"Where can I take you now?" Bobby asked.
"I think the Crusty Devil Saloon is right around the corner," Max said. "Take us there. We can get some drinks and figure out where to go next."
"It's getting kind of late and we don't have any leads," Sarah said. "Maybe we should get a room for the night."
"That's the last thing we should be doing right now," Max said. "Don't you understand we're in a race against time here? We've got to figure out the location of the next clue before someone else does and gets a leg up on us. I guess the only good thing about that purple robed weirdo showing up again is he took the clue with him before too many people could see it. That ought to buy us a little time to find the next clue. Although we don't know how many people already saw the clue before we did. Like your friend Pauline, for instance. Damn it, she's a riddle solving mastermind. If we don't catch up to her she's going to claim the loot before I can. Also, if that purple freak gets to the next clue before us he'll probably take it with him and then we'll be totally screwed. Who the hell is that guy anyway?"
"I am getting pretty sleepy," Dr. Octavius said. "I've pulled my share of all nighters in my day, but nowadays I find I do my best work after a full night's sleep. I say we turn in. Pauline's probably sleeping anyway. She always was a bit lazy."
"I also vote for sleeping," Maurice said with a yawn.
"Really, Maurice?" Max asked. "I thought you, of all people, would have some sense of urgency, considering it's your body on the line."
"That's true," Maurice said. "Maybe we should stay up and keep looking."
"I'm not that tired," Danielle said. "I'd like to explore this world some more. I'll stay up and help you look."
"Well maybe we should split up then," Dr. Octavius said. "Those of us who want to call it a night can rent a hotel room. Those who want to stay up and carouse can go ahead and do that. We can reconvene in the morning."
Bobby came to a stop in front of the Crusty Devil Saloon. Max, Danielle, and Maurice hopped out while Sarah and Dr. Octavius stayed on board the rickshaw.
"So, you're going to need to front us some floss to cover our expenses here," Max said. "You know, standard part of the investigation and all that."
"Fine," Sarah said with an eye roll as she handed over a couple canisters of floss. "Maurice, honey, you sure you don't want to come to bed?"
"I do," Maurice said. "I'm really sleepy. But I would feel bad letting them do all the work when it's my body. So I guess I'll force myself to stay up."
"Okay, well, feel free to come to the hotel if you get tired or if you locate Pauline. Danielle, are you going to be all right hanging out with these two wild and crazy fellows?"
"I'm sure I'll be okay," she said.
"Where will you guys be staying?" Maurice asked.
"I've got an account set up at the Galloping Centipede Inn," Dr. Octavius said. "That's where I stay whenever I'm in town, when I'm not falling asleep in my lab. Come meet us there when you're ready. Bobby, take us to the Galloping Centipede if you would be so kind."
"And then come right back here!" Max called out to him. "We may need a ride somewhere if we can figure out this clue. Also, you owe me some drinks still and I intend to collect on that debt!"
Bobby gave a wave of acknowledgment as he disappeared around the corner with Sarah and Dr. Octavius.
"Well, shall we go have a few drinks and brainstorm?" Max asked.
"I don't think I brainstorm effectively when I've had a drink," Maurice said.
"Nonsense," Max said. "Drinking makes the mind looser and more creative.
We'll definitely come up with better solutions if we get plastered first."
"Also, I'm kind of new to this chicken body," Maurice said. "I'm not sure what sort of tolerance it has for alcohol. It's pretty small. And I didn't have a very high tolerance when I was in my human body."
"Well, think of it as a chance to experiment," Max said. "You're supposedly interested in science, right? That's why you work for the Doc, isn't it? This is just a science experiment. How many shots can a chicken drink before it's too shit-faced to walk?"
"I'm not sure how getting too hammered to walk is supposed to help us find my body," Maurice said. "Plus, I don't really care for the taste of liquor."
"You're being a real wet blanket, you know that, Maurice? Maybe you should have gone back to the hotel with the women and old people. Right, Glasses? Back me up here."
"Huh?" Danielle said. Her attention had been distracted by a pair of street performers that looked like giant sentient bananas who were performing acrobatic feats right there on the sidewalk a few feet away.
"Oh for the love of whisky," Max muttered. "What the hell are you looking at those guys for? Get out of here, you vagrants! Decent people are trying to conduct business and get shit-tanked here." He picked up a plastic cup from the ground and threw it at the street performers. They flipped him the bird, but then moved on down the street. "You need to keep your mind focused on the task at hand here, lady, or you're completely useless to me. I guess I can send you to fetch drinks from the bar while Maurice here and I brainstorm at the table."
"I'm sorry, there's just so much weird stuff here to look at," Danielle said as a couple of cats with butterfly wings flew past.
"Yeah? Well, you're pretty weird looking yourself. Get over it and get your mind in the game. Now let's get in there and order our first round. Time's a-wastin'."
They opened the door and were confronted by a bright red room. Everything was the same shade of red from the floor to the walls to the ceiling to the furniture to the bar. There was a small stage in the corner where a crab man played an instrument that looked like a cross between an accordion and a stand-up bass. A muskrat in a bright red dress crooned into a microphone. The lyrics seemed to be a love song to a pineapple and fried egg burrito. Still, the song was kind of catchy and Danielle found herself humming it unconsciously.
Max found an empty table in the corner and plopped himself down. He measured out a few strands of floss and handed them to Danielle. "Make yourself useful and get a round of house specials for the table. And be quick about it. I'm thirsty and sobering up at an alarming rate."
"A round of house specials," she repeated. "Got it." She started to walk towards the bar, but was watching the muskrat singing on stage and managed to walk into a large moose, which caused the drink he was carrying to spill all over the ground. "Oh my goodness, I'm terribly sorry about that," she said.
"Yeah?" the moose said. "Well, sorry ain't going to cut it. You're going to pay for that drink, plus the cost of buying me a new one."
"Uh, here?" Danielle said as she held out the floss Max had given her. The moose snatched it out of her hand with a mutter and made his way back to the bar. Danielle walked back to the table sheepishly.
"What are you doing, woman?" Max asked. "Where are my drinks?"
"I kind of had to give the floss to that moose over there."
"What?" Max sputtered. "What the hell did you do that for?"
"I bumped into him and knocked his drink over. It was the least I could do."
"Wait a minute, did you bump into him or did he bump into you? Because this is a classic scam that certain grifters and lowlifes like to pull on tourists. The old bump into them and drop your drink so they'll give you all their floss. Now, to be honest, if it was your personal floss that got conned out of you, I would find it hilarious and laugh at your stupidity accordingly. But that was my floss, so this wanton show of disrespect cannot stand. I'm going to go talk to that guy and get our floss back."
"You don't have to make a scene. It really was my fault. I wasn't watching where I was going."
Maurice laid a wing on her arm. "Just let him go. I've learned from experience that Max is going to do what Max is going to do."
The moose was just getting a new drink from the bar when Max walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Scram, you ugly frog before I smack you in the face."
"Well, first of all I'm a toad. And second of all, thank you for getting my drink for me." He snatched the glass off the bar and gulped it down. "And now I'll go ahead and take the rest of my floss back as well. So hand it over, you big dumb galoot."
"Uh, Max?" Danielle said from behind him. "It wasn't this moose I bumped into. It was that one over there." She pointed to the other end of the bar where another moose was getting a drink from the bartender.
"Why didn't you tell me there were two mooses here?" Max said.
"I don't know who the fuck you think you are, frog. But you just drank my shot and that makes Big Lenny angry."
"I'm not sure who Big Lenny is," Max said. "But he definitely needs to calm down since this was clearly a misunderstanding. Didn't you hear the lady? There's another moose over there. You guys look exactly alike. I can't tell you apart. Also, we just went over this. I'm a toad. Not a frog."
"I don't give a fuck if you're a goddamned unicorn. You're going to be a green splatter on the floor. Nobody drinks Big Lenny's drink but Big Lenny." He grabbed Max by the shirt collar and lifted him off the floor.
"Would it help if I said you were on a hidden camera television show and this was all just a prank? Hilarious, right? My four-eyed assistant here would be happy to replace your drink at no cost to you. Isn't that right, Glasses?"
"I would, but I don't have any more floss. I gave it all to that other moose, remember? You've still got the floss Sarah gave you."
"So I do," Max said as he peeled off a couple strands. "Here's enough to replace the drink you lost and a little extra for your trouble. Be sure to tune in to the next episode of Wacky Camera Stunts to see yourself on television. And don't forget to tell all your friends."
"Oh, well, if it's on T.V. I guess Big Lenny's okay with it," he said as he released Max. He took the floss and ordered another drink. "But if you do that again I'll splatter you. T.V. or no T.V."
"Got it," Max said. He waved down the bartender and ordered three more drinks. One of them he gulped down immediately. He took the other two and headed towards the other end of the bar.
"What are you doing?" Danielle asked. "Aren't those two drinks for Maurice and me?"
"What? No. I've still got to get our floss back. Plus a little extra for the floss I had to give that Big Lenny guy. Don't worry, I've got a plan. It's a shame that I'm going to have to waste some perfectly good booze, but it'll be worth it in the long run. Trust me. Also do me a favor and take off your glasses."
"Okay," Danielle said with a shrug as she pulled off her glasses and folded them up in her pocket.
Max snuck up behind the other moose and waited patiently until he turned around from the bar. Once he did, Max purposely slammed into him and spilled the two drinks all over himself. "Hey, you big idiot! Why don't you watch where you're going?"
"What?" the moose said. "You just walked into me."
"The hell I did!" Max shouted. "You were so busy checking out the bartender's rack, you weren't watching where you were going and slammed into me. I've got witnesses, including this two-eyed woman who you've never seen before. Also that chicken sitting over at the corner table saw everything. So are you going to pay for the four drinks I was carrying plus a little extra for the pain and anguish you've caused or am I going to have to rain a shit storm of trouble down on you? I've got connections, you know. I met the mayor once. Now he pretty much listens to everything I say as if it's gospel and if I tell him to throw your ass in jail he won't hesitate!"
"Okay, okay, mister. Calm down. No need for things to get out of hand here. Maybe I wasn't watching where I was going. That was four drinks you said you were carrying?"
"Five," Max said. "Plus, as I mentioned earlier, I'm going to need some extra floss for the emotional distress you've caused me."
"All right, all right," the moose said as he flagged down the bartender. "Five house specials for the frog." He peeled off a few extra strands of floss and handed them to Max. The bartender returned a minute later with the drinks.
"Here, you carry two of them," Max said as he handed them to Danielle. "One for you and one for Maurice. These three are mine. Now please watch where you're going so no more booze gets needlessly spilled."
They joined Maurice back at the table and started into their drinks. Maurice crinkled his beak in distaste, but managed to force some of it down with Max's prodding. Danielle ventured to try a sip. It tasted odd. Kind of like sweet and sour sauce with a vague metallic aftertaste. But after a bit she decided it wasn't too bad and kept drinking.
"Now what the hell was that clue going on about," Max said. "Something about numbers being equal? We're not going to have to do math or anything, are we? Shoot. Where's the Doc, when you need him? Or Maurice, you like nerd shit, right? You can be in charge of any and all equations we have to deal with."
"That's fine," Maurice said with a bit of a slur. "But they didn't give us any numbers to work with."
"Or did they?" Max said.
"No, they did not," Maurice said. "I remember because I was there. It said something about needing a key and the number of a room and legs being equal. But I don't see how that helps us out. I mean, where could you possibly need a key for a room?"
"Other than pretty much everywhere?" Max said. "As long as doors have locks, you need keys."
"Well, then what about legs?" Maurice asked. "You don't need keys for those."
"You do if they're locked up," Max said. "So we're looking for some kind of cage or something that has a bunch of legs locked up in it."
"Or a hotel," Danielle said.
"If you wanted to go back to the hotel, you should have gone when you had a chance," Max said. "We're in drinking and brainstorming mode now and you're going to have to just ride it out. And if you don't like it, tough."
"No, you would need a key for a hotel room. What was the name of that hotel Sarah and Dr. Octavius went to?"
"The Galloping Centipede Inn," Max said. "I don't know why the Doc likes that place so much. They don't even give you free porn on the televisions there. Plus, I've been 86'd from the hotel bar there so that's kind of a no-go. I guess those mini-bottles of booze they put in the fridge in your room can work in a pinch, but I go through those tiny bottles so quickly."
"Yeah, but what are centipedes known for?" Danielle asked.
"Their bad attitudes?" Max said. "I've got to tell you I've never met a centipede who wasn't a jerk. Now millipedes are another story. Some of those cats are cool. But centipedes? Blech. May as well just hit yourself in the face a few times with a brick. You'd have a better time."
"No, they're famous for their legs! Legs like in the clue!"
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Max asked.
"The next clue is at the hotel your friends just went to!"
"Holy smokes, you might be right!" Max said. "It's a good thing I was here to ask the probing questions, which led you to say that, which led me to figuring this clue out! Of course, it's at the hotel!"
Numerous creatures at nearby tables were turning to look at them.
"Oops, sorry about that. I can get a little loud sometimes when I've been drinking. Which, come to think of it is pretty much all the time. Am I a loud talker? Don't answer that. The important thing is we now know the clue is at the hotel. But where? It's a pretty big hotel."
"Right, but the room number equals the number of legs. How many legs does a centipede have?"
"How the hell should I know? Didn't I just go over the fact that they're huge jerks? Plus why would I be looking at their legs? Have you ever seen a centipede? There's nothing sexy about them. Especially not their freakishly large number of legs."
"Don't they have a hundred legs?" Maurice asked.
"Yeah, that's why they're called centipedes, idiot."
"So that would mean the clue is in room 100 at the Galloping Centipede Inn!" Maurice said.
"Would you keep your voice down?" Max said. "That squirrel at the next table is totally staring at us. I think she wants to sleep with me, which pretty much just reflects that she has excellent taste, but I don't want her learning where the next clue is. No, we need to keep this on the downlow. Unfortunately Bobby hasn't returned yet so we can catch a ride to the hotel. Well, I'm afraid there's nothing left to do, but order more drinks."
Several rounds later, a sloppy drunk Max took to the stage, grabbed the microphone from the muskrat and proceeded to announce to the entire bar what a genius he was for figuring out the next clue was at the Galloping Centipede Inn.