Chapter 7: Please don't take my sunshine
"What if he leaves us?! He can't leave!"
'He can't leave us! We can't be alone anymore.'
'We can always just eat him. Then he'd be with us forever.'
"No! We can't eat Hide!"
'Suit yourself.'
'I don't want to eat Hide. He's been good to us. Makes us happy. You shouldn't jump to eat everyone Hunger!
'Oh quite Reason.'
'I'm fine either way. Yes he's good to us, but he seems tasty too. Then again, humans always taste better than ghouls. If we eat him, can I play with him?"
'Sure Pain.'
'Thanks Hu-'
"Shut up! Just shut up! We're not eating Hide!" Kaneki was screaming at this point. He couldn't take it anymore. The only voice that was agreeing with him was Reason, but only because it wasn't driven on a ghoul's instinct or an after affect of his sessions.
"You are to never speak of eating Hide again. Got it?" Kaneki asked in a low voice.
'Yes Mukade. We won't do so again.' Pain and Hunger said this together along with a grumble directed towards Reason. 'Stupid Reason making it difficult for us...'
"Can't you just call me Kaneki now? That's the name Aunt Rize gave us."
'We're all Kaneki, Mukade. Just different parts.'
'Yeah, what Reason said.'
'I have to agree with Reason and Pain.'
'It's best if we're divided into sections Mukade. Together, all of us make up Kaneki. You're Mukade, the main part of us. You have the most control over us as to the fact that you are the original. I'm Reason, I help by logic and not instinct or harm. Hunger takes care of our ghoul instincts and Pain is the sadistic urges we feel occasionally. See? We all make up Ken Kaneki.'
'Yeah, I sadly don't have much say in this. The only time I really get to come out is when Mukade starts to loose control. Although when we get possessive over Hide, I get to come out too. I change my mind completely, we really shouldn't eat Hide.'
"Can you guys shut up now? I believe I've already told you to do so."
'No can do Mukade. Sorry, but you're nervous. You loose control more when you're nervous, remember?'
'Yeah, it's a lot easier for Hunger and I to come out when you're nervous or emotional and shit like that.'
Shit! Kaneki had forgotten the voices became active when he was real emotional. There was no way he was going to calm down soon though. His date with Hide was today and there was so much that could go wrong. He had never been on a date so those possibilities were even more likely.
Hide could decide he didn't like Kaneki anymore. He could leave Kaneki. He could tell him him that he never really cared. He could decide he didn't want Kaneki anymore because of how clueless he was on most topics. Kaneki could be found by the Doves. Hide would find out Kaneki was a ghoul and a dangerous one at that.
The last one wasn't worrying Kaneki as much as the others though. It was more that Rize and the staff of Anteiku always told him that humans shouldn't know he was a ghoul. He knew they were right. He's seen the wanted boards the CCG put up at their offices. He had no doubt that if a human found out about them that he'd be reported to the CCG and would end up most likely dead for escaping. But Hide seemed different though. He didn't seem like he would rat out a friend for being a ghoul. Maybe one day he could tell Hide about what he truly was: a one-eyed ghoul.
'You know you can talk to us, right?'
"Yeah, I know I can talk to you Reason. But Pain and Hunger always make fun of me!"
'Can ya blame me kid? You're so fun to mess with.'
'I'll listen. I'm no Reason, but I can do that much for our problems. Pain is right though. You're really fun to mess with Mukade.'
"Oh, shut it you two! I'm not that fun to mess with."
'So Mukade, you want to talk about it?'
'Yeah, let's get this over with.'
"Well, you guys already know it. There's not much to talk about."
'But there is Mukade. Sometimes just talking helps. Just because we already know what you're thinking doesn't mean you can't talk with us.'
'Yeah, Reason is right. Remember how much we helped you after the sessions were really bad?'
'One day we can kill that bastard. See how he likes being chained to a chair and watching his fingers and toes being pulled off. Or see how he likes being nailed down as acids are dribbled over his wounds. We could eat him alive too, starting at the bottom. We could put that centipede in his ear too. See how he likes hearing it crawling around ins-'
"STOP!" Kaneki was shaking now. He didn't really want to remember the centipede. As it crawled around inside his head. No! Make it stop! It hurts! Please not the centipede! Have mercy!
"What's 1000 minus 7? 993...986...979...972...965...958...951...944...937...930..."
'Shh, it's okay Mukade. Pain didn't mean to go that far.'
'Not my fault that the kid couldn't handle me talking about it.'
'Pain, you should know that when we're not fed Mukade breaks down easier.'
'That's not all of it Hunger.'
'Well, I would know that it's a big part of it. You know we were punished if we ate humans and we were lucky if we were let out every two months to hunt for something decent. Now with the others putting us down for cannibalizing, it's putting a lot of stress on us. It's been over a month since we've hunted because of this. You know break downs happen when we don't eat.
'Yeah, I know that Hunger. We've always been punished some way when we eat.'
'Exactly.'
'But, with how nervous we are it would have been easy to set Mukade off regardless of us being hungry or not.'
'True.'
'You should apologize to him Pain.'
'Fine. I'm sorry kid. I didn't mean to set ya off.'
"You shouldn't talk about me like I'm not here. It's fine Pain. I know you didn't mean it."
'Glad to see you're back Mukade.'
'Oh shut up Pain.'
'Why should I Hunger?'
'Both of you! We should be focusing on Mukade.'
'Oh yeah, he still has to talk to us.'
"Well, you guys already know most of it. Nothing I say will be something new to us. I'll try my best to get my thoughts out though."
'Remember we won't judge you Mukade.'
'Yeah kid. It's kind of hard to judge yourself.'
Kaneki wondered how he should start. How were you supposed to talk about your insecurities with the people who know everything about you. Well, they weren't really people just the other parts of him.
"Well, you all know how much Auntie Rize means to us. I mean she found us and offered to help us. She could have just left us or dumped us at Anteiku, but she didn't. She let us live with her an is even helping us. Even though we spend most of our day at Anteiku 'observing how others normally act' she's still really good to us. Hell, she's the only ghoul we know who hasn't batted an eye at our...eating habits. You're right hunger, we really should eat soon. I'll go hunting later tonight. Sorry, I'll get back on topic.
"Well, I'm just worried that she won't want us anymore. That she won't want to deal with us anymore. You guys have to admit, we're a handful. If it had been just me it would still be pretty bad, but there's all of us."
'Yeah, we are pretty bad.'
'Meh, we could be worse.'
'We are pretty bad, but Hunger is right; we could be so much worse. Just think, Pain it Hunger could be in control most of the time and not you.'
"Yeah, that would be pretty bad if they had control most of the time.
"Anyways, I'm also worried about Hide. I can't have him leave me. He makes me feel...happy. Yeah, he makes me feel happy. He doesn't have to put up with us, but he does. He has no obligation to. We aren't family and he didn't know us before. So if I loose the only person who makes me feel like I'm worth something... I don't want to loose my sunshine."
'Don't worry Mukade. He won't leave us.'
'Yeah. And if he does, he's an ass.'
"But I don't want him to leave."
'Then we'll just have to make sure he doesn't.'
'Yeah.'
'Mukade, you shouldn't worry. You deserve to be loved and I have a feeling that Hide is the one who can do just that.'
"Thanks guys." Kaneki smiled at what they had to say.
Hopefully Hide would realize just how much this white haired boy needed him. He wouldn't be able to bear if his sunshine was taken away from him.
Rize walked into Kaneki's room. She had heard him talking –and at times yelling- while he was in his room. Did he get a phone? Maybe he was talking to that boy he was going on a date with soon. She didn't see a phone though.
"Who were you talking to Ken?"
"Myself."
She shot him a worried glance and he looked at her confused. Ken had been talking to himself? He was worse than she thought he was. She now wanted to kill the people who did this to him even more. The poor boy...
The date had actually gone pretty well. Hide had noticed that Kaneki was a big fan of reading, so he took him to a bookstore with a café built inside.
"You can pick out a few books Kaneki. I'll get them for you."
"You will?"
"Yeah."
Hide was almost tackled to the ground by the hug that the other was giving him. Kaneki was this huge smile on his face as he squeezed Hide. He looked absolutely adorable.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're the best Hide!" Hide beamed at this. Hearing the other sound so happy, it was infectious.
After and hour of dragging Hide around through the bookstore, Kaneki finally picked the few books he wanted. Two were some random ones that sounded interesting and the other two were novels written by Takatsuki Sen.
After paying for the books, Hide and Kaneki went and sat down in the café. They each ordered a coffee, Hide's being sweet while Kaneki just had black, and they talked. They talked about everything and nothing, just content being with each other. Both didn't really want it to end, but they had to go home.
On the walk back, Hide stated talking to Kaneki . "Hey Kaneki?"
"Yes Hide?"
"Can we do this again sometime?"
"Yeah, I'd really like that." They resumed walking in a comfortable silence.
When they reached the door to Rize's apartment, Kaneki turned and faced Hide. He wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him into an embrace. He buried his face into the crook of Hide's neck, letting the wonderful smell that is the other relax him.
"Please don't leave me sunshine." He whispered against Hide, lips brushing against the others neck with each word he said. Hide just hugged him tighter.