Rayleigh
"You know, you're lucky I love you, or I would have made you pay me for gas this trip and last." Kaye scolds as we pass the 'Welcome to Myrtle Beach' city sign. I feel my pulse quicken, knowing I'm about to come face to face with Damien.
The man may be angry with me. He called me at least two hundred times. I had to turn my cellphone off. I know I should have answered but I couldn't let his voice cloud my thoughts at the time. That's why I left. I would have jumped in headfirst and had doubts about us later. I needed the space.
I rolled my eyes, "Kaye, stop bullshitting." I say, feeling my hands become sweaty. Fuck, why am I so damn nervous?
"Ray, calm down. The man is going to be happy to see you. Chill," Kaye shakes her head.
"I hope you're right. I ignored a lot of his calls. He might be pissed." I admit looking at the beach house. Oh god! What if he says fuck off, you lost your chance?
"I'm telling you, you're good. He'll be happy you came back." She assures me. I nod, taking deep breaths. We pull into the driveway and she places the car in park and turns the engine off.
"Alright, let's go, Ray." Kaye orders, opening her door.
"You two go ahead. I need a few minutes to settle my nerves." I tell her looking out to the front of the beach house. I began to chew on my thumbnail. Shit! Get it together Ray!
Kaye laughs getting out. Chelsea pats my shoulder before she climbed out of the back seat. I watch them walk to the door. They disappear as soon as they walk in, shutting the door behind them.
I close my eyes and place my hand on my head. "Come on Ray, pull yourself together. Kaye is right. He'll be happy to see me." I take a deep breath and then open my eyes.
"Shit." I breathe as Damien walks up to the car. My heart begins to beat erratically as he approaches and opens the door. He climbs in quietly and stares out to the beach house.
What the hell do I say?
He clears his throat, "You're back." It's not a question. Obviously, I'm right beside him. Fuck the man is gorgeous, and it doesn't help my nerves. He's wearing a tight black shirt, allowing every fucking muscle in his body to be seen. I fight the urge to look at those basketball shorts, knowing I'd look like a fucking perv.
"Yes, I had the space and time I needed." He looks at me and I don't move. I can't tell if he's looking at me angrily or not. I'm scared to look.
"And..." he says, wanting more. I take a deep breath. "Ok, I have to appreciate this. You at least came all this way to say it to my face instead of through a text or call." He says quickly, shaking his head slightly.
I scrunch my eyebrows, confused. I turn and face him but he's not looking at me anymore. Instead, he's looking at the beach house. I open my mouth to ask him what he's talking about, but I'm interrupted by his fist abruptly slamming against the steering wheel. The car shakes from the force along with a sharp blast from the horn.
I jump back against the door quickly, startled by his burst of anger. "No!" He raises his voice. "No, I don't fucking care that you came here to tell me to my face. You haven't even spoken to me after finding out about my family. How can you make up your mind about me, if you only have information from a goddamn computer?" He states through a clenched jaw.
"What are you talking about?" I ask, still leaning against the door. "What do you think I've come here to tell you?" He looks hurt and angry—wait, does he think I've given up? That I want to end things officially?
"I can hear the hesitation in your voice, I'm no fool, Ray. I knew the moment you walked out that door, I lost a fight that was rigged." He laughs bitterly. "I didn't even have a fighting chance, did I?" He turns facing me.
"The moment Caine Heart was mentioned, your mind was made up. You thought since I was his son, I was him. This is the reason I never tell anyone who I am, and where I'm from. I'll never be anyone but the Don's only son, Damien Heart." His eyes blaze with rage.
Coming unglued from the door, I bring my hand to his face. Silly man. Why is he so hard on himself? "I have no clue why you think I came here to tell you I don't want to be with you. That hesitation you heard, that was my nerves. Honestly, I've worked myself up the entire drive. I figured I'd come here, and you wouldn't even want to see me." I smile at his god-like face, as I rub his cheek with my thumb.
I forced myself not to laugh when his eyebrows bunch together, "I came here to tell you, I want you. I want us. Whatever we're doing, I want to continue it."
Tears cloud my eyes as I watch his eyes flicker back and forth between mine, "you do?" He asks, unsure.
I smile taking my hand from his face and wiping the tears from my eyes. "Yes. I admit your father's name was like a punch to my stomach. I don't know all the things he's done or been accused of, but I've seen him on the news a few times. Heard some rumors."
I grab his hand and it to my chest. "I don't see a monster when I look at you. I see a man who fights hard not to be a monster. I see a man who fights so hard not to be his father, he doubts anyone will see him for more than his name."
He stares at me, eyes flickering from his hand on my chest and then back to my eyes. I can feel my pulse quicken, I'm suddenly afraid I've said something that's upset him.
Biting his bottom lip, he slides his hand from my chest, stopping as he reaches my neck. He grips it with slight pressure, grunting as he looks deep into my eyes
"I don't know if I should be scolding you or rewarding you." His eyes fall to my lips, watching as I lick them. His husky voice causes my mouth to dry. I'm thirsty for this man, and my entire body knows it.
"I'm sorry I held my past and family from you. You can ask me anything. I'll be honest, but before you do, I want you to think before you ask questions you may not be able to handle the answers to." He admits, taking his hand from my neck.
I nod, "The entire ride I asked myself that very question. I don't know for sure, but I feel I'm strong enough to handle the complete truth."
"I still think you should think hard before you ask a question you may not be able to handle the answer to," I smile, nodding my head.
"Let's go inside and get you settled, we can talk after," he says as he opens his door. I grab my bag and climb out feeling relieved as we head inside.
I worried myself crazy the entire trip. I haven't gotten to ask him what he wanted. Quickly grabbing his hand, I stop him from going further into the house. "What do you want?" I ask him, as he faces me.
I watch his Adam's Apple bob as he swallows. His face seems surprised and scared. Oh no, what if he doesn't want whatever it is we were doing? What if he wants to slow down, and brings up the contract again? I don't think I can handle that answer.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"What is this, with us? I need to know where your head is." I admit.
He moves towards the living room, leaning around the corner. Looking back to me over his shoulder, he pulls me behind, "Let's talk in my room." He says, voice low. "Everyone must be out back," He says, passing the living room.
He opens his door and I walk in, frowning at the state of the room. Clothes lay scattered around the floor and bed. The trash bin was filled with empty bottles of beer. I glance at the nightstand and feel my heart drop to my stomach. Two empty bottles of liquor lay on the floor, and a small flat tray, covered with a powdered substance sits on the nightstand.
I can't believe what I'm looking at. I hear him shut the door, so I turn and look at him. He runs a hand through his hair, looking down at the scattered clothes.
"Sorry about the mess, I haven't had the chance to clean." He said as he begins to toss his clothes into the basket by the end of his bed. The clothes aren't what I'm worried about. The booze and cocaine are more troublesome.
He finally stops looking towards me. I see his eyes fall to the table, realizing his drugs and alcohol are scattered right beside me.
I step aside as he brushes past me, quickly placing the tray into the drawer. What is going on with him? I've seen his room before and the man is an OCD type of organized. What I'm looking at now, is like some drunk has been occupying this room.
"So, looks like you had a banging party," I say, watching him stuff more clothes and a bag into his closet.
He looks at me, as he shuts the closet door. "Sit." He states. "I know what you're thinking, but it's not what it looks like."
"Oh? Do tell, what is it that I'm looking at?" I say, sitting down on his messy bed. He sits beside me and sighs. He looks defeated.
"Ray, you're the first woman I've felt anything for. You've captured my fucking heart." He laughs, shaking his head slightly. "I'm not going to lie when you left it fucked with my head. You ripped my heart out by leaving me. I don't want you to think I'm some drug addict. I snorted a few lines last night. That doesn't mean I'm a drug addict." He informs me as he takes my hand.
"I'll admit the alcohol helped numb my feelings since you left. It's crazy because I can't explain what it is I'm feeling but it's not anything I've ever felt in my entire life."
"Thank you." I smiled. "I know what you're trying to say. These feelings I have for you are so foreign. I'm sorry I left the way I did. I just needed to make sure I made the decision I wanted." I sigh grabbed his hand.
"I asked you a question out there. I need to know what this is and what you want." I say as my heart starts to beat faster.
"I want you. Just you." He grips my chin with his hand. "We can say we're officially together. You and I know this seems deeper than boyfriend and girlfriend shit." He admits.
"The connection I have with you, it's honestly scary," I admit.
"I know what you mean." He assures me, pulling me to him, and gripping my waist as he guides me to straddle his thighs.
I was about to tell him I love him when his phone began to ring. His face hardens when he looks at his phone, "I need to take this. Don't go anywhere, I promise I won't be long." He says, helping me off his lap.
"Don't leave," he says sternly. I nod once and he smiles.
I need to find out about his life with his father and his role in the mafia. Am I strong enough to accept his past?