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I was out back talking to Fezco and Suki when Jules arrived.
"This shit ain't good for you," Suki mumbles to Rue as she rolls her blunt.
Rue lets out a laugh, "Whatchu mean? Weed is good for everybody."
Suki rolls her eyes, "You know what the fuck I mean, Rue."
"You need to chill out, it's not like you don't be doin' it too."
"I don't, Rue," Suki hands her best friend the joint. "I fucking stopped the week after you overdosed. I haven't touched anything other than weed in two fucking months! And as much as I hate myself, there's no way in hell I'd let anybody go through what your family and I went through!" Suki almost yells at Rue, looking at her best friend, not noticing Fez was standing right behind her.
"You what?" Suki hears Fez's voice and as soon as she heard it she knew she was fucked, "Ima deal with you later," He points at Suki before turning to the slumped girl next to her. "The fuck, Rue," Fez sits down next to Rue.
"What? What, what, what, what, what.."
"C'mon now, bruh, you owe me $120 bucks."
"My bad, man, I forgot," Rue chuckles and hands Fez the joint.
"Shit, you know I ain't trippin," He takes a hit. "Well, to be honest witchu, yo whole drug shit got me feelin' kinda uneasy."
"C'mon, don't go soft on me, Fez," Rue says with a drugged out smile.
"Nah, I'm not, it's just that I like you..and I missed you bruh. That shit at the beginning of the summer had me scared as fuck."
"Yeah, you and everybody else."
"I'm serious, Rue. I-I seen a lot of people die, none like you and I don't know what kind of fucked up shit you got goin' inside your head and I don't know how to help, but I can tell you one thing, this drug shit is not the answer."
At that moment, Suki assumed that Fezco liked me and now she really wasn't gonna say shit because if there was a possibility of me and Fez gettin' together, she wasn't gonna ruin that. Suki was a good friend like that, even if she didn't know I didn't like dick. And if I was a little more high and a bit of a bitch, I would've outed Suki to Fezco right then because he was giving me so much shit and he wasn't saying anything to her. But then again, Suki hadn't been doing drugs like me anymore and to my knowledge, Fezco didn't know jack shit about Suki.
"Nah, I remember when I was 11 years old. It was couple months after my dad got diagnosed and we got the results back from the prognosis and it was really good. It was like 80/20 and we decided to celebrate so we ordered a whole bunch of chinese food. I remember that night I was laying between my parents in bed and uh..all of sudden I couldn't breathe. It was like there was no more air left in the world...and I was gasping and I was panicking and they called the ambulance and they thought it was an allergic reaction or some shit. And then when I got to the hospital, they gave me liquid valium. Yeah..to calm me down and when it hit me I thought, 'This is it..this is the feeling I have been searching for my entire life for as long as I could remember' because suddenly, the world went quiet and I felt safe in my own head. Two years later he was gone. Panic attacks stayed and I found a way to live, so...will it eventually kill me? Maybe? Fuck, maybe not, I dunno.." The three teengers stay silent after Rue's revelation. Suki just wanted to crawl into a hole, Rue wanted to be happy, and Fezco didn't realize the severity of the situation. Rue turns to the boy, "Still gon' be my dealer, Fez?"
"You a fuckin' trip, bruh. I'm too high to be having this conversation right now."
"Yeah man, me too. Me fucking too," Rue sighs. "Ima go inside and get a drink, you guys want anything?" Suki's anxiety flares up and she shakes her head silently while Fez tells Rue that he's good.
The moment I walked away, Suki's eyes welled up with tears because she knew that whatever she didn't wanna tell Fez was gonna be out in the open by the end of the night.
"Suki, you wanna go?" Suki nods silently. He grabs Suki's hand and pulls her up. They walk through the crowd and make inside the house. They find Rue and tell her that they're leaving, she just smiles and nods.
"We can go to my place, no one's home.." Suki mumbles as the exit the house. Fez nods and they walk silently side by side
To be honest, Suki was scared as fuck. She had never opened up to anyone about her feelings before, not even me. We just kinda got each other so there was no need for words. She was really 'bout to spill the fucking beans.
When they got to Suki's house, the pair went straight to the backyard. Suki takes off her socks and shoes before sitting on the edge of the pool and dipping her feet in the warm water. Fezco rolls up his jeans with a sigh before doing the same.
Suki keeps looking forward, not wanting to look Fez in the eyes, "So, what was all that shit you was sayin' you was sayin' to Rue?" Suki doesn't know what to say so she doesn't say anything. Fez notices the tears running down her cheeks and sighs. He brings her close and she leans into him, laying her head on his shoulder, "C'mon now, bruh, you know ion judge."
"I'm sorry.." Suki wipes her tears, "I just didn't wanna say nothin' 'cause I don't like burdening people with my problems. And this whole Rue shit got everyone on edge lately and I know you got your own problems—"
Fez cuts her off, "You're not a burden and I don't care about my problems right now, I care about yours, so what's going on?"
"I've been doing drugs since I became friends with Rue. At first it was benzos, anything to not make me feel anything, but then all I wanted was to feel alive, so then it was coke, molly, Ritalin, even acid. I don't think me and Rue have ever been sober around each other," She chuckles darkly, wiping the tears away. "The only difference between me and Rue is that I'm better at acting sober than she is. I've spent all my life actin' like shit's fine and I know it's not, but it's so hard being in your head all the time. Every time I think for a little too long, it's like all the shit I've gone through is on fuckin' replay and I'm so fuckin' done, Fez."
"Suki–" Fez says, but she cuts him off.
"No, Fez! I'm so fucked up in the head, man, and I don't even know what to do anymore, this shit hurts. I've been through too much shit and I hate pretending like I don't feel the way I feel. I'm not happy and I wanna die half the time and the only time I don't feel like that is when I'm with you. I wasn't gonna say shit because I'm pretty sure you like Rue,and I'm sorry, but I'm never gonna be happy if I keep my mouth shut. You're more important to me than you realize, Fez, and I like you so much because you were there for me when I refused to let everyone in because even though you have your own problems, you cared about mine too and you always tried to be there for me, especially when I didn't want to let you."
"I'm sorry I never realized that you had a problem. If I knew, I would've helped or I dunno, did something," Fez sighs. He really did care about Suki, probably even more than she realized.
"I didn't want help or for anyone to worry."
"So what was that the other day at my house?" He asks her because if she wasn't doing drugs, what was going on with her.
"I was going through a manic episode, probably the worst one I've had in a while. I get super hyper-sexual and I was trying really hard no to...scratch the itch, if you get what I mean," Suki chuckles.
"And I don't like Rue," Fez starts off, "I mean, at least not like that. I love her like a lil sister and I feel responsible for her because if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be an addict right now. Her life got fucked up because of me."
"Rue fucked up her own life years before she met you, Fez. I just hope she can get better and overcome this bullshit."
A smile spreads across Fez's face after a moment of silence, "So you got a thing for me, huh?"
Suki hides her face in her hands and scoffs playfully, "Uh, I do not."
"You a whole lie," Fez teases, nudging her shoulder with his, "you like me."
"So?" Suki rolls her eyes and nudges him back.
"I think it's cute," He chuckles, "I think you cute, too."
"Deadass?" Suki smiles, "You not fuckin' with me?"
"Nah, I'm being for real. Have you seen yourself? You hella cute and you got a great personality."
"Bruh, stop gassin' me up," She laughs, smacking his chest.
"I'm just sayin'!" Fez puts his hands up in defense. "But, for real, though, can I kiss you?"
Suki chokes on air for a second, "Can you what?" She manages to squeak out.
"Can I kiss you?"
"I—I...um, sure, yeah...you can kiss me," She almost says breathlessly.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure."
Suki had only been kissed a handful of times, by one person. She wasn't the type of person to want to have sex or even be intimate with other people, especially after all the times she got taken advantage of. She held her virginity on a tight leash because she promised herself she would never give it away to someone she didn't think was deserving of it.
Their lips meet softly in the middle and Suki could swear there were sparks flying all around her. Her lips moved softly against his more experienced ones. He snakes his fingers through her hair and deepens the kiss. Suki pulls away a few seconds later with a blush on her face.
"Shit..." Fez says with a lazy smile. "If that's how you be kissin' these dudes, I might have to keep you."
"I've—I've only ever kissed few people before.." She says softly.
"You for real?" Fez looks at her in surprise.
"Yeah, I've never been in a real relationship or anything like."
"Well, if that's the case then I'm definitely gon' have to keep you."
Suki laughs and bumps her shoulder with his again before getting up from her place at the pool. She helps Fez up and they head inside the house where they go up to Suki's room.
Suki digs through the drawer looking for some clothes, "Here you go," she lends him a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt, that used to belong to her brother, while she dresses herself in a tank top and pajama shorts. She turns on the fan in her room and they both lay down on the bed; she lays down on the wall side because it gives her anxiety if she doesn't. Suki connects to her bluetooth speakers and plays Puma Blue softly in the background.
"Why you lying so far away?" Fezco chuckles.
"Whatchu mean?" Suki asks, knowing damn well that she was basically pressed up against the wall.
"Bruh, getcho ass over here," He laughs at her.
Suki scoots over to him and lays her head on his extended arm and cuddles into him in a half-spoon kinda way, his legs in between hers.
"Goodnight, Fez.."
He kisses the top of her head, "Night, Suki."