A week passed by in the blink of an eye and suddenly the exam week was done. Exhaustion flooded over him. So was relief.
The results came in on Friday while the midterm grades were up on a Monday. He had no classes on Monday so he spent the rest of the day refreshing his student's page with fingers crossed. He was like a prisoner waiting for an execution.
'it's up. check your page' was Jun's text to him after lunch.
He held his breath, closed his eyes, and hit the refresh button. He allowed himself a few minutes before opening his eyes bit by bit.
He passed.
Convinced that his eyes might be tricking him, he hit the refresh button a couple more times before taking a screenshot of the page. He had this absurd thinking that if anyone took back his grades, he would pull out this screenshot as proof. He held back a scream. Instead, he pressed his palms over his eyes and rolled around his bed.
But that was not enough.
Still, over the moon with the results, he wanted to share the news so he grabbed his phone and dialed Liam's number.
Then hit the end call button, plopped back on his bed and smacked his forehead.
'Stupidstupidstupid'
They were not talking yet. He was not even sure he had the right to call Liam or if he had already lost everything when he left.
'Stupidstupidstupid'
The reality of it came crashing down on him, deflating whatever joy he felt earlier.
The news of his grade made other people happy though. His parents were happy, his mom even made his coffee jellies again, Jun smirked and punched his arm, even the Dean was happy. When he passed the Dean on the corridor, she stopped and personally congratulated him, telling him to keep up until the finals. Everyone around him was happy for him.
Except him.
There was only one person whom he wanted to share the news of his grades. But he was not sure if that person would even want to hear it. Or would even want to talk to him.
Aki dropped to his bed after he came home from the university and thought back on his argument with Liam for the thousandth time. He thought back on Zy and Drew. He thought back on how they used to hang out in this room. Everything seemed small and silly now that he thought back on them.
He stood in the balcony and stared back at the opposite room. He could imagine Zy standing there, grinning like an idiot, talking to Aki, maybe gushing about Drew. Aki thought of all he wanted to say to Zy to the now empty room. He let himself cry quietly, biting back the sounds so as not to worry his family.
'All I ever wanted was for you to notice me. I love you so much, it hurts. But I guess you never know that right? I hope you're happy. That's my only wish now.'
He lost track of time. By the time he went back inside his room, his eyes were puffy and tired, he could barely open them. He took one last look at the dark room, closed the curtain, and prepared his things. He was ready to go home.