1:18pm Monday, October 13
I think it's ridiculous when celebrities say or write or post:
Remember, you're all beautiful!
Because, really? Have you looked every fan and person you've ever known up and down and you thought, stunning! No. You didn't. Some celebrities (outwardly or inwardly) have a sense of confidence that tells them they're better. Better and prettier. And I'm positive they've seen people they didn't find beautiful at all. Just like I'm certain they've seen people who they did find attractive.
But to say, "you're all beautiful." It's lying. It's not helping anyone's confidence. It's not specific to that one person who needs it. It's a broad, outright lie. When can one ever say that when a person told a large group, "You're all beautiful" it really made them feel better.
"I was going to kill myself until Tyler Oakley posted on Facebook that we're all beautiful. Once I heard that, I put the gun down and ran straight to therapy," said no one ever.
10:28pm
As of today, I don't know where I'm at, but I'm taking things a moment at a time. In this moment, I'm happy. Good. Maybe not completely happy, maybe 85.6% happy, but I'm in a nice place.
I went for a walk and listened to Homesick by Catfish and the Bottlemen. I saw a tree I see every time I go for a walk, except this time it was spray painted with red. This means the forest service is going to cut it down (Riparian Management Zone), and I realize now how upsetting that is to me. This tree is so dead, yet so beautiful. Covered in sap with this red paint over it. A brilliant sight. I'll miss that odd crookedy, long gawking pine tree at the bend of the road.
Before seeing my red painted tree, I saw a sign I wanted to steal. I enjoy stealing and collecting road signs. I had been planning to take it since the day before. I just needed the right tools; a hex key and wrench. I stole the road sign on my walk today before any car could pass and see. It's a call-before-you-dig-because-cables-buried-here sign. Not very important, but it's important for me to have it. Just a little sign, small enough to fit in the drawstring bag I always bring on my walks.