When I open my eyes, the first thing I register is the abrupt sunlight. A soft, orange glow is cast over the maze walls as the sun rises.
The next thing I register is Julian's heartbeat. He's next to me, lying on the stone with my head on his chest, my ear right above his heart.
I sit up a little too fast and almost faint from nausea.
The third thing is the stabbing pain in my right thigh. From the knee down, I am numb, though the pain of the wound itself is nearly unbearable. Julian tied part of his shirt around it as a tourniquet, so the bleeding has mostly stopped, but by the looks of it, any movement will start it up again.
I lift up my cargo pants to examine the wound. It's easily two inches deep, and I can see the whiteness of my bone in between layers of severed tissue. It's enough to wring a suppressed gag out of me and force my eyes elsewhere.
They land on Julian's face. He's sleeping: calm. Peaceful. His dark hair is longer now, messier, but still kept well, his thick eyebrows knit together, and his mouth is set in a little frown. I watch the sun rise for another moment breathing in the last moments of the calm morning peace before putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Julian." I say, giving him a small shake. I watch as he opens his eyes and does a quick scan of our surroundings.
"It's- morning." He says. There's an unmistakable sense of disbelief in his voice. I nod, offering a small smile.
"We have to move." He says, sitting up instantly.
"When do the gates open?" I ask, moving my hand to his chest to stop him from standing suddenly. He may be injured.
"We've got about a half hour." He says slowly before tearing his eyes from the maze to look down at my cut. "Can you make it down?"
"I have to." I bite my lip and stand. Pain shoots up my leg, all through me. I try not to wince, but Julian catches me, eyes trained on my face.
"I can try to carry you."
"You can't climb down the vines with me on your back. I'll be fine." I scoot over to the edge and lower myself over it, placing my foot in a vine loop a footfall down.
"Be careful." Julian says as I begin my way down the vines, wincing with each rung. I bite the collar of my shirt each time I force weight onto my right leg. Blood stains through the tourniquet, and I feel my wound begin to reopen.
By the time I make it to the bottom, I feel faint. Julian jumps down after me and wraps an arm around me for support.
"Let's go." I say quickly. He gives me a final uneasy look before we set off for home.
- - -
We run surrounded by an uncomfortable silence.
Several times, I find myself looking over at Julian, but he never meets my eyes.
His are darkened beneath runaway strands of his sweat ridden raven hair.
Fifteen minutes later, without having said a word the whole time, Julian abruptly stops. I turn and face him.
I wait for him to speak.
"Two lefts, then a right." Julian whispers so I'm unable to make out his tone.
"Okay?" I say, "Then let's go. We're almost there."
"No." He says softly. I look at him. His face is unreadable. After a moment's silence, I try at lightening the mood.
"Come on, I'm sure Fry's cooked up a great breakfast. Wouldn't want Chuck getting extras now, would ya?"
Nothing. Crickets.
"No." Is all he says.
I cross my arms, frowning at him.
"What do you mean "no"?" I press. The sad, lonely way he's holding my eyes is beginning to scare me.
"What are the directions?" He asks.
"Two lefts and a right, but I don't-"
"You have to go." He says, his tone insistent.
"Julian, I don't understand." I say, my voice breaking a little. "Just help me to underst-"
"You." He says firmly, "you have to go."
The way he heartbreakingly says my name after is enough to confirm my suspicions. He wants me to leave him, but for what?
Even so, his pleading eyes have tears building in mine.
"Not without you." I say. I'm not ready to leave him. Perhaps it's selfish of me, but I know I can't lose him today.
He gives me another pleasing look and then pulls his arm up from his side. Dread settles in my stomach as I realize what he's doing. He pulls his sleeve up to his elbow and there, in his forearm, is a small wound, no bigger than a dime.
Surrounding it, his veins are turning to black, and his whole forearm is a shade of purple.
"It stung you." I say, my voice breaking.
"I'm already dead." He says. I search his voice for any hint of uncertainty, any sign he may not believe this is his only option, but there I find nothing.
I watch as his eyes flicker down to my leg, then back to my face.
There's the lie.
He knows I've noticed; he know's that I recognize his argument is not in full as I've been stung as well. I've been stung as well, yet he wants for me to return alone.
The look in his eyes brings me back to forbidden memories. Years ago in a lab. A boy and a girl who grew to know each other better than anyone else.
"All this time, and you still take me for a fool." I say, speaking to our past. Though he doesn't acknowledge it, I'm sure he recognizes this.
"I never have. Not once." He holds my gaze and draws in a shaking breath.
"Take this." He pulls his bag off his shoulders and unhooks a long, silver dagger from the strap, handing it to me. It's thin and elegant, with engravings in the hilt. JP.
Parting gifts are too much of a goodbye for me to bear.
"I am not leaving you here." I tell him, clutching his dagger to my chest.
"And this." He ignores me but hesitates before unzipping the pack and lifting a fold, revealing an inner hidden compartment.
"Please," from the compartment, Julian procures a leather bound book and hands it to me. I take it and begin to unwind the leather. "Not now- not with me here." He stops me, and I put the book into my own bag. I turn back to face him, traitorous tears threatening to spill over.
"Please come with me." I say. Julian ignores me.
"Listen to me," he starts, "you need to get them out. They don't know it, but they've been waiting for you."
"The Gladers?" He nods, then leans in closer, bracing his hands on my shoulders.
"Trust the next," he whispers, his voice a shuddering caress, "and trust yourself."
I don't breathe as he pulls back slightly, face hovering inches from mine.
"If you know how to get out, why don't you just come back?" I whisper.
"Well, you have to trust me as well."
"I do." I say, looking at him. He gives me a weak smile and reaches up to touch my face just as he did last night. "Julian I-"
"I did know you- before the maze." He interrupts, saying my name with a parting resignation that breaks my heart. "You'll remember the rest."
"You don't have to stay- you can come back with me." I try one last time.
"That would be too easy for them." He says quietly, then gives me one last smile. A real one. "Get them out. Promise me."
"I promise." I say.
"Good." He says, taking a step back, releasing me and pretending to ignore the way my hand reaches out for him impulsively.
"I never did win any arguments against you in the end." I say as my fingers wrap around nothing. He gives a small chuckle.
"Wrong. You won every one. All of them."
"Not this one." A tear rolls down my cheek and falls to the stone beneath me, seeping into the roots of the insatiable maze, the maze about to take even more from me.
"You said you trust me?" Julian asks. I nod.
"Always." He takes another step back, and by the time I realize what he's doing, it's too late.
"Then see you on the other side."
Julian takes one final step and lets himself fall off the edge of the wall. The last thing I see are the grey eyes of a boy who saved me so long ago, and then there's nothing.
Nothing at all.