2• Jesse's Number is Going on the Jeep!
MAYBE I should've capped myself at 5 beers. Or at least 7. But no, I didn't give myself a number and maybe that was a mistake. I was drunk off my mind and I would definitely be regretting my decisions tomorrow morning. But for now, I was on my 3rd game of beer pong. Of course, Zach and I were undefeated.
Usually, Hannah would be here to cap me at a certain amount of drinks. She also wouldn't ever let me participate in the beer pong tournaments. But since she wasn't here, she couldn't do anything about it. She wasn't here to tell me what I could and couldn't do.
Hannah didn't like when I got drunk. I wasn't a mean drunk, or at least not all of the time... I was more of a crazy drunk. A drunk that would do practically do anything no matter how stupid or careless. I would become one hell of a daredevil when I got drunk. And boy was I close.
"WOOOO!" Zach screamed, high-fiving me after I hit the winning shot. "We are the kinds of the world, Jesse! Kings of the motherfucking world!"
"Hell yeah, we are!" I agreed, pumping my fist in the air. "You know what? I'm thinking tonight is the night."
Zach raised his eyebrows at me. "Tonight is the night?"
I nodded and grinned evilly. I knew exactly what I was up to and quickly turned on my heel, running upstairs. Zach followed behind me as we ran up the steps and made our way to the top level of the house. We walked into my bedroom and opened the french doors that lead out to the balcony off of my room. I stepped up onto the rail and onto the top of my roof which looked right out to the pool.
Ever since I'd started throwing parties, I'd made it a goal to jump off of my roof and into the pool in my backyard. Hannah never let me do it when she came to parties. Something about me accidentally hurting myself and jeopardizing my starting position on the basketball team. I liked to think it was because she cared about my future when it came to basketball, but I'm pretty sure it was just because she liked the fact that she was dating the best player and captain of the basketball team.
Wow, the alcohol was really pulling deep shit out of my unconscious thoughts right now.
I unbuttoned my shirt and Zach rubbed his hands together, grinning up at me from the balcony. He wouldn't jump with me because the last time he had, he landed wrong and ended up doing a belly-flop. It was a big, big mistake. His chest was red and on fire for nearly an hour after the incident. I threw my shirt onto the balcony and looked down. A crowd had formed outside and was chanting my name.
Hannah wasn't here. I could do whatever the hell I wanted.
I motioned for everyone to cheer louder while I got myself ready. It was quite the jump, but I've wanted to do it for the longest time now. You bet I was gonna pull this shit off. So I took a few steps back before running and jumping. The lukewarm water embraced me, pulling me down the bottom of the pool. I shot up from the water, breathing in the crisp night air, the sound of cheering high schoolers surrounding me. I looked up towards Zach who was on the roof giving me a thumbs up.
"Tonight's the night!" He yelled and went inside my room. A minute later, he ran down and jumped in the pool fully clothed.
We got out soon after, as more and more people followed suit, jumping into the pool. It was practically a full-on pool party at this point. I gave a few of the other basketball guys high-fives as I made my way onto the back patio, grabbing another beer out of the cooler. I grabbed another and handed it to Zach, which he easily took. We clinked our glasses together before taking a swig. I took a bit too much at once, but at this point, it didn't really matter.
My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my back pocket, struggling to read the text. The words were all kind of blurred together due to my drunken state, but I finally managed to pull myself together enough to read the text:
Hannah: You seriously jumped off the roof and into the pool? What have I told you about doing that, you dumbass?!
Hannah: You are such a dumbass. I'm gonna totally kill you when I see you next.
Hannah: I was gonna drop by your house after dinner, you know? So we could have some alone time. Too bad for you, that's not happening anymore.
I groaned and rolled my eyes, showing my phone screen to Zach.
"Yikes," he muttered, sipping his beer. "You aren't getting any tonight..."
I slapped his arm and slid my phone back into my pocket. "Nope," I said, shaking my head.
I used to be one of those guys who couldn't stand going too long without getting physical with anyone. I used to hook up with countless amounts of girls each week, it was honestly kind of revolting. But ever since Hannah and I had started dating, my "player" lifestyle had completely faded away. Which also meant that my sex life decreased by a good 80 percent.
"That's just not right," Zach said, shaking his head.
I shrugged. "Nothing I can do 'bout it, just gotta drunk this beer," I slurred. It was a good thing Zach was equally as drunk as I was because if he hadn't been, he probably wouldn't have been able to understand a word that was coming out of my mouth.
"I've got an idea!" Zach exclaimed, pointing his finger in the air as if a literal lightbulb had just popped up over his head.
I furrowed my eyebrows. "What kind of idea?"
"It's called... we're gonna get you some ass!" Zach yelled (a bit too loud for my liking).
My eyes widened. "Zach, dude... I'm kind of in a relationship."
"And so?" Zach said, rolling his eyes. "You're so ridiculous, Jesse. Just cause you're in a relationship doesn't mean you've gotta be loyal!"
"I think that is what it means, actually," I said. "It's called monaganaminity."
"Monaganaminity?" A voice said from behind me and Zach and I turned around to face DeShawn who stood in the doorway. He walked outside to meet us. "Monogamy's what you mean, I think."
"Right! That!" I said.
DeShawn rolled his eyes. "You two have had way too much to drink," he said, simultaneously grabbing both of our beers from our hands.
"Hey!" Zach protested.
"I don't want to hear it," DeShawn snapped. "Now why on earth would we be talking about monogamy? This has something to do with Hannah?"
"She's denying the dick!" Zach exclaimed and I once again slapped his arm.
"There were so many better ways to word that," I muttered, shaking my head.
"And since our man Jesse isn't getting anything tonight... what exactly are you planning, Zach?" DeShawn asked.
DeShawn was undoubtedly the voice of reason in our friend group. He would talk us out of doing dumb shit whenever he could, he would always give the best advice when needed, and he was definitely the nicest guy I'd ever met. His family owned one of the best mom and pop restaurants in town, DeAngelo's, named after his dad. Everyone in town knew his family and not to mention, loved them. They were by far one of the most respected families in town.
I knew that because of his personality he would talk Zach out of whatever he was planning if he needed to. He already took our beers away. I could admit, even that was a bit of a buzzkill.
"We're gonna get him ass!" Zach repeated himself from earlier.
"Sure you are," DeShawn said. "I'd like to know how you plan on doing that."
"We're obviously gonna write his number on a random car," Zach said. "Duh." And then he pushed past DeShawn and me, sprinting through the house.
I groaned and followed after him, DeShawn right beside me. We followed Zach out the front door of my house. Zach was holding a marker from who-knows-where and walking along the line of cars outside of my house.
"Come on, let's go back inside, Zach!" DeShawn yelled after him as we followed slowly behind.
"This one!" Zach yelled, turning and pointing at a white jeep. "This is the car I'm gonna write your number on."
"Bad idea," DeShawn said, shaking his head.
"But it's a jeep!" Zach exclaimed. "Jesse's number is going on the jeep!"
"Come on man, don't—"
But before I could say anything else, the market was open and Zach was writing my number on the driver side window. My eyes widened and suddenly DeShawn and I were running towards the car. But we couldn't stop him. He was already in too deep.
"Holy shit," DeShawn said, holding a hand over his mouth. I glared at him as he held back laughter.
"You're supposed to be the sensible one," I said to him.
"I didn't want him to do this!" Deshawn defended. "But you've gotta admit... this shit is good."
Zach stepped back from the car and broke out into a fit of laughter. DeShawn couldn't hold back his any longer, either. He laughed along with him while I stared at the car window at what Zach wrote besides my number:
SUCK MY DICK PLEASE! LOOKING FOR THAT GOOD PENIS MCFLURRY IF YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYING.
And then my number was written under it.
This was mortifying.
But I couldn't help but laugh at the same time. I was too drunk to be angry about Zach's stupid idea. It was too damn funny.
"What even is a penis McFlurry?" I asked.
"It's like when you stick your penis into a McDonalds ice cream cone and then—"
You don't need to know the rest. Trust me.
♡♡♡
"I cannot believe that idiot jumped into the pool from the roof," Celeste said, rolling her eyes at Jesse's stupidity. I honestly couldn't care less. "Not to mention, it totally ripped DeShawn's attention away from me!"
"You two seemed to be having a good time, though," I said. Her and Deshawn had been dancing nonstop together ever since she made her way over to him once we arrived. He seemed to be enjoying it, too.
"We were until that idiot took the spotlight away from me!" She exclaimed, pouting. "Whatever. We have to go, don't we?"
"We do," I said. It had already been an hour and we needed to be on our way back to my house before my parents got impatient. They usually didn't mind if I was 30 minutes later than assumed, but occasionally they would get more upset than usual. "You didn't drink too much, did you?"
"I had 2 beers," Celeste said. "I was too busy trying to secure myself a mans..."
I rolled my eyes and we started walking out towards the front door. "Did you two talk at all?"
"He said a few things. He introduced himself to me and I was like, 'Yeah, obviously I know who you are', and he laughed. We didn't do much talking, but a lot of grinding," Celeste drawled.
"Typical Celeste," I muttered as we left the huge house, walking in the direction of my car.
"I hope he remembers me on Monday. Damn, the things I would do to that man..."
"Hey, he should remember you as long as he wasn't super drunk," I said. "And this is DeShawn White we're talking about. He doesn't get drunk."
"Wow, isn't that so hot? He literally is a freaking God and doesn't even get drunk," Celeste said. "I think I'm in love."
"Might be a bit early to call it love, Cel," I said, shaking my head.
"I fall in love easily, Alex. You know this," Celeste said and then suddenly stopped, her eyes widening. "Oh. My. God."
"What?" I asked and turned my attention to whatever it was she was looking at.
And it just so happened to be my car. My white jeep now had something written on the driver's side window in white marker. It was a phone number and a very weird message.
SUCK MY DICK PLEASE! LOOKING FOR THAT GOOD PENIS MCFLURRY IF YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYING.
"Holy. Shit," I said, shaking my head. "You have got to be kidding me."
Celeste giggled. "This is fucking hilarious!"
I shot her a glare before walking up to the window and trying to wipe it off. To my dismay, it didn't even come off in the slightest bit. "Okay. We're getting a carwash ASAP," I said, getting in the car.
Celeste quickly snapped a picture of the window and got in the car as well. "You totally need to text this number, girl. Someone wrote this on your window and it's amazing!"
"Um, no I don't think so. Whoever wrote this was drunk off their mind," I said.
"So?" Celeste said. "It's a random number, Alex. You know what they say... When a random number is written on your jeep, you must text it! That's just common courtesy."
"Common courtesy?" I asked. "No way. Common courtesy is going to get a carwash so that my family doesn't see this shit written on my window!"
I pulled out of the driveway and Celeste groaned. "You are no fun," she complained.
"Excuse you! I am tons of fun," I argued.
"You can only be classified as tons of fun if you text random guy's numbers," Celeste said, shrugging. "So sorry, but you're just not qualified to be tons of fun."
"You understand that this is why I hate you, right?" I said, pulling into a nearby drive-through carwash that was open 24 hours. Even if my parents saw what was written on my car, they would probably just think it was hilarious and then tell me to wash it off. But I honestly just wanted to avoid them seeing it at all costs.
"No, you love me," Celeste said. "And since you love me, you need to text this number."
"Oh my God, can you drop it?" I asked.
"I cannot. This is the only thing I am going to be talking about until you agree to text it," she said.
"And why should I text it? So I can suck someone's dick?" I said.
"Obviously not," Celeste said. "What if this guy is super hot or something? What if this is an opportunity for Alex to get a boyfriend for once in her life?"
"Hey! I've had a boyfriend before," I said.
"Yeah, and you were only with him for 1 month because you have commitment issues and are scared of relationships!" Celeste exclaimed. "So, therefore, it doesn't count."
"I am not scared of relationships," I muttered.
"You so are, Alex. I bet you won't text the number just cause you're afraid what might come from it," Celeste said.
I huffed and crossed my arms as soap poured down all over my car. My ex was a guy named Daniel Clemens who went to the other school in Newport Beach. He was a male cheerleader (I had assumed he was gay because of that, but apparently that was just a stereotype) and we met at a beach party last summer. We dated for the last month of summer before I realized that I didn't actually want a relationship.
I'm one of those girls, you know? The ones who don't really need to be in a relationship, but secretly want one really badly. I watch thousands of romantic comedies and read the most romantic books, wishing that my life could be like theirs. But once a guy actually shows interest in me in more than just a friendly way, I back off.
So maybe I did have commitment issues.
What would be so bad about texting the number, anyway? What was the worst thing that could come from it? I could handle whatever happened. It was likely that the mystery guy wouldn't even reply. And if I texted the number, Celeste would drop her theory that I was scared of relationships. I could prove to her that I wasn't afraid of texting this mystery guy.
"Fine," I said.
"Fine?"
"Fine," I repeated. "I'm gonna text the number."
Celeste's eyes widened and she clapped her hands together. "Yes! I knew you'd cave!"
"I'm only doing it because you're making me," I said.
"Sure you are," Celeste said, obviously not believing me. She knew me too well. She knew I was trying to prove her wrong.
I pulled out my phone. "Show me the number," I said and Celeste slid open her phone, showing me the phone number. I quickly typed in the number and drafted a text. I showed it to Celeste and she chuckled and nodded her head.
"That's perfect," Celeste said. "And also... what the hell is a penis McFlurry?"
♡♡♡