Chapter 63 – Gabriel POV
I stared back at Russell, "I'm sorry that you feel or even believe that this was a question. I'm not asking permission. I'm giving you – call it – common courtesy," I replied as the men all went outside, waiting for the Davis' to help them gather Angels' belongings.
"You can't make that decision for her!" he answers.
"Like you've already made for her?" I say bored and in a rush to get to Fresno, but the family looks pained at the thought of losing Angel.
I sighed; they were humans and didn't understand, "What I'm doing is saving her the hurt that she will feel when she realizes that what she did for you wasn't enough. That she wasn't enough," I say as I sit back down. I don't want to speak for Angel but I felt her frustration. The confusion she had and he should know... plus she was having his baby. Russell was... well he was her mate. This Declan guy must have known so I don't get why he never said anything.
"What she did for me?" he asked confused.
Without doubt he hadn't thought of this from Angels view, "She has been abused and abandoned in the worst ways, since she was a young girl. When she caught you an Amara having sex and enjoying it she threw up for the whole night. Then if I'm correct, she wouldn't let you touch her for two days. She willingly had sex with you. The only thing she hates and knows that others have hurt her that way. But she loves you more. She isn't some sexual deviant that acts out; Russell you told her at some time when she tried to offer herself to you, you said that the only time you do that is if you want too and if you love someone. She did the one thing that repulses her because she loves you. She knew she could make you smile like Amara, and that you love her, because you tell her that all the time, she thought if she was with you that way, that it could go back to being just you and her. The regression into past behavior I'm not sure but I'm guessing she does it because when you lived in Germany it was just you two and Catalena. But Catalena wasn't interested in you that way-"
"Wait! How – how do you know I told her that? It happened almost two years ago!?" he asked stunned.
"She thinks you're a good man... but she also thinks that you sent her away because you didn't want her. She's frustrated that she can't express to you in her own words how much she cares for you... and let me say that... despite the language barrier she loves you in a healthy mature way; she even followed your advice. She only was with you because she wanted too and because she loves you, that's what you told her. So that being said, Angel can't come back here and watch you love another woman, not when she loves you with her whole self. She likes the rest of you, really she misses you all, she misses playing with Cody and everything," I waved my hands at his shocked family, "but you Russell, you she loves. In her head she calls you Rusty, she loves your hands and her favorite place is to be near you, it doesn't matter what you're doing, or even if she understands you she wants to be near you. She loves listening to your heartbeat, and your scent, and right now? Where ever she is..." I shake my head.
"I'm doing her a favor. Right now she's more like me than you. If she came back here, seeing that you just moved her out... it would crush her. Most importantly though, she can't come back here because she is like me, this place isn't safe for her." I finished with a heavy sigh, the family sat in shock still digesting my words. All but McKenna who was sneaking looks at Jack.
"I – I didn't know she felt that way-" he said weakly and I looked at his forearm reading the words again.
"You love her too..."
"Of course, just not-" I stopped him.
"You got your tattoo 'love will tear us apart' after your split with Amara, then you went to Germany and you remained there for two years with no other woman but Angel and before you came back to the states you had four lines to cross out the words," I told him, knowing he loved Angel too but her being non-verbal threw him off.
"How did you – how do you know what she thinks?" Vanessa asked.
"She's like me. Like my fiancé... she led me to all of you."
"But how?" Russell asked again.
"If you had chosen her, I would tell you. But you aren't interested in her the way she is in you. Once she – Angel – is settled in you can all visit in December, my wedding is then as well. I can see that you care about her, so I'm sure she'd like to see you all one last time."
All their eyes widened, "One last time? What are you saying?" Russell snapped again.
"Exactly what I said. You can't have Angel and Amara, its one or the other, plus Amara is the love of your life isn't she? It shouldn't be a problem to say goodbye to Angel for her..." he wouldn't be able to leave his child, once he visits in December... I told myself plotting.
"My men are outside waiting," I say to Catalena when the rest don't move, they all seemed to be shell shocked, but left when Catalena stood.
Russell remained sitting, starring off deeply, "I'm not sure what you want me to do..." he said in a low tone after some time.
"I'm not telling you what to do... you're a grown man. My wedding is in December. I'm going to be marrying the most amazing person. We aren't typical and I had to change my mind-set to be with her, had to give up my family to be with her, but she was worth all that change. The effort. When I'm not around her, I'm thinking of her, holding onto the little fact that soon I'll have her in my arms. I have no doubts, not about her, not about the work I'll still have to put it, that I'll make more mistakes, that we will love, grow and succeed. With each other. I've had other women... but Chelsea... I don't have to be intimate to know it all feels right. It may look off, but-"
"It all feels right..." Russell finished for me, maybe I could give him more information, make him see.
"Exactly. When I touch Chelsea there- there's a spark I feel. Prickling. It's pleasant and calming; I feel content and have purpose. Doing things for her brings me joy, knowing that something I've done pleases her, I want her happy at all times and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her, be for her. Being with her is easy, fulfilling whether she's laying on our bed drawing and I'm just next to her, or she's cooking and I'm watching her. It doesn't matter, what I've given up for her... I'd do it over and over again if I had too, sooner than I did in fact. I was made for her and her, I."
Russell rested back, not speaking just silent and I hoped that he was actually taking what I said seriously, comparing the feelings I depicted, or tried too.
"Can you tell me about your Chelsea?" he said after a while.
A smile formed on my face, "well first... I was engaged to her half sister but had never met her. She was abused... badly... not like Angel though, but enough to have her hate to be touched. She's quirky, a neat freak, beautiful, artistic, intelligent, loving she's perfect. To me," I paused, "but... isn't that how it should be? I'm the one that has to be with her, that has to spend time with her, it shouldn't matter what others around me think and if they loved me, they would support me. Support my decision to be with her, my family did not so I had to ditch them for Chelsea, but I made that choice. I don't hold her responsible, I would've been miserable eventually if I hadn't chosen her, at first I wouldn't notice it but after a while I would. I just skipped that painful part."
I sighed I had to stop before I told him everything, "it was good to meet you," I said standing, ready to get out of here.
"Uh – yeah – you too. Can you call? Let me know if you find her?" he asked distractedly.
"Will do," I said walking to the door.
His heart was racing and I'm not sure why, "One more thing... you – you don't think a relationship with Angel would be wrong," he stated.
"Why?" he asked struggling.
"How old is Angel?" I turned that around on him.
"Well we aren't sure but we think she's in her twenties, maybe 21 – why?" That's what we all thought as well but once she has a thorough examination we would be able to have something more accurate.
"She... from what I saw... she understands some things, others she doesn't her mind is developing but physically she's an adult with hormones. As long as you weren't abusing her, taking advantage of her trust, which she has a lot when it comes to you, you could figure out a way to be together that suits you both, it really just depends on how much effort you're willing to put in, because Angel she's willing to give her all and she's aware of her shortcomings-"
"She doesn't have shortcomings!" Russell snapped.
"Angel thinks she does, she can't speak, she can't exactly write... she's in love with a man and can't tell him, but is forced to watch him love another woman... look I can't tell you what to do or nothing like that. It's not my place, but even if you chose Angel, you wouldn't be able to stay here. Declan... he was young and didn't know much, so I think he did what he could with what he knew... Angel not speaking... we have our own doctors that can see what is wrong, but I don't think she won't speak, I think she can't..." Russell walked away nodding, giving me time to just turn to Jack, as he came up.