-Every twirling rose had me smiling a hopeless smile.-
The wind was blowing. A warm scent of rose was floating in the air. I was seeping in the beautiful scent as it leaned against a railing and peered at the crashing waves.
After having lunch, Hammad and Behlul led the youngsters to their main terrace. Samiya Begum didn't want me to go, but after persistence from Hammad and Behlul, she allowed me to join the young crowd. We were guided up a glass staircase, which had me secretly squealing with delight; it felt like walking on air and led to an open terrace decorated with thick vines hanging from its railing and outdoor seaters placed in different corners.
Sonia and Aliya had immediately begun taking pictures of the scenery while Demir allowed his cousins to point out the main gardens of their island. I chose to lean against one railing, far away from the group, and just breathe in the fresh air.
This view...this place...I had never before been treated with such a luxurious opportunity. This whole world was so new and mysterious for me.
Each day, I would be waking up with a new feeling...a new sensation.
Slightly turning my head to stare at my husband, my heart stumbled as I noticed him finally smiling while listening to his energetic cousins. He rarely smiled, never in my presence. Yet, there was always this vulnerability...this wall echoing out of his heart that made me stop and stare.
Drifting my gaze towards Sonia and Aliya, I felt stung with a hint of envy. Although Aliya had been cruel, she was a good friend. I could see the way her heart was always siding with her best friend. If Sonia was overly hospital towards her bestie, Aliya was always returning the favour. I wanted that. A friendship so fierce and strong...I wanted that. But, a duo can never be turned into a trio....especially when they never gave me a chance.
Turning back to the open air and free waves, I grabbed the railing and closed my eyes. Memories of the past would often strike me hard in lonely moments. Demir's attitude towards me reminded me of the summers I used to spend at my grandmother's place as an eight-year-old girl.
My grandmother belonged to an extremely poor family and had been married to a rich businessman. Often, peering down from the gap between the stairs of her main staircase, I would watch my grandfather push her out of the house, threaten to slap her, degrade her for being extremely poor and then earn her apology with gifts. My parents weren't aware of this treatment at that time because they had to do double shifts to earn money for our family and put food on the table; my dad didn't like borrowing money from my grandpa so had me stay with my grandparents whenever he and mom were at work.
I didn't like listening to my grandmother's cries, would rush down the staircase whenever I felt brave enough to confront my grandpa, but it was always my grandma who reprimanded me. She would pick me up and make me promise to not tell my parents. I didn't. For me, both my grandparents were heroes. They loved me. Grandpa loved me.
After every fight, my grandmother would wipe my flowing tears and assure me that Grandpa was a good person, and that she was his wife so didn't mind his harsh ways. I didn't get it back then, wanted to take her away from Grandpa, but she died with a peaceful smile on her face...like she had no regret being humiliated by her husband. Her husband was her world, and she forced me to believe that the best feeling in this world was taking care of someone. I believed in that fairytale, too. My whole life, I was taught to wholeheartedly care for someone, and that status does matter.
My parents worked hard yet had to wait in queues for the rich to always be first in line. My grandmother...her heart was never good enough for her husband, and now I was stuck in the same queue of trying to be good enough for my husband-the charming and beastly knight; it was what I always believed him to be.
Pained by the emotions, I opened my eyes again and gazed at the world around me. Sweet green tea was now being served around. Demir, Hammad, and Behlul had already settled down on the seaters placed in the middle of the terrace while Sonia and Aliya sat on the seaters close to their left. I felt awkward just standing around.
There were waves of laughter being echoed in the air; Sonia was continuously snapped pictures while Aliya seemed to be observing her surroundings. Aliya was a careful thinker, an observant person. Her silence was enough to make one feel self-conscious and belittled. Yet she had been loudest when humiliating me in front of a whole crowd, and, begrudgingly, I knew I could never match her grace and power.
Quietly sitting down on a seater placed next to me, I began listening to the conversation echoing in the air. Behlul was reminiscing old times with Demir.
"-and she literally grabbed the snake and threw it at you!" Behlul was literally roaring with laughter, making Demir smirk.
"He deserved it!" Sonia quickly protested.
So they were talking about her.
"Oh, remember the time when she made us attend her kindergarten class. She literally wouldn't leave us alone." Hammad added.
"That was only until I became friends with Aliya the very next day," Sonia whined, squeezing her friend's hand as she smiled at her.
My soul felt so...excluded.
"Maya," Sudden attention turned towards me had me shifting with nervousness. Behlul was calling out to me. "Why don't you come and sit here? We have so many embarrassing stories of your husband we would love to share." He joked. I could feel several eyes trying to gauge my emotions.
"Umm-"
"No. Let her stay there," Demir spoke, without turning towards me. His relaxed mood turned sour and rude.
"Dude-"
"I am going back downstairs." He abruptly got up, running one hand through his locks.
I had never felt so tiny and desperate to sink back into my seat.
***
The evening sky was gleaming blue, and the sun was slowly sinking with a bittersweet farewell. I could feel its warmth desperately trying to keep me warm while my heart shivered from the cool breezes swaying in the air.
I wasn't cold tolerant.
Escaping out into the mysterious grounds of the island, I decided to roam around and take a fresh breath of air. My parents had called early, and they were so happy to hear that I was enjoying myself, that my in-laws were spoiling me with love. They meant the world to me, so ensuring them that I was loved was necessary.
After strolling in the main gardens, I decided to head towards the boating area of the island. My mind was kept occupied by memories, hands clutched around a necklace (which I had got as an heirloom from my grandmother) and steps small to enjoy the pleasant atmosphere.
Upon reaching the boating side, my heart beamed at the sight of glorious boats and water bikes lined against a wooden pier and floating on a crystal blue lake which was surrounded by thick forest trees and shining under the fading sun.
This was a beauty.
Stepping closer towards the pier, I flinched as I heard roaring laughter echo from a trail leading out of the forest to my left. It was Demir and Sonia. They were racing out of the forest with Aliya following behind them.
I quickly stepped away from the pier, gulping at the raw feeling of being noticed by a trio that hated my guts. Demir was the first one to halt at my sight. His face squeezed into an expression of pure disgust as his gaze met my eyes and then my hands that were tightly clenching on my grandmother's necklace.
"What do we have here?" He smirked, nudging Sonia who had turned stiff and cautious at my sight.
"No one." She simply rolled her eyes, pulling Aliya to stand next to her.
I wanted to cower away.
"Hmm...I don't know..." He began stepping towards me, eyes glistening with a dark gleam and smirk hinting at promised humiliation. Sonia and Aliya snickered from behind him.
"Let's just get on the boats," Sonia called out, sipping orange juice from a plastic cup that Aliya had given her.
"Just a minute..." He continued stalking me like a predator and soon leapt to snatch the chain hanging from my hands.
I let out a shrieking plea. "Please...no..." I desperately pled, trying to snatch the necklace from him, but he simply raised his hands, allowing his height to make it impossible for me to reach the necklace. I felt desperation and fear consume me at every passage of second.
Not my grandmother's necklace.
Snickering with amusement, he then quickly paced backwards and threw the necklace towards Sonia who easily caught it with ease.
"Good throw, bro," she mused, rushing towards the boating area with a thrill. I quickly chased after her.
Such rich people were acting so childishly.
"Please...give it back!" I begged, feeling tears prick my soul with honest desperation.
The wind was blowing. My husband's amused chuckles were echoing in the air, followed by low snickers of Aliya. I-I felt like such a big fool, having my emotions tossed around by people who were meant to love me.
Running across the wooden pier, I watched as Sonia quickly sat on a water bike and started it. My pace quickened at that.
"Please...give it back!" I was pleading with pathetic vulnerability, nearly tripping because of the pace.
Demir's laughs were getting louder.
However, simply ignoring me, Sonia splashed her way towards the centre of the lake and stopped to raise my necklace in the air.
"Get it if you can!" She taunted.
I-I felt like crying with desperation and hurt.
My grandmother's necklace...
Sonia was being unbelievably cruel and heartless. She...I didn't want to break down in front of her, Demir and Aliya. All of them were making a fool out of me, and I couldn't do anything about it.
Feeling emotions and pain squeeze my senses, I stepped closer towards the edge of the pier and quietly begged again. "Please...give it back. It belongs to my grandmother. She gave it to me." My voice cracked with suppressed emotions.
She simply neared my necklace closer towards the lake.
My heart got filled with sheer panic.
Quickly turning towards Demir, who was standing near the pier, with desperation, I forced my emotions to stay at bay and desperately pled. "Please...tell her to give it back to me." My heart was hurting, tears clogging my throat, but I had hope that the person, who meant the world to me, could lend a slight bit of mercy for me and would slightly crack at the sight of my vulnerable tears.
He didn't.
"Go and get it," He simply smirked, meeting my gaze with full confidence and eyeing my pain with brutal joy. I-I flinched back with hurt and shame. Aliya was standing behind him, eyeing my humiliation with a subtle gleam of satisfaction. She...no not her, it was my husband who never failed to embarrass me in front of her...let his hate be showcased in front of her.
My defined shield was one of my biggest oppressors.
Pitifully turning back towards Sonia who was still smirking with wicked amusement, I puffed in my tears and straightened my stance. I-I felt so alone, which made me want to act like a warrior and show these people that I didn't need any help to fight my battles.
Heading towards the nearest water bike, while audibly gulping with the fear of falling, I had just managed to sit on the terror machine when I heard a small splash echo in the air.
"Oops." It was Sonia.
Quickly turning my head towards her, I blanched at the sight of her feigning an exaggerated guilty expression while showing me her empty hands. She had thrown it. My grandmother's necklace...she had thrown it in the lake. There were no words left to be spoken after that.
I couldn't cry...couldn't break. My heart felt simply crushed under sheer misery, disbelief, and horror. My husband, Sonia...they got what they wanted; they taught me my place.
I could still hear muffled snickers echoing from behind me.
Completely shattered and dejected, I got off the boat with my shoulder slumped and heart wallowing in a sea of sheer misery, and weakly began walking off the pier. Momentarily, my gaze met Demir, whose sharp gaze was now eyeing me with a serious and stoic gleam...smirk no longer evident on his face...and lowered my head towards the ground; sniffing in my emotions.
This love...it had completely defeated me. Nothing I could do would be good enough for my husband because he simply didn't care, and today was proof of that. I was clutching onto a fairytale that just didn't exist, and I felt like a fool for believing all the lies my naive dreams told me.
My grandmother's necklace used to warm up my tears and make me feel a little less lonely in this foreign city. It had reminded me of home, of the beauty of caring with all your heart, and it was gone...sunken towards the bottom of a lake because my own husband had refused to spare me some mercy...been keen on playing with my emotions. He never accepted how much he meant to me and was now sadistically crushing my feelings under his boot.
Our marriage, I just didn't know how to keep holding on to its bond anymore. And today, as I slowly continued walking away, I could feel each one of my steps lead me towards a harsh defeat where I finally had enough.
My heart had enough.
Shivering as a sudden wave of cold loneliness seeped beneath my skin and made me embrace myself, I allowed my tears to flow down my cheeks and echo my pain.
To be hurt and constantly rejected by someone you truly care about can make one feel so lonely, lost, confused and just so shattered.
"Maya," Loud footsteps came chasing after me, and I had no choice but to turn and listen to the one man who was brutally ruining my naive fantasy.
"Here," He dropped something before my feet.
It was my grandmother's necklace.
What? How?
Meeting his gaze, I watched as he rolled his eyes and stroked his forehead. "Sonia didn't really drop it. She was just messing around." His voice remained cold and bored.
"I-I-"
"Just wipe your tears and go back inside," he spoke, turning around to walk back towards the pier.
I-I didn't know how to feel about it. He and his sister had played such a brutal joke on me, but I was relieved that my grandma's necklace was safe. Picking it up from the ground, I tilted my head and stared at my husband's retreating back in deep thought, with tears finally drying up on my face.
What was going on inside the mind of that extremely cold and confusing man?