Benjamin
"Are you even sure that she's there?" Jessy asks me as I open the door of the car.
"I'm sure," I reply as I step out of the backseat.
It's three o'clock this Saturday. I know she's just in their house.
My sister stops the engine of our SUV and continues chatting with Therese, who's in the passenger seat.
I shut the door, walk over to the gate, and ring the doorbell.
Someone who's not Kim peeps out of the screen door. She's somewhere within Kim's height, but her hair is longer, and her face is rounder. She looks like someone in their mid-twenties, so she must be their cousin, Cherry. She just goes back inside the house.
The door opens seconds later, and Kim makes her way to the gate. She's smiling when she opens it. "Hi, there," she says, moving her eyes from me to the car.
She's wearing red again. So, I can see the mole below her left collarbone again. And I'm finding it tough to speak again.
I point my thumb backward. "We're, um, on our way to grandma's house," I say, though I think it comes out as a question.
Kim slowly nods. "Okay." Her response registers to me as a question as well.
"We have stuff our mom wants us to bring there. I...um...I just thought...I mean, we..."
I glance at my sister, who's looking out from the driver's side window, grinning at me. Then back at Kim, who looks like she's waiting for me to make sense.
"Do you want to come with us?" I ask. "If...if you're not busy, of course."
"I'm not doing anything," she says, letting go of the gate.
"You know my sister Jessy, and her friend Therese."
Kim looks past me and waves at them.
"Can you give me a minute?" she asks me. "I'll just go tell my cousin that I'm going out," she quickly adds.
"Sure."
Then she hurries her way inside. And I turn back to my sister, who's now leaning closer at the window.
"That was smooth, Benjie."
"Shut up."
Kim comes back about three minutes later while her cousin watches us from the door. I wave at her first before Kim closes the gate. She also changed clothes and is now wearing a black t-shirt and longer shorts.
I open the door of the backseat and let her step inside first. Then I follow and pull it close again.
Jessy starts the car.
"Wait," Kim says, leaning diagonally forward to the back of the driver's side. "Are you legally allowed to drive?" she asks my sister.
"I'm eighteen," Jessy replies with a chuckle. Then she reaches for the small bag on her side, takes out her wallet, and shows Kim her driver's license. "When some girls do that debutante ball thing, and other girls ask for money and stuff, I just want a driver's license."
"Oh. That's nice," Kim says, smiling at my sister.
Jessy settles back behind the wheel, pulls the visor by the windshield down, and starts driving.
No one says another word.
Our grandma's house is three blocks away from Kim's. It's on an inner street, so it's quieter, except before and during All Saints' and All Souls' days 'cause it connects to the road going to the cemetery. She lives there with one of my mom's older cousins.
The house stands on a relatively spacious lot. From the gate, there's an open area. On its right is a space for a car, and on the left is a garden. It goes all the way to the side and the backyard, where there are full-grown Indian mango trees. My mom said that she and her brothers planted them there when they were kids.
I saw old pictures of that house from my mom's photo albums, but they renovated it after our grandpa died ten years ago. They still retained a bit of the house's old look, though it's now reinforced by concrete and modern materials. The previously exposed space at the bottom is now covered with cinderblocks. They replaced the steps on the leftmost side going to the front door with cement as well. Most of the exterior is now painted off-white, but the interior walls and the floor of the second level are the same ones from when my mom grew up there. They also kept the original windows, those sliding wooden frames with squares of Capiz shells in the middle.
Jessy parks the car, and we start getting off one by one. She hands me the keys, so I go to the back, open it, and start unloading the things we're dropping off here.
The house doesn't have a wired doorbell, but it has an actual bell on top of one of the pillars holding the gate, with a string hanging from it.
My sister pulls and sways the string, ringing the bell, creating the classic sound of metal against metal, and breaking the stillness within our radius.
Our grandma comes out of the front door. She's wearing a yellow dress and holding an abanico.
As soon as she opens the gate, Jessy and her best friend lift the two bags of clothes and make their way inside. Our relatives are already familiar with Therese, and she's also a regular here, so she's like one of us. They leave Kim and me behind, with my grandma curiously eyeing her.
She smiles at Kim. "And who might you be?" she asks.
Kim starts to open her mouth, but I beat her to it.
"Um, yes," I tell my grandma. "This is m—" Then I look at her, who hasn't moved or flinched away from my grandma's stare. "This is Kim," I say.
Kim just shyly smiles at my grandma, who also gives me a quick look.
Then she moves over to Kim's side and holds on to her arm. "Come on in, hija," she says. And they start walking toward the front door.
What was I going to say? That she's my friend? But we're not just friends. And I couldn't say 'girlfriend' 'cause she's not. Technically speaking, it hasn't been established, and we're not there yet. What am I supposed to call her? I couldn't think of anything that doesn't sound weird, even to my thoughts, and much more when I say it aloud. So, what else was I supposed to say?
I can hear my inner voice laughing at me, at how much of an idiot I sounded. I just scratch the back of my head, walk back to the car, check the insides, and lock it. Then I bring the two boxes to the other side of the gate and close them.
When I step inside the house, Jessy is standing beside Kim by the living room wall, telling her stuff about our grandparents, and our Spanish great grandfather. And I can hear our grandma cheerfully talking to our aunt in the kitchen.
I give my sister the car keys, and I go out again for the boxes with some of our mom's extra dinnerware.
The three girls are already at the dining table when I place the last box next to it. Therese is unloading the other one, while Kim and my sister are removing the old papers that cover the glassware and settling them on the table. I go further back to the kitchen and get a cold glass of water. Then I join them and sit beside Kim.
"Do Dominican priests still wear those old-looking garments?" she asks Jessy. And I laugh.
"What?" Kim asks me.
"I asked her the same thing last year," I reply, pointing at my sister. "See," I say to Jessy, "my question is valid."
My sister ignores me. "Yes, Kim, they still do." And they proceed to unload the second box.
Jessy folds the boxes and goes to the kitchen to store them.
"Why do you need to bring these here?" Kim asks me, pointing to a stack of plates.
"We're moving to a townhouse, and our mom said there won't be enough room for too much of this stuff."
"That makes sense," she says with a nod. "But what's going to happen to your house here?"
Jessy comes back to the table, and I give her a pleading look. "Selling it," she answers for me. "Our parents already have a buyer."
Our aunt appears from the backdoor, with our grandma closely behind. They approach the table, chat with us for a bit, and talk about where they'll put my mom's stuff later on. Then our aunt calls Jessy and me over to the kitchen, where she's holding a gallon of ice cream next to the refrigerator.
Jessy and Therese take their ice cream to the living room. Kim and I go out to the balcony at the back, where there's a set of bamboo chairs and a table.
"Why do I have the feeling that you only came here for this?" She points her spoon at the bowl of ice cream and smiles at me.
"Because you're sort of right."
Then she laughs, and it sends signals to my brain, inciting a reflexive response to laugh along. And when she stops, I feel like she's leaving a void somewhere in me. I just go back to my rocky road ice cream instead.
"What are you doing next week?" I ask after what could've been a few seconds—if not a minute—of awkward silence.
"The usual," she replies. Then she shrugs. "I'll just stay indoors, mostly in my room. My brother will be back, so he'll take control of the TV," she adds. "How about you?"
I look away and to the old trees in the backyard. "We're going out of town, to my dad's side of the family. Most of them live in the province north of the Metro, so that's where we're going." Then I glance back at Kim, whose eyes are also scanning what's around us. "We'll also check out our new house and stay there for a few days," I go on. "Then I'll be taking the APE, so... I'll be staying there for a bit longer with my dad."
She meets my eyes this time. "So, you'll be out of here for two weeks." Then she looks down and finishes the last scoops of her ice cream.
"I'll be back, KP."
We return to the kitchen. And I give her a glass of water.
"Can you join us for dinner later?" I ask after I take a gulp from mine.
"Um, okay," she nods. "Sure," she says as she puts the glass down near the sink, "but I have to let my cousin know first."
"Do you know her number?"
"Yes."
I take my phone from my pocket. "Here," I offer it to her, "you can just text her."
"Thanks."
I take a look around while Kim texts her cousin. My grandma and aunt are fanning themselves in the chairs in the living room. My sister and her friend aren't in sight, so they must be upstairs.
My phone dings with a message. Kim shows me the screen. I read the message. It says, 'OK.' Then she gives my phone back. And I smile at her.
When Jessy and Therese come downstairs, we start our leave of the house and bid our grandma and aunt goodbye.
"Kim's coming with us back home," I tell my sister as we walk back to the gate, "for dinner."
"Alright," she nods, dangling the keys in her hand. "We'll just drop by Therese's then."
Our aunt closes the gate, and we wave back before Jessy unlocks the car.
I pull the door for Kim, close it after she's in the backseat, and I walk over to the other side. I'll be transferring to the front after Therese gets off.
"Your grandma's nice," Kim tells me after I close the door, "but I don't understand half of what she's saying." She creases her eyebrows. "Do you?"
"No lo sé," I say with a shrug. "Yo no hablo Español."
Kim's eyebrows unmeet, and her jaw drops. "What did you just say?" she asks.
"Excuse my baboon brother, Kim." Jessy turns around and faces her. "He's been waiting for a while now to use that as a joke."
I start laughing, and my sister shakes her head at me. Then to Kim, she says, "he said he doesn't speak Spanish. In Spanish."
Kim giggles and meets my gaze. "You really are something else."
"They're so cute," Therese giggly tells my sister.
Jessy sits back, locks the seatbelt, and holds on to the steering wheel. "They're so adorkable," she says.
*
Our dad is sitting in front of the computer, playing solitaire, when we walk inside our house.
Jessy surrenders the car keys to him.
"Mission accomplished?" he asks.
"Yep. And we brought Kim with us," she says, grabbing Kim's arm.
Dad turns the chair to the side. "Of course," he nods at her. "Nice to have you here, Kim." Then he turns around, facing me. "One of you should help your mom in the kitchen."
Jessy is already leading Kim to the stairs. I nod at my dad, and he goes back to his game.
Mom, of course, doesn't really need help. So, I just make a pitcher of iced tea and let it cool in the refrigerator. Then I ask her how to say some other things en Español.
It's a quarter after six now, and it's just starting to get dark.
Dad vacated the computer, and I can hear Althea talking to him in her room.
I go upstairs and see the door of Jessy's room closed, so I figure they're in there. And I'm just about to step foot into mine, but I stop when I see Kim inside.
"Heeey. Not that I mind, but why are you in here?"
She's sitting on the floor and in front of my stack of tapes and CDs. She's leaning closer with her right index finger going through the titles.
I press the light switch on. And she quickly drops her hand and looks at me like she's guilty of something.
"Jessy," she says, pointing to the wall separating our bedrooms. "Well, Jessy said..." Kim raises her arms in surrender and blinks a bit faster. "I swear, I didn't touch anything else. And I know you're meticulous when it comes to your CDs, so I return them exactly where and how I found them. I didn't snoop around, I swear." She drops her hands on her lap and hunches her shoulders. "Please, don't be mad," she pouts.
Mad? Why would I be mad? She's in my room. And this is probably in every guy's wishful thinking, regardless of context. Mad is not on the list of things in my mind right now.
I lean sideways on the doorframe, cross my arms, and smile at her.
"It's okay, KP. It's not like I got something to hide."
She continues inspecting my music collection and takes out something from the bottom shelf. Then she raises a cassette tape and turns to me with an arched eyebrow.
"Celebrity Skin by Hole?"
I stand up straight. "That's not exactly mine," I explain. "I found that one in grandma's house. I asked my cousins, and whoever went in and out of there, but no one claimed it." I shrug. "Finders keepers," I add.
She turns the case over and reads through the tracks. "Do you listen to this?" she asks, not taking her eyes off it.
"Just once."
Now she's looking at me again. "Can I borrow it?" And she starts standing up.
"Of course. Anything..."
Kim's just standing there, holding that Hole album. And I'm like a statue by the doorway, but also an arm's length from the door handle.
My two sides are having a debate right now on whether I should go inside or not. One of them is saying, what's stopping you? While the other says, boundaries, you idiot. Because oh, right, my whole family is here, and I'll get in trouble if they see us, even if things are rated G.
"We...um...we should...um...go back downstairs...for dinner."
"Okay," she nods. "But you're..."
"I'm what?"
She chuckles. "You're blocking the way," she says.
"Oh, right. Sorry."
I move back and step aside. Then she walks out of my room and goes downstairs.
I take one deep breath, switch off the light, and knock on my sister's door. Jessy is holding her phone next to her ear when she opens it. Then I hear Althea's voice from the living room, and she's already talking to Kim. And I slowly start descending through the stairs.
*
Seven forty-five.
It's a long goodbye between my sisters and Kim. But she has to be home by eight, so I lead her out of our gate, and we start walking back to their house.
It's quiet tonight, just like the last time. But it's summer, so we're not cold and no longer hiding from each other. Case in point, she's holding my hand now.
"Is your room always that neat?" she asks.
"Yes."
"Really?"
"No."
She rolls her eyes. And I smile at her.
"Thanks again," she says, "for having me over. Your family's so nice to me."
"You're always welcome, KP."
Our pace is slow. We stop at every corner and pretend to check for cars. Though, we know there are none around at this hour in this part of town.
"You can still come over to our new place," I say, "anytime during the semester."
"Okay. Thanks."
"As what my grandma would say, mi casa es su casa."
She laughs. "Can you really speak Spanish?"
"No. I just know some words and a few phrases, from hearing them around. But I can't carry conversations."
"I do know how to say something," I add after we cross a street going to the stretch of the highway leading to theirs. "And I'm sure everyone else does as well."
I can only see her faintly from the yellow light of the lampposts, but I know she's intently staring at me.
"I'm not going to say it for the sake of saying it," I tell her as I look away and back to the road ahead. "But it doesn't mean I don't want to," I quietly add. "I'll say it when I mean it." I breathe in and out. "And I'll mean it when I'm sure...that I can live up to the expectation or responsibility that comes along with it."
I glance back at her. Her eyes are cast down to the ground that we're symbolically marking our footsteps on. And we just reach the left turn before going to their street.
"I know how to say that in German," she says, a bit excitedly.
"Since when do you speak German?"
"I don't," she says while shaking her head. "I just heard it from this study guide tape lying around the house." She taps her chin. "I think it's my brother's, but I don't know why he had it." She shrugs. "Anyway, I found it during one of those boring days two years ago, so I listened to it."
"So...how do they say it in Germany?"
She stops, and we're on the corner of their street under the streetlight.
She sighs. Then she stares into eyes. "I'm not going to say it just because," she quietly says. "If I say it, there'll be no un-saying it."
I nod.
"And just like you said," she adds, "it comes with a certain weight. I-if the time is right, I will. There's...there's no rush, right?"
I nod again. "No rush," I say.
We continue walking, and then we're in front of their gate. But she's still holding my hand. And we're standing face-to-face.
"I'll see you when you get back?"
"Of course."
I slowly let go of her hand, and she reaches down on her pocket for her key.
"But," I say, "I...um..."
She levels her head and stares at me.
I lean closer to the side of the face. "Te veré en mis sueños," I whisper in her ear. Then I slowly back away.
"Wh—"
"Cada noche, Kimberly."
She just keeps staring. Then she smiles, shakes her head, takes out her key, and raises it to open their gate.
I smile back, turn around, and start walking.
I stop halfway through before I reach the corner and look behind me. Kim's already inside their house. And I sigh.
Someday, Kimberly, and not just in my dreams.