Days flew by and I stayed out of Ashton's way. I figured with his family here, he wouldn't need me to annoy him every second. Actually, it wasn't like he needed me at all. Besides, Francis was right, I would start to confuse these false feelings for real feelings and begin to get attached, more so with the fact that I'd be hanging out with not only Ash, but his mom and siblings as well.
It was a quiet and lonely day for me, I had the day off from work, the twins were in school, and my mom was out with a friend she made in the building and took Jack along with her. So, that left me with time to come up with a valid argument to pitch to Mel about getting out of this publicity contract.
I sat at my desk with a sheet of paper before me, "Reasons" written across the top. For what felt like hours, I stared at the paper, tracing over the word I had written and growing frustrated that I could not transfer my reasons onto paper. Did I subconsciously not want out of this? I finally tossed the pen and angrily pushed out of the desk chair to grab my phone. I instantly shot a text to the one person who could make me feel better about anything, Tessa.
Me: Are you free?
Tessa: Absolutely. Why? What's up?
Me: Come over?
Tessa: I'll be there right away.
I waited and paced the perimeter, I yanked my fingers through my tangled hair and chewed on my lip until it pained me, I checked the time too often and was ready to just cancel this little meeting all together as I was given more time to think.
The long-awaited knock sounded, but the person on the other side of the door was not who I expected - wanted - it to be.
"Michael?" I shifted my weight to my other foot and placed my hand on my hip. "What are you doing here?"
"Long story short, Tessa puked up her guts before she left, so she sent me over with an apology gift." Michael handed me a black box and pushed by me. Michael was that one friend who had no problem making themselves at home. He'd a pull a drink from your fridge and find his favorite TV show and be set to hang out at your place, just like right now.
I took a seat beside Michael on the couch, ignoring the fact that his feet were on my coffee table while I carefully untied the ribbon on the "apology gift" and took the top off.
"Oh my god?" I mumbled with wide eyes.
"What? What is it?" Michael could not have sounded more uninterested. The fact that he didn't look away from the television added to his indifference.
"Michael, oh my fucking shit." I said slowly, placing the top back on the box and turning to Michael.
"T, what the fuck is it?!"
"She sent me a vibrator as an apology gift?!" I cried.
Michael stared at me before bursting into a fit of laughter. Laughter was very uncalled for at the moment.
"What's so funny?! This isn't funny!" I shouted, shoving the box under the couch.
"It's kinda funny." He noted. "You should expect this from Tessa!" I'd expect Tessa to take me out to a shop to buy a vibrator not gift me one. "Since I'm here. We should talk."
"About?" I situated a pillow on my lap to rest my hands on as I watched cartoons.
"Life, love, being a mom. What's the latest fashion trend?" I cringed at the 'being a mom' part since I did not feel like a mom. It was hard to feel like a mom to kids who were basically thrown at you unexpectedly without time to ponder what life would be like if something were to ever happen to their parents. "Why has Luke been so pissy?"
"Because he's Luke." Deadpanning, I began picking at my nails because I couldn't find interest in the cartoon Michael had chose.
"He said it was your fault and if we wanted to know what happen we should ask you."
"He's just upset about Ashton and I." When in reality there was no place for Luke to be upset about that. It was silly and immature. If only he'd realize that he cannot look out for me forever. "I said some things to him that he didn't like then he called me a disgusting human being and said he really hopes Ashton breaks my heart again."
"I guess he has a right to be upset at you, but he shouldn't have told you those things." Michael chose his words carefully, speaking in a soft voice. "We all know you've changed, T. You aren't the same girl anymore."
"I'm a woman now." I corrected. "I grew up."
"You can grow into a beautiful, successful woman without being cold-hearted and bitchy." Ouch. "You're so unapproachable these days, T. It surprises me that I was even able to get the guts to come over here without being terrified of you ripping my head off and putting it on display for everyone to see."
Michael was the only person I thought wouldn't confront me about this. Michael of all people was the only person who was okay with "change," always mentioning that it was a good thing, that it kept people sane.
"I want to grab both your shoulders and shake you until you snap out of it!"
"Are you being serious right now?" My laughter was dry as I shook my head in disbelief.
"Very much so." Michael nodded.
"If I didn't change, I would still be that same girl who could barely make eye contact with you back at that house party." I blurted, trying to prove my point with sufficient sources, dating back to that Malibu Christmas night that only seemed to be the start of all this mess.
"Maybe you're right, maybe this new Talia is all for the best, but maybe she won't be after you lose everyone." He scoffed, grabbing his soda and walking to the door. "Think about it." And he left after those last three words that would undeniably have me think about it if I wanted to or not.
Right when I'd gotten comfortable on the couch the door opened again, revealing Xander dropping his suitcase on the floor and slamming the door shut with the angriest look on his face.
"Xander? When did you get here?" I walked over to him, trying to greet him with a hug only to be shoved away.
"Where is he?" Xander asked, being to walk around my apartment like he was searching for the fountain of youth if it were to lie here. "Where is he?!" He shouted.
"Where's who?!" I was confused as ever at everything happening. Confused at Xander's random appearance, Tessa's odd gift, Michael's confrontation, and Xander seeking out this 'he' person.
"Ashton! Where the fuck is he?" Xander came out from my bedroom, standing in front of me in the middle of the dinning room where I had waited desperately and confused.
"He's not here. I don't know where he's at!" Completely truthful. I'd be happy if he was already on his way back to Australia to spend more time with his family, faraway from me - from Xander.
Xander was livid and nothing like I'd seen him before. He had his share of temper tantrums growing up, but never to the extent of showing up to someone's house to find someone who wasn't there, while his skin broke out in hives because he was so angry.
"Bullshit." He snapped.
"Why are you here?" I'd take my best shot at trying to get his mind off the mad state he was in.
"To confront my little sister as to why the fuck she is back with that asshole of a person, Ashton." He wasted no time responding, almost sounding rehearsed, but his anger masking the preparation he probably did on the flight over. "Were you going to tell me? Or were you satisfied with dad and I finding out through magazine covers?"
It was not a thought that crossed my mind to finally explain to my mother why Ashton was suddenly around again nor was it a thought that crossed my mind to discuss this with my other family - Dad and Xander. For that fact that I'd been caught up in my only bubble, too busy and distracted to burst it to warn anyone of what was going on and yet I had the time to flat out tell Francis like it wasn't a big deal. It was a bigger deal than I played it out to be, particularly when the two most important men in my life loath the only reoccurring thing in my life.
"I'll explain!" But I felt like no explanation was deserved after him barging in. Locks were definitely going on the list to be changed. With my spontaneous decision to move out of a place that had nothing to offer me anymore, Xander flew over to help me move and also to sneak a copy of the key to the new place, which he gifted me a key to his house that I would not need because I avoided any more trips to California.
"I don't need you to explain, T! I need you to take me to wherever Ashton is so I can kick his ass. I'm not going to let him back in your life because his marriage didn't work out. I'm not letting him win you back so easily."
"Xander," I sighed. "Lets try to be reasonable for a second and bear in mind that you are the farthest thing from a violent person. You cried for two hours when you accidentally stepped on a cats tail when you were eight."
"Why try to be reasonable when there's a dickhead on the loose trying to brainwash my sister back into his trap?!"
"If all you came for was to yell at me and try to hurt someone, then I advise you to catch the next flight back to California, because I don't have time to hear anyone else's bullshit."
"I didn't come up here just for those reasons, but when I overhear people on the plane talking about my sister and her supposed-to-be ex-boyfriend, it kind of changed my mind on what my initial motives were."
"People talk, you just have to choose not to listen." I crossed my arms. "What were your initial motives of being here?"
"Coincidentally, Sofia got a job offer here in the city, so she sent me to search for an apartment. If I find something nice then it's a done deal, we're moving here." He sighed. "Now that I know where I can find Ashton, it gives me more motivation to find an apartment, even if it costs both of my balls, so I can be here to keep him away from you."
"Xander."
"And don't tell me you're trying your best to stay away from him, because we all know you aren't. When it comes to Ashton, you just can't stay away."
"I'm sorry, but I refuse to listen to someone who didn't decide to get his shit together until Sofia came along. I'm not taking advice from someone who spent all of high school probably fucking every plastic thing living in Malibu!"
"I didn't wholly believe Luke when he'd said you changed, that you've turned into this monster, but now I believe it. Now that I'm experiencing this firsthand you're ten times worse than what Luke explained you to be."
"Oh, so, you and Luke are talking about me behind my back now?" I shot back sarcastically.
"I'm surprised more people aren't, considering the sudden diva-guts you've acquired." Xander rolled his eyes.
What the hell was "diva-guts" and how did he come up with that?
"If it's a problem, then you know your way to the door." I turned around ready to storm off, but he stopped me.
"T, just be careful." I shrugged his hand off my shoulder, slowly turning back to him.
"And I'm being careful without your help."
"Xander!" Mom, Eli and Ella said in unison.
The twins ran into his arms while mom handed me Jack so she could hug the obnoxious creature she called her son.
"Oh, my beautiful son. Such a surprise! How are you?" She rubbed her thumb over Xander's cheek, removing the lipstick she had gotten on him when she kissed his cheek.
"I'm well." Xander smiled.
"Are you staying here?" Mom began taking the twins backpacks and hanging them up.
"If your lovely daughter will allow me to." He wouldn't even need my permission to stay here, that was the funny thing. Mom would give him permission all on her own.
Ashton had saved the day with a phone call! "If you'll excuse me, I have a phone call to take." I flashed a fake smile as I walked to my bedroom.
"What?" I hissed into the phone.
"You can't hate me after this but-"
I cut him off with, "Who said I don't already hate you?"
"True. But my mum asked about you. She wants to see you and I might've accidentally let it slip that you were cooking dinner in an hour and you invited us over..."
"I think my hatred for you just increased." I sighed, rubbing one of my temples.
"Can we come over? Please?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Xander's here and he'll castrate you the moment he sees you."
"Xander loves me, though!"
"Loved."
"Oh. But will you do it? I can stand my own, Xander won't be a problem."
"Fine! I'll figure something out." Everyone was right, I'd do anything for Ashton.
"Thank you so much, T! If I was there I'd kiss you, but we're on the phone, unless you want me to kiss the phone then I'll do that. Whatever, I'll see you in an hour!"
"Who was that?" Xander appeared beside me once I hung up.
"It was...Ashton."
"What'd he say?"
"Him and his family are coming over in an hour for dinner and I expect you to be on your best behavior or I will murder you in your sleep. I swear to every god."
"I can't make any promises." He smiled proudly, pushing up the sleeves of his shirt. "I'll be washing up for dinner."
"No, you're helping me make dinner."
-
"Ow! T, can't I just sit down and watch?!" Xander cried after getting popped in the arm by hot grease. He deserved that.
"No! You decided to walk into my home being a little bitch so the least you can do is help." I argued, handing him the salt for whatever reason. Xander decided that if I was going to force him to make dinner then we were going to prepare a meal that he liked; Greek chicken pasta. That wasn't my preferred choice of meal I was feeding people I barely know. They could end up hating this dish and hating me. I dropped the spoon I was using when I heard a knock on the door. "They're here. Just watch the chicken and Jack." I warned Xander, handing him a new spoon to work with while I tried to be a good hostess.
A chorus of greetings came from the Irwin's once I had opened the door. By the looks of Ashton leaning against his mom, I could guess that they had fixed things. One point for Talia. No, that was like one hundred points for me. I basically gave him his mother back.
"Hey guys!" I had to loosen every muscle in my body to not sound strained and fake because an hour was not even enough time to get your shit straight to make dinner for people you were barely acquainted with.
"We brought you some flowers." Lauren handed me a bouquet of lilies, giving an awkward side hug.
"Oh, thank you. They're lovely." That, they were. I wasn't the biggest flower person, so that said a lot when I liked flowers. "Make yourselves at home. Coat rack is over there, feel free to look around or find something to watch on TV." I pointed everything off to them. Ashton began taking everyone's jackets, nodding before hand as if someone was speaking to him through an ear piece or he was trying to remember what he needed to do next.
"This is very lovely place you have here, Talia." Ms. Irwin complimented.
Ella ran into the space with a pair of her panties on top of her head, clearly being as unready for guests as I was, "T! Who is this?" She hugged my leg, her embarrassment heating through the cloth of my jeans.
"You have...children...?" Ms. Irwin hesitantly asked, looking to Ella with an unsure smile.
"Um, we can discuss that over dinner." Ashton spoke for me, opting to save questions over a meal. Good idea, if I was too mortified to answer the hard-hitting questions all I had to do was grossly stuff my mouth with food and pretend to choke, then fall over to my death.
"Ella, you can't run off with your underwear on your head!" My mom ran into the room, halting at the sight of Ashton and a few strangers standing nearby. "I'm so sorry! I apologize for that. Things can get a little crazy around here." She smoothed out her hair. "Anyway, I'm Lena. Talia's mom." She offered her hand to Ashton's mom, but Xander stood between them, carrying jack in one arm and holding out his free hand.
"I'm Xander, Talia's older brother, who will not hesitate to hurt anyone that hurts her." The pair shook hands.
"Well I'm Anne, Ashton's mom." She said, turning to her side. "These are his siblings, Lauren and Harry."
Xander mumbled something inaudible, that was probably rude and not worth anyone hearing before mentioning that dinner was ready.
"Take a seat at the table." I encouraged the guests. "Xander will serve everyone." If Xander wanted to be a prick, he would not get away with it being in my house. Mom might not tell him something or punish him for his bullshit, but I would.
Xander angrily served us each a plate after he handed Jack off to me. I did watch on carefully when he served each plate, just to make sure he wasn't going to poison anyone.
"So, what's the discussion we were going to have?" Ms. Irwin, or Anne (not sure what I should call her), recalled, settling a napkin on her lap.
I had Jack situated on my lap as I ate, the twins sat on either side of me, quiet as ever because of the visitors. Eli mentioned he hated strangers, he hated having to meet new people because he always felt like they were invading his space. He didn't put it in those terms, but you got the idea. I'd made it a priority to not bring people into their lives that were not going to be around much, today would be the exception because a certain somebody wouldn't ever take 'no' for an answer.
"Ella, Eli, and Jack are my sister's children."
"Sister? You never mentioned you had a sister." Lauren responded, brushing her brown locks out of her face.
"Exactly. Had. My sister and her husband are," Pick a sly use of words, T. I still had trouble with that four letter word, it was worse when I had the twins around because a portion of me, the foolish portion, still believed that they didn't understand. "away and I have guardianship of the kids."
"She does a great job of taking care of them. She has the twins enrolled in one of the best schools. I'm proud of how well she's handling the situation." Why was I flustered because of Ashton's appraisal? It was all show. For the second time today I found myself thinking about Francis's words on confusion for authentic, tempting myself to march down to his office and light it on fire so he could never say something so valid to my face ever again.
"I can't say it's been the easy thing to handle. It's a learning experience every day, but I love it. I love them as if they were my own." I smiled down to Jack who was at an age were he was constantly on the move despite the ability to walk properly. He recently nailed down crawling, which had me baby proof the entire apartment. "I wouldn't be able to do it if it weren't for my mom helping out, though."
"It's a really sweet gesture to take them in." Ms. Irwin's words were sincere, about as sincere as I'd ever heard an Irwin speak in years. "How did you meet Ashton? Ashton has probably told me the story, but he always leaves out important things."
"We met through Luke."
"Did Ash pay you to be so vague?" She joked. No, but our contract was paying me to be so vague.
The rest of dinner was spent talking over Jack's babble to his hands. Xander, the twins, and Harry didn't speak. Xander would only grunt as an immature way to respond to questions shot his way. The twins only spoke to be excused from dinner so they could go play with their toys, claiming they didn't want to listen to adult talk. And Harry, I classified him as a good listener since he would nodded in agreement to statements or speak in facial expressions. At 15, we were all too cool to engage in conversation about what we were doing from day-to-day, truthfully those details were boring and even I hated being included in those conversations.
Mom and Ms. Irwin realized they had a lot in common so they made themselves comfortable in the living room with Jack and were having endless discussion about whatever mom's talked about. Xander excused himself to the twins room to check up on them, which was a terrible excuse not to be around Ashton, but I'd take it. Ashton and Harry still sat at the dining table catching up. Harry was much livelier with only Ash around and complete opposite of what I'd seen from him thus far. Lauren offered to help with the dishes, but I refused and refused until she started doing them herself and I randomly joined in.
"Dinner was great. I've never had Greek before." She handed me a plate to rinse.
"You can thank Xander for picking out the dish we had."
"Is he all right? He's nothing like you said he was." Her genuine concern caught me off-guard.
"He's just a little hormonal." I leaned against the counter as I waited for the next dish.
"I was coming in to talk to you girls, but I heard the word hormonal and now I think I should leave..." Ashton giggled, giving a playful nudge to Lauren's shoulder, earning a scowl from her.
"Don't be a pussy." I teased.
"Yeah, Ash. Don't be a pussy." Lauren mockingly agreed.
"What were you girls talking about?" Ashton made himself comfortable on the counter, to which Lauren responded by pushing him off. She stated it wasn't polite and no one should put their nasty ass where food was prepared. "Seriously, what's the topic?"
"If it concerned you, we would tell you." Lauren retorted, flicking water at Ashton's face.
"Lets not make a mess in a kitchen that isn't even ours." Ms. Irwin entered, chuckling at her two kids. "We should get going. The kids have to be in bed soon and I believe Harry is ready to go."
"Would you three be okay going back to the hotel on your own? I'd like to stay with Talia." I hoped for a no, but prayed for a yes because I was such an indecisive bitch lately.
"We should be fine." She assured.
Everyone said goodbye's except Xander, who had himself locked away in one of guest bedrooms, moping his way into a slumber.
Ashton waited patiently in the living room as I read the kids to sleep and made sure my mom would be okay for the night. The typical routine besides Ashton and Xander in the picture.
"Why did you want to stay?" Questioning time. I would not give away that I wanted him to stay, I couldn't let him get his hopes that easily.
"We are a couple after all. Shouldn't we be spending a few nights together?" Did fake couples actually hang out in private together? Where were the rules on this? And why didn't Mel or Joe gives us these rules? What if there weren't any rules on what you did in private? What if it was up to us?
"No, we're one of those religious couples who doesn't believe in that kind of stuff before marriage."
"Talking marriage now, I see." He smirked.
"Don't get your hopes up." I warned as I walked to my bedroom.
The room glistened with the lights of buildings off the distance. The subtle hue of orange combined with the tension between Ashton and I could be a set for romance if I let it be. But not yet, my mistake before was listening to Xander and Sofia's advice, surrendering into that night of passion that was too soon for either Ashton or I to process. It was obvious that we needed to discuss before composing our bodies into a symphony that should be taken seriously.
"I actually wanted to talk." He took his shoes off, setting them neatly against a wall to his liking. Little habits like that were things Sarah must've overlooked, missing out the amusement of moving one of the shoes in the slightest bit to annoy Ash.
"What the hell are we doing right now?! Yoga?"
"Ha-ha, you're so funny, T. Where did you get your sense of humor?" His shirt was the next thing to be removed and tossed to a pile of my clothes that were just awaiting their trial in the hamper.
"Ask my mom. She bought it for me."
Neither of us talked as I pulled my hair into a bun and he gazed out the window for no particular reason. He must've been trying to spy on people in the building ahead, I would know because I'd mentioned I try to do that a lot with much failure.
"I know you said it was one thing that was off limits, but I want to talk about our past." He didn't turn away from the window. His voice low and uncertain. "There are things we have to talk about. We can't act like they never happened."
"Put a shirt on and I'll consider talking about our past." Shirtless Ashton was a distraction. No past talking would get done if he were to remain shirtless in a serious moment. He gave in, grabbing a fresh shirt from the drawer he claimed for himself and putting it on.
"I wanted to have this conversation naked as I pressed my body against the window for all of New York to see." He pointed to the grand floor to ceiling windows, joking. "But can we really talk? It's important to me to get some answers and clear things up."
"Yeah, I'm just going to have myself a bath while we talk." After twice the hostility with Michael and Xander, a fucking vibrator, and a last minute dinner, a hot bubble bath was all I needed at the moment.
"May I join?"
"You have a chance to take that back before I reconsider talking."
"I take that back." He held his hands up in defense.
"Wait here while I get everything ready. Do not enter the bathroom until I say you can."
I did the essentials that needed to be done; hot water, creating an overflow of bubbles, lighting a few candles and dimming the bathroom lights down for extra ease. I stripped down, doing a little stretch before entering the perfection to soothe me.
"You can come in now." I hollered from the bathroom, precisely covering myself with bubbles though I knew it would not help lessen the amusement from Ashton's end.
He took his time entering, gathering the sight before him, "This is a bit raunchy, don't you think?"
"What? Do you think I'm going to let you fuck me while all the candles fall into the bathtub?"
"Absolutely not. Never." He shook his head, his lips pouting out just a bit. "I would never think such an unholy thing." He sat himself at the edge of the tub as I had closed my eyes.
"What answers did you want? What did you need clarified so badly?"
"I'd like to discuss the miscarriage if that's all right with you..."
"Perfectly okay."
"How did you know you were pregnant?"
"Is that a serious question?" Amused, I laughed, opening my eyes. He nodded. "I missed my period, which was odd because I've always been regular. I was craving foods, but couldn't keep anything down because my morning sickness was so bad. So I took a test, it came out positive. There was a rush of every emotion I've ever felt. I was angry, I was happy, sad, everything...I kept it a secret for a week after I had a doctors appointment that confirmed I was pregnant. It was a secret until I came to the conclusion that someone else needed to know. Xander and Sofia were the only people I trusted. I couldn't tell Luke because I knew he'd judge right away, I couldn't tell my parents because they would be so disappointed. And you, I didn't want to pry you away from Sarah. I was sure by the time I had found out, Sarah had brainwashed you and you wouldn't have believed me. As well, I didn't want you to think I was forcing you to be with because I pregnant."
"If I remember correctly, you were going to keep it, right?"
"I had every intention of keeping the baby. I was excited to have a permanent piece of you with me." I'd even figured out on breaking the news to my parents once I had successfully entered the second trimester, I was going to make a huge announcement to my cousins, aunts, uncles, old friends and I was going to be damn proud as well. I was even looking into how I would manage school and a baby. I considered so many options only to be let down.
"How did you know you lost it?" He was rolling up the hem of his jeans and swinging his feet over to place them in the water.
"I got sick. Very sick. I couldn't even go to class because I was that sick. I thought I'd come down with the flu until Dick convinced me to go to the doctor for a check up. Everything after that is a blur, or so I try not to remember because I don't like recalling..."
"God, T. I'm so sorry. If I would've known, I would've been by your side the whole time. I'd drop out of whatever I was doing just to spend time with you. Fuck, I was so desperately in love with you that I would've left the band to raise a child with you even if we were only 20 at the time."
"It happened, we can't go back and change the past as shitty as that is." I gathered another cluster of bubbles to my chest. "It happened and we're here now. That's what matters."
"Is that a good thing?" I shrugged because I didn't know the answer to that. "Will we ever be able to be back to what we were?"
I hummed against my lips. Always asking questions that I couldn't give definite answers to, "I cannot predict the future, but it would be nice."
"Do you really think that?" He hunched down, resting his forearms on his thighs. His closeness only meant one thing: hopefulness.
"Haven't you heard? An It Girl never gives her secrets away."