Mia, Gracie and I stand by the curb as we wait for our Uber driver to show up. Originally, Mia was going to be our designated driver, but we changed our plans last minute because we all have different reasons we want to drink tonight. Mia wants to have a good time, while Gracie wants to celebrate finding her wedding dress, and I...I just want to drown my sorrows and forget all about Nate.
I haven't drunk in a long time and I know it's not the smartest idea to get drunk to forget, but tonight I'm planning on letting loose and will need all the liquid courage to do it. Then and only then, will I be able to forget about Nate once and for all. Or so I hope.
"Max is here," Gracie pipes up, looking at her phone.
"Max?" I ask confused.
"Our driver," she clarifies, pointing to her phone screen, and just as she says it, he pulls up right in front of us. He gets out of the car and opens each of our doors. We give him our thanks and get in. Gracie sits up front in the passenger seat with the driver, and Mia and I sit in the back.
Mia prattles off the name of the club we're going to and I zone out as her and Gracie chat animatedly.
I stare at all the streetlights and buildings we pass, and as we drive further and further, I start regretting my choice to come out with Mia and Gracie. I know Mia wants me to get my mind off Nate and have a good time, but it's hard. All I do is think about him even when I don't mean to. Tonight is going to be tough. Gracie still thinks Nate and I are together, so I have to pretend like I'm still the happy doting girlfriend I used to be.
"Are you okay?" Mia asks me discreetly, pulling me out of my reverie as Gracie chats the driver's ear off.
"I'm fine," I lie and I can tell she doesn't believe me, but she doesn't press the issue, and I appreciate it because I don't want Gracie to overhear us.
"Ladies, we're here!" Gracie says excitedly and pays the driver through the Uber app. He thanks us and opens our doors for us just like he did when he picked us up. We give him our thanks and make our way towards the back of the line that is formed outside of the club.
Fifteen minutes pass and we make it to the front of the line where we are under the scrutiny of the bouncer.
"Hello, ladies. May I see your ID's?"
We all quickly pull out our ID and hand them to him. He takes all three and shines his small flashlight on each one and looks very closely at each of us. When he's finally satisfied, he hands them back.
He pulls the door open for us and we are instantly hit by a gust of cold air followed by the blare of electronic music that is blasting through the sound system of the club.
"Welcome to Filthy Glow. I hope you ladies enjoy your night," he tells us with the creepiest grin that makes my skin crawl.
We step inside and the door slams shut behind us making us jump.
"What the hell kind of club is this?" I ask out loud so Mia can hear me over the loud music and she just grins. Someone is obviously amused by my reaction.
I look around and take in my surroundings, figuring I may as well get to know the place since I'm going to be stuck here for the next couple hours and I have to say I'm more confused than surprised.
The ambiance of this place is unlike any club we have ever been to. It makes me feel like I just walked into a rave. I've never even been to a rave, but I've seen pictures and videos and am pretty sure this club is a ravers dream.
There are neon signs everywhere and they have all kinds of random words and phrases like Kandi, Trance, and Plur Bae. What does that even mean? I have no idea but I assume it must have some sort of meaning I know nothing about.
Some of the walls also have neon art hung up on them. It's a bit eccentric for my taste but I like how it looks under the black lights of the club.
"This place is out there," I comment as I take it all in. When Mia mentioned going to a club, this is not what I expected. I feel like I'm in a different universe.
"Let's go," Mia tells us excitedly and weaves her way through the throng of people who are all huddled up in small and big groups around the club either dancing or drinking and talking. I notice that a lot of people are wearing glow sticks around their wrists and necks. Some are even wearing them as halos or around their waist. Why is beyond me. I think it's all a bit weird, but I just go with it anyway, because there's nothing wrong with trying something new.
Gracie and I follow Mia very closely as she makes her way through the dance floor. It's a bit of a hassle to get through all the gyrating bodies, but we finally make it past everyone in our way and reach the bar where a drink is calling my name.
"Shots?" Mia asks us and we nod. I'm not much of a shot gal but tonight I don't care what I drink.
Mia orders three shots of tequila and the bartender gives her our drinks plus a glow in the dark bracelet for each of us. We put them on and instantly feel slightly less out of place. They also make us blend in a bit more and that makes me feel more at ease. It also makes me glad I chose an all-black outfit for tonight because if I wore any other color, I would have stood out like a sore thumb under all the black lights.
Maybe that's the point of this place but I don't like standing out. I like blending in.
My outfit isn't anything special but I love it. I chose black jeans, a simple blouse and my favorite pair of boots. It's all very simple but classy and I'm so glad I chose it over Mia's suggestions, which consisted of only bright colors. I now understand why she was trying to get me into such bright outfits and am glad I went with my gut instead. Unlike me, Mia and Gracie both wore bright colored dresses, and as you can guess, they are both glowing underneath the black lights and they're loving it.
"Cheers!" Mia says and we bump our shot glasses before downing them. I nearly gag when it hits my throat, but by some miracle, manage to swallow it down until it's all gone.
I feel it burn a hot trail down my throat and swallow past the disgusting aftertaste it leaves in my mouth.
"Here. Eat this," Mia tells me, squeezing a lime wedge between my lips. I bite it and suck out the lime juice before tossing it in my now empty shot glass. She takes it from me and replaces it with a beer bottle. "Now drink this."
"When did you get this?" I ask surprised.
"Just now," she says and bumps her beer bottle against mine. "Bottoms up."
I take a sip and even though I don't love it, I do prefer it over tequila because it's not as strong and has a better taste in my opinion.
"Like it?" Mia asks and I nod just as Gracie walks up to us with a mixed drink in her hand.
"Want to try it?" she asks Mia. Mia turns down her offer, but I don't. I take a sip from her drink and nearly moan when hints of pineapple and coconut hit my tongue. "It's so good," I comment.
I take a few gulps of my beer and Mia points her finger at me and I smile knowingly. "You be careful. I don't want you getting drunk just yet. We still have a long night ahead of us."
"I can't make any promises," I say and finish the rest of my beer. "Next round is on me." I can tell Mia's worried about me, but I'm not. Tonight I'm letting loose and forgetting about everything that has been plaguing my mind for the last couple of days.
No more Nate or Johnny. But mostly Nate. Tonight it's just about Mia, Gracie, and I. No one else.
I make my way to the bar and order another beer for Mia and I and I order a fruity concoction for Gracie.
Mia downs what's left of her beer and takes her new one while Gracie drinks hers slowly and savors it like it should be savored. She's clearly a smarter drinker than both of us.
"Let's find a table," I suggest and Mia parts the crowd by the bar.
We follow after her and after walking around the club and coming up empty, we finally find a tall table with four stools at the very back of the club. We immediately claim it as our own and are relieved when we realize that the music isn't as loud on this end of the club.
"I want to dance!" Gracie says excitedly and looks to Mia and I.
"I'll join you," Mia responds while I pass. They try to convince me otherwise, but I refuse. I hate dancing. Dancing is not my thing, and if anyone knows that, it's Nate.
He tried to teach me the night of Gracie's BBQ, and I was an utter failure. I stepped on him so many times that night it's not even funny, but it didn't stop him from trying to teach me. It also didn't stop him from stealing my heart and asking me to be his girlfriend that night. That was honestly one of the best nights of my life, and now it just feels like a distant memory.
I sigh out loud and take a big gulp of my beer when I remember my goal for the night and that is forgetting. As long as I can remember Nate or so much as think of him, I know I have not drunk enough, so I take another big gulp of my beer as Gracie and Mia leave me to babysit their drinks.
I polish off my beer within minutes and immediately want another but I can't leave. I have to watch Mia and Gracie's drinks.
The struggle is real.
I look at Mia's beer and Gracie's fruity drinks and am tempted to commandeer them but I can't. They're not mine to drink. I pull out my phone and go on Facebook and scroll through my newsfeed but not even that is enough to keep me entertained. Not tonight.
I look back at Mia and Gracie's drinks and swear they are staring back at me.
"Sorry, ladies," I whisper and take Mia's beer from its spot. "Mia will understand," I tell her beer and that's when I realize I am teetering on the edge. I'm not drunk but I'm very, very buzzed, and damn well near drunk.
Being a lightweight has its perks when you want to forget.
I chug Mia's beer and start feeling a bit fuzzy. I welcome the feeling and go back on my phone to kill some time while I wait for Mia and Gracie to return.
I grab Gracie's nearly empty cup next and sip on it slowly. It doesn't last long enough. I move onto her next drink and sip away.
My fingers have a mind of their own and do their thing while I just sit back and let them. By the time I'm done with my phone, it's dead and I have no idea what I did. No recollection at all, and I'm not even mad.
It feels nice to forget and not think about anything. Let's just hope I don't regret whatever I did tomorrow. I'm guessing it will probably involve some embarrassing Snapchat stories and some stupid Facebook and Instagram posts but I'm not worried about it. I'll just deal with whatever I did tomorrow.
Tonight is about forgetting and forget I did. I smile, feeling accomplished and put my phone away.
Mia and Gracie finally return what feels like a thousand hours later with more drinks in hand. They hand me another beer and take their seat.
"Where's my beer?" Mia asks with a hiccup as she picks up her empty beer bottle.
"And my drinks," Gracie adds, lifting her now empty glasses.
"Whooooops," I drawl with a giggle and they look at me with wide eyes.
"You're drunk," Mia says matter of factly and both her and Gracie giggle along with me.
"I'm innnnnocent u-u.....," I start and forget what I was getting.
"Until proven guilty?" Gracie suggests and I slam the table, earning a few stares from some patrons. "Yes! That!" I respond, ignoring the people who are now openly staring at me.
"Alexa, how much have you had to drink?" Mia asks me.
"Way too much," I say with a shrug and giggle.
"I'm not sure but I think you may be the most drunk out of the three of us," Gracie tells me.
"Mayyyyy-be," I slur with another giggle. "You need to get on my level," I tell them and they don't think twice to drink up.
I lift my new bottle of beer to my lips and notice that the people at the table closest to us are still staring at me, so I lift my bottle in their direction and say, "salud" before taking a sip. They give me a weird look but I'm too drunk to care.
"I looooooove you," I tell Mia and Gracie and they break into a giggle fit.
"We love you too," they respond out of synch and we just laugh some more.
Minutes or what feels like hours pass by and we drink some more, getting more and more intoxicated. How Gracie and Mia stood up to get us more drinks is beyond me but somehow they did it and now we're far past drunk.
"We should stop?" Mia says it as a question and scratches her head as if she's genuinely confused.
I shake my head but just the motion alone makes me dizzy. "Neeeeeeveeeer," I slur.
"She's rigggght," Gracie says and sways a bit in her seat but I refuse to listen.
I shakily lift my beer bottle to my lips and am about to take a sip when someone snatches it from my grasp.
"Hey!" I exclaim. "That's mine."
"It's mine now," I hear someone very upset say but I can't put my finger on who it is.
"No! Give beer back," I say but don't turn my head to look at them, because I'm scared of getting nauseous from the movement.
"No, you need to stop," I hear the voice say again and through the haze, I figure out that it's a man but I don't know who he is.
"Make meeee," I say defiantly.
He grabs me by the arms and yanks me up from my seat. I stumble a bit and the motion alone makes my stomach churn. I close my eyes and feel him rub my back in circles and I let him as I wait for the nausea to subside.
"Alexa, let me take you home," that familiar voice pleads, breaking the silence.
"Leave her alone," Gracie says.
"She's mine," Mia adds and I snort.
"I'm taking all of you home," I hear him say and yank my arm out of his grasp. When I do, I trip and fall on my knees and my hands.
"Shit, Alexa. Are you okay?" I hear him ask full of concern. Why does he care?
"I'm finnnnnne, no thanks to you," I say angrily as I turn over and sit on my butt.
I look up and see a hand extended towards me. I blink a few times in an attempt to clear my blurry vision when I hear another voice yell, "Get away from her!"
I turn just in time to see Johnny walking towards me and I smile.
"Johnnnnnnny!" I say giddily and he smiles as he comes up to me and squats down in front of me. I sit up sluggishly and Johnny tries to help me but I slap his hand away. "I'm fine," I reassure him and lean back against my stool.
"You are not fine. You are drunk," he points out.
"Thanks, Captain Obvious," I retort and Johnny chuckles.
"I don't think I've ever seen you drunk," he tells me and I roll my eyes.
"Well, now yoooou have. Happy?"
"No. Not really."
"Why you here?" I mutter, confused by his presence.
"I came just like you asked," he tells me and offers me his hand.
I smile and take it, completely ignoring the other hand that's still extended towards me. He picks me up and I cling to him, holding onto him for dear life, because if I let go, I know I'm going to fall on my face.
"Wait!" I yell, startling him. "When did I ask you anything?"
"You called me, remember? About an hour ago," he tells me and I shake my head and regret it immediately because I feel nauseous all over again. I press my face against his chest and close my eyes.
"I don't feel so good," I mutter and he rubs my back.
"It's okay. I'm here for you now," he reassures me.
"Can you take me home?" I beg him.
"Yeah, whatever you need. I'll do it."
"If anyone is taking you home, it's me," I hear the other guy say and groan.
"Shut it! You're hurting my head," I tell him and he laughs dryly.
"Alexa, I came for you and I'm not leaving without you," I hear him say and groan. Why can't he just leave? He's starting to get on my nerves.
"I'm going with Johnny," I say and wrap my arms around him just as someone tries to pull me away from him.
"Get your hands off her," Johnny tells the other guy and he lets me go. "You're not taking Alexa anywhere. Not after the way you treated her."
"What do you know?"
"I know plenty," he tells him. "I know you're a lucky bastard because you have the heart of such an amazing girl. She's crazy about you and you just stomped on her heart like it meant nothing to you."
"What?" I ask confused. "What are you going on about?" I say and he gestures behind me.
I instantly feel my heartbeat kick into gear and slowly turn around, and the moment I see him, my heart drops. Nate is here. He was standing behind me the whole time and I had no idea.
"What are you doing here?" I ask him angrily.
Nate is not supposed to be here. Neither is Johnny. They were never part of the plan. Yet here they are and I'm at the center of it all. I have a feeling things are only going to go South from here.
"You just realized I'm here," he says exasperated.
I nod.
"I've been here the whole time, watching you from a distance."
"Why?"
"I knew you were coming here tonight. I overheard Mia talking to my sister about this place and I came because I was worried about you."
"We're fine," I lie. "And anyway, Johnny is here now, so you can leave now," I add the last bit to hurt him and I can see my words have their intended effect.
"No way in hell. You are drunk off your ass and I am not leaving you with the likes of him," he says, pointing to Johnny.
"Fine. We'll leave then. Let's go, ladies," I leave Johnny's side and the moment I lose my fleshy pillar, I fall over and laugh my ass off. Mia and Gracie join in and this does not please Nate one bit.
"Fuck. Why did you all have to go and get drunk?" Nate says angrily and helps me up and onto my stool.
"Because you hurt me. That's why," I say bluntly.
"How could you hurt her, Nate?!" Gracie yells at him, but she doesn't even know the extent of it.
"Gracie, stay out of it. This is between Alexa and I," he tells her angrily and I get mad.
"There is nothing between us. You made sure of that when you broke up with me," I remind him and hear a loud gasp. I have no doubt it's coming from Gracie. She's the only one here who didn't know about our break up, but she knows now. "Can you believe he broke up with me?" I tell Gracie and she shakes her head in disbelief.
"He's a jerk," Mia chimes in and we all nod.
"Alexa is an amazing girl and you went and ruined an amazing thing," Gracie tells Nate and he sighs.
"I did what I had to. Now mind your own damn business, Gracie," Nate tells her, shutting her up.
"Don't talk to Gracie like that," I say defensively.
"All of you just shut your mouth," Nate says frustrated and Mia opens her mouth to say something but he shuts her up with one look. She does a zipper motion over her lips and we all giggle. "You all need to go home and sober up. I'm gonna take you back myself and make sure you all get home safe."
"No," I respond stubbornly and cross my arms.
"Just listen to him," Johnny pleads and I shake my head.
"I will not go home with the man I came to forget. He's the reason I'm here," I explain to Johnny and he sighs. I should be the one who is sighing. Not him.
"You two are such idiots for hurting each other the way you have," Johnny tells me and I gasp.
"You have no right to talk to me like that," I respond angrily and stand up from my seat only to stumble into his arms. He catches me and rights me. I pull back but he has to hold me up because I can't hold myself up.
"Alexa, just stop," he pleads.
"Don't tell me what to do."
"I'm not. It's not my place. You're an adult now and only you get to decide what you do with your life, but as your best friend who cares about you, it's my responsibility to tell you that the only person you are hurting by doing all this is you," he tells me and I sigh internally because I know he's right. And I hate him for being right.
"I'm sure it hurts Nate to see you like this, but there's only so much a person can take. If you want to keep doing this, go ahead. No one is going to stop you. You can continue this self-destructive behavior all you want, but while you spend the rest of your days trying to forget and destroying your life, Nate will just move on with his life. Is that what you want?"
"No."
"Then you need to do something and stop stupidly hoping that things are just going to miraculously fix themselves because they won't. Unless you put effort on your part, nothing is ever going to change, and this goes for you too," Johnny says and looks at Nate.
"If you love her as much as you say you do, then you need to fight for her because you are going to lose her," he tells him.
"I know," Nate responds from behind me. "But when she gets like this, I lose my will to fight," I hear him say and feel my heart break a little more.
Who knew there was more to break? I thought it was all smashed to bits and pieces, but I guess there's still a bit more left for him to destroy. Lucky me.
"Alexa is crazy about you," Johnny tells him and I gasp.
"I am not crazy about him!" I lie.
"Yes you are, so cut the shit or you're going to lose him for good," he tells me seriously, dowsing me with a cold bucket of reality. Those words alone are enough to sober me up real quick because he's right. But I'm not about to cave. Not yet.
"This is my life," I say and poke his chest. "And you need to stay out of it." Poke. "What I do or don't do is my business and my business alone." Poke. "Do you understand me?" I say and jab my finger in his chest but he isn't even fazed.
"You're going to regret this someday, and when you do, it's going to be too late to save what you had," he tells me with a tinge of sadness in his voice but I can't be bothered to care.
"Maybe but not today. Today I'm a free woman and can say and do whatever I want."
"Like you did in that drunk text you sent me?" Nate interrupts, getting my full attention.
"What?!" I say as I turn around and look at him. Johnny never lets me go. He holds my arm and helps me stay standing.
"You drunk texted me."
"I did not."
"Yes, you did. I have the message to prove it," Nate tells me.
"Fuck, that's not good," I say worried. "What did I say?"
"It doesn't matter."
"It does to me."
"That text is the least of our worries. We have a lot we need to talk about but I need you to sober up first," Nate tells me and I pout.
"You're no fun," I whine.
"I didn't come here to have fun. I came here to protect you and look at what you have caused," he says and I grin.
"Having two men fight over me isn't all that bad," I say with a shrug and a grin.
"That's it," he says frustrated. "I'm done fighting," Nate tells me and looks behind me. "She's all yours," Nate says to Johnny and my mouth falls wide open.
"Just like that?"
"Just like that," he reiterates with hostility in his voice.
He turns away from me and looks at Gracie and Mia. "If either of you wants to ride with me, speak up now or forever hold your peace," he says to them, but neither of them says anything. I think they are just as shocked about the turn of events as I am. "Guess you're all riding with your friend here then."
No one says anything.
"Have a nice life," Nate says to me and I feel tears form in the corner of my eyes.
He starts to walk away from me and I feel what's left of my heart start to shatter, because I know deep down this is it. When he walks away this time, it's going to be for good. And there will be no turning back from here.
It's now or never.
"Nate! Wait!" I say, pulling away from Johnny's side. He tries to stop me, but somehow I find the strength to stand on my own.
Nate stops in his tracks but he doesn't turn back to look at me.
"Can I...Can I ride with you?" I stammer. I know he deserves more from me, but in my drunken state that's all I can give him. I hear him sigh and am immediately filled with dread.
This is not good.
I feel my heart rate pick up as beads of sweat start forming on my brow. I clench my sweaty hands at my side and wait for his answer with bated breath, knowing that so much is on the line.
Nothing has ever terrified me more than this moment, because I know that whatever comes out of his mouth next will decide our fate.
And my heart is not ready.
Not one bit.