"mr. stark, i messed up." peter said sheepishly, entering the billionaire's lab.
"what did you do now, kid?" tony said, placing his tools down on the workbench and turning around to face peter.
"i, uh, might have said that i was dating spider-man, and now the internet might want pictures..." peter trailed off as he saw the look of exasperation on tony's face.
"god, kid. you're going to be the death of me. how did you manage that?"
"well, i tweeted about some stupid shit you did in the lab the other day, and i forgot that my account isn't private, and people started to question whether i was being truthful or not. anyways, a thread later, someone had gone through my twitter and instagram, and said that i had the same body shape as spider-man, and started to question me. i panicked a bit, and between us, ned and i managed to convince the internet that i was close to spider-man, and then someone said that it seemed as if spidey and i were dating, and i tried to pass it off, but then i sort of had to confirm it-"
"hold on a second, kid. breathe. so, you posted about the internship, people got interested, they thought you were spider-man, you said no, and then people started to speculate, causing the entire internet to think you're dating spider-man, who is, in fact, yourself. correct?"
"yes."
"god. okay, i have an idea-"
"that's a first."
"shut up." tony glared at his intern playfully. "anyways, i need to talk to pepper, and we'll get the pr side of this sorted out, and then we'll see what we can do. for now, i want you to tweet or make an instagram post or something, and ask for people to give you privacy. make some shit up about both you and spidey being minors, and it's illegal to harass you."
"that would be giving away information about my identity, though."
"you can't cause more of a mess than you already have."
"point taken. i'll make that post."
"see you later, kid."
"bye, mr. stark."
peter left the lab, running up to his room and immediately making the tweet.
~~~~~
best intern @p_parkour
okay, hi. so i said some things earlier today, and although they're true, i would appreciate if people didn't try and research into it. both spider-man and i are minors, and it's illegal to harass us (mr. stark's words). once miss. potts and mr. stark have sorted out this pr mess i've caused, i may be able to answer questions. as for now, we ask for you to respect our privacy. thank you! :)
the guy in the chair @ned_gitc
so he didn't get mad?
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best intern @p_parkour
surprisingly, no
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the guy in the chair @ned_gitc
lucky
emjay @whatsuplosers
as i've said time and time again, you're an idiot, parker.
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best intern @p_parkour
wbk sis
tony stark stan @avengersmemes
y'all better respect them or you're gonna have tony stark on your ass
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best intern @p_parkour
they should be more scared of miss. potts
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tony stark stan @avengersmemes
okay, true
~~~~~
"okay, kid," tony started, during dinner. "surprisingly, pepper has said my idea will work."
"now that's a first." peter smirked.
"yes, i'll agree with you on that one. but anyways, i know a kid from tennessee, and he's only a few inches taller than you, so if people don't measure him, then we're good. so, i've spoken to him and explained the situation. turns out, he already knew about it; it was trending earlier or something. anyways, he's flying over here, and he's gonna leave school a week early so he gets here this weekend, and then he's gonna stay here for the summer. he'll wear the suit, and you guys can take photos together, act all romantic and stuff, but please don't make me witness it." tony fake gagged before continuing. "get your friends over, and you can take group photos or get them to take photos of the two of you."
"okay... am i allowed to know this guy's name?" peter asked, surprised that tony had managed to come up with this idea as soon as peter told him the problem in the lab earlier that day.
"oh, yeah. his name is harley. you should get along well."
"is this the one who's garage you broke into?"
"yes."
"nice. i've always wanted to ask him about ways you embarrassed yourself in front of him. the stuff you mess up always makes good posts for the internet."
"no more unsupervised internet for you, kid."
"you can't tell me what to do."
"pepper can."
"shit."
"exactly."
"anyways, am i allowed to answer questions from the internet now?"
"sure, kid. i'll have to monitor what you're saying, though."
"fair enough."
~~~~~
best intern @p_parkour
okay, mr. stark said i can answer some questions now. he's also monitoring my responses, though, so i can't answer certain questions!
tony stark stan @avengersmemes
how did you and spidey meet? and how did you get together?
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best intern @p_parkour
i'm mr. stark's personal intern, so i was working in his lab when spidey came through the window with a knife in his leg (he was okay!), and then we became friends, i started designing some of his stuff, and yeah, we started dating about a couple of months ago!
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tony stark stan @avengersmemes
nice! thank you for replying!
garbage @hawkeye_stan
when will we get to see pictures of you two together?
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best intern @p_parkour
soon! i don't have pictures of him & i with him in the spidey suit, so we have to take some!
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garbage @hawkeye_stan
niceeeee
emjay @whatsuplosers
what are you?
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best intern @p_parkour
an idiot sandwich
tin can man stan @ironcannot
my friends don't believe you, and they want tony to confirm (also, i believe you!! they just think that this is super sudden and like, no one knew who you were 24 hours ago)
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best intern @p_parkour
understandable, tbh, idk if i'd believe me. also, tony's just getting onto twitter
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you know who i am ✔ @tonystark
i can confirm. peter is my intern and is dating spider-man
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iron man replied to my tweet @ironcannot
omg omg omg okay thank you mr tony stark iron man sir
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best intern @p_parkour
me when tony turned up in my apartment and offered me the internship
~~~~~
harley turned up at the compound a couple of days later. tony had managed to convince may to keep peter off school for a few days, due to all the attention that would be on here. at first, may had said that prolonging peter's return to school would just make it worse, but in the end, she had agreed to peter staying at the tower for a few days after the pictures were posted - so that things had a little while to calm down. but then he was going straight back to school.
"hey, i heard you're dating yourself." harley said, standing to the side of peter - who was working on web-shooters in tony's lab. it made peter jump slightly, even though he could feel a presence beside him before harley had spoken.
"oh! hi, and yeah..." peter rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed at the situation he'd managed to get himself into.
"how did you even get into a situation where you had to say that?"
"honestly, i probably could've avoided it, but people were saying i was either dating spider-man or i was spider-man. no one was taking 'i just know him' as an answer. i probably could've got out of it a different way if my friend mj had been online, but it was just me and ned, and, uh, yeah... we have one brain cell between us."
"fair enough. so... what are you working on?"
"my web-shooters, i need to be able to put more webs in them. i keep nearly running out when i get home from patrol, and i keep using it all up during missions. so mr. stark said i should probably upgrade them."
"nice."
the conversation topic continued to be about peter's web-shooters for a while, before moving onto harley's experiences with tony. peter would tell harley some of his own experiences too, but once he finished his web-shooters, he realised that the boy who he'd been talking to for the last half an hour was really attractive. peter decided that he was definitely going to enjoy fake dating this boy.
harley was thinking along the same lines. he thought that peter was one of the cutest boys he'd ever seen. according to happy, peter was bi and single, which meant that harley had a chance. the only reason he'd asked happy those questions was that harley had seen a picture of peter a couple of years ago (tony had sent it to him when the superhero had first got a real internship), and harley had immediately thought that he was adorable. harley was over the moon that the boy's personality matched his face. it would certainly be fun to fake date peter, although harley aimed for it to be not-so fake by the end of the summer.
~~~~~~
that afternoon, peter invited his friends over to the tower, where they spent a few hours making harley and peter pose for couple-like photos. the superhero found it a little weird to see spider-man in his peripheral vision - seeming as he was spider-man - but he got used to it after three-quarters of an hour or so. they took pictures of peter on harley's back, selfies where harley would kiss peter's cheek, some from in peter's lab, and some were just the two having a conversation, and mj or ned would take the photo. in the end, they took about twenty different photos (all taken in different parts of the tower) before deciding to retreat to the couch to watch a film. peter decided that he'd post the photos on twitter later.
~~~~~
best intern @p_parkour
here you go, kids. you'll get some more later. photo creds to @whatsuplosers and @ned_gitc !!
(1: the two of them in the lab, spider-man's hands wrapped around peter's waist.)
(2: the two of them lying down, looking at the sky, holding hands, on top of the tower.)
iron man replied to my tweet @ironcannot
these are so cute!!
emjay @whatsuplosers
you're welcome dumbass. btw, you're today's hot topic at school
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best intern @p_parkour
tell me when i'm not, then i'll come back
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emjay @whatsuplosers
will do
the guy in the chair @ned_gitc
are we taking more next weekend?
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best intern @p_parkour
we'll see how long it takes me to post all of the ones we took today. we have until the end of the summer before things start to get busy again
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guy in the chair @ned_gitc
fair
potato boy @harleskeen
did you say no homo to spider-man after you took these bro
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best intern @p_parkour
stfu bro
~~~~~
harley, peter, mj, and ned were all bundled up on one sofa that evening - peter in the middle - and they were all reading replies from peter's post from the previous evening. tony had told them not to reply to any - except replies from people that they were friends with (hence why peter replied to ned, harley and mj's comments). of course, there were a few hate comments, saying that the photos were fake - but when questioned by fan accounts, they failed to come up with a reply as to how the teenager had managed to photoshop them. at least nobody thought that peter was the superhero anymore.
after reading over a hundred replies, they got tired of the repetitiveness of them, and settled to playing wii sports with clint - who had jumped from the vents a few minutes prior, scaring all of the teens (excluding peter). mj and ned went home after dinner that evening but called peter when the superhero went on patrol. peter preferred it when he could talk to people when he was swinging through queens, especially when it got quiet.
~~~~~
after a few days, peter went back to school. the main topic of gossip was no longer peter dating spider-man (something had come up about an affair with some teachers? anyways, peter wasn't the centre of attention anymore), so he was spared from answering lots of questions. if anyone dared to ask something too personal, mj would just give them a death stare, and they'd soon apologise and back off. peter was relieved that things were going better than he'd thought they would. however, that couldn't last for long, could it?
~~~~~
"hey, peter! you should bring your boyfriend to prom!" peter whipped around, trying to see who had said that. brad. of course. peter rolled his eyes, refusing to answer. "peter! i'm talking to you!"
"i know." peter replied, not even turning around to face brad.
"so, what's your answer?"
"i wasn't aware that you were asking me a question." this time, peter decided to look at brad dead in the eye. tony had prepped him for stuff like this, telling him to try and brush off everything, not giving anyone any information. use confrontation if someone was being too persistent. mj's death stare hadn't seemed to have worked on brad, so peter was stuck with confrontation.
"fine. i'll rephrase. are you gonna take your boyfriend to prom?"
"he has responsibilities, brad. i'm not gonna drag him away from his job for an evening, just for a shitty high school prom. and i'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to walk around with the suit on for the entire time."
"but surely, if he really liked you, he'd go with you anyways, even despite being spider-man. besides, can't we just sign an nda or something? then we legally wouldn't be able to tell the world who he was." by this point, the two of them had drawn attention from the people around them. which was the exact opposite of what peter wanted. he just wanted a peaceful lunchtime.
"look, brad. i'm not even going to ask him. he saves lives. do you have any idea how many people nearly get killed in new york every evening? i could bring him to prom, or twenty-ish people could lose their lives. or have something physically or emotionally scarring happen to them. it's a decision that i don't even need to think about. i'm not even going to argue about his identity. he wants that secret for a reason." and with that, brad shut up.
once sitting down, peter sighed and hit his head on the table. ned laughed (and then checked if his best friend was okay), and mj just smirked.
"to be fair, it's your fault you're in this mess." mj said, taking a bite of her sandwich and pulling a book out of her bag to read.
"if you'd been online when i needed help, maybe i wouldn't be considering death."
"if you'd never tweeted about tony, maybe you could be having a normal life."
"the universe doesn't want that for him." ned butted in. mj looked as if she was considering the statement, before nodding her head curtly.
"fair." and she went back to reading her book.
~~~~~
"what happened today? you're not being yourself." tony asked, looking up from his work. it was a friday night, meaning that it was peter and tony's allocated lab night. peter would usually be very effective with his work during these evenings, but today, he was unable to concentrate. the teenager was supposed to be fixing a bot that thor had broken when he'd last been on earth (he'd been scared by it crawling up the walls, and had hit it with his hammer). but peter just couldn't focus on what he was doing. the boy had also been unusually quiet, and tony noticed this.
"brad said i should bring spider-man to prom without the mask."
"please don't tell me that you said you would."
"no, i didn't. i said that his job was way too important for him to give up."
"then why are you so worried?"
"because spider-man won't be patrolling that night, because i'm at prom."
"oh."
"yeah." and then silence filled the lab. both tony and peter were thinking of ways that they could fix this problem. and that's how harley found them, their projects forgotten, sitting in silence, thoughtful expressions over their faces. as someone with no context to why they were like that, harley found it kind of funny.
"what's the problem?" the southern boy asked, making the other two in the room jump - even though harley had been in plain sight.
"peter got asked to bring spider-man to prom - without the mask - but he said that spidey would be patrolling. but he won't be patrolling because peter's at the prom." tony briefly explained the problem to harley, who had a solution almost immediately.
"you could just get everyone who's going to the prom to sign an nda. tell them the situation - that peter is spider-man, someone else is in the suit - just for the internet - because peter wants to keep his identity a secret until he's a legal adult. that way, peter can bring whoever he wants to prom, and he wouldn't be questioned about why spider-man isn't on patrol when peter said he would be."
"that sounds like a plan."
"wow. yeah, that sounds good. one problem though."
"what?" tony asked, turning around to face peter.
"i said that spider-man's job is more important than an evening out... so someone would need to do patrol for me, just so i don't get backlash from brad."
"brad?" harley questioned.
"the guy i was having this debate with."
"oh. i'll get scott to do it for you. he'll be able to get around new york as quick as you can - with the same element of surprise. i'll install karen into his comms so he knows where he needs to be." tony smiled. "thanks, harley."
"no problem, old man."
"i'll go and talk to pepper and see if we can write that nda. i'll need you there, peter, so you can tell us how much information you want to be shared with your school. i'll get friday to tell you if and when i need you."
"will do. thanks, mr. stark."
and with that, tony stood up and left the lab.
"so, parker. who are you inviting to prom?" harley smirked, cocking an eyebrow at peter.
"uh, i don't know..." well, that wasn't a complete lie. peter knew who he wanted to ask, but he knew for sure that he wouldn't be asking that boy. even though they had only known each other for just under a week, peter had developed slight feelings for harley. it was stupid he knew that he shouldn't develop feelings this fast, but here he was, developing feelings anyways.
"aw, come on! there must be someone you like!"
"yeah, but he doesn't return the feelings, so there wouldn't be any point asking him. besides, it's just a prom, so i'll probably end up going as friends with mj - seeming as shuri is in wakanda, and even with three months notice, i don't think shuri could take a trip over here for an evening just for a high school prom."
"how can you be sure he wouldn't go with you?"
"because he wouldn't want to."
"to be honest, no one in their right mind would turn down an offer from you."
"w- what?"
"no one in their right mind would reject you. unless they weren't attracted to men, in which case, fair enough."
"i- there are lots of people that would just love to reject me."
"i'm surprised at that, darlin'." peter blushed at the nickname, before turning back to the bot he was supposed to be working on.
"thanks. but you don't know the people i go to school with. anyways, can you help me with this?" harley nodded in reply, and brought a chair over, sitting way too close to peter (not that either of them was complaining), and they got to work on the bot.
~~~~~
h -> mj, ned
h: so
h: who's parker got a crush on
ned: he likes someone?
mj: ned, you're his best friend, and you didn't know this?
ned: the last time i knew he had a crush on someone was two years ago, when he had a crush on you, and i wasn't very helpful so i'm not surprised he hasn't told me
mj: he hasn't told me either, but it's o b v i o u s
ned: is it
mj: yes
h: w h o i s i t
mj: who's asking
h: me, dumbass
mj: and why are you asking
h: long story short, tony's getting an nda written that has to be signed by everyone in your year group, explaining how peter is spider-man, and how he had to get someone to be spidey for the internet
ned: why are we telling the year group i'm confused
mj: it's bc of the thing w brad earlier, loser. peter said spider-man would be patrolling instead of coming to prom. but peter's gonna be at prom. and spider-man isn't going to be patrolling. so people are going to get confused and think that spidey just bailed on peter or something. so once the nda is written, peter can ask whoever he wants
ned: ohhh okay i get it
h: so yeah
h: i asked if he was gonna take anyone
h: he said he wanted to ask someone but he's convinced that said boy is going to reject him
mj: of course he would think that
h: i told him that no one who's attracted to males or in their right mind would reject him
mj: and of course you'd say that
h: but he wouldn't tell me who it was
h: he just changed the subject to the bot he was working on
ned: wait
ned: i have suddenly figured it out
mj: you took your time
h: i am still confused??
ned: they're as bad as each other
mj: mhm
mj: but give this one a minute, he'll work it out
h: wait
h: he- really?
h: thanks guys
mj: no problem
ned: :)
~~~~~
"peter!" harley called, strolling into the lounge, finding peter curled up on the sofa, scrolling through something on his phone. harley flopped down next to him, leaning into the boy's side. "mj and ned told me who you want to take to prom!"
"they- what? they don't even know!" peter looked extremely flustered - which harley took as a sign that mj and ned were, in fact, right with their guessing. "well... i supposed mj probably does, even if i never told her."
"ned worked it out too."
"fuck. was it that obvious?"
"well, it took me a couple of minutes."
"and you're okay with it?"
"more than okay with it, sweetheart." harley winked at peter, causing the latter to blush even more.
"i- uh. so... do you wanna, um, go to prom... with me?" peter asked quietly.
"of course i would." and with that, harley kissed peter on the cheek, before switching on the tv and finding a film for the two to watch. harley put his arm around peter, and the superhero put his head on the taller boy's shoulder.
and that's how tony found them that evening, the both of them having fallen asleep halfway through the movie. the billionaire asked friday to take a picture, and then he left the two teenagers alone.
~~~~~
a/n - i'm sorry for this being two days later than i intended it to be. i didn't know how to finish it but i just wrote, like, two-thirds of it now, and i'll hopefully get the last one-shot up either this evening or tomorrow morning. so yeah, i'm gonna finish parkner week, like, three days late but it's fineeee.
okay i was just proof-reading this and i deleted like 400 words i am: mad
aaand i fixed it