Eddie was sitting on the floor of Bev’s room with Bill and Richie accompanying him, Bev’s Dad had gone on a business trip and his sister would come over and check on her. Bev had gone to get all of her clothes, they all thought it would be funny to see them in girl clothes. Eddie went to the bathroom and put on a flowery dress it was a sundress. He saw himself in the mirror, and for a split second he didn’t hate the way he looked.
“OooOh Eddie you look good in that” Bev complimented, while Bill was covering his skin with a skirt and an ugly scruffy shirt. Richie was in overalls, to short for him, and a cute little pink shirt.
Eddie knew that this was a joke, and he was supposed to feel funny in this clothing. It was comforting wearing this dress, the fabric against his bruises was the only thing he wanted to touch them, the hem hitting his leg lightly as he rocked back and forth it felt right like it was supposed to happen like he was meant to wear these clothes. He looked at the other boys and noticed their red faces as they laughed, he wanted to feel like them, like this was a joke like everything would pass over, like you didn’t have a care in the world.
“Alright get close together, I want this to be something I remember” Bev laughed grabbing her polaroid.
Eddie squeezed up next to Bill, while Richie put his arm around Bill’s neck touching Eddie’s hair and twirling it in his fingertips. Eddie kept his smile even though his hair being touched by him made him want to shave it all off and then burn it. Bev took the picture and shook it.
Eddie immediately pushed away and touched his hair wear Richie had touched it. The other boys changed back into their clothes, he just laid onto Bev’s bed looking at her popcorn ceiling.
“Patrick’s gotten more touchy and aggressive” Richie dropped his pants and looked at the boy his eyes were full of sorrow and guilt. Bill went into a protective state as he was the leader and if someone was doing anything it was his job to protect them. Bev looked over concerned. “That bruise on my neck the other weekend it was because he choked me, and every since than he’s been way more sexual than he used to” Eddie had shut off his emotions, it was his first time talking about it with anyone and he wasn’t going to cry over something so stupid.
“But after he’s nicer, he wipes me off and gives me band-aids. His threats have gotten worse to it’s not just about them, it’s about me and all the other losers and I hate it I fucking hate it Bev” Eddie starts to get angery thinking that he’s stuck in an endless loop of abuse.
“What does he do to you Eddie” Bill stuttered, his stuttering was really bad now.
“He shoves his tongue in my mouth, and touches me you know down there. And after that if he doesn’t make me do anything to him he’ll beat the shit out of me, all while he has this look this look that he’s in control and that I deserve it it’s disgusting” Eddie explained sitting up, and using his hands to explain.
“I’m sorry Eddie I’m so fucking sorry we should beat the shit out of him” Bev tries to comfort him.
Richie stood still processing all of the information he was given. His legs failed him as tears starting pour out his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know I’m so sorry Eds I’m sorry” he continued his mantra as he curled in a ball, in his boxers and that pink shirt.
“Richie this isn’t your fault their assholes” Bev tried to comfort him, and Bill had started to rub circles in his back.
“It is it fucking is if I would’ve just not said anything to Henry or left Eds alone that day or even helped. It’s my fucking fault and I’m so sorry Eds I really am. I really have no excuses I’m sorry” Richie looked into Eddie’s eyes as he sat crying on the floor his eyes were full of sincerity and guilt. Eddie’s eyes met them with a dead cold stare no emotion in them nothing they were empty like when he’s with Patrick.
“Riche it’s not your fault, you trusted that Henry was sane. Stop fucking crying like a baby on the floor and calm down not even an once blames this on you.” Eddie sounded sincere but his eyes had nothing behind them. “I’m sorry I brought it up it’s just that I’ve been bottling it up for so long” Richie wiped his tears and put his pants on.
“No it’s fine you can continue if you want” Bill stuttered barely able to finish the sentence.
Eddie nods his head, and starts taking off his dress “Hey what the fuck Eds” Richie quickly turned around.
“Stop being a pussy Rich” Bev lectured sitting on her bed watching Eddie undress.
Richie looked back at them to find Eddie’s bruised body. The bruises were different colors and scattered around the boys abdomen. “I’ll kill him” Bill said angered by the view, everyone else agreed.
“He uh sucks your thighs” Richie the first to notice the hickeys on the inner workings of his thigh, after he spoke his face went up in flames. Eddie put his dress back on.
“Yeah it’s fucked but he wants a reaction what better way” Eddie laid back on the bed, sighing at the words he said.
“We should kill him” Bill sat down on the floor shaken up by what his friend had been going through.
“Then we’ll have charged on our hands. And nope can’t turn him in boys who rape boys don’t really get anything and even if he did he would just get bailed out or something and beat the shit out of me. Running away nope mom would find me and Patrick would kill me. Becoming homeschooled isn’t gonna work because he knows where I live. Nothing will work and I’m stuck in this loop of waking up and being abused by fucking assholes” Eddie started to get pissed by the end of the tangent.
They all stayed quiet for a little bit seeing as Eddie was right there was no escape. “The only way out is to die” Eddie’s voice was angeltic while he said this, full of hope and want. Everyone else heard the words as poison and lies.
“Eddie you wouldn’t actually” Bill stuttered scared by what Eddie was referring to.
“You wake up eat poisoned food, go to school have another abuser say that if you don’t meet with him he’ll out someone and stabbed you, you go to lunch don’t eat and no one notices, finish school eat poisoned food again, tell your mom you’re tutoring some kid but really you’re going to get beat up and you can’t tell anyone because they’ll just pity you and that’s not what you want. You go home scrub your skin clean from what he did to you and lie awake thinking that your sleeping pills can make it all go away” he stared at the ceiling as he explained what he was going through.
“Eds come on your not a pussy you wouldn’t do that” Richie was trying to compromise with the boy.
“What’s stopping me” Eddie was serious, he also felt as though he was over sharing which was probably true.
“Come on Eddie you're scaring me I get life’s fucked but one day you can move to Oregon or something find somebody or not and get a good job and live life happily life isn’t just teenage years”
“But that’s the thing think about it. I’m going to have to live with this forever stunted growth and terrible health, being terrified of human contact I already deal with that Richie touches me and I feel as though I need to scrub that piece of skin off. And statically speaking a person who was abused at younger ages is more likely to end up with someone who’s abusive so what’s the point of living if I’m just gonna regret waking up everyday” Richie felt bad for touching him after hearing the words float through him.
“Because you don’t know that you don’t know if it'll last forever, Eddie we’ll make a reason for you to enjoy being alive again” Bill smiled trying to reason with him.
“Yeah we will we’ll try as hard as we can” Bev enthused.
“I’ll help too and the losers can be there too” Richie confirmed.
“You guys are great, I love you guys except Richie he’s on the fence” Eddie joked, emotion finally filling his face again.
“Richie’s not that bad” Bill said.
“See I got stuttering Bill on my side” the air in the room seemed lighter.
They talked and joked, the three still worried about Eddie. Smiles were plastered on their faces even if the topic from a bit ago still filled there thoughts.
“Are you gonna change Eds?”
“Don’t call me that and I actually kind of enjoy wearing it”
“What?” Richie was not having it.
“It’s like when you open a present and it’s that thing you’ve been begging for all year I guess I don’t know it’s stupid I should go change” Eddie deafeated walked away.
“What no it’s I mean it looks great on you no need to change” Richie uttered swear words his breath.
“No it’s fine I need to change into pyjamas anyways” Eddie walked to the bathroom.
“Eds I’m sorry” Richie whispered on the floor they laid on.
“What now” Eddie was sick of his apologies, they were meaningless and didn’t change anything.
“You looked good in that dress and I shouldn’t have said anything about it”
“Yeah well you did to bad” Eddie rolled over so he wouldn’t face him any longer.
Eddie’s hand slithered into Richie’s underneath their blanket. This made Eddie feel calm even though he hated being touched by him, it made him feel at home and safe.
“When we’re older you won’t leave right Richie” I said laying in his bed at the age of 8 after he ate a spider because I was dared to.
“Eds I am never gonna leave you” he grabbed my hand smiling.
“My mom’s gonna be pissed at me” I started to tear up, I had just scratched my head at the age of 9 and a half.
Richie grabbed my hand sitting on the curb “You’ll be fine she’s probably just gonna say ‘oh Eddie my baby boy you almost died didn’t you are you ok’ it’ll heal up in a jiffy”
I had been crying all day, and snuck out to go over to Richie’s when I was 11 and he just held my hand and talked me down.
“RICHIE YOU ASSHOLE WHY why would you do that” it was after he and Henry beat me up because I wore pink which meant I was a fairy. He grabbed my hand and whispered a thousand I’m sorries.
“I love you” Richie whispered in my ear as he let go of my hand, I never got to say it back or even remember it happened I often think it was a dream.
“I love you too” he whispered quietly.
“What’d you say” RIchie asked looking over at him.
“No other touching than this”
“Yeah of course”
“Patrick we promised no more on weekends” Eddie said shuffling at the contact. “Patrick stop, stop please PATRICK” he was stabbing into his side as he kissed his neck.
“STOP” Patrick looked up and his face morphed into Richie’s and he had that same smile on his face and his eyes were coaxed in lust and hatred.
“Eds, Eddie come on wake up”
“Richie” his eyes adjusted to the darkness as he rubbed his eyes and sat up.
“Are you ok you said Patrick’s name I was worried” he whispered bringing Eddie’s head into his chest. He quickly let go and scooted back looking away “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to it was instinct”
“No it’s fine I haven’t seen him in a few days so it’s not as bad” he crawled over to Richie and sat in his lap. “Did you mean it” Eddie whispered laying his head.
“Mean what” Richie touched his hair wrapping it around his finger over and over again.
“November 16th 8th grade year” his voice was a little raspy from not being awake for awhile.
“Of course, maybe not as much anymore but I still do” Richie thought maybe he answered wrong as Eddie became silent after that.
“I hate you”
“I know” Richie kept rubbing his back and playing with his hair.
“You’re a jackass Richie” Eddie mumbled, snuggling into his chest.
“Whatever you say Eds”
“I miss you in the slightest”
“I miss you too”
“Remember when you tried to make me kiss a frog, because and I quote ‘it’ll be your first girlfriend’”
“Yeah and you said something about not wanting to get some imaginary disease” Richie smiled at the melancholy memory.
“It was a real disease and then you threw at me which was disgusting” Richie hated when he used that word for anything because he used it to describe him, and that meant he was like those things.
“I’m sure it was”
Eddie fell silent once again. His hands started to grip the others shirt as tightly as possible. It was starting to take effect again, he wanted rip himself from Richie’s grip and then burn his skin and body but he also felt safe in his grasp.
“I’m tired again” Eddie yawns, and begins to get off Richie’s lap “thank you Trashmouth”
“Of course Eds, if you have another nightmare wake me up”
Eddie had already fallen asleep, by the time he finished the sentence.
-that motherfucker that calls himself Kyle :p