muffins seemed a bit of a waste to them. Courtney didn't join in, because she didn't agree with them. She didn't think that Izzie should come back. She had killed a patient and stole someone heart! Weren't they afraid that she was going to do that again? Would they then, again, not feel guilty that they were the reason that it happened again?
They moved onto the next room, where Shepherd was waiting for them. The interns stood around the patient's bed, with Meredith standing next to Derek. As Cristina was presenting the case, Meredith and Derek continued to look lovingly at each other. That bothered her younger sister, who had been watching them the whole times with squinted eyes. She was not liking what she was seeing. Had Derek weaseled his way into Meredith's life again? Had she just forgotten about the fact that he basically called her a whore? Something was missing. Courtney was missing something important.
"I'm proud of you all. You make me proud. You reflect on me well. Grey, if you think you can keep you clothes on long enough to follow up the labs, I'd appreciate it. Karev and other Grey, cover in the pit." Bailey said, after they left the patient's room. Courtney nodded, while Alex seemed like he was on cloud nine. He wasn't on Addison's service today. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is out sick today You can cover the pit where you can... you can tell me who's damn panties are on the bulletin board?"
George and Alex, being immature, started laughing as soon as they saw the black, lacy panties pinned on the bulletin board. The girls on the other hand were shocked and were looking at each other. Courtney looked over to Meredith, since she knew that they were hers. She had seen them, while doing laundry more than once. She crossed her arms over her chest and was even more confused about what was going. How did Meredith's end up on the hospital bulletin board? "This is a hospital, people. Serious work happens here. We save lives here. Oh is something funny? Whose are these?" Bailey looked over at the women in her intern group. "Yeah, I know it's one of you. It's always one of mine. Always. So, tell me. Which one of you left your damn drawers on my surgical floor?
Meredith and Cristina were bickering, while Courtney was glaring. She hoped that Meredith knew that she wasn't going to be let off that easy. Courtney had some things that she wanted to know. Everyone was now looking at Bailey and her interns, waiting for one of the girls to claim the underwear. Then Callie left the desk to walk over to the board. She removed the panties and put them in the pocket of her coat. "Oh no, did I leave my underwear lying around again? I'm so sorry Bailey. It's my bad." It was safe to say that George looked very, very shocked.
With the whole panties situation solved, Bailey repeated again what they were supposed to do that day. "O'Malley, Yang, prep your patients. Karev and Grey, pit, Grey, charts. All four of you, do not make me regret setting you loose in this hospital. O'Malley, what I mean by that?"
"You mean to check with you before we cut any wires or steal any hearts."
"Are you trying to be clever?"
"No ma'am."
Bailey left the interns on their own, hoping that they wouldn't do anything stupid that day. Courtney quickly locked eyes with Alex, silently letting him know that she would join him in the pit a bit later. She grabbed Meredith's arm, before the latter could walk away to go update some charts. The younger sister knew that if she didn't talk to Meredith now that it would bother her all day. "We need to talk, Mer." Courtney said as she lead her sister to a place more quiet than where they were before. She wasn't really looking forward to having a fight with her sister, while everyone was listening in. People at Seattle Grace were really nosy people.
"Yeah, sure." Meredith had been dreading this moment ever since reality had set in. She knew that her sister very much disliked – sometimes even hated – Derek Shepherd after what he had done. She definitely wouldn't be jumping around the room in glee after hearing that they might get back together. "Is this about—"
"About McDreamy?" Courtney mocked. "Yes, it is. I'm not blind, Meredith! Everyone, including the patient, could see the looks you were giving each other! What happened to wanting to kill Derek together with me? Did we suddenly forget that he didn't tell you about his wife and that he called you a whore?"
"No, but, Court—"
She didn't let her sister finish her sentence. The anger was rising and she was trying to not start yelling. Her voice was raised, but at this point she wasn't full on yelling. "What happened? Why were your panties hanging on the board, Mer? And why did Callie step up and take them off the board? The last time I checked you two aren't that great of friends?"
"Don't hate me. It's just that, um, something happened at the prom between Derek and I. Uh, Callie saw what happened. I didn't ask her to grab the panties by the way! She didn't need to do that for me."
Courtney was shocked. Her face was covered by her hands as she was trying to not lash out at her sister. She couldn't believe that they had cheated on both of their partners. She thought that Mer would finally be out of that mess, but oh no, she had dragged herself into it again. Courtney looked at her sister, disappointed. "So, what you're saying is that you and Derek had sex at the prom, while you both brought other people and that Callie walked in on you guys?" Meredith, ashamed, nodded. "My god, Mer, what the hell are you doing? What happened with Finn? I thought that you were doing well?"
"He's a nice guy and I still care about him. It's just, it's Derek, you know? We have so much history and he's Derek, Court. I can't explain it."
"I just can't believe that you fell for his charms again! He has hurt you over and over again. He grabbed your heart, threw it away and stomped on it and never looked back at you. He has lied to you, played you and called you names? I thought that you knew better! And then the only explanation that you give is that he's Derek? What the hell does that even mean!? So, what, now you're gonna break up with Finn and take back that weasel? What are you gonna do when he hurts you again, huh? I can only do so much fixing."
"I never asked you to fix me! I never asked you to do anything! This is my life, Courtney, and I never asked you to be so involved in it! I'm old enough to know when I did this wrong and I don't need my little sister to wave my mistakes right in front of my face! I never asked you to be this protective over me! I can handle things on my own, do you know that? You need to start living your own life instead of being overly present in mine! We're no longer teenagers who only have each other! Just, get your own damn life!"
That hurt. A lot. Courtney shook her head, hiding the pain that she was currently feeling. She never thought that Meredith would go down that road. She looked away from her sister, pushing the hurt deep down. "Oh, okay, I see how it is," Courtney scoffed. "You know what, Meredith? You got what you wanted. Do whatever you want. I don't care. Don't expect me to be there anymore. I'm done."
"Oh, and why don't I believe that? We've been down this road before, Courtney, and you always come crawling back."
"So, suddenly caring about my sister is a bad thing?"
"You just don't know boundaries whenever it concerns me! I appreciated that you care, but you need to learn to back off and let things go! You were complaining the whole time about being scared that you were losing your career, but you then go ahead and mouth off to Derek? Didn't you think about the fact that he could easily tell Richard what you were saying? And you've done that multiple times! That's you being a hypocrite, Courtney! You were willing to risk your career for me, but you weren't ready to do the same for Izzie? You didn't even talk to her!"
"Don't start comparing you and Izzie!" Courtney was about to go on this whole rant, but she decided not to. She bit on her tongue, before shaking her head again. She took a few steps back. "I'm done with this conversation. I'm done with you."
"Are we running away now?"
Meredith tried to reach out to Courtney, but the girl in question dodged her sister's hands. She turned around and started walking away from her. "Guess who I learned it from!" Courtney spat back, not looking back anymore. She wanted to say so many things, but she knew that if she started she would say some things that she would regret later on. She balled her fists as she walked away from Meredith, who realized how cruel she had just been. Maybe she had gone a bit too far, but it was too late now. She couldn't take her words back.
☤☤☤
"Don't worry, miss, you'll be just fine." Courtney comforted a patient down in the pit. The woman had a bad cut near her wrist and had been freaking out that she would be bleeding to death. Even though it was stitched up now, the woman was afraid that her stitches would rip and that she would die in her sleep. The sedative that one of the nurses had given her worked, but that didn't stop the constant worrying. Before Courtney had arrived, she had been yelling at the top of her lungs in fear and had been scaring the other patients there, who were already scared enough by their own wounds.
"But are you sure? These are strong enough, yeah?" The woman pointed to the stitches on her wrist.
"Yes, they are. If they weren't, it would not have stitched your wound with them." Courtney smiled at her, warmly.
"If I bleed to death in my sleep, it's because of you!" The woman yelled as Courtney got off the bed. She didn't know how to react, so she simply shot the woman an awkward smile, before slowly walking away with her suture kit in her arms. She put it with all the other kits, when Valerie walked up to her.
"Hey, are you okay?" Valerie asked, while walking to the nurses' station with her. Courtney grabbed her earlier patient's chart and filled out the details, looking at Valerie oddly. "I heard about the fight between you and Meredith. Nicole told me when I ran into her earlier. She wanted to make sure that you were alright."
"Oh yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry," Valerie gave her a look. She didn't believe a word that she was saying. "I'm fine, really. Mer and I have had fights before, you know. This one wasn't even one of our worst ones. We say things that hurt the other, but it blows over after a while. We're siblings, Val, so fights are kind of inevitable. It would be nice if people stop listening in on them and telling everyone in the hospital."
"Sure, but I heard that she said some really cruel stuff to you. I just want to make sure that you're 100% okay. And also, what is this talk that I hear about Meredith and Derek. I didn't know that they were back together? I thought that they were both in relationship?" Valerie heard a lot of gossip, since she knew most of the nurses at Seattle Grace. She wasn't the kind to spread gossip, like many others. Normally, she kept the rumors to herself, except if it involved one of her close friends. She then would talk to them about it and hear their side of the story, so that she could defend them if necessary.
"Sadly enough it's true. That weasel is back in her life and is probably gonna hurt her again, giving his record. She won't listen to me though. I told her a hundred times that it was just a matter of time before he hurts her again, but apparently she lost all common sense. I just don't get what she sees in him! He broke her heart and her spirit and the moment he starts staring at her again, she thinks it's a good idea to involve herself with him again? I am just so confused and pissed off!" Courtney was riling herself up. "And you know what she does? She goes and gets angry with me, because I am there for her! She went on this whole rampage because I care too much about her and am too present in her life? What sort of bullshit is that? Oh and apparently I don't have a life. Nice thing to hear from your sister, huh? I don't have a life and I should stop helping her. Oh and let's not forget that I'm a hypocrite too."
"I'm sure that she didn't mean that."
"I don't know about that."
"Courtney," Valerie looked at her friend, holding her hands. "Try to put yourself in her shoes. She probably has a lot going on right now and it's messing with her mind. I'm positive that she likes how involved you are in her life. She needs someone that's there for her no matter what. She didn't really mean what she said. Before you know it, she will have apologized and the two of you are close again."
"And how would you know? You barely know her. The only things that you know about her are things that I told you, Valerie. I love the whole pep talk and all, but don't go pretending that you know what she meant and what she didn't."
"Courtney!" Valerie was shocked by Courtney's behavior. She had never acted like this before. What the hell was going on? "I'm only trying to help you. Are you sure that you're fine, because you don't seem like it."
"I don't need any help! And for the millionth time, I am fine!"
Valerie was about to say something back, but was interrupted by the doors of emergency room flying open. Courtney quickly ran over to the two paramedics rolling a new patient in, leaving Valerie by herself. One of the paramedics explained to Courtney what the stats of the patient were and what had happened. The man had accidentally swallowed a wasp and was allergic to the creature. He hadn't been able to breath and his throat had been swelling up, so one of his family members had used an empty – but clean – pen and jammed it into his neck to help him breathe.
Courtney yelled at someone to page a general surgeon and which operating room was free. She quickly got word back from one of the nurses, probably Valerie, that O.R 3 was open and that dr. Atwood had been paged. He would be waiting for her and the patient there. The man with the pen in his neck was pushed to the operating room at a fast speed with Courtney yelling out, "Out of the way!" every now and then. She felt very powerful in that moment. She felt great. They arrived and Courtney let go of the bed to enter the scrub room, where Atwood was almost done scrubbing in.
"Dr. Grant, I see that you're scrubbing in with me today," He said, looking out into the operating room, where the surgical team was prepping everything. Courtney squinted her eyes at the man next to her. She had hoped that her last name would be something he remembered after working together on a couple of cases, but apparently not. "What can you tell me about the patient."
Courtney let water stream on her arms as she answered the attending's question. "His name is Milton Hogan, 42-years-old and has a pen jammed into his neck," Joseph Atwood let out a barely hearable wow. She continued on retelling what the paramedics had told her and what else was deemed necessary for him to know. He nodded at her, after she was done, and they went into the operating room together, where the scrub nurses helped them put on their blue surgical gloves. Courtney went over to the right side of the table, standing in front of the attending. He cracked his knuckles twice, before asking for a scalpel.
☤☤☤
Courtney was sitting at the bar, playing with the glass of white wine in her hands. Her eyes were focused on the liquid going from left to right. Left to right. Alex was sitting right next to her, taking a swig of his bear. From time to time, his eyes would glance over at Courtney, who was looking a little out of it. She hadn't said much and was too focused on her glass to listen if Alex started talking. After their shifts had been done, he had dragged her out to Joe's bar, hoping that she would relax a little bit. He had heard about her fight with Meredith and then her argument with Valerie. She normally didn't do that, but everyone could have a bad day. He couldn't exactly reprimand her for it, since he had done his fair share of starting fights with people. He just hoped that if something was indeed wrong – which it didn't seem like at the moment – that she would talk to him about it.
"So, I heard that one of your patients today had a pen stabbed into his neck by a family member? What's that all about?" Alex gave her a light shove to stop her from starting at her wine.
She finally looked him in the eyes. "Oh, yeah, the guy swallowed a wasp and couldn't breathe anymore. His daughter had read somewhere that you could do that, so she just grabbed a pen and did that. Her mom was too freaked out to do it and she had been on the phone with the ambulance anyway. It was pretty crazy to see. He's gonna make it though. He has to stay in the hospital for a while and has to be administered some medication for the swelling to go down, but he's gonna be fine."
Alex hummed. "Has he managed to remember your name or, uh?" He asked, talking about doctor Atwood. He was kind of known for messing up names, but normally after a while, he would surprise you and use your actual name. Alex had to work with him as well and instead of Karev, it had been Carter.
"No, I'm still Grant." Courtney laughed, shaking her head. She sipped from her wine, before looking at Alex again. After surgery, she had been wondering if she should tell anyone about what was going on. The nightmares, the guilt. Atwood had said something during surgery that made Courtney wonder if the nightmares and guilt would ever go okay. It also made her think twice about her being fine. "Hey, can I—"
She was interrupted by a middle-aged woman turning to Alex and asking him if she could buy him a drink. Apparently she was trying everything on the menu, since she had never done so before. Courtney leaned forward to stare at the woman, confused. She recognized her from somewhere. "Hey. Aren't you the cake lady from this morning?" He turned to his best friend next to him, wanting a second opinion. Courtney nodded and greeted the woman, although she felt rather awkward talking to a patient in a bar. "Aren't you supposed to be having surgery?"
"Well that hasn't been decided yet. So you're doctors?"
"Yes. I am doctor."
"Yes, we are."
"Does that mean you can't drink with me?" Mrs. Seabury, the patient that needed surgery for her lung cancer, asked. It was more directed towards Alex, which freaked Courtney out a bit. Alex didn't mind and accepted the offer to have a drink with the woman. The blonde looked over at Joe with her eyebrows raised. Joe let out a sigh, before handing Alex another drink.
A couple of drinks later and Mrs. Seabury was still sitting with them and talking with the two interns. "I wish I'd had more fun. I didn't want to be a slut. I didn't want to be a tramp. I didn't have any fun. My ex-husband...he had fun. All sorts of fun with all sorts of women who were a lot more fun than me. Nobody called him a slut. Why is that? Men can do it but women can't?" The woman wondered, which made Courtney tune out the conversation. She still felt weird talking so freely to a woman that really needed surgery, but Alex apparently didn't. She also couldn't help but be a bit upset that she had been interrupted while she had wanted to talk to Alex about her problems.
She wondered if she was ever going to find the courage again to talk to someone about it. She wasn't exactly looking forward to being shot down every single time. Maybe it was better to just not talk about it. She could handle it on her own. She had done so many things on her own, so this was not something new. While Courtney was with her thoughts, Alex was being asked by a patient if he was single. She missed the part where the woman wondered if the pretty blonde girl next to him wasn't his girlfriend. Alex had to laugh and explained that they were only best friends. They were close, but not that close.
"—but should you have any interest in fulfilling the wish of a potentially dying woman...you know where I'll be." Courtney heard the woman say to Alex, after she returned from her own little planet. She was very confused and looked at her friend with raised eyebrows. From the last part of that conversation, she had a feeling to what the woman had been offering.
"Alex—"
"Come on, it's just a bit of fun. It doesn't mean anything." Alex said as he got off of his bar stool. He made his way over to the bathroom, where he was about to give the woman the night of her dreams. What a dumbass, Courtney thought to herself, as she rubbed her forehead.
"Why do I have so many friends who lack common sense, Joe?" Courtney asked the bartender, before drinking the last bit of wine in her glass. She slid the glass over to him and asked him to give her another one.
"I don't know, sweetie. They are sure lucky to have you." He said to her as she handed her more wine. Courtney sighed and looked around the bar, seeing Meredith in the crowd talking to both Derek and Finn. She turned back around to stare inside of her glass. So, there she was sitting, alone at a bar. Without anyone talking to her, she was left to her own thoughts, which wasn't something that she wanted. With her chin resting on her hand, she got more and more upset as time went by. All of a sudden all of her demons thought it would be a good time to plague her.
Maybe Courtney wasn't as fine as she originally thought.
☤☤☤
HELLO SEASON THREE!
We are finally here, people! Season 3 has now officially begun and I am ready for it! Okay, well, half ready, since it's gonna hurt me so much writing Courtney being so hurt. Believe me, the girl is gonna need a hug so bad. I don't know why I'm doing this to her. Anyway, what are we thinking about Courtney having a fight with both Meredith and Valerie? That last one wasn't really planned lmao, but then I was writing and it was just suddenly there. Also, her nightmares was something new to me when I started writing hahaha. Is it obvious that I don't always plan things very well? I do like how this chapter turned out and I am quite proud of myself! A pat on the back from me. Also, as you might have noticed, I skipped the first episode of season three and decided to summarise it in a couple of paragraphs in the beginning. Down the line, you might notice that it will happen quite a lot. I have gone through all the extended summaries on the grey's anatomy wikia for season 3 and picked out the ones that are more important to Courtney and match with my storyline for her. I also didn't want to drag it out too much and put her in episodes just because.
I also have good news for all of you! Mark's gonna be there regularly from next chapter, whoooo!! I am so excited to start writing them together. I've got so many things planned for them down the line and they are gonna be cute as hell, let me tell you that.
And I want to thank @neptune_93 for giving me some great ideas that helped shape Courtney's storyline for this season!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Introducing
RANDALL PARK AS JOSEPH "JOEY" ATWOOD
and
JOE MANGANIELLO AS ZACHARY WATKINS
Little fun fact: I've got a whole list of extra characters who are Seattle Grace's number two attendings after the main ones. Joey over here is our name-forgetting attending in general surgery and then we have heartthrob ( see what I did there hahaha ) Zachary as our attending in cardio. I mean I could use Bailey or Burke for example, but they aren't the only surgeons at Seattle Grace, so I felt like switching it up with a whole new cast. You'll meet the other ones all later on down the line.