Snow Carr Northridge.
"Hush Damien, I need to think" I said as Damien and I walked side by side in the supermarket. He was finally planning to go all the way for Carrie's birthday and ask her out. I just really wish she'd say yes. It's today by the way.
"How about a bubble bath soap?, should I buy her that?. Scented candles?" He said, offering more of his very ridiculous ideas that never ceased to make me cringe. How can there be someone who is so fine but so clueless about girls.
"Damien, shut up. You are not buying bubble soaps or scented candles. We are going to look for a meaningful gift. Think D, think!. Is there something you think she mentions a lot or maybe fantasizes about?" I asked and he stopped to scratch his head. That very beautiful head, okay, shut up Snow.
"Uh... She's a doctor Snow, she's all books and no play. The only thing that would make her happy right now is a textbook and videos of how to cut in children's bodies" He said and I laughed. True that.
After hours of searching and searching, we finally settled for a medical textbook, a stethoscope she's been going on and on about (all steths look the same to me anyway but she's the doctor), new scrubs, 2 Dior handbags, 3 red bottoms stilettos, 3 white sneakers, 2 boxes of chocolate, 3 office gowns and a bouquet of roses.
"She's going to freak out when she sees all of this and she's going to actually kill me" He said and I chuckled. That's a given.
"Can we not focus on your near death experience and pack these things into the car so we can get them to your home. The party is in 3 hours, I really don't know why you're just picking out gifts today!" I said and he gave me his puppy face.
"Come on. I didn't know what to do, my brain told me to call you last minute since you're like the only female friend she has. I'm so sorry" he said and I shrugged. It was a nice getaway, I was tired of studying.
We arrived at his house and spent one solid hour and twenty five minutes wrapping up the gifts. When we were done. I passed out on the sofa!. He kept saying the wrapping paper wasn't good enough or it wasn't smooth enough or it wasn't the right colour, just lots of complaints that made me want to bite my head off.
"So, are you going to go home and change?" He asked and I stared down at my black pants and off the shoulder cashmere sweater. I actually really needed to change.
"Totally skipped my mind, I need to hurry except I want to miss the surprised look on her face. I can't waiiitttt" I squealed, genuinely excited for tonight. Damien and I had planned the most beautiful surprise we could think of and it was going to be amazing, I could feel it.
I drove home and was welcomed by silence, I wasn't surprised anyway. I am sure he is off somewhere enjoying the best of life with his friends, I couldn't care less. I had managed to stay out of his way ever since the close call we had about 4 nights ago and I was doing really great at avoiding him and living like I was alone.
I checked the time and it was already 6pm, the party was due to start by 7pm. I had one hour to kill so I decided to take a warm bath before going, shopping has a way of stressing me out. I took my bath and walked to the closet, picking out cloth is almost as stressful as shopping, you have to find what goes with what, which colour matches another colour, do you have shoes or bags that go with what you're wearing?, is it appropriate for the occasion?, will I look undressed or overdressed?, mind boggling questions that annoyed the hell out of me.
I finally, finally settled for a baby blue chiffon blouse and black jeans which I paired with blue vans. I did a little make up and curled my hair then bounced of the room. I was almost at the door when it swung open and there he was, in all smoking glory.
"Hey" He said and I heyed him back. That's quite the routine we've fallen into, acting like dorm mates who low-key didn't like each other.
"Where are you off to?, it's almost midnight" he said and I had to refrain from laughing.
"Maybe you need to get a new wristwatch, cause mine says it's past 6" I said and he shook his head.
"We both need new wristwatches then, cause in reality. The time is to 7, and for a married woman, that's almost midnight so, I'll ask again, where are you off to Snow?" He said and I really wanted to deconstruct his face with my shoe.
"Somewhere and I have to be there before 7, it's a very important day for someone I really care about so if you don't mind, excuse me. And just for the record, I am not a married woman, I am just a woman who bears the same surname as you and lives under your roof, temporarily. Emphasis on the temporarily" I said and walked out without looking back. Yeah, I can be a bitch too if situation calls for it.
------
-------
"This is the best day of my life" Carrie said and I laughed. The birthday party was a huge success and yeah, our hours of gift shopping and gift wrapping didn't go to waste. She actually cried when she saw it all.
"And the best part is, you have a boyfriend now" I said and she blushed. Awwww!.
"I know right. I thought he'd never ask, he just always throws this subtle hints and flirts every time. It was always so hard to take him seriously" She said and I nodded. Damien can be quite daft sometimes.
"Boys are slow babe. We have to deal with it" I said and she grinned, she was really happy, she glow could put a 150watt bulb to shame.
"Talking about boys. Are you still being cold towards Ian?" She asked and I rolled my eyes, I unconsciously stared at the time and I laughed. It was a minute past 12, he'd be mad as hell right now.
"Yeah. He's cold towards me so I'm just repaying the favour, in about 3 weeks, I'll be out of his life so there's no point warning up to each other or crazy stuff like that. I don't even need it, I don't need any of that." I said and she smiled sadly.
"It's so sad y'know. I just really want him to be happy and I'm scared that if you leave ,that will be the end. The last chance at him opening up to love again. I wanted this to work" She said. I wanted it work too, damn, I really did but what can I do?, I won't put myself in that position again, I'm a young lady who's got a whole life ahead of her.
"Will you be okay?" She asked me and I held her hand and hugged her tightly. I love how she cares for me.
"Don't worry about me birthday girl. I am going to be fine, it's going to take time but I'm definitely going to heal. You enjoy your day, I have to get back now, driving at night is scary so I'm going to have to steal your boyfriend and make him drive me, are you cool with that?" I asked and she giggled. Love makes you so dumb, really!.
"I will never understand how you both became so close. He has adopted you as his baby sister" She said and I couldn't agree more, although most of the time, I'm always acting like the older one cause Damien is just one big soft spoilt baby and I told Carrie that.
I walked back to the living room, where the party was going on, still in full swing and grabbed Damien by the ear.
"Get your hands off me woman." He yelled so I could hear and I continued tugging and I dragged him out with it and placed my car keys in his hand.
"Drive me home, please" I said in my baby voice and he squeezed his face at me.
"I can bet you if you didn't say the please,you'll sleep here tonight cause there's no way on earth I'd let you drive alone by this hour and I wouldn't drive you. Now get your pretty and annoying self in the car" he said and I chuckled. Crazy.
"Congratulations though. She's an amazing woman" I said when we were both in the car and on the move.
"Yeah, she is and so are you. I think Ian is really blind" He said and I swallowed. Too much Ian talk in one night.
"I guess." Was all I could say. I don't know, maybe because it was midnight or because I drank a little more than I should, I was really all up in my feelings right now.
"How could he let two beautiful women like you and Carrie walk out of his life. He should better wise up and hold on to you before he regrets it, as for Carrie, she's long gone. I am a very territorial man" he said and I laughed. If Carrie could find love again, maybe I would.
"We're home" he said when we reached my house. I wasn't even paying attention cause I was carried away by my thoughts. So many times, I had unconsciously ran my hand over my belly and felt the familiar stab.
"Thanks D. You can take my car back, I'll come for it tomorrow morning" I said and he shook his head.
"I'm more proactive than you Snow flake, I called a cab already, while you were busy with your thoughts. He should be here any minute, you go on inside and stop thinking about the past. You deserve to be happy, you're a good person" He said and I hugged him. Yeah, I'm all up in my feelings, definitely!.
"Waoh, don't hug me too much now Snow flake, I have a girlfriend" he said and winked, I rolled my eyes and gave him my nasty eyes. We said out goodbyes and I was about to unlock the door with my spare but the door open itself. Surprise!.
"Glad to know you're home now. At least, I think I can say it's midnight now or it isn't by your time?" I heard Ian say and I groaned. That son of a....
"What do you want from me Ian?" I asked and he stood up from the chair he was sitting on, anger boldly etched on his face.
"Oh, just an answer to a question. Don't you think?" He asked and I swallowed my anger. Breathe Snow, Breathe.
"I do. I guess we are done here, good night" I said, I started to move to my room when he blocked my way.
"What is it with you Snow?, tell me. What's your problem?, why are you so darned selfish and self centered?" He said and I gasped.
"What?"
"Yeah. You heard me woman!. You are selfish and self centered, you're making this all about yourself and in reality,its not. I lost my child too!. I lost her and every single day, the guilt kills me and I can't even stand myself and then you make me feel like a criminal, you ignore me and make it even more unbearable for me." He said and I blinked, rapidly if I may add.
"Oh, so... Now I'm the selfish one?. At least you're having a taste of your own medicine. Every day!, every day Ian, I wanted you to be there, I wanted us to mourn together, I wanted you to be there but you would rather be buried in work than to be with me. You would only drop by at the end of the day, who needs that!. Needing you got me to where I am today, needing you caused me to be so careless and I lost the baby, our baby. I won't need you anymore so yes!, I am selfish. If selfish is what it takes to finally be able to let you go so I can find happiness, then that is what I will be" I fired back and ran to my room.
I fell face flat on my bed and shut my eyes, I put my fist against my eyes to keep the tears from coming. No tears Snow, please no tears. Remember we said we would be stronger now, we won't cry for him, so please, don't cry!.
I was in the middle of consoling myself when the door opened and I opened my eyes to see the culprit, standing there, eyes bloodshot like he had been crying.
"What do you want?. Get out" I said and stood up, ready to push him out of my room and lock the door.
"You." He said and my hands dropped to my side. My brain obviously didn't process that information.
"What did you say?"
"You asked what I wanted, and I answered. I want you Snow and it's driving me crazy. I've been keeping my distance cause I didn't want to want you, I didn't want to hold you the way I need to cause it felt like utmost betrayal. I hurt you in the worst of ways, what right do I have to try to comfort you , dare I say, hold you like a man would, his grieving wife"
"I don't know what I'm doing here really, but I can't not do anything. It kills me to see you get that comfort, that smile from someone who isn't me. It's annoying to death to see you smile and try to be strong for someone else's sake when you won't even look me in the eye. I'm going crazy woman and my antidote is you" He said and I looked into his eyes. The beautiful eyes I fell in love with, they held pain, they held sorrow and they held sincerity.
For that moment, I forgot all about myself, all about my revenge, I forgot all my plans to leave him in 3 weeks, I'll deal with all that later. For now, I just wanted to be there for him as much as I needed him to be there for me. I know I might regret it in the morning, when reality washes over me but I'd rather leave him knowing that for once he belonged to him than to leave, not knowing what it felt falling asleep by his side.
"I'm yours Ian. And, as crazy as this sounds. I need you too".
______________
✔✔