You had been in your room for hours now; your headphones in, staring at the ceiling.
You weren't sure what time it was anymore- and you didn't really care.
Because all you could care about was the song that had been on repeat in your ears since the morning. That one sentence playing over and over and over- so many times that you were sure it was permanently carved into your brain by now.
break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored
There were so many things that could mean. So many questions that came with it. But the one that haunted you the most was; is this about me?
Secretly, you knew you were kind of hoping it was about you. Who else could it be about? You were the one that she missed, the one with the "girlfriend".
Yeah.
"Girlfriend".
As much as you and Hailee had been going out- you still hadn't made it official. Which was okay with both of you, you weren't exactly in any kind of rush to be in a relationship. But- this song was going to set you back a while for sure.
Hailee wasn't an idiot. She could see just as you could all of the subtweets, the posts with the vague captions implying how much Ariana missed you. You really didn't blame her for not wanting to start anything serious just yet.
Who did you blame?
Ariana.
You didn't understand why she would do this. You told her what needed to happen, and she told you it wasn't going to happen. If she wanted you so much why couldn't she just....admit it? For real. Not just some "please come back" tweet that everyone thinks is about.... Pete.
Yeah, the fact that she was with someone else really got to you too. How could she sit there and release a song to millions of people telling you to break up with your girlfriend? Why doesn't she break up with hers?
You had spent some of the morning wondering what he thought of this new song. Did he think it was about him? Does he even know about you? He probably didn't.
Your mind was turning out new questions and thoughts at a mile a minute. You almost felt sick.
What was worse was most of the thoughts wanted to do exactly what the song told you to.
What if you did break up with Hailee? Find Ariana's number again and tell her how much you had missed her too. Let things go back to how they had been. But, you knew you couldn't. You'd feel loved for a while, the adrenaline of leaving everything behind to be with your "soulmate" giving you some happiness for a while. But what happened after that? She'd go back to hiding you, keeping you in the house- getting another fake boyfriend?
You couldn't just let her tear you apart again.
Right?
You were happy- you had Camila, and you had your music and you had Hailee. You were getting out of the apartment more now- even branching out to go out with Camila and the girls sometimes. You were going out on actual, fun dates with an amazing girl. You were comfortable and happy and safe.
And that was what you needed now.
Right?
You let the hours (or what you guessed were hours) slip away from you thinking about it all- your eyes getting puffy and your heart feeling like it was so heavy that it was going to sink out of your chest and through the floor. One moment filled with hope- hope that this song was her way of saying she's changed and that she'd change. The next moment filled with sadness over losing this new, healthy life you had found.
The knock on the door was soft, but you still flinched at it.
You waited, not answering. Silently hoping that whoever it was would just go away- so that no one would see you in such a beaten state.
It was a while before the door very slowly creaked ajar, soft brown eyes peeking through the crack. The eyes looked over you, connecting with your own and softening even more.
"Hi," Camila's voice sent a sort of calming feeling through your heart- the caring tone a familiar one.
"Hey," you croaked back, your voice hoarse and scratchy from the crying.
Camila was careful to move as slowly as she could, which you appreciated. She was dressed for a day in- which surprised you. It was a Friday; that usually meant some studio time, maybe an interview, and it definitely meant a night with the girls. Those plans almost always required more than some sweatpants and a hoodie.
"You're home?" you managed to sniffle out- your voice quieter than you had meant it to be. She nodded, having finally reached you. You watched her slowly sit down next to you, a sad smile on her face.
"Mm-hm," she hummed back, reaching over to gently run her fingers through your hair.
"Wasn't the uh...." you searched for the words you were looking for, knowing that she wasn't supposed to be here- but not remembering why. "The.... the news- weren't you 'sposed to be on the news today?" You felt bad now, knowing that it was somehow your fault.
Camila nodded, "I called in," she smoothed back the hairs that had been in your face, "told them it was a family emergency."
You felt tears start to well up in your eyes, and your scrunched up your face to try and hold them back. "Family emergency?"
That word stuck out in your head.
Family.
"I didn't want to leave you here alone, Maxie." she sighed and let her head come to rest on her hand, "I'm sorry."
You shook your head, "don't be- it's not your fault."
You thought you saw her flinch a little.
Since the breakup, you hadn't only felt bad about Ariana. You'd come to realize that this whole thing had a big effect on Camila too. You couldn't imagine having two best friends break up, especially with the no-speaking terms that you and Ariana had ended on.
Not to mention that through all of it, Camila had gone above and beyond as a best friend.
"Hailee called," Camila smiled softly, "wanted to make sure you're okay."
Of course she did.
You started to wonder if it was possible for Hailee to ever do the wrong thing.
"Is she okay?" you asked, knowing that this song couldn't be making her feel very great. You had thought about that too today- what this stupid song was doing to poor Hailee.
"She's upset," Camila replied, not being one to hide what she thought. "But, she's more worried about you, I think." She put a hand on your shoulder and squeezed, "I told her you'd call when you're feeling better."
You nodded. You thought about how your life had changed since Ariana again; about how you had Hailee now. As a friend and....more. She really was nothing but sweet to you- even when your ex was making a song telling her that she's basically nothing.
"It's not fair, you know?" You sniffled, trying not to cry again. "That she just put out a song like that... did she even think about what it would do? Does she care?" It baffled you so much that this girl that you were so in love with could do these things now. You had only known her as someone who tried her best to be kind and thoughtful- what had happened? You wondered if she had even given a second of time to think about how this song would look to Hailee. They had known each other before Max was even in the picture, hadn't they?
Camila felt a heavy load of guilt come to sit on her shoulders, "I'm sure she does, Maxie. She couldn't have known it would hurt you- I know she'd never do that on purpose."
"I'm not stupid, Cami." you said, your voice small like you were mumbling, "does she think I'm stupid? That I will just come crawling back to her after one-" your voice started getting louder and louder until Camila stopped you.
"Hey hey hey," Camila soothed, pulling you close and smoothing back your hair. "Hey, you're not stupid, Maxie. No one thinks you're stupid."
You held onto Camila, the tears beginning to fill your eyes once again. You felt like such an idiot, letting Ariana make you feel like this all over again. Tearing up your heart a thousand ways to sunday.
"I'm so sorry," you blurted out, burying your face into Camila's shoulder, "I'm so so sorry." You had never cried like that in front of anyone before. No one had ever wanted you around long enough to see you cry- not even Ariana. Camila just sat there and held you, talking to you the whole time to let you know that she cared.
Family.
Camila made you think about that word a lot. What it meant- how the meaning was so much different to you now than it was before you had met her. She had taken you in with no hesitation- invited you into her life and into her home.
"Max, I-" she started, but you cut her off.
"I'm so sorry Camila." You couldn't stop the words from coming out of your mouth, tears streaming down your face. "I know you liked Ariana so much and you have friends and you have a life and ever since I came in you have to- to take care of me. A-and you do so much for me and I never....." you could barely talk between sobbing and sniffling. "I'm such a bad friend and I just sit here and I'm always thinking about myself-"
Camila hugged you so tightly you could barely breathe.
"I told her to write a song," she whispered, and you stopped. You stopped and you hugged her back, taking in what she had said to you. "I'm sorry," her voice was quiet.
You had never heard Camila's voice sound like that before.
You felt tears drop onto your t-shirt, and you squeezed your best friend. "She just kept talking about you....all the time. 'Did you see Max did this', 'do you think that song's about me', 'you know I bought her those pants do you think that means we're not over'. She has so many feelings about you and about Hailee and about you two together I knew she just needed a way to get them all out and I-"
Camila was interrupted by a buzzing noise coming from beside her. Her phone was lighting up, and they both looked over to see who was calling.
Your heart felt like it was going to burst out of your chest.Why? Why now? It felt like the universe was playing some sort of sick joke on you.
"I don't have to answer, Max," Camila was quick to show you she was here- by your side with her full attention.
But, seeing her name light up the tiny screen made you think.
You hadn't stopped to think about what Ariana had been dealing with throughout this whole thing. The "love of her life" - if you really ever were that- had left her, and she was forced into keeping who she loved quiet. Then, just to twist the knife a little further, said love of her life had found somebody else and everybody around her was talking about it.
Was the song too much? Yes. It definitely was. But, it wasn't too much for somebody that was hurting.
You reached over her slowly, and picked the phone up. It felt heavy in your hands, but you had already started to put it up to your face before you could think to change your mind. You cleared your throat, hoping that it would clear out the hours of sobbing you had just done.
This was it.
You were ending it now.
"Hello?"