a/n disclaimer: this chapter wasn't written as nicely as i wanted it to be, but i've been staring at it for over a week and finally wrote something that somewhat flowed, so bear with me if it seems messy asf/poorly written
Yoongi was feeling fine. Suspiciously fine.
He knew Necro had done something to him, and he knew he wanted to make a statement or fulfill whatever complex he wanted to satisfy. Yoongi was a chess piece in the game he was playing, but he had assumed something would happen. He didn't think he would be fine after feeling like he was burning from the inside out and being stuck in some mind purgatory. Part of him wondered if what Necro had done had backfired, but he knew — as much as he hated to admit it — that Necro was too powerful to have whatever he did backfire.
If he wanted Yoongi to be constantly paranoid and on edge that something could happen at any moment, it was working.
The past two days were filled with being bombarded with questions from Jungkook about what happened and giving every detail of conversation to try and figure out what Necro was planning. Yoongi knew he was doing this to help, and he truly appreciated it, but in reality all he really wanted was a nap. Ever since he was taken by Necro, Yoongi had been finding it difficult to sleep, and he constantly felt exhausted. Physically and emotionally.
He said he was fine, but every night he laid in bed staring up at the ceiling above him and let the paranoia of being stuck in that place again prevent him from falling asleep. He had tried everything he could think of to try and fall asleep but nothing worked, his brain just wouldn't shut off. Part of him wanted to call Jungkook on the really hard nights, knowing his voice would calm him down at least, but he didn't want to bother him when he was already working overtime with Namjoon and Hoseok to try and track down Necro as well as keep surveillance on Yoongi in case Necro came back to finish what he started.
Being constantly watched put Yoongi at ease, as well as made him feel like he was suffocating. He had freedom to do as he pleased, but having someone always watching over you made you feel trapped when all you wanted was a few minutes of solitary. It wasn't bad when Taehyung and Jimin were around since it was just like a normal day, and he looked forward to when Jungkook came around — obviously. It was more so when Namjoon sent employees to sit outside his apartment. His parents had no idea what had happened to him — he had told them he had stayed over at Taehyung's to work on a project for biology and then said he wasn't feeling well to give him an excuse to stay home for the rest of the week before starting school again on Monday — so they were unaware of the strangers sitting outside their home to make sure a villain didn't come back to murder their son.
Honestly, he missed the comfort of being able to change in his own room or make out with his boyfriend without feeling like someone was watching him through the window.
Being sleep deprived, paranoid, and feeling like someone was following him every second of the day was beginning to take its toll. He wanted everything to go back to normal, be able to catch up on the homework he had missed and see his friends without feeling like the smallest amount of social interaction was draining all of the energy out of him. His parents knew something was up by the third day he was home, since he was barely eating and never left his room. They mentioned seeing a doctor if he felt as sick as he said, to which he brushed off. He didn't need a doctor, he needed sleep.
Sunday night was when Yoongi knew things were starting to change. The exhaustion had given him a migraine, the light was blinding and every small sound made his head feel like it were going to split in two. He had no idea what time it was, all he knew was that he was going to keep himself buried under his comforter until the migraine was gone. Yoongi wanted to cry, but he knew that would just make him feel worse than he already felt. He wanted to talk to Jungkook more than anything, or at least lie by his side to make it more bearable, but he couldn't bring himself to stare at his phone screen long enough to send a text.
Yoongi shut his eyes to try and alleviate the pain he felt, and at some point, he managed to fall asleep. But he found himself waking up in that awful place he was stuck in before. The panic settled in quickly, and he could feel his heartbeat quicken and his breathing become heavier. He spun around, desperate to find that small bit of light so he could get out, but he was met with darkness. Only this time, it felt different. He wasn't alone.
He couldn't see anyone physically, but he could feel a presence around him. Truthfully, this freaked him out more than being completely alone. He didn't fuck with ghosts and demons, if that was what he was even sensing. He didn't even want to question how he could sense a presence in the first place.
Min Yoongi.
A voice filled the empty space, one Yoongi unfortunately recognized. Necro's voice.
"What do you want? Why am I here?"
Why are you asking me when you brought yourself here?
"Cut the bullshit, this only started happening to me because of you. What did you do to me?"
I'm only doing what you brought upon yourself. You're the reason this happened to you. You could have let Jungkook go, let him do what he needed to do without your constant nagging and questions. You would have been safe, your friends would have been safe, your family would have been safe, your precious Jeongguk would have been safe. Well, as safe as he can be.
You had to get yourself involved. You were so desperate to feel included in his life. Did you think he was choosing his future over you? Were you jealous that he seemed to know what he was doing with his life while you sat in your classes questioning why you were there? He had a plan for his future and you were so persistent to be included in that future that you went forward blindly. Not caring about the consequences. Why couldn't you be content with the answers he had given you? Why weren't you content with the aspects of his life you were included in? Selfishness and jealousy are dangerous traits to have, especially when it comes to the people you claim to love.
Your insecurities will be the death of you, Min Yoongi. They may even be the death of the people you care about. And if that's true, you'll be the only one to blame.
Yoongi woke up gasping for air, clutching onto the bedsheets beneath him before ripping the comforter off of him. He was back in his room, but he still felt the same presence from where he just was. It was like it had followed him, and the voice had come along with it. The same words were echoing in his head and he couldn't convince himself to think of something other than that. The worst part about it, was that it continued throughout the day and into the night.
Every word the voice said drilled into Yoongi's skull so deeply he was starting to believe what it said. All of his greatest insecurities played on a constant loop he couldn't turn off, the blame, the mistakes, everything was weighing him down and it was overwhelming. At this point, he didn't know if it was the voice telling him these things, or himself. He hated that it wasn't wrong, he was aware of every insecurity he had. His actions leading up to this point were entirely his doing, and maybe he really had been jealous of Jungkook. Not necessarily jealous of him having an idea of where his life was headed, but jealous that Yoongi couldn't see himself in that future.
These thoughts and words continued to torture him, and he tried his best to appear normal when Monday came around, but the voices just wouldn't stop. The days were going by, and he was losing grip on the reality around him. Constantly switching between being in what he now called the Dark Place and what he called real life. He knew his friends knew something was wrong, there was no hiding how distracted he was. Conversations about final exams and the excitement of prom blended in with the bombardment of blame. Functions, equations and formulas mixed with the fear of not being good enough.
His irritability had been increasing, and his patience had almost run dry. Every time someone spoke he wanted to tell them to stop talking. Every time someone looked at him he wanted to tell them to screw off. He was snapping at all the wrong people, but the constant voice in his head was going to drive him completely insane — if he wasn't already.
By the end of the week, the dark circles under his eyes were so prominent he was scared someone would think he had two black eyes. He looked pale, his hands were trembling, and he was sure he was going to pass out any moment. Yoongi knew he needed to talk to Jungkook, tell him about everything that he was currently going through, but the stubborn part of him didn't want to bother Jungkook when he was already doing so much for him already. Or maybe he just didn't want to tell him the truth about how his own insecurities were eating him alive. Saying it out loud made it real.
When he went to pick up Jungkook to go to school, the first thing he saw was the concern flash across Jungkook's face when he looked at Yoongi. And Yoongi couldn't blame him, it was hard to pretend everything was okay when it looked like he hadn't slept weeks. Which was also the truth.
Jungkook wanted to ask Yoongi if he was okay — which was a question he already knew the answer to, he had enough evidence from Yoongi's appearance. It was beyond obvious that Yoongi hadn't been sleeping, which meant he had lied to Jungkook when he asked about it a few days ago. He knew he was hiding something, he just didn't know what.
The car ride was silent for the most part, Yoongi was clearly not up for conversation whenever one was attempted. Any responses were short or harsh, and Jungkook could see the regret that flashed across Yoongi's face when he gave those types of replies, but it seemed like he couldn't help giving them anyway.
The rest of the day went by similarly, Jimin and Taehyung being dragged into the curt responses or blatant ignoring. They looked at each other and at Jungkook, contemplating bringing it up or keeping quiet to prevent it from getting worse. Yoongi's leg had been bouncing up and down every time he was seated, he kept his hands in his jacket pockets so people couldn't see the trembling, and he was so close to yelling for everyone to shut up. The cafeteria at lunch was proving to be beyond overwhelming. Too many voices at once, at too loud of a volume. He couldn't sit there for even a second longer.
Yoongi stood up quickly, causing the chair he was sitting in to fall backwards onto the floor, and made his way out into the hallway. He knew Jungkook was going to follow him, and he caught himself wishing he would stay away for a moment. A thought he never fathomed he could think of. Jungkook came rushing towards him, immediately questioning what was wrong.
"What's going on? I've been trying to ignore it and let you mention it when you were comfortable but I'm really concerned right now. You're not yourself."
Yoongi closed his eyes, the voice in his head contributing to the conversation he already didn't want to have. If you tell him the truth, he'll think you're insane.
"Being kidnapped by someone who shouldn't exist except for in comic books and superhero movies can do that to you, Jungkook. I went through some shit, and I know you're concerned but I need some space."
All you're doing is pushing him away. He's going to give you space and not come back, the exact fear that got you into this situation in the first place.
"I understand you went through something terrible, and it's partly my fault for bringing you into this part of the world in the first place. You have so many people who are trying to help you, we want to help you in any way we can, but we can't do that if you don't tell us what's going on."
"Nothing is going on. I'm just tired, okay? Nothing else is going on."
He knows you're lying, and he's going to hate you for it.
"You're not just tired, Yoongi! Your hands are shaking, you cut off every attempt at conversation, please, just let me in and tell me what's going on."
Jungkook grabbed Yoongi's hand, only to have it quickly ripped away. "Can you please just leave me the fuck alone? I'm being suffocated by everyone and everything and you're not helping! Ever since I've come back you've been interrogating me and watching and following me and I appreciate the sentiment, but it's driving me crazy. Everything is driving me crazy, everything is just so fucking loud!"
He turned around, basically running down the hallway towards the closest bathroom. He couldn't bring himself to look Jungkook in the eye after his outburst. The shaking in his hands was spreading to his whole body, and he was gasping for air. Once he reached the bathroom he slammed into the door and locked it behind him. Running his hands through his hair, he began pacing the small room, begging the voice in his head to stop talking.
It was only when he looked at himself in the mirror did he notice the black smoke beginning to surround him. Black smoke that was coming from his hands. He tried rubbing his hands together in a desperate attempt to make it stop. He shut his eyes tightly, hoping this was just a hallucination from his lack of sleep the past week. When he opened them again, he was back in the Dark Place.
He cried out in frustration, the same burning sensation spreading through his body from the day he was kidnapped. The smoke coming from him looked so much like Necro's magic, and he wanted it to go away. He wanted everything to stop. He shut his eyes again, trying to focus on good memories like he did before, but the fear of what was happening was too overpowering to focus on anything but that.
Jungkook knew that something was very wrong. He could sense it. The hairs on his arms and back of his neck were standing up, he felt a chill run down his back, and he could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He quickly made his way to the bathroom, knowing that was where Yoongi had gone. He tried to open the door, only to find it locked. He knocked on the door frantically, calling out Yoongi's name. When he got no response he stepped back before slamming himself into the door, his strength opening it with ease. For a second he panicked when he realized he damaged school property, but what he saw inside the bathroom made his blood run cold.
Yoongi was standing in the middle of the bathroom with black smoke surrounding him, and at first he thought it was Necro coming back to finish what he started, until he realized it was coming from Yoongi. Yoongi was staring down at his hands in horror, tears rolling down his cheeks, chest heaving from breathing so heavily. "Y-oongi?"
Yoongi looked up from his hands in the direction of Jungkook, but it looked like he was staring right through him, like he had no idea who he was. It was like he was here and somewhere else at the same time, here physically but not mentally. Jungkook had no idea how Yoongi must be feeling now, but he could assume it was worse than the feeling Jungkook felt at the thought of Yoongi not knowing who he was.
This is what Necro had done to Yoongi, this was the plan he had set in the motion the day he kidnapped Yoongi. He had transferred his powers into someone who had no idea how to control them, into someone who could easily hurt someone he cared about without realizing it.
Jungkook wracked his brain for a plan to calm Yoongi down. When Yoongi had been rescued, he mentioned being stuck in a place, unable to wake up or get out until he heard Jungkook's voice speaking to him. Maybe that would help again, only on a grander scale. He needed to try something.
"Your name is Min Yoongi. You are in your senior year and in a few months you're going to get to go to prom and graduate. Your best friends are Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. You are also the boyfriend of Jungkook, making him the luckiest and happiest boy ever. He hopes you feel the same way."
For a split second, he noticed a glimpse of recognition from Yoongi. The magic coming from him flickered slightly, enough to realize what he was doing was working.
"You love lamb skewers, writing and watching romantic comedies but then pretend you hate them. You're kind of a loser in the best way possible, you said that was okay for me to call you a few years ago by the way, don't be mad. I wouldn't change a thing about you even when you're really stubborn or a pain in the ass, even when you make fun of me for burning bagels. You are an absolute nerd and I am so in love with you. So please, I know it's hard, but try and fight this and come back to me."
Yoongi focused on Jungkook's voice, willing himself to bring himself back out, and to stop the magic coming from him. He repeated to himself that if he didn't, he was going to give Necro exactly what he wanted. He wasn't going to lose himself, and he wasn't going to lose Jungkook either.
Slowly, he could feel himself returning to a normal state. The burning was subsiding, the light was coming back to his vision, and the smoke had cleared. His legs buckled from underneath him, but he was met with a pair of strong arms, catching him and preventing him from falling to the floor. He grabbed onto Jungkook, burying his face in his chest and whispered out a "thank you," before passing out completely. Though this time, snores quickly followed. It was the first moment of peace he had received in days.
When he woke up, he knew he needed to figure a lot of shit out. But for now, he was just happy to finally get some sleep.