We left the barber shop and started walking down the street past all the shops and restaurants that were normally so busy during the school year. Especially on the weekends. We went in a few stores and looked around but didn't buy anything. Henry seemed bored and I got the impression that shopping wasn't really his thing.
"So if I wasn't here this weekend, what would you be doing today?"
"Huh, why are you asking that?"
"You seemed bored. There's not much going on around here. I'm just wondering how you've been occupying yourself."
"First of all, I'm not bored. I'm enjoying spending time with you. Secondly, I'm usually rehearsing or writing music with Pete. We've actually written a lot of new songs this summer. I've also been going to the gym a lot."
"I can tell. So when is the next time you have rehearsal? Maybe I'll tag along."
"You would want to go? I told the guys that I could maybe do one on Tuesday but only if you were cool with it."
"You know I love watching you play. Plus, I'm still waiting to hear some of your original stuff."
There was a flash of something in his eyes. Worry? Fear? I couldn't tell because it was so quick. Maybe he was self conscious of his song writing?
"Okay, I'll let the guys know I can make it. Let's grab some lunch."
We decided on the diner where Henry had first called me his girlfriend. Memories of that night came flooding back to me. What a crazy night! Fighting with Jess and Liam, taking things to the next level with Henry, and having our first sleepover. And then everything that happened the next day with finding out that Henry pursued me at first to hurt Jess. It felt like a lifetime ago but I could still feel the pain that all of it caused. Looking back on everything, it felt like we were different people now. I think that what we went through forced both of us to grow up. We both knew what was important now.
After we were seated in a booth, our waitress brought over our waters. I looked up at her to say thank you and she looked so familiar but I couldn't place her. She looked at Henry and a huge grin spread on her face.
"Omigod, Henry! I can't believe it's you. Why didn't you ever call me? I thought we had a really good time."
Henry's face jerked up from his menu and a look of pure panic overtook his features when he looked up at our waitress. He glanced at me with the most guilty look I have ever seen. It suddenly occurred to me why she was familiar. It was the girl in the Instagram posts with Henry when we were fighting. The high that I had been on since last night came crashing down. The last thing we needed was a reminder of that night. Henry finally got over his initial shock and found his voice to respond.
"Sophia, I didn't know you worked here. I'm sorry I never called you. This is my girlfriend, Emily."
Emphasis on the word girlfriend. I forced a small smile out of politeness. I couldn't really be mad at Sophia. She didn't do anything wrong. But I couldn't help but be annoyed at the situation. To be honest, we never really discussed what happened. And I would have been fine to keep going on like that. It was such a low point in my life and I wanted to forget about it. But the universe had other ideas.
"Girlfriend.....interesting. Anyway, can I get you two started with something to drink?"
We both ordered iced teas and Sophia scurried away to get them for us. I was tempted to get up and leave this super awkward situation but before I could do anything, Henry grabbed my hands.
"I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't know she worked here. And everything was going so great."
"It's fine Henry."
"It's not fine. I can tell by the look on your face. Please talk to me. We need to communicate if this is going to work."
I took a deep breath and tried to organize the thoughts running through my head. There was a lot I wanted to say and never did because I hated conflict. I wanted this time with Henry to go perfect but there was still some lingering emotions about how things played out in the Spring.
"I thought you cheated on me. We had our first fight and you immediately jumped back into your old ways. And after I defended you over and over again. I guess I'm still angry about it."
He ran his hand through his hair. I felt relieved saying it out loud.
"I'm sorry I did that. It was fucked up. But I thought you had cheated too. When I found out you went out with Liam and didn't tell me, every insecurity I have about our relationship seemed to be coming true. Melissa told me all about you two. About how you were practically in love with him all of freshman year and how he had just told you that he was in love with you too. And that it was as if you guys were meant to be and how perfect it all was. It messed me up so bad. I know I'm not the kind of guy you deserve to be with. But I'm trying to be."
"What are you talking about?"
"Come on Em. Don't tell me you haven't noticed that we don't exactly go together."
"I have noticed. You are this gorgeous confident rock star and I'm just plain old me."
He had a look of surprise on his face but before he could respond, Sophia came over with our drinks and to take our orders. I ordered a BLT and Henry ordered a Reuben. After she walked away again, Henry's expression changed to one of confusion.
"Em, please tell me that's not what you think of yourself. You are so beautiful that honestly it takes my breath away. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. You are so kind and selfless and loyal to a fault. All your friends would agree. And you are funny and smart and so interesting. You are anything but plain. I can't believe that's what you think."
I was speechless. It was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. And the fact that it came from Henry meant everything to me.
"How can you say such beautiful things to me and think you aren't the type of guy I deserve to be with?"
He shrugged his shoulders like he didn't know how to respond.
"I would never cheat on you. I'm sorry that I made you feel that way. I promise I will never keep anything from you again. That's why I think I should probably tell you that Liam texted me when you were getting your haircut. He's going to be visiting someone who lives near me and wants to hang out. I haven't responded to him yet."
Henry blinked at me a few times and then rubbed his hands over his face. He looked frustrated and I really couldn't blame him.
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I wanted to talk to you about it. I promise you Liam is not a threat. I only see him as a friend now. And I think that's how he sees me too. I've barely spoken to him all summer."
"So what you're saying is you want to hang out with him."
His voice sounded too calm. It felt like he was trying really hard to not let his emotions overtake him. I didn't want to hurt him but I couldn't let him dictate who I was friends with.
"Yes I do and I want you to trust me enough for it to be okay."
"It's not you I'm worried about. What if he tries the same bullshit he tried at that house party?"
"I will handle it. And it would definitely mean the end of our friendship."
"You have given him too many chances Em. Are you sure he deserves them?"
"He was one of my first friends when I got here. I know the way he acted was not who he truly is. So yes I do think he deserves one more chance. But this is definitely the last one."
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. I hated that this was upsetting him but I couldn't give in.
"Fine. Whatever."
"Don't say that. You just said we needed to communicate if this was going to work."
"What do you want me to say? I hate the idea of you spending time with him but I can't tell you what to do. So I guess I'll just have to deal with it. You have to deal with a lot of my shit. This lunch being one example. I guess this is what's its like being in a relationship. Just dealing with each other's shit."
"It's only one tiny little part of being in a relationship. Jess said something really profound to me last week. She said that when you find love you have to fight for it because it's not always easy. So yeah, sometimes it's going to be really hard but it's worth it in the end. We can't give up on each other like we did."