The scent remains
Kuza's POV
It's been 3 months. no contact outside of the facility. i absolutely hate this. the feeling of withdrawal. I've felt like i was going insane at times. But every time i feel like getting high and leaving i look at the picture of Jay i have in my room and it gives me a reason to stay and get better.
I've come across a band called We butter the bread with butter. Even though most their music is in German it still is really good music. And actually I'm learning German to keep my mind off of things.
My councilor tells me that I'm really close to being a full time recovery. Which kinda frightens me, dont get me wrong when i tell you that because I'm really proud of myself... its just that I'm scared that once im out of this place that the old me and my old drug use habits will come back stronger than ever and there will be no recovery.
I tell Mr.Smith this every session and his response is "my treatment has never failed you wont be going to your old habits if you stick with our plan. Michael, i know you've talked about your 'friend' Jayden and how she's the reason you decided to seek help, she should also be your reason to keep sober from drug and alcohol abuse." He's right. Just stay positive Kuza, stay positive.
1 month later {total of 5 months treatment}
Kuza POV-
"Go luck, Michael. Here's my number call if you ever need anything." Mr. Smith said as he lead me out the door towards Kyle's car.
"Will do, Doc." i said and got into the passenger seat.
"did you bring my piercings?" i asked Kyle.
In the facility they wouldn't let anyone keep in any jewelry no matter what, it could be used as a weapon either towards other patients or yourself. So when I was getting checked in i gave all my stuff to Kyle.
"Yes i do here" he said and gave me a plastic Baggie containing my possessions.
As i put them in i looked at myself in the mirror.. i didnt like what i saw. i mean i love my piercings but the memories that came with the pieces I'm putting back in i dont like. i took them all out.
"Whats wrong?" Kyle asked.
"I'm going to buy new ones. Can you take me to the shop, please." i asked him
"Yeah of course." he said and turned right instead of left.
We got to my favorite piercing shop.
"KUZA! its been forever where ya been?" Crystal one of the workers there greeted me.
"Just need to sort some things out." i told her
"And your piercings?!" she exclaimed
"Yeah ima need some new ones." I told her
"Okay. what color/colors?" she asked
"I was thinking white." i said.
she nodded her head.
"Oh and blue plugs though." i told her
"Okay her you go. try them on though." she said and handed me all the Jewelry i needed in white plus blue plugs.
"Perfect." i said and paid for my things then left with Kyle.
"You didn't tell anyone did you?" i asked him when we got back to my house.
He got quiet.
"Umm i may have to Jay. but before you go all psycho listen." i nodded my head for him to proceed to tell me.
He explained that Jay had been crying on his steps leading to the house when he went over to check on the house one day. he had told her that she had called and called and knocked on the door to check on me. And that he told her that I went to go get better after I had seen her at the store. After that she had cried more.
"Oh... Do you by any chance still have my phone?" i asked him
He nodded and pointed back to the bag in the back seat.
*ring ring ring*
all i got was a voicemail of her sweet voice telling me she'd try and get back to me as soon as possible.
I left this message
"hi, Jay. Its Michael.... Kuza. I just wanted to let you know im going to be at my house for a while. If you wanted to stop by your more than welcome too, I understand if you still hate me. Today I'm a changed man just out of treatment. I'm so sorry i did you wrong. You truly deserve better than me. I love you. Good bye. "
*End of call*
We made it to my house in silence.
"Hey, i've been meaning to ask you.. Do you mind moving in with me?" I asked Kyle knowing i'd need someone to keep me on track.
"Of course man, just give me a week to settle everything with my landlord and I'll start to move in." he told me as we stepped inside the empty eerie home. Everything seemed to have a sort of sadness to it.
"you can go right now if you like, I'm just going to settle in clean up a but make it feel more like home." i told Kyle.
"Of course man, I'll call you later tonight." he said and left.
I proceeded to the living room. Dusting off everything, straightening out the couch and the coffee table. I brought the rugs from around the house out to the back and beat the dust out of them. i swept the floors and vacuumed. I moved my way to the bedrooms and took the bedding off of all the beds and brought them to the washer. Shit. No detergent, of course why would there still be detergent. Well i have to go to the store anyways. But before i left i cleaned out the freezer and fridge.
I found my car keys and drove to the gas station then the store.
"Milk, eggs, juice, soda, laundry detergent, some salad, frozen pizzas. that should do for now." i said to my self and proceeded to checkout then left.
I put away the food and went to start a load of laundry. While waiting i decided to go through my closet and drawers.
3 loads of bedding later... i got done with my clothes and walked over to the 3 drawers that use to be Jayden's. I doubt that there were any of her stuff still in there but to my surprise they were full of her clothes... i left them alone.
I made the beds after i the final load was done. Now time for the basement.
I dragged myself down the stairs and into the coolness of the den. not much to it. All i did was sweep and dust.
I walked back upstairs to make a few phone calls through my cell to the cable and phone and internet and electricity company to turn my stuff back on politely. Within an hour it had seemed i had never left.
I laid down on the couch and decide on watching the news. boring i know but i need something to put me to sleep.
At about 3am i woke up to the sound of my phone ringing.
I got to the phone and answered it sheepishly.
"Hello..?" i asked the phone
"Kuza is this really you?" the girl said on the other line.
"Yes this is Michael Kuza." i said slightly irritated that I've been awoken.
"Oh my god. Its Jayden." Jay said into the phone
"Oh hello. How come your calling at 3-" i looked at the clock ":27 am?" i asked
"I just got done with my shift at the 24/7 diner i work at." She told me.
"Oh, fun. How's life." i asked
"Eh it could be better." she said
"Yeah you said it. Hey how about we meet up sometime tomorrow for coffee?" i asked really wanting to go back to sleep, i know it sounds selfish.
"Yeah, does around 2 work for you?" she asked
"Yeah thats perfect. Starbucks? over on 22nd?" i asked
"Perfect. i cant wait to see you again KUza." she said
"Yep, goodnight Jay." i said and just as i was about to hit 'end call' i heard her say something.
"I love you too"
I must be dreaming.
End of call.
I feel back to sleep this time in my own bed instead of the couch. I looked at the time and it was 3:47am. great. Before i laid down though i wrote on a stick note 'met up with Jay @ starbies @ 2 (22nd st.) '
Now i can sleep!
Morning
I woke up to a text.
From:Kyle(p_-)
Hey man, i know you'll be looking for a job soon so i got you an interview for a job as a front desk person at this tattoo and piercing parlor down on 8th avenue.
From:me
Wat time ?
From:Kyle(p_-)
At noon tomorrow
From:me
Kay thanks man!
From:Kyle(p_-)
No prob bro
Kyle's a life saver for real. I proceeded to get dressed and make some coffee. I decided not to put any of my piercings in because whatever. I'm so go with the flow right now. I ate some eggs and watched some tv. before i knew it, it was 1:45.
'I should start my way to starbucks.' i said mentally.
I grabbed my house keys and phone plus wallet. and locked the door behind me. i decided to walk because i love the fall weather... and Starbucks isn't too far.
I got there and ordered myself a pumpkin spice latte because yolo jk jk.
I sat down with my coffee and waited for jay.
"Kuza?" said a girl and sat down across from me.
"Yes. Jayden?" i said suprised.
"Yeah its me." she said.
"Wow, you look so different.. in a good way." i said
"You look different too, no piercings in." she said
I nodded.
"So you left and now your back." she said looking down at her hands
"Yeah.. I'm sorry." i said
"Apology accepted. I'm sorry too" she said
"Its fine. So where does this leave us at.." I asked
"I'm not sure." she said
"You love me?" i asked
she didn't reply.
"Jayden..?" i asked again
"I'm sorry i cant do this today, i thought i could handle it but i cant." she said and started to cry.
"Please dont cry." i said trying to comfort her by holding her hand.
She yanked her hand away and left the place. but before she did she said
"I'm sorry i wish things could be different."
}}picture of Jayden{{
She looked so run down, beaten down. She does look different but don't we all. She has a sun tattoo on her right hand and a moon on her left. Pretty cool.
I wanted to talk more. But i'll give her the space she wants. all i can hope for is that she will take me back.